It’s hard to go to work and know that you’re doing something good when you have to leave your heart somewhere else first.
My summer’s over.
My time of only being a mom and wife is over. It was short-lived. It always is.
I took Joshua to daycare this morning for the first time this school year.
When we found his teacher he wrapped his little toddler limbs around me and held on with all the strength in his body.
I was who he wanted.
No one else.
He cried to stay with me. I cried to stay with him.
His crying was slowed with the promise of Thomas and the Runaway Kite. I cried myself to work with the picture of him holding Miss K’s hand and walking around the playground in my head. He was exploring his new-old world, just like toddlers do. And I wasn’t there to see it.
I will not be there to see it.
When I got to his school this afternoon, he’d just woken up from his nap. He saw me and shouted “Mama! MAMA!” and my heart leaped a little, almost like it was jumping back into its rightful place inside my chest.
Tonight I put him to bed instead of having Dan do it. He wiggled and squirmed and contorted himself on my body, trying to get comfortable. Eventually, he settled himself on my chest, head over my heart.
I held him a little tighter tonight. A little closer. I measured my breathing by his.
Last summer taught me that I was meant to be a mom–HIS mom–despite any thoughts to the contrary caused by postpartum depression.
This summer, despite its challenges, helped me realize where my heart is.
This child and me? We belong together.
Your blogs make my heart melt. That’s all I can say.
Sorry? 🙁
…in a good way. 🙂
Whew.
Of course you belong together! It’s nature 😉
I don’t like daycare drop offs. Noooo, not at all. Landon still cries every single time I leave him.
There’s always a part of me that is ridiculously sad at drop-offs, even when he’s not. And now that he’s moving to a new room, the drop-off routine is going to change slightly, which is going to make things more difficult for a while. I’m sad about that. I foresee lots of tears.
This was my favorite line:
my heart leaped a little, almost like it was jumping back into its rightful place inside my chest.
I’m sorry your break is over 🙁
I liked that line, too.
And yes. Boo to no more break 🙁
So lovely. I’m about to step back into the world of working Mommyhood after 12 years at home. I’m so scared….this lifted my heart – thanks for sharing!!
Good luck!
I hate this. I want you to find the perfect balance and have that love whenever you want it. You should have that. We all should.
We SHOULD have that balance. It sucks that we don’t. Or that it’s really, really hard to find and maintain.
You do belong together. I love how you described your heart leaping back to its rightful place. Yes, yes, yes. *hugs*
Thanks for the hugs!
You are so lucky to have had a summer off to be with your son though. Drop-off will get easier, for the most part, which I’m sure you already know. But there is a definite strength in routine.
Oh, I know I’m really, really lucky of have that time off with him. I know. But it’s hard to have the time off, then get back to a routine, then have the time off again in 6 weeks. There’s just a lot of stop-start to our normal.
You sure do belong together. You’re a great mom Miranda. Xoxo
Thanks, Kim.
I love this. You have such a great way with words, it’s like I’m standing right next to you as it happens.
In a very non creepy way.
Totally non-creepy. And thank you.
BTW, I was totally standing beside you when you had the caulk gun today. Laughing my ass off.
You’re a great mom. I think, even though it’s so hard, having the breaks makes you appreciate the good times more.
They do help with appreciation, but they also make me sad. And happy. But also sad.
I was going to ask you how yearbook was, and now I think I’m not. I’m so sorry this is a struggle for you. I can feel how much you want to be with him. I hope you know how gifted of a writer you are.
And I hope you find the answers to some of the questions you’ve been asking and that they help you find your balance.
Yearbook is going to be good, I think. But yes, I’d rather be with him above anything, even on the worst days.
And thanks for the kind words about my words.
Friend, this made me cry. I know exactly how you are feeling! Everyday when I leave Britton I know that she’s going to be ok, but she’d be better with me. Working is never easy, being a working mama is something that should merit daily medals, but we do what we have to for our family. Or that’s what I tell myself daily. Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes not. Today was not one of those days. I love reading your stories about Joshua. I feel that I am growing as a mom with you. 🙂
It’s not easy. I know the alternative isn’t easy and sometimes he drives me up the walls. But at the end of the day? Most of the time I’d rather be with him being driven nuts than NOT with him missing him being happy.
i am so SO grateful that Cort does the drop off in the morning because I leave too early. I absolutely could. not. handle it.
There are days where I wish Dan didn’t work in the opposite direction. Sometimes it’s too hard on my Mama heart.
What a sweet, honest, and beautiful blog. =)
Thank you.