And I’m not talking about the kind you use for fabric.
(Also, I’m sorry to be talking about this again. But…I can’t NOT.)
People, I am hellbent on a VBAC. Hellbent, I say. And I will do anything in my power to make this happen when the time comes for this child to make an appearance.
But I feel like I have given birth forty times already and I’ve never even given birth (vaginally) once.
When nature calls, I brace myself for…well, for what I imagine labor feels like.
I grip whatever is nearby–a countertop, the wall-mounted tissue dispenser, a handicapped stall railing (yes, I’m that person). I grab hold and I bear down and push. I count. I breathe. Sometimes like they do in the movies: “hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.” I rest. And then I push again.
Short on time? Save this post for later.
No more lost tabs, random screenshots, or digging through your browser history. Save this post and do future-you a favor.
(It's like a bookmark, but...not.)
There is that moment where I think I cannot go any further. I cannot possibly push again. I will be stuck on the toilet for the rest of my life while halfway done with my business and that’s okay because I just.cannot.do.this.any.longer.please.God.don’t.make.me.
Then I feel it. That moment where there’s a bit of strength (or air pressure) that builds up within me. That moment happens. And I hear a rally cry in my head. “You can do this, Miranda! You’ve got this!”
I brace myself for one final push. I will myself to give it just one more shot.
And then it happens. That glorious moment where it is out and I am free and I exhale and want to collapse right off the toilet, completely spent from the battle that has just been fought with my colon.
Is that what it’s like, people? Because if it is I am ready. (Except I’m totally not ready in any other way except for this one.)
Also? Colace should sponsor me.
Have you tried prune juice? It seems to help Donut, lol!
As for the pushing, with an epidural, I had no idea what I was pushing, but somehow I managed to get Donut out! Good luck to you!
I have been eating prunes, but so far they aren’t helping.
I would love an epidural for these poops.
Well, yes, it is. Kind of. Just a lot more panic inducing GET THIS THING OUT OF ME ALREADY thoughts, and instead of the size of a popsicle (I know, I just ruined them for everyone), it’s more like a football.
But I know you can do it <3
I mean, I definitely panic on the toilet lately. Last night I was up against a running clock before there would be parents in my classroom waiting for me.
And these? Are not the size of a popsicle. Not even.
Our docs at work like co ace or culterelle, and lots of fiber. Bran muffins should be your friend.
Sorry it’s supposed to say colace stupid auto fixer
I’ve never heard of culturelle. I HAVE heard of bran muffins. ::shudder::
Luckily I wasn’t drinking anything when I read your post or it would have ended up all over my laptop. Thanks for the unexpected laugh. I do hope you find something to make everything better. And yep, my second kiddo was born with no drugs and it was just like that (but more – heck the kid was 9 lbs. 12 oz!).
Glad I made you laugh. And sometimes I feel like I’ve lost 9 lbs when I’m finished. Or like losing 9 lbs should be my consolation prize for enduring that torture.
Wow, I am not even certain how to respond to this other than to say I am so sorry that your shits have been the shit lately! That being said, if bran muffins aren’t your friend what about adding some fiber to your water or whatever it is that you enjoy drinking?
Haha, I have totally had these … uh, types of experiences… before. I was actually afraid to push hard on the toilet when I was pregnant, which led to some discomfort at times.
As far as the comparison … well, uh. I’ll just say the pooping won’t seem as difficult. I had busted blood vessels all around my eyes and forehead, but I’ll be dang if I didn’t get that 9.5-pound baby out within 30 minutes!
Miralax all the way…coupled with that stuff that Jamie Lee Curtis pedels…Activia. I refuse to push that hard for a stool lest I give myself a hemmie…I’m more likely to suck it back in and wait for a bought of diarrhea.
Ok, perhaps TMI, but for me, Fiber (via supplements and/or food) never worked. What did work, you may be asking yourself? A lovely thing called “Natural Calm” that is a magnesium supplement. I drink it 1-2x per day (I have a lovely raspberry lemonade flavor). No more issues (I had issues while pregnant & for almost a year after). Wish I had known about it when I was preggo!!!! I buy it on Amazon, much much cheaper than in the stores near me. And it does not lead to the horrible cramping & ickyness that medicines tend to cause me.
And I am not a paid spokesman. I was very skeptical, but desperate, when I tried it. I just LOVE the stuff!
I have always said, labor reminded me of the worst constipation I had back in college (I went to the ER the pain was so bad!).
When my mom was going through chemo and radiation she ate FiberPlus bars. They make eggo waffles with a Fiber Plus brand too. Both are really good too! Promise!
water water water water & even more water. it will be your best friend during pregnancy & after too.
Miralax and Fiber One Chewy Bars (in chocolate flavor, duh).
I’m not the best person to ask about this whole pushing thing, what with the three vaginal births and less than ten actual pushes total between all of them. However, I will say that it felt a little different in that I felt like the babies were coming out NOW instead of that feeling that they were never in a million years going to budge. Crapping was so much harder than giving birth for me. Give me childbirth anytime over pregnancy poops (or the lack thereof).
I don’t have much advice, other than follow @MsDee_NYC on Twitter . . . she’s a midwife who knows a whole lot about VBAC.
And eat your fiber. Hard.
Oh dear, I can feel your pain …. Lots of prunes, water water water and papayas help!