The Power of Twitter

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Okay, I’m completely distracted right now because I just watched Erin Martin and The Shields Brothers sing “What’s Love Got To Do With It” on The Voice and that was the most bizarre thing I’ve seen on reality music television in a long time, but y’all, my day today was…wow. Kind of insane.

First, I overslept. Dan came into the bedroom at 6:42 and said “Hey, babe, it’s 6:42.” Which caused me to waddle around like a crazy person trying to get Joshua and me out the door and on the road in time for me to not be TOO late for work. I was only sort of successful. But we made it.

Then, I got observed by my administrator during the worst behaved class I’ve taught in 4 years. NICE, right??

So then I picked Joshua up and we came home. Except by coming home, what we really did was come home and go right back outside because the kid has decided that outside is awesome and inside is…well…not.

People, have you looked at a weather map lately? It’s 80 degrees in March in Georgia. I am nearly 37 weeks pregnant. I could NOT be pregnant in the summer. NOT EVEN.

But, outside we went for about 45 minutes because the alternative was me wrestling Joshua into the house while he kicked and screamed (literally, on both counts) and I was just too tired to deal with that. So he played trains in the driveway and cul-de-sac and I sat and watched him and chatted with my Mama on the phone. And sent out this tweet:

And then, as if the Heavens had opened up and smiled down on me, the child decided going inside was a GREAT IDEA!

Yes! Hooray! So we headed inside and things were going swimmingly.

Until some flying creature flew INTO MY BRA to assault me. By biting. Repeatedly.

I freaked and nearly exposed my boob on the front stoop trying to get that creature out of my bra. And while I was trying frantically to rid myself of said creature, the dog, all 90 pounds of her, burst out of the door and took off around the garage and down the driveway.

Dan was not home. Which meant that Retrieving-the-Retriever duty fell to me. And Joshua. I was maybe cursing Dan in my head because WTF was taking him so long!? I’d heard from him at 5:30 and he was on the way home and there had been more than enough time for him to be home by now and why does the dog always pull this shit when I’m home and he’s not!?!?

(This is the third time in three years she’s done this when I’ve had to take Joshua with me to retrieve her, but at least this time he could walk himself through the trees and yards to find her, however slowly.)

For Joshua, this was some giant adventure. An adventure on which his trains, Percy and James, joined us.

For me, this was cause for tears.

80 degrees, y’all. A dog that weighs 90 pounds and runs away when she sees me coming because FREEDOM! A toddler who has to follow me wherever I this trek may lead, trains in hand. And I’m in flip-flops. And a skirt. 37 weeks pregnant.

FANTASTIC.

Three yards and a small group of trees later, we got her back on the leash and began the trek home. The long way. Because the short way meant back through the trees and yards with the toddler AND the dog.

No. Just…no.

We got to the road and Joshua said “Der’s no cars, Mama!” (Okay, I smiled. I did. Because that was adorable.)

So the three of us started walking home with the dog going nuts the whole way because ALMOST FREEDOM! And the toddler thinking this was some giant adventure but clinging tightly to my hand the whole way. And me trying to keep it all together now that things were relatively under control.

And then Dan was finally home and I stopped cursing him for taking so long because THIS is what took so long:

Yep. That husband of mine is a keeper.

So tonight we made S’mores on the stovetop because my husband? He’s a great man, y’all. A great, great man.