You’re welcome for that getting stuck in your head. And if anyone else knows anymore words than those, feel free to sing along.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.
Today was the end of Snowpocalypse. This morning it was back to work, two travel mugs of coffee in hand. Tonight there’s a basketball game so I’ll be heading out shortly to watch my cheerleaders…uh…cheer. And I’ll roll into the house somewhere around 10:00 tonight, if I’m lucky.
::sigh::
Reality? This is mine.
I can’t complain though. Really. I mean, I CAN. And I DO. But all in all, I’ve learned over the past year to adapt to the late nights and the requirements as best I can.
I think that sometimes what is most damaging to me as a person is that I think too far ahead. While it’s always good to have a plan (and a worst-case scenario plan, at that) I always think “If this is so hard now, what will it be like then?”
Why am I so quick to worry about what will happen THEN when I should be enjoying what I have NOW?
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In general, I think I DO enjoy what I have. I’ve certainly learned over the past year to love my son and to love being with my son. I’ve learned to love being a mama. I’ve learned to love this new me that I’ve become.
But sometimes there’s a lack of enjoyment that creeps in.
Like right now, when I’m sitting here listening to the sound of the rain on my classroom’s roof and wishing I didn’t have to drive in this cold, wet, disgusting mess. Wishing instead that I could just go home and curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and rest my eyes for a minute.
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, honestly.
I think I just miss the freedom I felt last week when I was just mom (and wife, and daughter, and friend). Now I have to be mom AND teacher again (and wife, and daughter, and friend).
And I’m feeling burdened by the thought that this, once again, is my reality.
And maybe I’m feeling burdened by the fact that I’m conflicted because I feel fulfilled as a professional because of my job and I feel fulfilled as a mom because of my time home with my son but when I’m doing both of those things simultaneously I feel like there’s not enough time for both of them to be done well.
Or maybe it’s just the weather.
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