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I’m not that girl

I know the blogosphere does not need another post about BlogHer and I know that Babe Chilla will probably excommunicate me for writing this. But I had a meltdown last night and this needs to be written.

I’m really, ridiculously, blinders-on excited about BlogHer.

Y’all, I haven’t been as excited as I am right now since three weeks before Joshua got here. And before that, I hadn’t been really excited about anything since our wedding.

The only two other “big” anticipated events in my life were getting the acceptance letter to the University of My Choice (my only choice, truth be told) and then getting into the College of Education after getting screwed by the system for nearly two years.

(Obviously, meeting Dan was a pretty big deal, but I didn’t anticipate that to happen. I didn’t have my hopes up that I’d go out one night and meet “The One.”)

I’m not the girl who had this happy, carefree, sheltered, sleepaway-camp-in-the-summer-and-matching-Christmas-pajamas-with-hot-cocoa-and-marshmallows life. Experiences like this just don’t happen to me.

So when good things do happen, when things happen that I get excited about, they feel like pretty huge freaking deals.

But maybe they’re only huge deals to me.

Last night I told Dan I wish he knew the girl I was in high school.

She sang. She danced. She acted.

She was scared of nothing.

Nothing could stop her.

Nothing and no one held her back or got in her way.

I’m not that girl.

Not anymore.

I got so broken at some point along the way that I stopped taking chances. I stopped trying new things. I got scared of trying them, in fact, because taking chances ended in being let down.

I’m scared right now. Terrified, really.

Not that people won’t like me, or that I won’t fit in, or that my clothes will be wrong, or that my hair won’t look right.

I’m just scared, in general, of putting myself out there.

Of taking chances.

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Monday 18th of July 2011

Ok so I love this post but I'm going to call BS on you not being the girl you were in high school. Seriously I haven't seen you since graduation but you are still that girl. REALLY... You ARE!! I saw it when you threw the reunion together, you were faced with the chaos & drama that came along with planning and standing up to the bull that was thrown out there. I saw it the night of when you greeted everyone at the door with the refreshed "I AM MIRANDA" way that you had in High School. Don't sell youself short honey - you are that girl, she might slip away here and there but you still have it everyday, I read it in your posts and I'm in awe that you have been that girl since we were 7/8 years old playing pitcher & catcher for Antioch! You shouldn't be scared of anything --- the world should watch out for you because you can and will make your way! Much love your way! ~ Misty


Wednesday 20th of July 2011

Thanks for this, Misty. All of it. Truly.

Rach (DonutsMama)

Friday 15th of July 2011

I've never been that girl. Never. And I always wanted to be. I still try. But it doesn't happen. S I just try to be myself and it usually turns out ok. I like the you that I see. Because if you hadn't gone through what you have, you never would be the strong (yes I said strong) person that you are. I love what I see here.


Friday 15th of July 2011

Thanks for that, Rach. Truly.

Mrs. Jen B

Friday 15th of July 2011

I am so glad you're getting this opportunity to get out there and take a chance. I hope it snowballs into a whole new mindset, I really do.

I'm 100% certain that not a single person going to BlogHer or any conference for the first time isn't apprehensive just like you are. But you're going to be awesome and have an amazing time, I know it!!


Friday 15th of July 2011

I hope it does, too, Jen.

I know I'll have a great time. I'm not worried about that. I'm just apprehensive, like you said.


Friday 15th of July 2011

I think that a lot of women are in the same boat as you friend. Everyone is scared to be putting themselves out there and being away from the safety of words behind a computer screen. Lord knows that when I'm cool enough...or have the balls enough to ever attend a conference...I'll be terrified too. Just remember that you're awesome because Canadian Kim said so.


Friday 15th of July 2011

You GOT it, Kim. That's what I'm most scared of. Not my clothes, or my hair, or my shoes. But will people see the me I am on here as the me I am out there. I'm way more the girl I was back then when I have the screen in front of me.


Friday 15th of July 2011

Can I just say ditto to what everyone else said?! Love your mom. We'll be there as newbies together to conquer the large overwhelming crowd by making it our place to have fun & meet friends for the weekend. You'll do great I just know it.


Friday 15th of July 2011

WE will do great. We will.

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