Today I put on a pair of jeans.
I could not comfortably fasten them without giving myself a muffin top and a lower gut.
So I grabbed my tummy sleeve from the early days of my pregnancy, slipped it on, unbuttoned my jeans, and AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Sweet JESUS, how comfortable!
And then I went to the bathroom. And on my way out of the bathroom, you will not believe what I did.
I turned to the side, stuck out my belly, and I looked a little pregnant. Like, early on, cute pregnant. Not big-as-a-whale-fatty-fatty-two by four-pregnant. And I thought “awwwww” and I missed being pregnant in that instant.
(HOLD YOUR HORSES, PEOPLE. No procreating for us yet! We’ve got some debt and the fact that my body still has not resumed her regularly scheduled programming keeping us from Baby #2! And the fact that I’ve JUST gotten Joshua to the point that he sleeps all night long and MAN am I loving this!)
But then, as I walked out of the bathroom, I realized, HOLY CHEESE AND CRACKERS. I LOOK PREGNANT. This is not good! I am not having Irish twins. Or two under two. NO WAY NO HOW! This means that I look F-A-T. Despite my husband always telling me that I look beautiful to him. Which I appreciate. And don’t believe (I believe that he believes I look beautiful. I’d like to check his vision, though.)
So, we went to Target and purchased a Wii Fit Plus. We have a gym membership, but we’re cancelling it because 1) we never go, and 2) well, yeah, we never go. So why are we wasting the money?? I’ll take Wii Fit in the privacy of my own living room while my husband does his best not to bust out laughing at my ridiculous self trying to Wii Hula Hoop over a state-of-the-art facility with bleached-blondes and buff muscles pointing and laughing at my frumpy ass and thinking “MAN, she REALLY needs to get on that treadmill. Hang a chocolate cupcake in front of her the way you would a horse and an apple!”, thank you very much.
I did the Wii Fit Body test and, yeah, I’m obese. Awesome. Like I needed some chipper little balance board telling me that. However, I’m making a goal to not stay this way. I have two dresses that I want to fit into again. And my last visit to my PA revealed that my cholesterol is slightly elevated. (I’m 27 years old, for crying out loud! How do I have high cholesterol?? I’m not totally sedentary, and I eat a healthy diet [relatively, okay…I won’t say I haven’t binged on all the dairy-laden goodness I missed out on for seven months because that would be a lie. And we all know where liars end up. Congress.])
The Wii Fit Plus comes with Jillian Michaels’ Fitness Ultimatum when you purchase it at Target. I’m thinking of firing it up tomorrow if I can figure out how to turn the Wii on. We have the most confusing home theater system known to man, complete with a touch-screen remote control and components that I don’t even know how to operate. It’s probably not as complicated as I’m making it sound, but I’m always afraid of screwing something up in the middle of the day and being stuck at home with no TV. Which is kind of my nightmare.
Anyway, I managed to get in my 30 minutes tonight and I burned 140 calories. This is EASY to do, y’all, and fun! I can totally do this! We’ll see how I feel in the morning, but right now, I’m feeling good.