I spent most of the first trimester of this pregnancy in kind of a dark place.
I didn’t say anything to the doctors, and that was probably stupid.
I didn’t say much here, and that was stupid, too.
I didn’t say much at home, and that was stupidest of all.
And then I started to feel better.
I thought “Oh, hey! That was just a first trimester thing! I am so better now! Hooray!”
And then, inexplicably and out of the blue, I started to feel bad again.
Maybe it’s the time change. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s lack of quality sleep. Maybe it’s being caught up on The Vampire Diairies and only having one episode a week to occupy my time now.
Or maybe the wiring in my brain is just faulty and shorting out. Broken.
But I cried yesterday. And today. And I might cry again tomorrow.
I feel completely crushed by the weight of life and living it. By the everything of it all.
I hate that knowing I may never be free of this is a truth for my life.
That this–depression–is my life. Or at least part of it.
I hate this.
slanderific
Monday 14th of November 2011
Sometimes depression is like the worst most critical horrifying abusive parent you can imagine. You. are. not. your. depression.
Jess
Monday 14th of November 2011
You are brave. And I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY, only I probably won't say anything on my blog. For a while. Or ever. Perhaps I need my own blog for the down low stuff I would prefer to keep private...hmmm off to Tumblr.
Denise
Saturday 12th of November 2011
So sorry you have been feeling bad. I've been having trouble lately and writing about it on my blog. It really helps to share. I don't know why but it has for me.
Smldada
Saturday 12th of November 2011
I can so relate to this. You are strong! You ate stronger than Velma. Hugs and smiles.
Miranda
Saturday 12th of November 2011
Thanks for that :)
Imperfectmomma
Saturday 12th of November 2011
Hugs. And many prayers. And hugs.
Miranda
Saturday 12th of November 2011
Thanks for the hugs. And prayers. And hugs.