This is totally not what I’d planned to write about today. I’d planned to write about something MUCH more important and serious that probably would’ve lost me followers. And then Dan decided to put together Joshua’s Cozy Coupe and we needed some mindless television. So we turned on The Millionaire Matchmaker.
Have you seen this show?
Basically, millionaires can’t meet people on their own. So they hire Patti, a third-generation matchmaker, to set them up with their ideal match.
I get that these millionaires are concerned with gold-diggers grubbing for their goods. (Hellooooo, alliteration!) I get that they may not be in circles where people are single and easily meet-able. I get that they may have spent a great portion of their lives building their fortune. I get that they have busy, busy lives because they work all the time to keep making millions.
People, I will tell you how to meet your ideal match for way less than Patti’s charging. And this might still lose me followers because bodily fluids are involved.
Here it is. The secret of the dating Universe.
Go to a bar with some friends. Have a drink or two. Have a conversation with someone. Marry that person. Live happily ever after. The End.
All of that might work. (And that’s the short story of how Dan and I met, wooed, and wed.)
The number one way to be happy for the rest of your life?
Make sure the person you marry is a dork.
(Yes, I just called my husband a dork. But it’s okay because I’m a dork, too. I read the classics for fun, y’all. Long live Hawthorne!)
Bam. It’s that simple.
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A dork will always make you laugh.
And he can fix your computers and electronics. And he will know things about stuff when you don’t know those things.
And he probably won’t be full of himself like this douchebag I’m watching on television right now.
Will, the guy who was just on my TV, thinks he is The Ish. And he’s not. Shauna, the crazy woman whose episode I just started? Is certifiable. Both of them? Think they are entitled to something much better than that to which they are actually entitled (which, in both of their cases is a lump of coal and dead batteries).
My husband? Does not think he is The Ish. (And he totally is.) Also? He is not certifiable.
WINNING!
But seriously, we can be silly together. We randomly bust out into dance in the middle of the living room. Our idea of foreplay is laughter. We have our own made up words. We can (and do) say ridiculous things to each other. We talk about farting and poop and asparagus pee. I can skip make-up and he still wants to go out in public with me! He drools on my pillow sometimes and I don’t kick him out of the bed!
That is love, people.
That. Is. Love.
So, if you need some help finding someone special, just come to me. I’ll gladly accept your money in exchange for doling out the kind of sage advice you won’t find on television. People are way too self-conscious to show the real stuff on television.
And asparagus pee? That’s real stuff.
And he helps your friends fix their webcam/skype. Winning!!
YES! WINNING!
Totally Agree! (about everything except the meet at a bar thing. I don’t think I would have found the right person for me at a bar). I met my husband through blogging. How dorky (and perfect) is that? Sometimes I’m the biggest dork and sometimes he is, but we do have a great marriage!
I never thought I’d meet the right person for me in a bar, either, and the night I met him, I wasn’t out “on the prowl” for a guy. I was just going out with some girlfriends to celebrate a Hell week in all of our classes and ended up giving him a ride home.
I couldn’t agree more. My husband is a dorkus malorkus and I LOVE that about him. Do you think you could sell that advice on Etsy for a handsome price? If so, look into that shiz quick. 🙂
Hmmm, I could maybe cross stitch it. But I’d worry that it’d end up on Regretsy. And if that didn’t make me money, I would get a major case of the sads.
I. LOVE. THIS. I thought the same exact thing about the people on that show. And? I met my husband in a bar too. He’s also a dork. And I can be a dork. But together we have a great time and keep our love alive!
Sometimes, I really, really, really want the millionaires to find their true love. I mean, I think we’re all suckers for a happy ending.
But sometimes? I want to slap the sense into these people and go “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.”
I love this blog and blogger!
You know how I met my husband but others don’t so… I was working at a drive thru fast food restaurant. I waited on him, he ordered a sprite and BAM! Three months later we were married and have been married ever since (22yrs) have had one argument in that 22 yrs (It was the argument of all arguments) and have never had a cross word. Has it been easy? NO. but there is never a dull moment at my house and trust me it is about friendship and love, not sex. Anyone who bases their marriage on sex will never last. Romance should never end, but it does, so make sure he or she is your best friend because friendship lasts forever!
I love that story, Mom!
Two thumbs up! The very few single friends I have left, are far too judgmental and picky and really don’t seem to understand that they have to make fun of themselves and just let loose. There really isn’t a magic shining knight out there. Just a dorky funny guy who will aggravate you but always make you smile. 😉
YES! Exactly! Some people are single because they are looking for the wrong person!
Haha! I totally am a dork who married a dork. It’s bliss. 🙂
Isn’t it though? Infuriating sometimes, but bliss!
This. Is. PERFECTION! I love it! Thanks for this!
You’re welcome for this!
Ha ha! I’ll never forget you telling us how you and your husband find asparagus pee funny! So, now, whenever I eat asparagus and pee I think of you. Yeah. THAT’S NOT WEIRD. AT ALL.
That’s totally not weird. That? Is awesome.
super. duper. true. love it.
<3
Ha! Husband & I got sucked into a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon over MLK Day. It was like the trainwreck we could stop watching! We had asparagus over the weekend~ it really is so weird!
Isn’t it though? (To both the trainwreck and the asparagus pee!)
It’s so funny. When we eat it for dinner, one of us will go pee sometime later and you’ll just hear laughter coming out of the bathroom. And the other automatically knows what the laughter is all about.
I adore my dork. He might love his xbox, and he might excitedly call me while I am out with my girlfriends to tell me all about his most recent NCAA virtual win. He might create spreadsheets and play on excel for fun. He might have such a supreme love of statistics that he makes a career of teaching them to high schoolers who don’t really care. Sometimes, he talks to our dog in babytalk and rocks her as “practice.” And we have made up words/songs/phrases and talk about poop and farts, too. It’s among my favorite parts of us.
I wouldn’t trade a single bit of him for any amount of millions in the world. I so thank God every day that he made sure to put me in the right dorm, so I might meet the right guy who would always be mine. Always.
I’m so incredibly thankful that a girl I couldn’t stand walked into the bar I was in that night, forcing me downstairs to the lower bar where I ran into him and his friends. Had I never had such not-nice feelings about her, I might not have ever met him.
DESTINY=WINNING.
Awww, I love it! I have that kind of marriage, and it is perfect. Not “glamorous”, but fun, loving, and stable, it the best way possible! So cute!!!
It’s totally not glamorous around here. And that IS the way we like it!
Yes! dorks are the best husbands and fathers. I love mine, I’m so happy to see that you love yours.
and yes, that show is like watching an alien universe. crazy doesn’t even begin to describe it.
As for Asparagus pee, My bleovedork is allergic to asparagus, so he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. thanks for providing the proof. and while we are on the subject, would you say there is such a thing as artichoke pee?
I love this blog.
So sweet!! Your dorky, comfortable love
I’ve got me a dork.
it’s good.
Ah yes…the Sluiters are the biggest dorks out there. And totally in love and in it for the long haul.
So I just reread part of this post aloud to my hubby…why? Because I read the classics for fun, he keeps my computer running and is constantly buying new electronic gadgets…and the crown: my favorite convo from our daughter…family dr “So (daughter’s name) are you a princess?” Daughter, “Yep Dr Deb I’m the princess of the dorks. Mom and Dad are Queen and King:)” LOL Great minds think alike! Wish we’d gotten to know each other better before I left GA for the midwest, lol:)