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State of the Weight Wednesday: The Grief Edition

Welcome back to State of the Weight Wednesday.

Being healthy is about more than just the number on the scale. It’s about living life while getting healthy. SOTWW is about making small changes you can live with.

State of the Weight Wednesday, Finding Walden

There’s really a lot of food happening right now and almost none of it is very healthy. Call it comfort eating. Call it unhealthy associations. Call it lack of willpower. Call it whatever.

I’m calling it grief.

My goal from two weeks ago was to be more conscious of the choices I’m making. Well. I’m aware of them. All of them. And I can’t seem to stop myself from making poor choices because of where I am right now.

I haven’t really had much of an appetite for the past week, but the things I’ve wanted to eat have been junk. I’ve actually craved junk food above anything else I could possibly choose to eat. Chocolate, brownies, muffins, wine. I’ve eaten meals because I know I have to eat something substantial and not because I’ve wanted to eat real food. And I’ve eaten those meals in addition to all the junk I’ve consumed.

I feel like absolute crap and it’s like I can’t stop because I need that comfort emotionally.

I finally woke up this morning physically hungry which I’m taking as a good sign, but then I looked at the clock and realized we had to leave the house and had coffee instead of real food.

I’m trying to take care of myself in the best way that I can right now while also taking care of the kids and life and it’s really hard. I’m struggling with the knowledge that being healthy is something that will help me prevent an outcome like the one whose aftermath my family is in the middle of while really just wanting to wallow in my grief for a little bit.

I’m sleeping hard at night but I don’t wake up feeling rested in the mornings. I can’t shake the fog out of my brain and wake up and the crash that inevitably comes is a hard one where if I were allowed to sit still for a minute, I would fall asleep sitting up.

So, yeah. I have a lot on my metaphorical and real plates right now. There’s a lot of doing that has to be done and a lot of doing that I don’t necessarily want to do.

I’m not giving up on the goal of making my life a healthier one. I’m just sort of stuck in an emotional bog where I’m eating my feelings.

I’m still exercising though, so that’s something. Going to the gym and getting on the elliptical is an escape. I can push my body physically to take the edge off of the hurt my heart feels. Until everything else falls into place, there’s at least that.

Current weight: 198 (Not terrible, all things considered)
Weekly goal: Make sure I’m taking care of myself
Weight goal: 31 lbs total; 9 lbs to go

What were your successes last week? Setbacks? If you’re blogging your own State of the Weight journey, link up, and visit the other links on the list. If you’re not blogging it, feel free to leave your success and/or setbacks in the comments!

State of the Weight Wednesday, Finding Walden

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Friday 16th of August 2013


The Many Thoughts of a Reader

Wednesday 14th of August 2013


Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife

Wednesday 14th of August 2013

In the midst of all that has happened in the last two weeks, you still held steady on the scale...that is just phenomenal. Go easy on yourself while you navigate the rough waters. There's no shame in admitting you need to let some things fall by the wayside while you grieve.

This week I'm in survival mode because I'm by myself with the kids until Sunday and pre-vacation mode which means I barely have any fresh food in the house. We are getting outside every day to help expend our energy and make the days go by faster so there's that.

I'll be thinking about you and your family.

John (Daddy Runs a Lot)

Wednesday 14th of August 2013

Considering everything you're dealing with at the moment, I'd say you're doing as well as can be expected.

This past week was one of my strangest ever. I played this crazy show that had me rehearsing most all of the time. I'd get to work, eat well, leave work, grab a quick dinner (usually not "great for me," but far from the "poor choices" notebook), and then I'd drink coffee and get through rehearsal. Then the show started. Friday night, I went through all of my calories, but just as I was packing up to head home, I get invited to a reception and drinks. A bottle of wine, a few Guinnesses, a whole bunch of veggies & spinach dip, and several little cubes of cheese later, I don't know how far I blew my calorie budget.

So then, I ran a half marathon on Saturday morning, because, dammit, I'm in charge of myself. And then I made questionable choices - but, I had the huge workout, and, all-in-all, I probably did more good than harm to my body.

But then Sunday came . . . I woke up, went out to breakfast with the family, went to play a matinee, where they had leftovers from the Friday night reception (though no wine) AND doughnuts. I ate four. And then I went home and had Chinese food and beer for dinner.

My weight fluctuated from a low of 205 (Saturday, post-run - so that's a deceivingly-low number, but still a "real number") to 219 on Monday morning. I'm pretty sure the skin around my stomach hates me.

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