I need help, people. Because something happened today that I am trying to wrap my head around and I need to understand it so that my brain doesn’t just turn to liquid and pour out of my ears. Many heads are better than just mine, so let’s come up with reasons to explain what I saw today, okay?
Okay.
Here’s the scenario.
The kids and I go out to lunch a few times a week. Sometimes it’s just (Old) McDonald’s so Joshua can burn some energy on the play place. Sometimes Joshua requests a grilled cheese and french fries and peanuts which means Five Guys. Which is where we were today.
I walked in with Emma on my hip, the diaper bag on my shoulder, and Joshua 2 inches from my leg. I placed our order while he reminded me 16 times that he “needed” peanuts. (Sidenote: When do they understand the difference between “need” versus “want”?)
The lady gave me our total and I hoofed Emma off of one hip and onto the other and dug around in my diaper bag to fish my debit card out of the side pocket. I handed it over to her, put Emma back on my left hip to sign my slip, grabbed our cups, and found a table. Then, while still holding Emma, I went over to the highchair area and grabbed one, dragged it back to the table, put Emma in it, got Joshua some peanuts (finally), and then went to fill our drinks.
A worker complimented me on my well-behaved children and I did the running man in my head while actually saying “hope you didn’t just jinx it!” (Probably should’ve lead with “thank you.”)
I got my drink and Joshua’s water and made my way back to our table. They called my number and I retrieved my brown bag of delicious, returned to our table, and fed myself and my children.
While we were eating, the following happened:
I noticed one of the workers go to the restaurant’s side door and open it. In strolled a dad with two children, one in a stroller, one walking. I’d say his children were the same ages as mine. Truly, aside from him being a dad and me being a mom, we were the same family.
So, okay, they opened the door for him.
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The dad and his children sat at the table next to ours. The dad got some peanuts and sat down and he and his oldest son proceeded to eat said peanuts while they waited.
Then, when his order was ready, they called out his number, he looked up, and they brought his brown bag of food to his table so he didn’t have to get up. Except they weren’t staying and had placed their order to go, so he had to get up anyway since he was leaving, but the restaurant guy went out of his way to walk this man’s food over to him.
End scene.
Okay, here’s the thing.
I expect zero help when I’m out with the kids. We have a system. We work it. Things get done. It isn’t always pretty.
The kinds of restaurants I visit with the two of them aren’t the full-service kind and are quick-serve or fast food or somewhere where if Joshua throws a fit and Emma starts screamcrying I’m (hopefully) not the only parent in the room to ever experience that kind of public humiliation.
But I cannot wrap my brain around why there were no offers to help me and people went out of their way to help this dad. If anything, he seemed to have things way more under control than I did, what with the forethought to actually use a stroller and all.
So.
Give me your wildest, craziest tale of why today’s scenario happened. Or the truth.
But I really don’t want to believe that this was a case of “oh, he’s a dad with his kids so he must need help because he’s a dad and that mom over there can do everything because she has six extra invisible hands that no one but she can see and she’s got this.”
Ugh. I wish I had an answer for you. I think some people think moms don’t WANT help. That we’re trying out for Supermom every minute of the day and any and all interjections of assistance from others might immediately DQ us, and then we’d kill them with our laser eyes. Meanwhile, I’m quite happy to walk around wearing a shirt that says, “It takes a village, so help the village idiot out if she’s in public alone with her kids.”
I can’t decide if I want to market that shirt or not market that shirt.
I want that shirt……
I guess my life experience has also lead me to the bias that, most men are helpless, and I would probably feel the need to help him too. However, I’d feel the need to help you too, because SOLIDARITY. Maybe is almost a backhanded complement of sorts. They assume you aren’t a helpless idiot?
I mean, maybe it was a compliment of sorts? But he looked showered and there wasn’t drool on his shoulder so obviously he was faring better than me?
??????
I don’t know. Should everyone just help out everyone else???
Also, I was at Target today…scoping out end aisle clearances…thinking about how to make friends.
I can’t look at the endcaps and not think of you.
Me too! This time I stuck just to end caps to keep the receipt low. And I was all like, Where’s my buddy??
My guess is that he has some connection there…like is a manager or knows the manager…something like that. Super cruddy no one helped you out though.
I wondered this. Like maybe he was the owner/operator?
I don’t think there was any motive behind it other than other than rudeness on the clerk’s part. I can’t imagine no one thought to say “Ma’am we’ll bring your meal out to you when it’s ready” afterall they did see the kids and had enough time to realize you were a mother juggling two kids by yourself to comment on how they weren’t setting the place on fire. At the very least they couldn’t have offered some peanuts to Joshua? I’m sure people besides you heard his request.
I’m ticked for you. I understand it’s not five star dining but really? Human decency says hold the door for someone who needs assistance. These situations rub me the wrong way all the time. I’m 8 months (visibly) pregnant and some stupid guy in a truck made me stand in the parking lot while it rained/snowed so he could go past me and then got stuck behind another car so I had to walk around him to get back to my car that was originally right in front of me. Just poor manners all around.
I’ve often wondered why they don’t bring the food to the mom with her kids, but I think the fact that I leave them sitting at the table while I retrieve our drinks is a nail in my getting-help coffin.
I’m not mad, for whatever it’s worth. A little curious. But not mad. It would’ve been outside the scope of their ordinary duties to help, so it’s not like I felt snubbed by them NOT helping, you know? Which is different from people being assholes like that guy in the parking lot was to you.
I don’t have an answer, but I would be super annoyed too.
I’m not even sure I’m annoyed as much as just really curious.
yeah, the thing is, there’s so many dads in this world who don’t give two shits about their kids that when people see a dad who DOES care they fall all over themselves doing everything and anything for them. it’s like seeing a rare and graceful bird gliding quietly across the sky to some people. riddle me this, why in the WORLD is it that when chicks see a guy with a baby and no mom in sight they fawn all over him? if a guy is walking around with a baby, chances are, he’s taken. don’t hit on him. fucking double standards.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT EITHER!
Sorry. Had to shout. But seriously. I don’t understand that. He’s with his kids. HE’S WEARING A WEDDING RING. No one was hitting on this dad, but yeah, in general, I don’t get that either.
right? aren’t ladies supposed to look out for each other? now i gotta worry that if my husband goes to the park with our daughter while i take a nap or or something he’s going to have more chicks on his jock than a guy wearing a tapout shirt in a strip club? awesome, thanks a lot. luckily i have a husband who can be trusted.
I agree with the above poster who thought he must have some connection – even if he’s not a manager, mayber they’re in their daily or something? I’d be ticked, too. I CAN understand why no one got Jackson peanuts, though. With so many life-threatening allergies, I would never give food to a kid I didn’t know…
Well, if you’re walking into a Five Guys, you know there’s a peanut risk. Most people with peanut allergies don’t/can’t eat there at all. The containers of peanuts are just open throughout the restaurant and you help yourself.
I do think he had to be a “regular” of some sorts. They were really nice to me, and they always are, but sort of above the call for him.
That’s why we go to Chick-Fil-A. The employees carry my tray for me, and clean my table when I’m finished. I have a three year old and a baby who is usually in his carseat when we come in. I probably look a bit frazzled so maybe that’s why they are so helpful. I don’t know why people don’t hold doors open for those who obviously have their hands full. I always do, but I’m not a jerk.
I do love how helpful Chick-Fil-A is. I think that’s universal across their brand to be that way.
And I hold open doors for people, too, hands full or not. It’s just the nice thing to do.
too bad they hate the gays. that kind of ruins it for me.
That’s why we don’t go there anymore. Which sucks because their nuggets are amazing and I love their milkshakes. But I love people more.
ditto on that, we don’t have one around here so i don’t even have to use willpower. they have amazing nuggets huh? currently i feel that mcdonald’s has truly perfected the chicken nugget, it’s probably best if i continue to believe that.
When men take care of THEIR OWN children, they’re revered and seen as superheros. When moms do the same thing, it’s their job. Just like when you ask a mom where her kids are and she says that her husband is babysitting. He is NOT babysitting, he’s doing his job as a parent!!
wait, are you telling me that some women actually say that their husband is babysitting? that is weird, i always say he’s at home where he belongs. it works every time, no more stupid questions.
Yup, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard women around here say that! Our landlady is an older woman (we live in the same house as her) and she thinks it’s terrible that I “make” my husband help take care of our kids. She’s lectured me on it several times, always in front of my husband and kids. I’m pretty mild mannered, but after the first few lectures, I learned to just flat out tell her that he is their father and needs to be active in their lives and then just walk away.
lol, i would be like, bitch, you crazy! okay, probably not, i would just tell her that he does it because he wants to not because i make him, then i’d pause for dramatic effect and say, oh my god, do you think he’s GAY???
Maybe he’s a big tipper. At the 5 guys around here, there seems to be an unspoken bring you your food if you tip code. I don’t know. Sounds like he’s a regular or knows someone to me.
I think it is that generally women don’t need and/or want help. Men are more likely to need and/or accept the help. Example: one time when it was raining my husband let a complete stranger hold our baby so that he could pull the car up at the grocery store when it was raining. Would have I accepted that help? Hell no.