I feel like I need to continue my thoughts from yesterday’s post in part because I think maybe I wasn’t clear and also because I can’t get this nagging feeling out of my head and the only way I know to do that is to come here and word vom a little and see how it all plays out.
So? More word vom. About BlogHer. But also about blogging in general.
I think that what I’m scared of the most is the “what-ifs” of BlogHer and opportunities like this where I’ll be networking with other people. It’s not the networking that scares me, though. It’s the what-comes-next part of networking.
See, I love this blog and the people who’ve made it into something great. (That’d be y’all.) I love all of this so much.
But if I’m being honest? Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going with it. I feel like I lack direction sometimes. Like I’m just throwing my words out into the ether and hoping they help someone or at the very least cause harm to none.
Do y’all feel like this place lacks direction? Like I’m just sort of throwing random words out there and you come back each day going “Wow…wonder what sort of crazy she’s baked up today!”?
This blog, while sometimes narcissistic in its ramblings, has become as much about y’all and what YOU get out of being here as it is about me. This lack of direction is why I think it’s important for me to attend this conference. I think that’s why it’s important for me to go and sit in the sessions and learn and meet these people.
But then the fear creeps in.
What if I go there and I come home and I still lack the direction I feel like I’m lacking now?
I know I will have met some amazing people and online friendships will be firmly grounded in the real world. That’s not insignificant in the least and is as much a reason for me wanting to attend as everything else.
But what if I go there and I am struck with a bolt of lightning clear out of the sky that points me in the direction I should be headed?
What if I go to BlogHer and I FIND that direction and then I can’t do anything about it because my real job (And husband. And son. And other things.) need to come first?
What do I do when I come home with a vision and a purpose and, as so often happens, other things have to come first and I look back on myself in 10 years and think “Wow…that would’ve been great…”?