Loss and grief are colossal mind games. That’s the nicest way to put that and certainly not the phrase in my head right now when trying to describe just where my head has been for the past week or two. I consider myself a pretty intellectual, rational person, so I’ve been kind of caught off […]
Where I find myself asking “why me?”
I’ve been chewing on this post and tiptoe-ing around the taboo since announcing this pregnancy for fear of offending or ostracizing or something to someone. Or myself from the rest of the universe. But I can’t NOT write this. I’ve had over a month for this pregnancy to sink in and I’m still not sure […]
Peanut butter and jelly
It’s hard to go to work and know that you’re doing something good when you have to leave your heart somewhere else first. My summer’s over. My time of only being a mom and wife is over. It was short-lived. It always is. I took Joshua to daycare this morning for the first time this […]
Heavy sighs
That’s pretty much all I’ve got. Just lots and lots of heavy sighs. This week has been just not great. In fact, it’s been a series of punches to my guts. And there’s still tomorrow to go before it’s “over.” And 10 more days after that. So I’m left here with so little TO say […]
Mewed up to my heaviness
There is so much I want to say here. So much I want to just pour on this page and out of my heart. So many tears that are in my throat and stuck right behind my eyes. Tears that won’t come. Tonight my mind is full. Bursting with thoughts, mostly negative. Many sad. My […]
Grieving the loss
I’ve spent many of the past 24 hours or so grieving. And I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing until someone on Twitter pointed it out to me. But yeah, this shoe thing? Is a grieving thing. I lost a year’s worth of memories to the blur of PPD and adjusting to my new […]
Mama Meltdown. Party of one.
I had a meltdown this afternoon. It’s true. (That I would have a slightly irrational meltdown should come as a shock to absolutely no one.) You see, I am hormonal. This PCOS bullshish is getting the best of me. As such? I am tired. And tear-y. Often. Like today. Before I tell this story, let […]
Cognitive Dissonance
cognitive dissonance –noun anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like, as when one likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of his or her habits. I’ve tried for most of today to think about what to say and how to say it. To balance what I […]
Dudes. This blows.
Here’s a warning before you get any further into this post. If you are my Uncle Terry or a man NOT married to me, or a wayward student who has randomly found me (please God not that), or someone who is skeeved out by talks of vaginas and periods and other gross things, don’t read […]
Be gentle with the young
My new-ish and dear friend Erin at Chopstitch informed me that April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. This month she’ll participate in the “No Excuse for Child Abuse” walk in her town. When I saw her posts going up about child abuse, I started doing a little digging on the old Google. “A report […]