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I came here to say something awesome and all I got was this garbage

That title pretty much sums up what’s in my head right now. Garbage.

Stress. No motivation. Worry. Laziness. Questions. Confusion.

All of that.

This post? A bit of word vom. So grab your splatter shields. I’ve already pulled my hair back.

That decision to grow this family has firmly become a decision to wait. There is too much going on right now and too much that needs to happen first for us to bring another baby into this.

There are things that need to be done to this house and those things take money. Babies? Also take money. And if we ever have any hopes of having a BIGGER house? We need to put that money to use in ways that make the most sense long term.

Somehow I’m something very much like sad about this decision.

Not sad that we’re not going to have another baby right now, but sad that we’re not already at the point where we COULD have another baby if we wanted to have one.

Does that make sense?

Basically, I’m saying that sometimes it sucks to be so damn practical and cautious. But that’s me. Practical, cautious, rational, logical. All of those things that cause me to think through the major decisions before forging ahead at full speed. Which are good things, I know. But sometimes? I want to be irresponsible and crazy and stupid.

Which is why I have to decide what to do now that the Lady Times have shown up. Finally.

Do I go back on the pill? (Responsible.)

Do I keep charting and use back-up? (Also responsible.)

Do I throw caution to the wind because I don’t really ovulate very often anyway? (Completely irresponsible as not preventing is basically the same thing as trying. Which we are not.)

I’m inclined to not go back on the pill as I think the hormones have jacked me up. But I really like the option of not waking up at 5:30 to temp every day.

Another damn decision to be made.

And speaking of decisions, one decision I made? Stop stressing over Joshua’s eating habits.

Yes. Yes, I know. I JUST obsessed over this. I know.

But you know? I think I just woke up one morning and realized–AGAIN–that I cannot force him to eat. Or try foods. I can put them on his tray and maybe he’ll try them. But maybe he won’t. Whatever. For the past two days he’s been living off of a steady diet of saltine crackers. He’s happy until bathtime. He’s sleeping well. So whatever.

I should worry way more about his obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine movies and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse repeats and how to get him outside more.

But it’s HOT here, y’all. Like, open-the-door-and-the-hot-outside-sucks-my-breath-out hot. Too hot to be out for longer than about 15 minutes unless there’s water involved. And we don’t have a kiddie pool. Yet.

And the toddler? Not so much with the understanding of “It’s hot out here and unsafe and we have to go inside and please don’t have a meltdown because if your body hits the pavement you will melt into a puddle of toddler goo on impact.”

I am a lame and lazy parent and not really deserving of the awesome child I’ve got. Much less another I could lazy parent.

And while we’re on the topic of lazy?

Do you know the last time I went to the gym? June 6th.

My gym doesn’t have childcare, so I have nowhere to put Joshua unless I strap him on my back somehow and use him as resistance while I ellip. And I think maybe that’s not the wisest or safest option.

I could go in the evenings, but Dan’s not home until nearly 6 (or after) and then it’s time for dinner. And then it’s time to clean the kitchen. And then it’s time for bath and bed for Joshua and then? Then I’m done. Then it’s 8:00 (or after) and I want to veg on the couch with a bowl of ice cream or a bottle glass of wine and do nothing. Even though nothing? Is pretty much what I’ve been doing for most of the day.

See? I told you this post was garbage. Happy Monday.

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Wednesday 22nd of June 2011

there's nothing wrong with a garbage post. nothing at all.

you went with your gut on the having a second child and really, that's the best thing you can do.


Tuesday 21st of June 2011

Huge MASSIVE hugs.

First, lay off the lazy mom stuff. We're all like that and you don't suck. So there.

Second, I know. I want another and stuff keeps popping up that pushes it farther and farther away. Stuff I can't even blog about so it just stays in my head and makes me pissy. So yeah, I know.


Tuesday 21st of June 2011

First--thank you. I mean, I *KNOW* I don't suck. And he comes by his TV love honestly because I? Love some TV.

Second--I kind of think that's what's going to happen to us. At some point, I will have to just be all "ENOUGH ALREADY" and just do it. Because there will ALWAYS be another project I could put in front of this. Always.

Alison@Mama Wants This

Tuesday 21st of June 2011

Being a grown up sucks sometimes, with the decisions and whatnot. Sigh.

A note on picky eating - I think you have the right attitude. As long as he's healthy and happy, no need to stress. Just keep offering him plenty of other good options, eventually, something will take.

Gym? I haven't exercised in TWO years. I've given up beating myself silly over it. I know I should, but I can't haul my behind into gear, so whatever.

As for a 2nd baby, that's a tough one. I'm very lucky our family is ready and we knew that. Good luck with that, you.

Oh and this post is not garbage at all!


Tuesday 21st of June 2011

I am just bummed because I really enjoyed going when school was in session. Sure, there were days I made excuses not to go, but I really, really loved it. And now? I just feel all gelatinous and squishy.


Monday 20th of June 2011

First of all, I must tell you that you're making the right decision not to obsess about what your son is eating. I have had a picky eater for nearly 3 years. There were whole days that went by when I would think, did he eat ANYTHING??? The answer was no. I asked the pedi repeatedly if my son was okay. Was he starving? He said that some kids just don't require that much food. And some do! He said this phase could last until he is 5-years-old so unless I want to worry for 5 years just stop worrying about it. He is 3-years-old now and is off the charts in height but still wears 18 month to 2T pants! I swear this kid eats when he eats, ya know?

Now, about the baby. I hear you on just hoping for an "oh look, I'm pregnant!" kind of thing. I can tell you right now, I would still have just one kid right now if everything went according to MY plan. But the big guy upstairs gave me just what I needed in His time. At first I was all, why God WHY??? But now? I totally get why I had an unplanned pregnancy. I learned so much from that experience.

Don't get me wrong, I still think it's super smart of you to think all these things through.


Tuesday 21st of June 2011

I'm sure I will waver back and forth on this eating thing. But for now? Not on the top of my list of things to lose sleep over. He's happy. He's healthy. So I'm good.

I would freak the freak out if I had an "Oh look!" baby. Freak, I tell you. But then at least the decision would just be made and I'd accept that as God's timing instead of me trying to plan anything. That at least would be slightly easier to digest than ME taking the initiative and then constantly second-guessing whether the decision is the right one to have made.


Monday 20th of June 2011

Your paragraph about why you haven't been the gym lately could have been written by me! I totally relate and I'm desperate to find a solution for my sloth! Thanks for sharing your garbage. It makes me realize that we mamas may all be pretty different but share some of the same exact struggles! By the way I don't think you're a sloth, that was 100% about how my workout excuses make me feel!


Tuesday 21st of June 2011

LOL. I'm totally a sloth. Totally. So no worries there. If I were going to be killed by one of the 7 deadly sins? That'd be mine.

And I'm happy to share my garbage any time people want to dig through it. I mean, one blogger's junk, right?

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