cognitive dissonance
–noun
anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like, as when one likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of his or her habits.
I’ve tried for most of today to think about what to say and how to say it. To balance what I want to say with the proper conveyance of emotions. Because my emotions, much like my thoughts, are conflicted in the wake of last night’s news.
On the one hand, I feel…relief that bin Laden is dead. On the other?
I feel hurt in my heart for those who are openly rejoicing in celebration of his death.
The last thing I saw before I went to bed last night was a group of people who, before the President could even make his announcement, had flocked to the White House. They were waving flags and singing our national anthem.
I read tweets from people saying their neighbors were shooting off fireworks.
And then this morning there was a picture of young men, maybe early college, 20 or 21 years old, driving down the street with the flag through the sunroof, pumping their fists for cameras.
The images of people having impromptu parties and seeming like Spring Break-ers in the wake of this kind of turn my stomach a little. And hurt my heart.
My heart hurts for humanity.
Today in class, and I could not have timed this more coincidentally, we were watching the end of The Great Gatsby. Both the novel and the movie end with a murder-suicide. And some of y’all know I’ve been personally and professionally affected by suicide.
Today, as that scene was drawing closer, I heard a student say “Eat it” in reference to the man about to kill himself. My heart sank just a little deeper into the pit of my stomach.
In another class, after sharing my heart with my students, one young man says “But this is fake. And we know that. So it’s funny to us.” But it’s not. And I told him I thought as much.
Even though this is a fictional tale, murder and suicide and killings happen every day. And if we reach a point where we revel in both fictional AND real violence, what does that say about our ability to maintain some sense of human decency?
What does that say about our ability to be compassionate people?
Another student said “If we celebrate one death, we’re not honoring life.” To which I replied “Exactly. And I don’t mean that person’s life. I mean ALL life.”
It’s true, y’all. At least in my way of seeing the world.
If we reach a point where we openly rejoice at the death of one person, what does that say about how we view and value life?
“But, but…an eye for an eye, Miranda! He deserved it!” some say. And I don’t disagree with that.
In fact, I think a quick death was maybe too good for him.
But, as Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
Obviously, bin Laden didn’t care at all for the thousands of lives he took on 9/11. And he hasn’t cared for the thousands he’s probably taken in other attacks in his years of terrorism. But does that make it okay for us to celebrate his death? To parade around like we’ve just rid the world of all evil?
Because we haven’t. Not even.
Evil is like the weeds in a garden. You can pull one weed, but more weeds will grow.
But then another student says “but it’s a start. He was a figurehead. A symbol of al-Qaeda.” And I can’t argue with that. He was.
And that’s where the cognitive dissonance comes in. This feeling of conflict and unrest in my soul.
How do I rationalize this?
How can I be okay with feeling relief that he’s dead while feeling saddened by the rejoicing about his death?
Does his death bring closure to those who lost their loved ones in the attacks he planned? Truly? Does rejoicing in the streets erase what he did?
To me it doesn’t.
I feel like society would have me feel happy that he’s dead. And yet I can’t feel happiness, or anything even kind of like happiness, today.
I’m trying to just feel nothing.
Because if I allow myself to find happiness in this, then what does that say about the human I want to be?
well said! thank you!
i kept thinking biblically today, (“Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live.” -Ezekiel 18:38) but still couldn’t reach any sense of rest and conclusion to my thoughts. you said it for me!
thank you!
I still can’t come to any sort of rest or conclusion, so if my thoughts here brought that to you, I’m immensely thankful that this has helped someone.
You’re right. We shouldn’t rejoice in his death – cause, unfortunately, as a Christian I know exactly where he is right now which makes my and Jesus’ heart sad (and it ain’t with no 40 virgins or anything like that if you know what I mean).
However, what I think we can rejoice in is that Al-Queda has taken a terrible blow to its infrastructure. From what I’ve been reading, it might be some time before they can recover from this – that is find another acceptable leader among all their splinter cells to unite them all under this radical Islam. Hopefully, never (insert wishful thinking).
I think we can also rejoice for those surviving relatives of 911 who – again from what I’ve been reading – have agonized for years over the fact that the man who orchestrated the death of their loved ones has finally been brought to justice – however too quick and painless, as you pointed out.
I think we also rejoice – and perhaps even set off fireworks – because the American military had a victory in one of the battles within the war against terrorism. From what I read, none of our special forces were lost in this very dangerous mission.
So, yeah, it’s a sad day but a happy day too. I think we should feel both. And if not… 🙁
Oh, Jamie. You know my faith is very precious to me, and you’ve hit on what I think is one of the things that troubles me most about this. If we celebrate this death, we celebrate the fact that he was lost, you know? That just doesn’t seem right or okay to me.
Do the survivors and family of those fallen on 9/11 want in-the-streets rejoicing, or private reflection on the price they’ve paid in this “war”? I don’t know. That’s not for me to say. But I can say that if I were them, I wouldn’t celebrate publicly like this. No amount of public celebration would return my loved one or remove the emptiness from my heart.
The military issue is the one that I think may be giving me the most trouble. I support our military. I’m thankful for the sacrifices they make of themselves for those of us who can’t or won’t serve. I am thankful for the chance they took, and extremely happy no one perished in that raid. But war is a tricky, tricky thing for me.
Like I said. I’m trying to feel nothing, I think. To just BE.
A very well written post. As the day has worn on, I see many people I tweet with who are slowly starting to admit that they feel the same. I’m glad there were no American lives lost, and I am very proud of our military for doing their job. I wish he could have been taken alive, but I am sure there is no way he would do that.
I wish people could show there support in some other way, instead of using it as an excuse to party.
My kids are all grown, but this is a subject parents should be discussing with their children, and not let the media “teach” them how they should feel.
I don’t mind that he wasn’t taken alive, honestly. I think it’s was the only means to his end. Justice in court wouldn’t have done much except prolong the inevitable.
I, too, wish that people could show support in other ways. Through moments of silence. Through turning that pain or relief toward helping others as they were once helped themselves. Something other than excessive displays of joy.
amen. my thoughts exactly.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
You seem to have written precisely what is in my heart.
My husband and I talked a lot about this last night. I can’t presume to tell others how to feel. But it’s a very conflicting situation for me to be in. Relieved is the right word. Am I relieved he is gone? Sure, in a sense. Am I going to believe this means we are safe from his group? No. Not at all. It only takes one person to build it all right back up.
But it’s so much more than that. I stand proudly against capital punishment. I have asked my husband never to seek it should I be taken from him. I have told him that regardless of what may happen to him, I will never seek it. I see no sense in it. It brings to closure, no justice; it’s no replacement for what we have lost.
I, of course, hope those who suffered first-hand during 9/11 feel some peace. But it also gives me a heavy heart to think that death is what brings more peace. My mind doesn’t work that way. I’m not ok celebrating death, or acts of war, or killing. Me. Personally. I’m not ok with it. Can other people be? well, I suppose so. Other pepole may find some kind of comfort and hope in what happened. And that seems to me to be more worthwhile than focusing on the act itself.
As a fellow educator, I usually love to talk about current events with my students. Although the upcoming AP exam is kind of our sole focus, I couldn’t bring it up today. I couldn’t talk about it with them. I just didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. It’s all very…conflicting.
So in that long response, i guess, I just agree. And understand. And am with you.
See, and I’m not even sure I’m firmly against capital punishment. But I do know that there’s very little rejoicing by the families in those moments when a murderer is being executed. They aren’t throwing parties and getting excited. They are witnessing a death that reminds them of their loss.
I do hope that those who lost loved ones are brought some sort of peace by this, but I, like you, don’t know that I would find peace in this retribution.
Conflicting. Yes, it’s totally that.
My friend Amy (a total Deadhead hippie btw) posted this on her status tonight on FB:
”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr
I’d like to high five your friend Amy right now.
while the sentiment is great, that is not a real quote by MLK.
Yeah, I found that out today. The first sentence doesn’t belong to him, but the rest does. He goes on to say “hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.”
Even if it’s misquoted, it captures my sentiments.
Thank you. I don’t know what else to say.
You’re welcome.
I keep starting to type because I feel like I have more to say than that, and then I keep stopping because words are failing me.
People I know and have loved for years had posted “Go USA!” type messages on facebook this morning and I felt… disgusted? sad? like I wasn’t sure I even knew them?
I am grateful to our soldiers for doing what is necessary to make the world safer, but I don’t think we honor what those soldiers do when we pretend that it is something glorious. It is something terrible. And I am grateful that I can sit home while they do it.
I’m …glad ….? that he’s gone, but I have no delusions about justice or goodness. Again, I’m looking for more words, but you’ve said what I feel better than I could.
That failure with words? That’s how I feel.
There weren’t words to explain the way many of us felt on 9/11, so why would there be words to express this now?
I, too, am grateful to our soldiers for their continued service. And you’re right. When we glorify this, we fail to realize the personal sacrifice they make in taking the lives of other humans. I’d venture to say it isn’t exactly a perk of the job, you know? We can say it’s part of the job or it’s something they sign up knowing they might do, but I think we have to realize the severity of what they’re doing when they take a life, even in combat, you know?
Thank you. Thank you for being smarter than many of the other civilian citizens in our country. I’m relieved that he’s dead, but the danger is not over, and I really don’t think it ever will be. The immediate threats of today have been dealt with, but there will be more. My husband works in the defense industry, as do several of our friends, and other than the 5 or so seconds it took to breathe a sigh of relief, they are forging ahead with ways to improve our military and keep us all safe. And they do this by visiting foreign countries, doing whatever they can to blend in, putting their lives at risk, in order to keep us safe. It’s even worse for deployed military and their families who wonder when they’ll get to go home because it isn’t safe for them to travel.
You’re right. It won’t be. This isn’t the end. In this world where people are hungry for power or purpose, there’s no way it COULD be over through the death of only one man.
I spph you. You put into words what I’ve been feeling and couldn’t find the words for.
I spph you too, Terri.
Cort and I were JUST having this EXACT conversation.
While yes, there is something to be said for the fact that Bin Ladin has been taken out of the world, i don’t feel like a DEATH is ever a thing to be rejoiced.
No, that doesn’t mean I think he should have been held captive until he died or let go. I know death was necessary…I just don’t think it is party-worthy.
His dying did not bring back any victims.
It was just…necessary in this sad world.
And that it was necessary? Is sad to me.
This world is sad.
And with EVERY death–necessary or senseless–my heart mourns.
I know that death was the only possible end for him. I know he would’ve found a way to take his own life if it hadn’t been taken.
But the fact that this is necessary? I’m with you. My heart mourns.