Isn’t it neurotic, don’t you think

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I started my Lady Times on Sunday afternoon.

On my own.

For only the third time since 2008.

I am super-mega pumped about this in a way that I have not been super-mega pumped to start a period since that one time when…well…since only one or two other times I can think of ever in my life that may not be appropriate to share here because my mother reads this blog.

Why am I excited about the Lady Times?

Because this means that maybe, just maybe, the PCOS isn’t going to screw with me again. Maybe.

I had a “normal” length cycle that ended with its very own period that wasn’t brought on by medications.

Maybe, just maybe, I won’t have 60+ day cycles and grow a mustache. (Truth. I sprouted facial hair the last time I stopped taking the pill. Lip-waxing is enough reason for me to pump my body full of synthetic hormones FOREVAH.)

(Oh, and in case you weren’t paying attention, negotiations have commenced for another Baby Human and I ditched the birth control in February and started charting again.

Don’t get ahead of yourselves. We’re in negotiations. This isn’t a done deal.)

The what-ifs of this charting business make me somewhat neurotic. (If by “somewhat” I mean “completely.” Which I totally mean.)

I wake up every morning at 5:30, even on the weekends, and take my temperature. Without moving anything except for the arm that reaches for the thermometer and brings it back to my mouth. Sometimes I may even hold my breath. Or curse in my head if I can’t find the thermometer easily.

And then I wait for what seems like an eternity to hear the beep of the thermometer.

And then I use the light from my phone to read the thermometer screen. I’m maybe more excited about this part of the process than I should be considering it’s happening at 5:30 in the morning. But I can’t help it. I want to see what my temperature has done from the day before.

I want to know so bad I input my temperature and sync to the web and look for a spike or a dip. AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING. When the thermometer has memory recall and I could just do it at a more normal time. Like NOT 5:30 in the morning. On Saturday.

And as I analyze that chart, I ponder whether my mouth had been open when the alarm went off. Or was I too hot or too cold last night. Or did Joshua wake up. Was I bloated? Did I have cramps? What about break-outs? Gas?

And then I analyze and email friends and have them analyze.

And I’ve only been doing this for 34 days. But in 34 days? I’m a full-blown neurotic charter again.