State of the Weight Wednesday: Hello, 2014

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You didn’t forget about State of the Weight Wednesday, did you?

Good, because even though it seemed like I did, I didn’t. I just took some time off from focusing on losing weight and getting physically fit to focus on my mental health a little.

So let’s do this, shall we?

Now that my anxiety is a little more under control (or just under the control of medication and talk therapy) I’m ready to get back on the elliptical and the scale.

I started this morning.

Well, I started getting back on the scale this morning. I started the elliptical last week before Freezemageddon settled upon us and kept me house-bound tending to the fireplace.

I’m pumped to report that as of this morning I’m 191 pounds.

That’s TWO POUNDS away from my original 31 for 31 goal of losing 31 pounds. TWO POUNDS.

But–there’s always one of those–I’m not entirely sure there’s victory in having arrived here by not really eating, or at least not eating healthy foods. There is, but there isn’t. I’m motivated but also sort of ashamed.

A side effect of anxiety for me is zero appetite. Nothing sounds good and when it does it’s always something like pizza or cheeseburgers or chocolate. Comfort foods. The ones that are terrible for my arteries and my waistline.

Not ALL of my choices have been bad, and I haven’t been eating cheeseburgers AND skipping the gym. I have been cognizant of a great deal of what I’ve been doing over the past couple of months. I’ve mostly just given myself permission not to stress about indulging while I get my head on straight.

That’s one of the things that I know has stuck with me since I started his journey last April. I do understand choices and monitoring portions, to the point that it’s almost second nature. Actually, that’s a holdover from Weight Watchers. Sometimes I deny it and sometimes I don’t.

The first thing I know has to happen if I want to make permanent changes is that I have to make sure I’m nourishing myself. I can’t not eat, crash, stuff my face, feel better, and then wash, rinse, repeat.

I’m trying to get back to a place where I’m making myself eat regularly, and healthfully. (Healthily? Why do neither of those look like real words? Are they real words?) I’m really not as concerned with making amazing choices right now as I am with making a choice to eat period. I’ll be happy with that.

Since this is basically a restart of SOTWW for 2014, I’m starting over with my small goals, just like I did in April.

The first goal?

Drink more water.

Water is important to fitness and health. I can’t get on an elliptical having only had coffee all day and expect not to feel like I’m going to pass out. Hand in hand with that is eating at regular intervals.

Water and breakfast. That’s where I’m starting.

TWO pounds to go.

Have you made health and fitness goals for the new year? What are they? There’s a link-up below so if you’re blogging your fitness journey, I’d love to have you join me. Let’s do this!