Dads, Don’t Date Your Daughters

There’s a video making the rounds on Facebook right now about a husband who’s about to go on the most important date of his life…but not with his wifeSCANDALOUS!

He gets all dressed up and a friend asks if he’s nervous.

“Yes!” he says, as he ties his tie. “It’s been a long time,” replies his friend.

Then he leaves the house, turns around and rings the bell, and his very excited daughter answers, ready for their date. The girl is adorable. They go have lots of fun together doing things like drinking milk out of princess cups and swinging and going for piggyback rides.

It’s cute. Really. It is. The girl is adorable and they seem to have a good time.

I might not make many friends with what I’m about to say, but I’m banking on that whole “if you say it, they will come” thing that happens when we say things that we know will probably enrage people but might also show us we’re not alone.

Dads, don’t date your daughters.

And this goes for moms, too, though there’s an odd disparity between the number of events aimed at mothers and sons versus those aimed at dads and daughters, and those aimed at mothers and sons are very rarely called “date nights.”

(There’s a whole commentary on why these daddy-daughter date night events exist to get dads to spend time with their daughters/sons and why they shouldn’t have to exist at all because it should just be a thing parents do, but that’s probably another inflammatory blog post for another day.)

It might be a special occasion or a treat when moms and dads take their children to the playground, or out for ice cream, or to the movies, but it’s not dating.

Why is there this thing where we talk about our relationships with our children in terms of our relationships with spouses and friends? Our relationships with our children are neither.

Dating implies there’s a romantic element to the relationship and, quite frankly, it’s weird to talk about dating our children. Go back to the example from that video where the dad talks about being nervous and it’s “been a long time” and tell me that’s anything other than awkward and weird, even if it was scripted.

But Miranda, you say, it’s just a word! You’re giving it meaning where there isn’t any!

No, I’m really not.

The common use of the verb “date” means courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in. Think about that for a minute and let’s stop dating our children.

We can do better. We can choose different words and not frame our relationships with our children in romantic terms.

And while I’m probably offending people, all of the memes declaring ourselves the “first loves” of our opposite sex children are weird too.

Didn’t you read Oedipus Rex?

Am I the first person in my children’s lives who will love them? Who will show them what love is? Yes, probably, but the term “first love” implies schoolyard crushes and high school romance and Mommy and Daddy issues they’ll need to work out in therapy some day.

It also sort of sounds like we can’t let them grow up and experience the world on their own without us, and while that thought sort of rips my heart out, it has to happen.

I don’t want to be my son’s first love. Not like that. And I don’t want my husband to date our daughter. 

Spending quality time with your kids isn’t dating. It’s just…spending quality time with your kids. It’s parenting. It’s the stuff we should be doing every day, even if it’s just reading together at night before bed, or sitting around the dinner table engaged in conversation instead of staring at our devices.

Instead of dating your daughter (or son), date your partner. 

That’s probably better for your relationships in the long run anyway.

If you want to teach your daughter what to expect from the men she’ll one day find herself dating and possibly marrying, show her (and your sons) a strong relationship. Show her what a solid partnership looks like.

Show her what respect looks like by respecting her mother or the mother figures in her life and she’ll learn to respect herself and demand that from others.

Show her what love looks like by loving her, certainly.

But don’t date your daughter.

Update/Response/Philosophical Waxing:

First of all, let me just say thank you for reading, even if you disagree with me and can’t wait to blast me in the comments (though I do hope that reading this update might help explain, at least in part, where I was coming from when I wrote this). I appreciate your being here and the conversation that has been sparked as a result of this piece.

I am not now nor have I ever been a crazy man-hating spinster lesbian bitch (or a wanker, I think) but I am sometimes crazy and sometimes bitchy. Occasionally the two overlap. (I’m even medicated! With a therapist!)

Prior to writing this post, it hadn’t occurred to me that others see and hear the verb date in terms of its less romantic definition, i.e. a social engagement. (The noun date means “a set place in time” or we’re talking about a fruit. Or maybe we have a Date Date and then things get really confusing.)

Yes, I was aware that the definition of date as a social engagement existed, but the connotation of the word date, to me, is a romantic engagement between to people who are dating, and I hadn’t realized just how infrequently I personally use the word “date” until the comments and discussions started rolling in.

I don’t say “I have a lunch date with my friend.” I say “I’m going to lunch with so-and-so.” That is not to say that others shouldn’t say that because I don’t say that, or that any of us is right or wrong because we do or don’t say date. It’s just…different.

But the word “date” wasn’t so much the thing that bothered me about the original video and which word to use wasn’t the point I was trying to make. Somewhere along the way, things got confused, so I’d like to take a second to try to clear up what my message was supposed to be.

I want parents to spend time one on one with their children, of both the same and opposite sex. It’s good. It’s healthy. Spending time with our children is vital to their development and our relationships with them.

Here, where I live, there are no “mother-son date nights.” You will never see a restaurant or event facility advertise a “father-son date night” because ::gasp:: they’re both dudes! ZOMG! And the same is true of mother-daughter events, with the exception of teas around Mother’s Day, but then I ask, what happens to the moms who don’t have daughters? Are they uninvited?

There are only events geared toward dads and daughters. There are only viral videos about dads and daughters. There is only anything about dads and daughters happening in this conversation.

So, yes, I do think that there are lines that get blurred when it comes to the notion of “dating” our daughters, and some of that, I now realize, comes from the places I’ve lived and the culture in which I was raised.

That is, the “purity culture.”

I’m a liberal Feminist thinker living in a veritable sea of people who see the world so differently than I do it’s a wonder we’re even looking at the same world sometimes.

In a place where “earn the right to wear white” is a mantra taught in sex ed classes and where daughters are encouraged to pledge their virginity to their parents, namely their fathers, complete with the exchanging of rings, and where there are no such pushes for young men to do the same  (nor do young men seem to need the same protection from the big, bad world of dating), the idea that dads should date their daughters so that the fathers can be the great protectors, standing guard with a shotgun while their little girls exit the house with a gentleman caller isn’t one that I can support.

And I don’t necessarily subscribe to the notion that young girls learn about their self-worth and have their self-esteem built up solely by their relationships with their fathers, or that one on one time with their fathers are the only ways they’ll open up when they need to talk about the big things in their lives.

I think a lot of that openness comes from the culture which is created within the home on a daily basis. Engaging each other in questions about the day, talking, sharing, and being kind to and not judgmental with one another.

Daughters (and sons) will learn what to expect from the men/women in their lives by how they see us treat the people around you, which includes them, our spouses or partners, our neighbors, and the waiters at your favorite restaurant. They will come to understand and see the qualities they want in a partner not from what we do on those special outings with them, but from how we live our lives every day.

Be the kind of spouse or partner to your wife that you hope your daughter will one day marry. Treat your wife how you want your daughter to be treated. She will see that. She is seeing that.

So sure, bring your daughter flowers, but bring them for your wife, too. (Chances are, if you’re the kind of guy who’s bringing his daughter flowers, you’re already doing those things for your wife. Good on you!)

Finally, the comments which have hurt me most in this entire thing are those about my dad and what kind of man he must have been.

Call me names. Make fun of me. Imagine me to be some perverted, twisted monster. I don’t care.

But my dad was a good man. He didn’t take me on “dates,” and quite frankly the thought that he should do those things would never have crossed his mind. My upbringing predates the Internet and blogs telling us how we should and shouldn’t be doing it.

But he didn’t have to do those things for me to know he cared.

My dad died last August, suddenly, and without a chance for me to say goodbye, or to tell him that I appreciated the sacrifices he made for me. Or just to tell him thanks for loving me. I will never, ever get that chance again, and can only hope to do his legacy justice by living with the same kindness and generosity he showed for everyone he met.

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    • 2

      Bailey says

      I have dates with my mother, sister, brother and friends…it’s a word for a special time and place. Should not bring ugly into such caring and happiness.

    • 3

      PJ wildcat says

      I think what the whole problem with the dad daughter dances, is that you also should have mommy son dances. It is totally wrong to keep pushing dances and other activities for dad and daughter, but forget about mom who is just as important , if not more to the daughter since mom is the like parent anyway..

      What makes all this sad is that men and men supporters are actually to blind to see how wrong this is. It gets to be sickening when we keep exalting dads this way.

    • 4

      Erin Richter says

      My son has daddy dates, as does my daughter. They both get one on one Mommy dates as well as “aunt cherry dates”, “Grandma dates”, and “grandpa dates”. They also know Mommy and Daddy have dates together, usually when they have an Aunt Cherry date. A date, for our children, simply means a special time, usually without their sibling, with an adult whom they love (and who loves them) doing an activity that is not a normal, or everyday thing. And, shock of a shocks, we have “Family Dates” where all four of us go somewhere special, like a movie, or the aquarium. And those dates are awesome.

  1. 6

    Anonymous says

    At least men who “date” their daughters are teaching them how a man should treat them so that they grow up to expect nothing less. I go on “dates” with my girlfriends (“Fri night? Okay, it’s a date!”) but I am not “dating” them. Your post is frivolous.

    • 7

      genna's mom says

      I agree whole heartedly!! I think that is kind of the point. You may be upset over the term “Dating” … so use a different one. don’t hate those that do it. My daughter’s father took off when she was five months old. The thought of an actual dad in her life, and doing these things…. Yeah, I cried when I watched the video. I thought it was adorable. My daughter doesn’t have that!! I take her on “girl dates” all the time. SCANDALOUS!! OMG Maybe she will be a lesbian because she doesn’t have a dad, and she goes on girl dates with her mom. Who cares what you call it!! It needs to be done, and no, you don’t sacrifice one for the other, I get that, but come on. Call it something else if it bothers you so damn much!!

      • 8

        I Gardea says

        It’s too bad that the past ruins the present for some parents who have no bad intentions with their daughters, granddaughters. I never had any grandparents, I try & teach my granddaughter old fashion values, she is spanked when needed, she is also given advised as how to treat others. I wish I had grandparents to talk to, share family history with, guide me in our culture ways. These old fashion values are part of our futures past. Don’t make something out of nothing. Love that child as God wants us too.

      • 9

        Hillary Futch says

        Wow! I’m sad that your post has been shared so many times on fb. I honestly hate I wasted precious moments of my life even reading this garbage.

      • 10

        Christine Zook says

        Why is it always hate when someone merely disagrees? The author is right, the very word date is inappropriate when applied to one’s children. And to act as if this was a real date is creepy as hell.
        Take your kids on outings and enjoy your time together, but don’t make it look like some romantic tryst.

        • 11

          leland says

          Why is date is such a horrible word in this case? for one.. the dad is not being creepy at all, hes playing it up for the video and everybody knows that… two, exactly why does ” date” automatically associate with inappropriateness…. i agree with anonymous, we use the word for everything… business meetings ” great its a date” for wedding invites “set the date” for girls nights – ” date night with my ladies”.. we even use it for little kids when they have a ” play date” .. if this was a mother and daughter video everyone would be in awe at the bond the mother and daughter have. If he is taking the time out to spend time with her and do something that she probably asked for, then he most likely will take the time to explain to her what is right and wrong about dating– which is entirely different than having a date day. — which i am quite certain can refer to any social gathering…. i think its ridiculous that when men don’t take care of they’re kids we all have something to say and then when they do.. we again, all have something to thing you know we’ll be hearing you think its wrong for dads to participate in “tea time” which every little girl plays… because technically that is a date… also.. you cannot criticize the public for being against this article… we are simply… disagreeing as well :)

          • 12

            Susan says

            Because for some of us it was inappropriate. Dad should be present as a DAD not a boyfriend, husband, friend. Enough said.

      • 14

        PJ wildcat says

        A female does not need to date her dad.

        I have four girls and when they see me take their mother out for the evening or when we are just around the house, then, they can see how they should be treated then. It is wrong for this country to say men should date their girls.

        • 15

          Pierre van Niekerk says

          The country does not say it Dimwit. It is an interactional game play of appropriate innocence that girls love to participate in. The first “Prince” in her life is often the Dad, and to indulge in imaginary game play (associated in many childhood stories) just adds to their desire to experience the imaginary life of the little princess. To often this is never dealt with until they start dating for real and is exposed to so called “princes” whose only objectives is to have sex and turn out to be abusive, uncaring and adulterous no-goods!

          • 16

            Wildcat says

            If you nesd to show the world you are ignorant by calling people names, then go for it. But those of us who are real men can comment on a real man level. So know that as men, we do not date our daughters, we date our wives.

            Fathers are not to monopolize parenthood. Our daughters are closer to thier mothers anyway since mothers are the like parent. Get over yourself, “Dimwit”. spend time with your son and teach him how to be a better man than you are being with your lame comment.

    • 18

      Christine Zook says

      I think you don’t have to pretend to be on a romantic date to teach your child some values. If you had paid attention, little girls learn how they should be treated by seeing how their father treats their mother, not by going out on “dates”

  2. 19

    Martha says

    If I tell you I am having a date night with my son will you assume I am romantically involved with my son?

    It’s a word. According to the dictionary “date” means: the time or period to which any event or thing belongs.

  3. 20



    • 21

      Holly says

      I agree! I feel shes making this a shameful thing to teach your daughters how to be treated by a man. And honestly it seems to be some bitter hatred of it because she lost her father. My dads been gone for 15 years and I wish he had done this for me when I was a girl!

  4. 23

    Leah Hall says

    This article is ridiculous. Who said dating has to be sexual? Now, what kind of message are YOU sending???? I consider a date something intimate between 2 people.. an outing to bond, NOT get frisky. I am a woman with a daughter & son, I have had my son take me out on “dates” a few times, and it was very cute & special. He picked me flowers, opened the door for me, and he loved it. I can’t wait until my daughter is older & her dad will do this with her. In fact, sometimes I even have lunch “dates” with my mom. It’s a time when you say “nothing else matters for awhile but me and this person I love”. So, PLEASE dads (and moms) continue to do this with your children!!!

    • 24

      Jess H says

      Hi all,

      I think sexism has impacted the language of family outings in our society. Language exposes underlying values. “Daddy daughter dates” is this celebrated thing right now. The author is taking the time to have a critical lens and question this tradition and the language around it. She raises a great question: why are mother/son dates far less popular than daddy/daughter dates? What do YOU think?

      Parents can help their girls and boys understand what respecting other people – regardless of their gender – looks like when they treat one another with respect. If a father thinks occasional special outings somewhere will magically teach his daughter (a daughter living in a media-saturated society that objectifies the female body) that she is a valuable human being, independent of any male’s opinion, then he is the one playing make-believe. I appreciate a Dad dressing up to take his daughter out for fun. It’s just that modeling how to treat a woman has less to do with showing up in a suit & tie with flowers and more to do with being present during all seasons of life. If he does this too, then those special outings are icing on the cake, I guess.

      If you have interpreted this post to mean, “hey dads, stop going on special outings with your daughters because it is creepy” then I suggest you reread it. I don’t think anyone disagrees that good mothers and fathers are intentional about setting aside time to spend with their children. I think we are disagreeing about what the emphasis on “daddy daughter dates” says about our society’s view of girlhood. What challenges do females face as girls and as young adolescents? How can fathers help girls to think critically about the story the media tells them about their roles, their value, and their worth? How can dads be counter-cultural? How might taking daughters out on a “date” feed into the “girls desire and need a prince charming” narrative? As the author stated: “we can choose different words and not frame our relationships with our children in romantic terms.” I think the point of this post was to think about language and cultural values.

  5. 27

    J says

    Miranda, it sounds like you have a few issues going on here. Why did you feel the need to write an entire article on this subject? For the record, the definition of “date” you have in your head is just wrong in that the word “date” is not restricted to a “romantic date”. You do realize you can have other dates, right? They’re also called social engagements. Sex or romance is not necessary on “a date”. Simply put, a date is all about getting to know someone (friend or otherwise) and developing that relationship. So who better to go on a date with than the first most important male figure in your life? I take it you don’t have a degree in psychology or didn’t study the subject much. Either way, everyone is entitled to their opinion. It’s just sad to read such a limiting view coming from a mother. Taking a sweet gesture and turning it into something that is more than a little perverted. It says more about the way you think than the video. Focus on the beauty and the love in this :) Truly, that’s all that’s there in this case, clearly.

    To paraphrase, the greatest gift you’ll ever lean is just to love and be loved in return. Maybe one day you’ll learn this but only time will tell. Have a good day! :)

    • 28

      Martha Kreeger says

      I am with Miranda on this one. I loved going on hikes with the kids, picnics, movies, tea parties, all kinds of stuff. But I really think that “dates” are about finding a partner. Dads should have strong relationships with their kids. You do not need a “date” to have a strong amazing supportive relationship.

    • 30

      E says

      I totally agree with J – it’s taking a beautiful situation and trying to make it evil. I wish there were more dads that took time to bond with their daughters whether it is called date or not. This is how a girl can learn healthy male relationships through her father.

      The article is your opinion but truly a cheap twisted way to get attention. And as J says, I am wondering what chord got struck within yourself to make such a negative observation. That is my opinion.

      • 31

        Christine Zook says

        The author is not trying to make it evil – that is your slant on it. She merely says that parents should not treat their kids the way they should treat each other.

    • 32

      Jess H says

      Seriously? You think the author took a sweet gesture and made it into something perverted? I think she raised good questions.

    • 33

      Jan Stott says

      I think it’s bizarre to dress up for a date with your own child also dressed up and having tea on the balcony etc and to say you’re nervous and stating it’s been a long time! Picture the scene, Madison come and get ready darling we have to make you all pretty, you’re having a date with Daddy tonight! Weird and why are the daughters getting all dolled up? Doesn’t Daddy love them without make up and pretty clothes? Yes imagine if Mum and her son did similar. There is no need for a special occasion namely dates for children who should not be exposed to such behaviour when so young. Just make sure you spend some time with your children and it does not have to be private time alone at all. My Father never spent a minute interacting with myself or my sister of his own choosing, he only did so because we pestered him for his attention that we received a few scraps. He died when I was seven and all I ever wanted was his real attention, to take an interest in me and not to be treated like a child that just happened to be in the family. Personal sincere attention is love and a child knows it, father dates are just creepy and fake and not necessary if you love your child! And no my sister and I did not grow up to have healthy relationships.

  6. 35

    Edith says

    I’m with you, Miranda. I thought the video was creepy. Not a fan of those things where chastity rings are given to little girls or father daughter dances. I enjoyed wonderful times with my father (and mother) seeing movies, boating, shopping, going to the circus, etc. but he never dressed up and brought me flowers. I got to see how a gentleman acted by being around him every day. To each his own.

  7. 36

    Martha Kreeger says

    I totally agree. In my mind: The movement of “Dad as daughter’s boyfriend” to protect her innocence perpetuates a belief that it is not her inner self worth that gives her life meaning, but her sexual gifts and in a kind of sweet, but ultimately creepy way, Dad is supposed to protect her developing sexuality. The love a couple has for each other, the respect they treat each with, the affection, sharing your day and having good dialogues with each other — that will become the foundation of your children’s security and self worth in the world. Have a tea party with your daughter. Make the little sandwiches with her. Ask her what kind she likes and tell her what you like, too. But don’t make it a “date”. That just adds the ick factor.

    • 37

      Bailey says

      This goes to show where some peoples minds are, now that is ick. I did not see where the father was called a boyfriend. This was father showing his daughter she is special. Get your mind out of the gutter. We have enough of that in the world.

      • 39

        Martha Kreeger says

        I just want to add that Dad’s should not be nervous to spend an afternoon with their kid because their relationship should be easy and have a wide range of experiences. I did not tell you your mind was at fault, or your opinion is at fault, because I feel the diversity of experience is a good thing. I think the ick factor is a significant percentage of people may be useful information.

        I wonder if he would have been nervous about spending the same type of special time with his son? Would he dress up for a date with his son? If so, then sure, I agree its not a date because he is an equal opportunity Dad and he makes special days to hang with his kids in an intimate way that is not based on their gender.

        But if its just a Daddy-daughter thing I want to stick to my belief (not shared by everyone) that this might take bonding with your daughter a step too far. I don’t think Dads need to date their daughters to have an awesome relationship or to prepare them for a date with a man later in life.

        And I really really believe that my husband and I should share a really special relationship that is a “date” and that should indicate something that adults do. So yes, I agree with Miranda, the word “date” along with the nervousness, and dressing up, and spending “special time” goes with intimacy in a way that most often describes people looking for that one special person.

        • 40

          Jess H says

          I agree. And I especially appreciate the son comparison. I think much of this discussion has to do with gender and gender-norms. Notice that on the daddy daughter date in the video, the father and daughter use teacups with Disney princesses on them. From the gecko girls are taught that they need a Prince Charming to sweep in and love them. That until the father “gives her away” at her wedding (as if she is property) that her daddy will fill those shoes. I think some of this is for sure awkward and parents needs to relax and just be parents. Show girls how valuable they are by spending time with them learning and growing and reading. Relax on the dressing up and gushing over how “pretty” she is.

          • 41

            D M says

            You make many valid points. You need to be aware, however, that the phrase is “from the get-go” not “from the gecko” I would bring this up privately but there is no option for that here. I only bring it to your attention because I have been guilty of misunderstanding a phrase on occasion, myself. I would rather it be brought to my attention so I don’t repeat it than to have folks snickering behind my back. And trust me, they do.

  8. 42

    Yes says

    I totally agree with you, that video real makes me uncomfortable… I didn’t have any real relationship with my dad as a kid and its been more than 10 years since haven’t talk to him. Maybe i would have think the other if it was different but i really don’t like what i have see there in that video… My feeling.

  9. 44

    Mark says

    How could you even attempt to suck the life and purity out of this concept. You’re an ignorant fool and i want to feel sorry for you, but i can’t. Crawl under a rock and cry yourself to a lonely death, BITCH.

    • 46

      Christine Zook says

      Why are you so defensive? And show some manners, writing obscenities undermines your viewpoint.

    • 47

      D M says

      Wow. If you get this irate over someone else’s viewpoint, perhaps you’d be better off only reading your OWN opinions. Don’t want to have a stroke if you run across someone who doesn’t agree with your take on butter vs margarine!

  10. 48

    Ashley Deardurff says

    Obviously, you are very unaware of “date” meaning an event, social or otherwise, a frame of time, a specific day, as in “save the date!”, etc… the fact that this was the first place your mind went when seeing this video tells me YOU have some very specific issues you need to work on. Children love to mimic their parents. My daughters see mommy and daddy have a “date night”, and as I’m getting ready, they try on my high heels, play in my makeup, and I let each one squirting one puff of perfume. So when daddy asks them if they’d like to have a lunch “date”, they feel special, loved, and singled out for attention, which little girls need. They go to places SHE picks, they do things SHE wants to do, and they come home happily exhausted with ice cream stains all over their shirt and a balloon animal from the zoo. Yes. We call those “dates”. I don’t know anybody who’s mind goes “I wonder if there’s anything SEXUAL going on with that dad and daughter out together having fun at the park…” who does that??? And all you weirdos agreeing? Seems like you must all have absolutely boring, mundane lives if these are the kind of things you worry about. I worry about common core, I worry about drugs and violence in the schools, I worry about the cost of education, I worry about so many other things than whether or not calling father daughter time a “date” has a sexual connotation!! There is just so many things wrong with this article I just can’t even. Shaking my head…

    • 50

      Christine Zook says

      In case you didn’t notice, the man acted as if he was going on a date with a girlfriend, not a daughter. If you have a problem with anyone seeing this as sexual, you have never been on a date with a guy.

      • 51

        Ashley Deardurff says

        Yes Christine zook. I am only married with two children. Nope never been on a single date!! Actually I’ve been on many dates, but none where we ate sandwiches with crusts cut off and carrot sticks and where I drank out of a sippy cup. If these are the kinds of dates that terrify you so of “sexual misconduct!!!” It would seem to me it’s YOU who are going on the wrong dates. Did you completely miss the point of my comment?? Children like to MIMIC their parents. That means “copy”. So if my daughters want to go on “dates” like mommy and daddy because it’s fun and it’s special, then why not. Read my original comment again, and then check for understanding. Because it seems you have none. This is so ridiculous. Someone call a WAAAAAHHHHHHHbulance. Christine is having an attack of stupidity.

        • 52

          Pierre van Niekerk says

          I agree completely with you Ashley. Christine you belong in a ZOO! We are not living by animal instincts! Here are discretion, imagination, bonding and game play…… play!

        • 53

          Sally Jones says

          Ashley – mocking other people and tearing them down with disrespect & insults shows a lot about your character. Is this a grade 4 school yard where little girls are hurling immature insults? Show some respect and engage in an adult driven intelligent conversation which includes having differing opinions. If you feel someone is “attacking” you. Respond in a mature way and don’t fuel the flames.

          It’s okay for others to have an different view on life, but why can’t we just respect each other in the process?

    • 54

      Christine Zook says

      That is playing at semantics. In our culture the word “Date” specifically references a romantic outing, when accompanied by the “nervousness” and dressing up, along with flowers shown in that video. No one can be that naive to believe that this man is not mimicking a romantic date.

      • 55

        Ashley Deardurff says

        Seriously? Wow… you REALLY showed me… did you not read my last two comments?? Obviously not. I believe I said in BOTH that children like to MIMIC their parents. It makes them feel special and grown up to being doing grown up things. I just can’t even continue this with you. Your stupidity is hurting my brain.

  11. 56

    Brett says

    To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. -Titus 1:15

    • 57

      Ashley Deardurff says

      Can’t agree with you more. I just showed this article to my husband and he is still just shaking his head in amazement and said “this lady actually has KIDS? Well, I’ll be…”

  12. 58

    james says

    i did not even have to read past the first sentence to be utterly certain that you have no idea what you’re talking about. although i realize that your entire piece is an opinion, it honestly wins one of the “most stupid thoughts shared on the internet that dumb down the population of decent human beings unfortunate enough to read about them and – holy shit – believe them” award.

    it’s one thing to rant about your opinion, it’s another to give advice based on it when it obviously is biased, bigoted, and frankly asinine. if you don’t want your man, if you have one, to go give your daughter, if you also have one, a splendid day with her father all dressed up and HAPPY, then fine, be a terrible parent to deny her that. but don’t tell other people to share your idiocy.

    pinning sexual undertones on a word that historically doesn’t mean anything sexual only serves to emphasize such idiocy. it’s disgusting. this whole piece is the scandal.

  13. 59

    Linda Sloss says

    I disagree with one aspect of your commentary. You say that the word date means courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in. Not so. It can just mean an appointment. My “date book” has many appointments in it. The word, when a daddy uses it about his child, most assuredly does not mean he is sexually interested in her. He often wants her to see how a young man SHOULD treat the young woman he is with. If a young lady is consistently shown what a date is supposed to be like, she will recognize when she is being treated wrongly. It’s like when cash handlers study money – they study only the real thing. Then they know when a counterfeit comes along. The same is true of studying God’s Word. When we know God as He reveals Himself in Scripture, we will know when false doctrine crosses our paths. Back to the subject at hand, when dads show their little girls how valuable they should consider themselves, they set them up to be wise when in the young adult dating world.

    • 60

      Jessica says

      Okay this rant is crazy. I understand your thoughts on how it seems weird for parents to “date” their children and if parents should not be romantically involved with their children, but I believe you are taking it out of context. Its lovely for parents to date each other and provide a positive image for their kids to look up to, but what about one parent households? How will those children know what a healthy relationship looks like? What about when parents go out on a date? They often don’t take children with them. Fathers who set up fake dates with their daughters get to show them first hand how they ought to be treated my someone looking to spend time with them. That little girl won’t always remember what her father said to her that afternoon or what they ate, but she will remember the feeling she had when he opened the door well dressed and happy to see her. She’ll remember he pulled out her chair and held her hand in the park. Some things need to be experienced, not watched. There is nothing weirdly romantic about this. It’s just quality time and a parent teaching a child self respect.
      I hope you can understand that.

  14. 62

    Mark says

    I just saw the video too…how can a person date their own children? So creepy…especially the “you’ll always be her first love”. All I thought is that the father must have a warped concept of dating.

    Dating is romance. I go out with many friends one on one but it’s not a date. When I want to go out with someone for the purpose of romance, then I go out on a date. The only person I date now is my fiancée.

    Date nights exist for the purpose of romance…not sex. And a father does NOT need to teach their little girls how to have a romantic date. Allow her to have a REAL first love…it’s just sounds so incestous and Lolita-esque.

    “To the pure all things are pure”…yep, so if a person decides to have a date night with an animal, and get married to it, of course as long as they think it’s pure, it’s pure. No…I don’t think so. It’s still creepy.

  15. 64

    Brett says

    Great example, Mark. You proved the Scripture passage. No pure-minded person would ever think of dating an animal. But you did and you are the one with the problem with Daddy Date Nights.

  16. 65

    P Jones says

    You seem to get hung up on the terminology of dating and what it means in the sense of being romantic, and you do not seem to get hung up over weather or not there is any real romantic feelings between the father and the daughter. Obviously if there were then that would be a real issue. It seems like you want guys to spend time with their daughters and do the same things that they would on these “dates” but just don’t call them dates… because…someone…. might get confused? I take my daughter on dates and we both understand what it means. She knows that I take mommy on dates and those dates are different. I think maybe the problem is with those who don’t understand the difference between the two and not so much with those who are using the terminology you prefer.

  17. 67

    LAR says

    I agree with your article. Those were my thoughts as I watched the video too. It was cute, it was undoubtedly harmless and sweet, but it was also on the edge of creepy. I have an excellent relationship with my father and my spouse so I am not speaking from a lack of some kind of fulfillment in my life. It’s not creepy to spend time with your child…it’s wonderful. It is also wonderful that he was trying so hard to come down to her level and make a nice memory. But the overall framing of the situation still left me thinking they were sending the wrong message. I admit that my father never came to my door as a suitor. Instead he dressed up and took us out as a family. He also showed us how to behave and what to expect by his daily actions. One Daddy Date Night would not have taught me what to expect from a man. A lifetime of being treated as a lady while being given the independence and respect to grow into my own person did.

  18. 68

    Sandra says

    I agree with those who thought the video was creepy. I loved my dad when he was alive but he was always my dad and he taught me to bat a ball in our backyard. If we had gone on a fake date it would have messed me up mentally. When my son was little, I taught him to bat a ball. After my son was grown he took me out for tea for Mother’s Day but that was my present and not a date. There are lots of parent-child activities and you don’t have to call them “dates.” I wonder what problems that little girl will end up with.

    • 69

      Kathy says

      She probably ended up with no problems. She got to spend special days (dates) with her father. He played an important role teaching her how she should be treated when she grew up and went on dates with boys/men. They also got to spend one on one time with each other having fun and getting to know one another. Men can also go on dates with their sons. A date is really a scheduled outting. For example, I have a date to go out to lunch with a friend. Is that wrong also?

  19. 70

    E says

    This article is insane. I just watched the video, and I thought it was cute. I was thinking how I wish my father cared that much about me. I live with my grandparents, and my grandfather takes me to the movies. He’ll ask me if I want to go to the movies and if I say yes, then he will say “It’s a date!” The word date does not have to be romantic or anything like that. It’s crazy that you actually THINK that. Just because this father took his child on a “date” to show her what a gentleman is, does not mean that he is sexually interested in her. You have a sick mind and I can’t believe you have children.

  20. 73

    Luis Delgado says

    Miranda, my heart weeps for you. I don’t know, and I don’t intend to ask you how your relationship with your father went, but you’re absolutely wrong about your baseless arguments. The video brought tears to my eyes because I have sweet memories of my little girl being jealous; Daddy belonged to her, period. My female coworkers enjoyed how much my Princess (yes, capital P) stood guard when they were too close to me. My wife was extremely happy that we shared such a strong bond. I am Puerto Rican, born and raised in a Macho culture. However, my parents raised us in an awesome environment: happy, thankful and respectful to each other. I cannot imagine how a term that means nothing if there’s no intention to sexualize it can affect you that much. You inferred so many negative things out of a video that actually took me back to those great dinners with my girl, it breaks my heart. I’ll always cherish sharing the most delicious “air dishes and tea”, never forgetting that the creature in front of me represented the greatest gift of love that God gave me, thanks to a woman who decided to share her life with me, with a totally different kind of love: husband and wife. Oh, and I got news for you: she outgrew it. I’m not the most important man in her life anymore. Her boyfriend is not my enemy, it was bound to happen… and I’m happy for her. God bless you.

  21. 75

    Max P says

    I watched this video and loved it! I’m a very proud father of 2 beautiful little girls and I do take them on Daddy/Daughter dates! I work, often 12-15 hours a day 7 days a week. I give this man in this video the utmost respect, I wish every Dad was like him. There’s so much talk about this definition of “date” meaning you want to establish some sort of sexual relationship, that’s incredibly insane! Can having a “date” encompass intimacy? Sure it can. And do parents not have an intimate relationship with their children, boy or girl? Sure they do. I’ve never once missed a Dr appointment for either one of my daughters, I’ve never missed a cheerleading/gymnastics practice, and I’ve never once missed reading them both a bedtime story since the day they were born. I want my daughters to know that regardless of how busy their Daddy is dealing with the world and grownup duties, that I’m NEVER too busy to be there for them or too busy to devote my whole attention to them; they are what matters most to me! I’m there to comfort them when they trip and fall and scrape their knees, when their tummies hurt, when their doggy goes to live with Mr. Moon, when they excited because they’re proud of the pictures they made Daddy that I have no clue of what they have drawn, and so many other things! When my oldest daughter had her accident and fell, she broke her skull and had to be medi-vaced, & I cried every day for WEEKS until she was back at home in our house and okay. I cried because there IS an intimacy with my children, an inner love,.that I can never have for any other person. This Daddy/Daughter date was beautiful and showcased the inner love this Dad has for his daughter. He was simply showing her that she’s important enough to be the center of his attention. If every child had parents like him, maybe this wouldn’t be such an awful world to live in where people think signs of love are indications of perversion!

  22. 77

    Ben says

    You guys have go to be tripping right? It’s a Dad hanging out with his young daughter???? Stop anglicizing the max out of it and just sit back and enjoy the moment they share together.
    Don’t date your daughter bla bla….. If a father want’s to treat his daughter like a he can only hope someone else does one day then let it be.

  23. 78

    Faith says

    It’s just that the father wants express his love for his daughter, so that his kid will not going to find that love from anybody else. And when the time comes that she is in her right age to date someone, she will know who that guy could be. A guy who will respect and love her like what her dad does. Maybe your dad didn’t treat you like that, that’s why you’re talking like that.

  24. 79

    Ginger says

    Through the world’s eyes today I can see why this would be a concern to you. The world has a way of perverting even the most innocent things. I agree that the daughter will look for a relationship based on the example that has been set before her, but all this dad did was spend quality time with his daughter and make her feel special on a planned date. We need more dad’s like this one that will go the extra mile. My husband has let our daughters put make up on him, Polish his nails and had tea parties with them and they love him for that.

  25. 81

    john wright says

    Jeez… must be one jilted bitch. Did daddy touch you? Is that why you’re so angry and bitter at something so harmless? You put words in the mouths of people you don’t know. You look down your nose at what you don’t understand or agree with. You place meanings into words that were never the intent of the writer or speaker. Your diatribe is one sided at best. Any dad loving and caring for his daughter is a good thing. Loving and caring does not equate to sex and ‘weirdness’ you man hating spinster! Now go cry to your lesbian friends.

    • 82

      Wildcat says

      Why did you need to call her a “jilted bitch’? Show that you know how to have a conversation without name calling. Please men, refrain from name calling. Those of you who speak with such violence and anger, help to make women feel creepy about us, and therefore, agreeing with the article.
      Respect each person’s opinion, know that they have a right to express it, and then write your opinion, without name calling. This is still America, so each of us have our views about things.

  26. 83

    Kathy says

    I think it is awesome when fathers date their daughters. It’s not a date like you would go on with your partner but dates to show your daughters how a man should treat you and also to spend one on one time with your child. It is sad when people do not see the benefit in this….Your children grow up fast, take them on dates!

  27. 84

    Chris says


    I’m with you on this one. I don’t want to date my daughter. I am my dgt’s first love in a very innocent the way it should be kind of way without adding any confusing terminology to it lol.

  28. 85

    Kim says

    Oh come on……you are being just a bit ridiculous! There is nothing wrong or inappropriate about a dad taking his daughter out on a daddy/daughter date. I have date’s with both my son and daughter. It is time alone with them to do just what they want to do and talk about what they want to talk about with no interruptions. I think this is great! I think the time alone shows the kids how important they are to you.

  29. 86

    solomon says

    that’s the problem we have……we have so many words that represent different meanings……so it’s easy to see things not as they are…

  30. 87

    Sarah says

    I saw this video and thought”cute”. What little girl doesn’t want to be treated like a princess? Mine are always asking Daddy to buy flowers for their birthday. But this article is right. There is a difference between loving your daughter as a daughter and taking her out for a ‘date’. I don’t think the person writing this article was hung up on the term ‘date’ but rather empathising the point that there are ways to show your daughter love that are different to the way you show love to your wife. What better example for your daughters in how they should expect to be treated than to show them love through the way you love, respect and date your wife? There is nothing wrong with buying your daughter flowers. There is nothing wrong with taking her for a daddy-daughter milkshake or ice cream. But for me the concept of dressing up for a candlelit dinner and romance should be reserved for his wife. Obviously everyone is different, has different ideals as a father and for me that is OK. If someone feels they want to ‘date’ their daughter so be it. I’m not going to get hung up on their decision, I wouldn’t go as far as to call it ‘outrageous’ and its their decision to make. But for me? I don’t mind my husband buying our daughters flowers on their birthdays and seeing them smile but we’re lucky if we have time for one proper date a year and sorry but its mine not the kids. He wooed me, dated me, married me and our time together is ours and its precious. My children can learn the right way to be treated through watching our interactions when my husband takes me for our all important date. And that’s just it, our dates and quality time together are important. Husbands just make sure you don’t neglect your wives. If you have enough time on your hands and your wives are OK with it then take your daughters out, just remember, you married your wife and she always comes first.

  31. 88

    EM says

    I have dinner with my father once per month. I’m 30 years old and I still call it my “Daddy – Daughter Date Night”. I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my dad based on love and trust and am sick that anyone would ever suggest it is anything but a father treating his daughter to a night out. You’ve taken a beautiful thing between family and turned it into something negative.

  32. 89


    This made me think of when I took my oldest son to the movies, just me and him, and I innocently said the word “date.” My son was appalled and said “Mom, you’re married. The only person you are allowed to date is Dad.”

  33. 90

    Jeremiah says

    As a Father with three daughters I completely agree. I have been indoctrinated into taking my daughters on these dreadfully named events for years. From here forward I will find a new name for these precious times with my daughters. After all, if a future date for my daughters treated them exactly like I do (a.k.a, no romantic interest), I would advise my daughters to move on because the dude’s probably batting for the other team.

  34. 93

    Mike D says

    Leave it to someone to have to blog about a innocent perfect father/ daughter time and turn it into something it is not….. You must be lonely.

  35. 95

    M C says

    If you were to take the time to understand the difference between the words “date” and “dating” you wouldn’t have come across as the alarmist moron that you appear to be in your article. I find it truly hard to believe you’ve never said to another human being “It’s a date” when agreeing upon a time to do something together or meet in a non-romantic capacity. People use that word all the time to make arrangements with each other, across all kinds of familiarity, emotional or otherwise.
    Also, did you ever stop to consider that this dad was taking the time to show his daughter how a gentleman should treat a lady? Clearly mom has some input in the events of the video. I would think that the two of them jointly have realized the importance in making sure their daughter understands what it means to be treated with courtesy, respect and class and decided to play it out through a good old-fashioned tea party to help illustrate that.
    We live in a world where there is so much horror and perversion going on, to be sure. But let’s not let that cause us to lose our senses and kill all that is innocent and pure in this world. We need to maintain something that is wholesome for our children without always subjecting it to perverse speculation. Otherwise we raise kids that are cynical and without hope and kids without hope means a world not worth living for.
    Let’s not be afraid of the natural, loving, bonds that exist between parent and child. They are nature’s way of making sure that our children develop a strong sense of self esteem and are selective in finding the ideal partner when they grow up. Now get your mind out of the gutter and let this little girl and her daddy have some tea for goodness sake.

    • 96

      An.Soo. says

      “this dad was taking the time to show his daughter how a gentleman should treat a lady!”

      Does a 3-year-old really need to know that??

      • 97


        If you show your children early and consistently how things should be done (how men should treat women, how women should treat men, saving money, exercising, eating right, etc.) then the chances are slightly better that they will remember and utilize those lessons when they are older. At 3 she may not need to know how a gentleman should treat a lady, but when she is 13 and doesn’t want to learn it, or 23 and thinks she knows everything–isn’t it too late?

        • 98

          An.Soo. says

          For everything there is an appropriate age!
          And I have to say, I am surprised to read, that there are people who really think it is appropriate to train dates with the own children in kindergarden age, who think it is the only way to teach them that they deserve respect in a relationship!
          It may be cause I am not from the USA, so things work in a different way here, it may be cause I am a padagogue and social worker, but I lack understanding this way of teaching your kids values!
          It should be enough to show them love and compassion and to teach them respect and that they deserve respect as well, without impersonating adult life situations in a very young age!

    • 99

      Jean says

      A girl, a daughter does not get her self esteem boosted or lifted by her dad. Get this straight. A girl child gets her self esteem lifted by both, both, both her parents, her mother and her dad. The most important parent to a child, is the like gender parent.

      Sorry to burst this swelled, out of line, inappropriate man made bubble, but it is so wrong to push this notion that dad by himself, gives daughters their self esteem. Yes, dad can talk to the daughter as a parent and tell how twisted and sinful the world is, he can give her advice and remind her how important she is as a human being and he can remind her how much he loves her, but he does not give her self esteem or lift her self esteem exclusively by himself.
      Dad is not her only parent. Mothers are so important to their daughters.

      • 100

        M C says

        Then you need to review the video over and over until you finally hear the part where the girl tells her daddy that her mommy helped her prepare for the”date”.
        Pop! There goes your anti-male, bias bubble.

  36. 102

    An.Soo. says

    I absolutely agree with the article!
    I watched that clip and it was cute! It was cute to see a happy girl, which shared some good times with her father! And it was cute to see a happy dad, who loves to make his daughter happy!
    BUT, I had the same akward and weird feelings about the “dating” situation!

    It was less about any definition of the word “date”, it was more about the entire situation!
    Why is it neccessary to do such “adult” stuff with your 3 or 4-year-old (?) daughter??
    Is it neccessary to imitate an adults` date?? Including the roses, the imitation of a fine dinging restaurant, etc.?
    Aren´t kids in these times in the western world already growing up too fast? Many of them want to be adults when they just crossed the double digit birthday, they dress up like adults, they act like adults, they just don´t want to be children anymore!
    So, why do parents even amplify this kind of behaviour?

    In my opinion, children should be motivated to be children! Daddy-daughter-time also could bring the same joy when daddy plans something more suitable for children for his daughter!

  37. 103

    Emily says

    I love how hard Miranda tries to come off as a thoughtful, deep thinking writer. I am sure she had visions of this making its rounds being shared on Facebook and other social media, validating her as a serious writer with something actually thought provoking to contribute to the internets. Yeah, no. This whole thing is garbage and I am sure it has been pretty much covered why by the majority of people that were unfortunate enough to stumble upon it. The only impure thing here is your backwards thinking. Get some therapy.

    • 104

      adkhkr44 says

      My sentiments exactly, Emily. Miranda has a knee-jerk reaction to something that is bothering her, and she has chosen to post these inane, biased comments. So what if the fathers are gay? Get used to it. It is happening in our society. If you don’t like it, Miranda, move to an isolated island somewhere where you can be totally alone with your thoughts and one-sided writings. And what about that TV commercial for some allergy medicine that has been circulating lately with two fathers sitting at a tiny table having a tea party with their daughters? What do you think of that, Miranda? I sense that this father is giving his daughter a fun time and that this is probably something that was a one-time-only thing. I wish my father had given me my “first date”.

  38. 105

    irv says

    What is glowingly obvious to me about the video is that the two men depicted in the video are gay “partners”of sort and this is another ploy by the gay/lesbian society to promote their activities by using that particular setting. As one can see that the only female in the video is a four year old girl. The server is the same male who “helped” the dad get dressed. Hmmm. Read between the lines. Just my views.

    • 107

      the truth teller says

      you, my friend, are an idiot. that is the most moronic statement/response I have ever seen. Even if he was gay, what difference does that make? the wife was mentioned in the video crack head.

      • 108

        Concerned person says

        @ the truth teller

        Please don’t call people morons, crackheads, or idiots. Write your response without name calling.

  39. 109


    I don’t agree with the article but that is my opinion on the author’s opinion. I don’t see how calling her a bitch is remotely relevant, necessary or true.

    She didn’t say the guy shouldn’t take his daughter “out” (they were on the porch, it’s not like he took her to Ruth Chris) and then push her on the swing on the playground. She said parents shouldn’t date their children. I agree parents should not “court” their children but that is not what I gathered when I saw this video. It didn’t creep me out or make me think there was something screwy about the guy.

    My daughters and I have monthly mommy-daughter “dates”, my father and I have regular daddy daughter “dates” and my girl friends and I have girls night out and it is for a set DATE every month, I even have regular “me” dates. I don’t consider that “dating” any of the aforementioned people.

  40. 111

    Eliza says

    Eh, Miranda, I’ll go halfsies with you. Date as social engagement is not a big deal. Jason and I both have ‘dates’ with Vivienne that we have termed ‘Daddy/Mama – Daughter Adventure Time’ and that I have referred to as dates – special treats, special engagements, one on one time. And I think that’s fine. I think usage of the word is fine in that area.

    Now, going on a date – that’s where the ice begins to thin, imo. Getting dressed up for a fun event? I can see both Jason and I doing that with Viv. She likes to dress up and getting dressed up for frozen yogurt for good grades? Sure, why not? Either or both of us.

    Daddy/daughter dances, purity rings and stuff like that? Nope. Ew. That is where you are dipping into the more romantic senses of dating and I agree with you on that. Yes, spending time with your kids is awesome. Mimicking adult activities or entering into chastity promises or similar is uncomfortably creepy to me (father/daughter or mother/son – but as you note – we don’t see much of that in the romance sense, do we? Probably because it’s harkening back to a patriarchal ownership/purity thing that . . .ew).

  41. 112

    Deanna Yeakle says

    I did see this fly by on Facebook and thought it was a really stupid thing to do. For many parents it probably is an innocent time out with Mom or Dad, but it also blurs the lines of appropriate behavior between parent and child. I’m not saying, don’t have special time out with your child. I’m saying it shouldn’t resemble courtship. I also agree that it should be a matter of normal parenting that you do have special time with your kids. Go ahead let the rotten fruit fly, it never killed anyone.

  42. 113

    Eileen says

    I am a social worker. I work with abused/neglected kids and their families. That means some of the time I work with convicted pedophiles (who no longer have contact with their children). So often the pedophiles (almost exclusively fathers/step-father/grandfathers) cherish photographs and memories of taking their little girls to daddy-daughter dances. They took the little girls out on dates. With the perhaps blind knowledge, permission, and cooperation of the mother/step-mother/grandmother. Not innocent. This does not mean all men who take their daughters to such events are pedophiles. But on the topic of dances and “dates” the water gets a little murky. It is way too easy for something not innocent to take on the guise of something assumed to be innocent. For the dads who innocently take their daughters to these events to treat them to something special: Do you want to take your little girl to an event where guaranteed the intentions of some of the men there are not innocent? To an event that attracts pedophiles? While you are there, look around and wonder which little girls in the room are going home to a not innocent life after the dance is over. Wonder which men in the room are looking at their little girls — and yours — with not so innocent eyes.

    • 114

      M C says

      Something tells me you’re not quite the social worker you claim to be, and if you are you’re a rather lousy one at that. The connections you draw are amateurish and I would really like you to site your statistical sources. I work in education and have worked as an administrator working alongside dine excellent special services staff who have had many Ann unfortunate moment dealing with an abused child. Our district even had to come to terms with one of our own staff members being arrested for child pornography, which caused us to have to delve deeper into the issue, it’s causes, signs, etc.
      Nothing you have indicated our presented in the video being discussed here has any real connection to child sexual abuse, child pornography, etc, outside the mind of a bunch of people that have become overly sensitive to queues provided by the media.

      • 115

        the truth teller says

        agreed – there is 0 link. Any child has risk and so by the same argument nobody should be allowed children and children should be segregated from all adults. Also, there is no actual argument in the point – by the same token you shouldnt walk your children down the street? Ridiculous statement. get a new job.

        If you actually look at the bonding between the parent and the children, if you consider various theories about the relationships between parents (M/F) with children (M/F), then educating your children from a young age and continual reinforcement of values then this can literally be a fantastic thing to do for both adult and child. Reinforce, reinforce. We still dont fully understand how actions affect us humans as we grow, but a date is only positive reinforcement. The word is irrelevant – it depends how you take the word to mean. If my friend told me he will take his daughter on a date I wouldnt think he is a bad person, rather the opposite. I have “lunch dates” with my work and “team dates”, date can be either sexual or not. A date is a specific time.

        Everyone needs to get a life, let dads date, meet, take out or whatever else they chose to call it. Such judgmental BS can do more harm than good when you start persecuting fathers and calling them pedophiles for taking their children out for a great experience. Makes me sad.

    • 116

      Pierre van Niekerk says

      @Eileen. That is the very reason that social workers should as a matter of course see a therapist or be counselled themselves. Your vocation exists on the extremities of negativity and the darkness that exists in society. You are not called upon to witness innocence and good parenting, but to deal with deviant behaviour and family horrors of all kinds.So, you are forgiven when your own perception of the world gets drowned in the horrors that you deal with each day. But please do not bring your work home with you……….there are good people out there with the best of intentions for their families and in particular their daughters.In fact there are more enlightened and loving families out there than not……it’s just that the power of negativity and darkness of the minority is allowed to throw the cloth over purity and light! Just as you did in your remark.

  43. 117


    OK first of all crazy people, she defined the VERB date, not the noun and that was right after talking about “dating” – Sorry! Those comments were bugging the crap out of me!

    And my two cents? I agree with what she says. I think there are already so many things in society that lead couples to put their children first and that is not what is in the best interest of these kids. She hit the nail on the head, we (mothers and fathers) need to have strong, respectful relationships that our children can emulate.

    And I do not believe she took a cute commercial and perverted it. She pointed out that the terminology used was creepy and that one scene in particular was VERY creepy and she is dead on accurate!

    Dads please spend quality time with you daughters and make them as happy as that little girl in the vidwo , but save the “dates” for your wives, they probably could use some cheering up too 😉 they probably never get a date night!!

  44. 118

    samuel w. wheeler says

    Miranda get your brain out of the gutter, as a father of two lovely grown and married daughters i would have loved dating my .daughters as this father did,but being an over the road truck driver for over thirty years i missed many opportunities to spend any guality times with both of my daughters and son and the lifestyle was not codusive to helping my wife and i staying together but we held it together until the kids were grown and on their own. i will tell you right now if anyone of my kids were to come to me and ask for a date night i would gladly do it because i truly really love them and this means not only my daughters but my son as well!

    • 119

      Jean says

      You don’t date your daughter, any more than a mother dates her son. We in this country are always ready to jump over a female’s boundaries. Dads tend to be the main ones and it has got to stop. You as a grown man ought to be dating your wife or your girlfriend and NOT your daughter. She does not need or want you that way. Tese old, balding dads try to get their youth through the closest teen girl and that leads to some dangerous situations. Men need to grow up and stop hanging around their daughters.

      Dads/men can be so icky and nasty to their daughters. Girls hate that. I know and remember when my girl buddies and I were in that predicament and now I have three teen daughters and they say to me and their friends all the time how nasty that makes the cel.

  45. 120


    someone is jealous their dad didn’t take them on a date when they were a kid. Envy destroys your soul. However reading what you wrote about this, if I were your dad, I wouldnt have ever taken you on a father-daughter date either. Lol

    • 121

      Jean says

      Minion, you ought to rereadyour comment. Men cannot get mad and possessive of this situation. A dad cannot date his daughter. He can take her and her friends out for ice cream or something, but this foolish, sick, talk of dating is incest talk. Stop it men. You all are going too far. Your daughter does not want to go out with you alone. She wants to sit at the table at home and talk to you about school, driving, skating, etc. Men need to keep their desire to date, exclusively aimed at their wives. What the heck is wrong with men.

        • 123

          Jean says

          @the truth teller,
          You are the fool. You can’t get mad all you like. The reality is these young girls do not want you and other men hanging in their girl spaces. You as an old balding man need to accept the inevitable and that is you are have aged and are no longer youthful and attractive like young males are to these young females.

          Also, in response to your lame, but typical arrogant male response to a strong female, I will inform you that i have a loving father and two grandfathers, and I love them all, but I did not and do not desire to date them. The man made notion of a man dating his daughter is a huge “ick” factor for girls. It’s just that dads like you try to dominate everything inthe world and your daughters too. I feel sorry for males like you who think they own their daughters
          and their bodies and who ignore their wives. If you would spend a little time teaching your son how to treat and respect females, the world would not have all the rapes, incest, molestations, subjugation of females.

          God made a wife for a man, not his innocent little girl daughter. She will get her own boyfriend and husband one day and it is not you. Wake up men and see how sick the world is because of the sick man-made doctrines that were created by you all. See how you men expect for a woman to submit to you when you do not do your roles. Look how you have women thinking that they must show you their nude bodies in every situation, but you explain away your stripping for women. Notice how you marry a woman and then allow your parents and family of original origin to disrespect her and then you tell her that “it’s. no big deal” for yourparentsto be rude. Notice how you have these submission and repect articles all over the Internet so that you all can scold and blame women for trouble
          the trouble in their relationships. Now you men have created a trend where you want to. “date” your daughters. Sorry men, this trend ends to be exposed for what it is.

          Finally wives and mothers, do not allow your husbands to date your daughters. That is no not right. And watch out for those purity balls. You need to go to those b all’s too and bring your sons. Don’t let your husbands wrap up and hold your daughters the way we see men doing in those “purity” pictures. Look at the girls’ expressions. These girls are so uncomfortable

          • 124

            Pierre van Niekerk says

            Geez Jean, you really have been manhandled in your life time! It is very clear from the consequential man hater that you have become who is very happy to advertise this by way of with your androgynous remarks. “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned!”

  46. 125

    Caty says

    I am not going to roast you for your opinion but I do think your view point is highly problematic. Who are you to tell other people how to parent their children? And hate to break it you, but the opposite sex parent is usually a child’s first love. It is a necessary part of their development. Is it a perverse as Freud thought who actually believed their was a legitimate sexual attraction there no, kids are not yet capable of that type of feeling. Parents should model a strong healthy relationship, but there is absolutely no need to take something like this and turn it into something other then what it is. I’m slightly reminded of the people who keep insisting there is something inherently sexual about breast feeding. The word “date” does not mean what you think it means, it is a incredibly diverse word that has a multitude of meanings. You rant that the dad treated it like a “real” (romantic) date, but leave out the fact that is a commercial that was designed to surprise you with who opened up the door. There is nothing wrong with dads or moms taking their children out on a date night. It is basically a big game of dress-up and there is nothing wrong with that. People buy flowers for special occasions, not exclusively romantic dates, me and my friends dress up and go to fancy dinners all the time. There was nothing that happened in this video that is exclusive to “romantic” dates. You are entitled to your opinion but others are entitled to their’s as well. Telling people that a completely innocent practice that they enjoy doing with their child is sexual in nature and wrong is going to tick people off.

  47. 126

    CycloneWillie says

    I agree with you that the most important relationship in children’s lives, the one they watch and emulate the most, is the one between their mom and dad. And throughout their married life, a man should continue pursuing his wife. It’s not a hunt, where once you marry her, you treat her like a stuffed head above the mantle. Everyday should be a challenge to love her more than anyone else that day; to make her feel more loved than any other woman. That has been my goal in my marriage. But I disagree with you about “dating” your daughter. No matter what a father calls it, I believe it is important to set his daughter’s expectations of the man she is out with, whether it’s dad, a friend, or someone with whom she is romantically interested. I set the standards high for my daughter, and she has the best husband in the world. She’s expecting a girl in October, and I encouraged my son-in-law to set the bar for his daughter as well.

  48. 127

    Dee says

    I think a father doing this in classy fashion, sets the tone for his daughter to expect nothing less than proper treatment from her future dates. She will understand what is and is not acceptable. I think it is a great idea.

  49. 128

    maureen daniels says

    I completely agree with you and find the idea weird. Children going out with their parents is just going out. It is not and should not be dating.

  50. 129

    Suzy says

    I’m truly sorry you lost your dad. That being said, here are my two-cents: Did anyone gain anything from reading this? Should people change how they refer to the time spent with their children? This subject did little to inform, but a lot to enrage people. There’s already enough rage in the world. Your platform is better used to truly inform and dialogue.

  51. 131

    Sig says

    The video clearly was trying to show an enactment of a “date” in terms of what is commonly thought of as a couple going out on a romantic date. Many of the positive comments about the video talked about how daddy was showing his daughter how she should be treated by a boy. So I completely agree with Miranda that the video was weird- as are Father-Daughter dances – in depicting a Dad going on a “date” with his daughter. Dad’s should show their children how they should expect to be treated by anyone by treating their children and their partners with respect and kindness.

  52. 132


    Those who oppose this idea of father-daughter dating are stupid and obviously don’t understand the concept of a father teaching his daughter what she deserves when she reaches the age to start dating. A daughter is a fathers princess. No less. You all act like they are being immoral, making out and doing stuff that is unacceptable or just wrong. when clearly this father is just treating his daughter how he should. Like a princess. So all you self righteous people can shove it and shut the hell up haha. You idiots.

    • 133

      Bonnie says

      A father teaches his daughter by how he treats her mother. That’s what she internalizes. Talk is cheap.

  53. 134


    I took the whole thing to mean that the relationship daughters have with their fathers is the first relationship that shows them how men should treat a woman. I don’t know if the literal meaning of a Dad “dating” his daughter is really the point of how the video touched people. It seemed to be more of a message that daughters need fathers in their life to learn how a healthy man/woman relationship should be based on respect and love which is the foundation for true intimacy.

  54. 135

    Queena says

    She’s right! It creeped me out a little too! YES! Dad’s need to spend special time with daughters! But this whole setup is wrong! We constantly move special “events” that kids are supposed to look forward to back earlier and earlier and totally change the meaning! The word “wait” is not in their vocabulary! The first “date” used to be at 16! It was a very much looked forward to AND WAITED FOR FIRST! That has been STOLEN from this child! We now have kindergarten proms and limo rides to high school proms that used to be reserved for post wedding! Not only that but the child’s perception of what a “date” actually is has been skewed! So dad showed her how a man should treat her? He couldn’t do that by treating her mom the way a gentleman should treat a woman? Or …is he and mom divorced….perhaps he didn’t treat mom the way he should have….? I’ve read through some of the comments and it’s obvious to me that MANY of you didn’t even read the whole article and just made assumptions. Furthermore you haven’t completely thought this whole thing through. I want my granddaughters to spend quality time with their dads. Which they do. One of them has two dads. Her daddy and her step-dad. Both do special things with her. But it’s “Daddy/Daughter time” and it isn’t in this context! The oldest is nine and knows what a “date” is because she remembers mom and step-dad going before they married. Furthermore, he took her on a few “outtings” to get to know her before they were married! But it was never referred to as a “date!” He “dated” mommy! He took “Riley” to “fun places!”

  55. 137

    gina says

    Father’s need to show girls how men should treat them. That is exactly what this father is doing with his date.
    You go DAD!!!!!!

  56. 140

    Jer says

    The only point I got out of this entire thing is how happy I am that I don’t know you in real life. Someone who sees ugliness and harm in a simple description of parent-child quality time is NOT someone I want around. I really hope you take a long look at your paranoia, and I hope even more that you don’t inflict your paranoia on the people you DO come in contact with in the “real world”. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get ready; my daughter and I have our weekly pizza date.

  57. 141

    Shari says

    I guess a Play Date then means the kids will be romantic. I sure hope not! I say to my friends when we make plans for a girls night , ” Its a date then” We are not romantic when we go out to places and enjoy each others company. I loved the video! Everyone has an opinion but Love makes the World go round! Well one hopes so, it would solve a lot of problems!

  58. 142

    jennifer leavitt says

    I agree wholeheartedly with you Miranda. I also hate those shirts about the dad’s rules for dating. I think we should teach girls to be in control of their own bodies. If dad’s think they set the rules then they are teaching their girls’ that men are the ones’ who control their bodies. If not dad, then the boyfriend.

    If there was more dating between parents then there would be more happy families, less divorce and then the daughters’ would not be as “needy” for male attention. Daughters don’t need to date their dads, they need to be loved, disciplined, conversed with etc. on an ongoing daily basis.

  59. 143

    Beth R says

    I agree that a dad taking his daughter on her first “date” sounds kind of weird. I loved my dad and he loved me, but I didn’t want to date him. He was my DAD. I didn’t “date” either of my boys. They’ve both grown into fine young men. I raised my boys to be gentlemen. And I didn’t have to “date” them to teach them how to treat a woman.
    I also agree that dating, in that connotation, should be between partners. Children DO learn by example. Any parent knows that kids tend to emulate what they see more than they do what they hear.

  60. 144

    Monique says

    All the Dad that I know are not taking their daughter out to spend time with them but to show their daughter how she is to be treated. So when the girl starts dating and they are not treated with respect the will know what respect is because her father has shown how she should be treated on a date since she was a little girl.

    • 145

      Bonnie says

      Fathers show daughters what to expect by how they treat her mother day in and day out. Nothing else he does will over-ride that conditioning.

  61. 146

    Vanessa says

    I heard a story about a dad who dressed up and took his tween out for a dinner at a nice restaurant and when they got home he said to her ” Tonight I have taken you out and treated you like a lady. This is what you should expect from any guy who takes you on a date.” Now I think that there was a lot of wisdom in that. A setting of standards , a high standard of expectations. Like everything there is a continuum on what is appropriate. It is a sweet idea and we see a great dad who loves a cute little girl…. but in our society today there is a lot of sexualisation of young children and great care needs to given to the way we ” dress up” our love for children…..The good book says do not be conformed to the world……. The other day we watched a tv show about
    Purity Balls in America. I totally got the concept – saving yourself for Mr Right and I have given my daughter a purity ring when she got her period because i thought it was a great symbol almost like an object lesson. However even my daughter felt it was going too far when the father interviewed referred to himself as his daughter’s boyfriend. You could see that he was a genuine loving father but we both shook our heads…… why say it,The word “Boyfriend” in our society has a genuinely accepted meaning by the wider community……. and it’s meaning just make sense in this context…….
    why use terms that will confuse people or give the wrong impression …… I think for myself I would prefer to be beyond reproach or misunderstanding…… I also think that this is a topic that needs to stand back and be looked at with careful thought and so either way it is good that the author of this blog has generated discussion on this topic.

  62. 147

    Jen says

    I am concerned that so many people seem to think that ‘date’ (the noun) and ‘date’ (the verb) are the same thing. Yes, ‘save the date,’ ”it’s a date,’ etc. are NOUNS. There is nothing inappropriate about it. The verb, infinitive, ‘to date’ is different. It means to go out socially with someone of romantic interest. Literally, that’s what it means. The Facebook video is trying to make a valid point (about spending time with your children), but it does so in a ridiculous way. I had an amazing father who spent tons of time with me, but he ‘dated’ my mother. The time spent with my brothers in me did not have the verb ‘date’ attached to it.

  63. 148

    Bonnie says

    I confess that I have not read all the replies to this. But I totally get your point! In a nutshell, this is all related to the patriarchal history of our society. We have to hold up these type of assumptions to the light and examine them, lest their inherent dysfunction be passed to yet another generation.
    Years ago I read a novel set in a prehistoric matrilineal culture. A returning trader told of encountering a tribe that practiced patrilineal inheritance.
    “You mean they pass rank and property through the MEN?”
    “But they would have to keep such a close watch on the women!”
    “Oh, they do. You have no idea…”

  64. 152

    Alisha says

    Thank god, I’m not the only one who finds this crap weird and creepy! It’s a sweet video and the little girl is very cute. It’s great he spends time with his daughter. But the entire set-up is that he’s about to go on a romantic date! If you chopped it off right before the door opened, anyone who saw it would imagine a woman dressed to impress opening the door and all the accompanying adult interactions. It weirded me out so much that when the kid opened the door, I quit watching about ten seconds later. “Date” in our culture has way too much of an adult, romantic/sexual connotation to be used in this way without it being creepy – and without it being an indicator of underlying sexist social issues that you touch on (the whole purity ball thing? YUCK!). Thank you for saying it!

    • 153

      Robert says

      I watched the video with the same (scripted) anticipation of the door opening (based on the obvious script) that you did. The recorded play-time with his daughter was certainly cute, but was confusing since it was scripted as an obvious date, leading to questions; Doesnt’ he normally spend time with her?, Is he still with the mother?, Does he live there?, Does she live there?, etc.

      A fan of the cuteness, not a fan of the way the content was scripted.

      • 154

        Pierre van Niekerk says

        Open your ears. He asked her who dressed her (so nicely) and she replied Mummy (Dummy). She was in the same house he exited and then subsequently rang the doorbell, and she opened in anticipation of finding him there.(Obviously prompted my the mommies participation). Must everything be spelled out to you!

  65. 156

    Laura Peters says

    This article made me very sad. I wish that it hadn’t popped up as some suggested when I shared the video clip discussed here on Facebook.

    You lack understanding of the culture that you are criticizing. For one thing, you are wrong that there is no expectation of chastity for sons. Boys are encouraged to “make a covenant with their eyes,” a concept that is roughly equivalent to girls accepting rings from their fathers to pledge purity until marriage.

    I am also not a part of that culture any longer, but I grew up in it, and I wish I were still a part of it as I see my own children taking the paths that modern society considers more valid and valuable than the more old fashioned ways of my parents. I feel our new ideas cheapen many things. I’ve seen it from both sides, and I promise that the old ways have a lot of beauty. Lives can be full of meaning and beauty in a more patriarchal and traditional society.

    Three of my four children are what the culture your article sidelines would call “living in sin,” and as I realize how this changes life, how it changes what has meaning, how it changes them, how it makes sex different for them than it was for me, how it makes the ideas that surround marriage so different for my daughters (and sons) than it was for me, and I can’t help but grieve. Obviously, I can’t live their lives in order to compare and contrast with real experience the difference between their lives and mine, but I don’t think that their experience is more valid than mine was- and it is certainly gives the appearance of cheapness (at least to an almost outsider).

    I don’t mean to say that the ways of my parents – the ways of more traditional peoples – the way in hindsight I wonder if I should have raised my children- are the only correct path, but I do mean to say that their ways are ONE correct pant, and that way of living has beauty and is valid.

    In an age where diversity is given a lot of lip service, telling those who choose to live life differently than you to do things the way you think they should be done doesn’t lend much support to real diversity.

    The United States shouts diversity an awful lot, but it appears to me that the only diversity that is allowed here is the popular kind – and if a person chooses to be diverse in any way that isn’t part of pop-culture, even if they are “diverse” by holding to old fashioned ideals or values, they are maligned and told to behave differently.

    No wonder traditional peoples feel they are being attacked by modern culture.

  66. 157

    Susan says

    Terrific article. I totally agree with you. Fathers need to be DADS, not boyfriends or husbands. As someone who had an emotionally inappropriate relationship with her father I agree that this is not acceptable. It sets up all kinds of expectations and issues later on down the line. It also makes it easier for a man to trespass into the sexual zone with his daughter and for her to accept it as part of “daddy loves me, so it’s okay to do this.” We need to stop sexualizing children and this is a step in that direction. (I don’t care who I offend when I say it.) A man may have the purest of intentions, but that doesn’t make it right. My dad was never aware, nor is he still at 88, of all the damage he did to me by making me his “wife.” He never will get it because he is just that way. I’ve been to therapy for eons dealing with the repercussions of this. It didn’t only affect my relationship with him, but with my mother as well, in a very negative way, and as a result, my future relationships with men. Husbands need to date their wives. You are right when you say that shows a much better example of how relationships work, to both daughters and sons. If a man doesn’t treat his wife right then his sons won’t treat their wives with respect and love either. Thanks for a great article.

    • 158

      Karen says

      I totally agree Susan. Similarly, my mother used to confide in me about her poor relationship with my father when I was a child, as she didn’t want to confide in her sisters/friends in case they knew what a bastard she lived with. This led to me carrying a lot of burdens/responsilities on my shoulders as a small child, for which I am still receiving treatment for.

  67. 159

    Karen says

    I agree with this post. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that children should not be put above your partner as it demeans the partner to secondary status, and the child takes on the role of partner in their own minds. It may seem frivolous and making a big deal about nothing, but children need to see parents standing together as a team, and adopting the role as daddy’s ‘partner’ is not healthy development.

    I wouldn’t want my daughter going on date nights with my husband – it’s weird. I feel similarly about parents saying their children are their best friends. No. How do you expect to parent with all these blurred lines? Your partner should be your best friend. And if he’s not, you need to get out more.

  68. 160

    Jean says

    I have heard, watched, and discussed, this topic of male control, patriarchal control of females, male dominance, subjugation of females, etc, and it is too much and has got to be stopped. Females need to speak up against these motions and doctrines, and this male desire to control everything. The mothers of girls need to be stronger and not so passive when it comes to having a say in which practices you allow your daughter to participate in. Your daughter’ s father does not have more say so in how your daughter is raised.

    Also, one of the previous comments made about a father giving his daughter a ring when she got her period, is so inappropriate. Get over yourselves dads. The period realm is not for dads. He will be part of the”period realm” of his wife, because she is his intimate partner with whom he will need to share all things with. But not with his daughter or sister, or his mother, or aunt or any other female, only the wife. The daughter will see and observe dad’s kind and loving interaction with hi wife in order to learn how females are to be treated.

    Wise females, keep standing up for what is right for the female gender. Continue to help males see and understand that they cannot control female spaces, female minds, female choices, nor their bodies. remind dads that they are to spend quality time with their sons and their daughters. But it is not called dating. It is called quality time with your child and discuss with them about the things they will need to know and do to make it in this world. Dads, are not supposed to be the only guiding force in son or daughter’s life. After all, mother conceived, carried, and suffered through childbirth and you darn better keep that in mind.

    Truly, we in this country have been indoctrinated so intensely by man made doctrines, patriarchal notions of male importance and daddy grandeur. Women we must remain vigilant, lest we be taken back to the days when women could not vote and did not have much voice. We must remain strong, stand united and for goodness sakes, stop cutting other females down and stop being catty to other women.

    Now I have three daughters and several nieces. My daughters have female buddies. I have heard them Nd observed them as hey talk about girl things, not in dad’s space. They still love dad? But if they get uncomfortable sharing this with dad and going on a ” date” With dad and going on a ” purity” ball dance with him, then I support them.

    I have seen and heard anger from males because they actually relive that females do not have the right to an opinion. And the right to make choices for themselves and the female gender.

    If females had all the power since time in memorial, like males do and then we exploited that control by creating “mother son purity. Balls, mother son date where the mother and herr son get dressed up and go out on a date, so that mother teaches a man how he should be treated

      • 162

        Kerryanne says

        I have seen your posts on here Jean, and lets be honest. Anything that shows any sort of male dominance, or a man being a man, makes YOU uncomfortable. You don’t want equality you want control over every aspect in your life and a mans. You talk about how women shouldn’t submit but your wanting men to. How are your notions any better? The answer is quite simple for everyone posting. If this makes you uncomfortable, if it makes your kids uncomfortable, if you don’t like it, if they don’t like it, if it makes you feel weird, makes them feel weird, if you don’t like the term used when it comes to describing it, then for goodness sake don’t do it. Your dislike of this word or tradition doesn’t give anyone the right or license to sit around and tell other families what they should and shouldn’t do when it comes to something as innocent as this. The only thing creepy is that grown people are taking this to a level it doesn’t need to go all because they don’t approve or the term or word, so they are going to justify their point of view by attempting to turn it into something controlling, demeaning and vile. Because then it is much easier for others to hate it. Simple as that.

        • 163

          Jean says

          So. So you read my posts. So. Good.

          Now you know my point of view. Just as you try to jump on me to express how you feel. You imply that I cannot have an opinion, but you clearly wrote yours. Sorry you are confused. I know exactly how I stand with this issue and all other issues of exalting men. I will continue to express myself.
          Sorry that you are blind to the pushing of man made doctrines that exalt men/fathers. You may keep singling me out to argue with, I. will not argue back and forth with you, but if you do not see the weirdness about father-daughter dating, you are a confused person. Also you need to refrain from making personal comments about my and any other people’s families on this blog or just close your mouth.

          • 164

            Kerryanne says

            The world doesn’t revolve around you or your ideas any more than it does mine. I never said you couldn’t have an opinion anywhere in what I posted, I did say you were failing at hiding your man hating agenda, (which you are), I never made a personal comment about your family or anyone else’s. So put the big bad internet bully back in the closet demanding that people fall into line with what you say or just “close their mouths”. Am I mistaken, is this your blog? Is no one allowed to ever disagree with you Jean? You are very correct about the arguing though. So you keep expressing yourself Jean and have a beautiful day doing so!

          • 165

            Jean says

            Something is wrong with you, because you used all my ideas to write your copy cat comment. I will not comment to you any further.

  69. 167

    Pat says

    I think its great for a Father to take his daughter out on a date and provide a template for future suitors to be measured against in terms of respect and manners. i think our daughters deserve men who will hold them in high esteem and treat them in a way that would keep a protective daddy relaxed

  70. 168

    Pierre van Niekerk says

    I have been married to my second wife for 7 years and have 2 lovely young children with her, a boy and a girl, as well as 3 children from my previous marriage. In the 81/2 years of dating and being married to her, we have from the very inception of our relationship practiced the institution of making every Friday evening a “Date Night” between us. This would entail either us going out for dinner, or staying home for dinner (and I always the Chef for these occasions), often with the children decorating the table for us creating a romantic atmosphere. They would eat earlier and leave us alone to enjoy our date in privacy. So in short, Wife is fully catered for on a weekly basis (at least) and sometimes more.

    I have also managed to do a rotational social routine by dating one of my 3 daughters once a month, usually on the last Saturday of the month, and at a Restaurant of their choice. We go through practically the same routine as the guy in the video clip, and I make sure that I am dressed to the T’s (and so do they).

    The delight and anticipation of these nights including the ceremonial demure and unadulterated enjoyment that the evening bring to my daughters not only enhances my own self respect as a father, but provides an understanding and bond between my daughters and their Dad that make these occasions unsurpassed events in their lives.

    I think that your observation is from a women who obviously does not get doted on enough and may only find intimacy from the clinical relationship that your therapist provides. I believe you completely missed the point. This is the first time I have read your blog (being a link from the dating video) and would have no desire to want to read any of the other rantings it provides as you’re obviously and incurable sufferer of “foot in the mouth” disease. Get a life, women!

    • 169

      Jean says

      First of all, I and no other woman here, has said that our opinion expresses what every women feels. Even if we did suggest this, so what Pierre? So what? Why in the heck are you working so hard to paint bad pictures of women who are giving their opinions about being female. Also, why are you as a man trying to step over female boundaries and suggest that it is okay for all fathers to do the same? If we are honest here, we can only concur that it may be you who is the one in need of psychological help. A psychologist could see what is going on with this situation and would tell you that you cannot tell females what their experiences are and how they feel with female bodies and minds. Why can’t you see that Pierre? Who is really the one with the problem here?

      How ridiculous it is for a man, for men, to keep insisting on women accepting these man created doctrines, that exalts dad’s importance over the mother, with their girl child. This is so outrageous and jas been allowed to go on for too long. This would be like you giving your opinion of an idea that expresses what a man feels as women argue with you and call you “crazy” for trying to express the male experience.. What would you say, if there was a big push in this country by women to have a woman made doctrine called “mother-son” dates, and women constantly pushed for the practice, while males kept telling us how weird and creepy the doctrine made them feel? Then the women called the men names for expressing their own male opinions or said that they had mother issues. See? Now, you ought to have some inkling of how outlandish you and other men are for trying to push man made doctrines off on females . You can’t do that. And you can’t get nasty at us women for saying leave us the heck alone and go away. Contrary to popular belief, daughters do not need you like that. They do not. They need the love and guidance of mother and father. A girl does not need her father to teach her about men. She can learn that from mother and father and all others around het.
      So you see Pierre, it is plain to see that you are working your comments, to get the reading audience to believe that I have a problem, or “daddy issues” . You need to respect others’ points of view, then give your opinion without making personal attacks. Stop trying to using the power of suggestion, to get people to think women have issues.
      I am fed up with men trying to control things female, that is why I rant.

      When did dads decide that they needed to remove the daughter from the family environment in order to have qualitytime with her ? Whey do we as a society, as a country, remind dads that their sons need some valuable time with them.

      If dads would spend some of this “dating” time with these boys in this country, we might see a whole lot less violence from males as a whole.

      You might want to get some “dating” time with a psychologist to get so,e information for your self to help you find out why you feel think it is okay for you to get upset at females for having their own experiences. Also ask the healthier person to explain why men create notions for females. To abide by. Then ask the healthcare person to explain to you why men are always saying that females who tell males to stop created

  71. 171


    Cudos to you!
    I agree with almost all you’ve said. No debate here, just a reminder to all that children follow their “parents'” examples or they reject them whole heartedly. Which way they go is influenced by so many factors, most being outside the home, and we as parents must do our best to provide as much positive as we can to counter all the negatives from outside.

  72. 172


    I completely agree! Want to see how you should be treated by the future man in your life? Watch how your father treats your mother. This is where it *really* comes from. Not from *one* day where you got dressed up and it was all about you, but from seeing how your parents handle their relationship day in and day out. This “dating” your kid stuff is helpful in no way what so ever. Play with your kid, teach your kid, be their parent.

  73. 173

    sean says

    I rarely say anything on sites or even comment on facebook but reading some of this made me. I might be out of line but why the hell is it wrong for a dad to spend time with his little girl? regardless of what its called, a date, a play date, going out to have fun, its in how your mind tacks it. all those sound wrong when thought of the wrong way. all I will say is you don’t even know why he even did it, for all you know he just got back from deployment or who knows what. second, does him having a day put aside to spend with his daughter piss you off so much that you had to analyze and tear apart what for them is a great day. I see that kind of crap all the time and I wills say to you what I say to them, and that’s to stop involving yourself in others lives and pay attention to your own. let them enjoy there life wether or not you can do the same.

  74. 174

    Sandy Holcomb says

    I’m with you, Miranda. The video skeeved me out. I have a wonderful and amazing father who dated (and still dates) MY MOTHER. Sure, I got time alone with him, but it was never set up as romantic – he was being my dad, not my suitor.

    • 175

      Bnchy says

      She said she is a liberal woman which means she probably wears the pants in her family and has sissified her husband. I feel sorry for him.

  75. 176

    Tim says

    Don’t date your daughter. Continuing the logic presented here, don’t kiss her or hug her, either. Right?

  76. 177

    Mary says

    “The important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” – and vice versa. Children learn love by observing their parents. They learn how to treat their partner, but more importantly, they respect, kindness, and loyalty. If these qualities don’t exist between a father and a mother, many (not all) will not “get it” in life.

  77. 178


    I see the crazies all came out to play and kudos for you Miranda to having much more class than I do! I agree that the idea of that video which I haven’t watched sounds creepy. No, a dad should not be nervous about taking his daughter on a date! That makes it creepy. I think daddy/daughter dances are weird too and I hate that they’ve become so popular around us because it seems like if you DON’T participate it’s more sad for your child but I suppose we will hit that bridge when we get to it. However, we do use the word date for some special outings. When just she is going to grandpa and grandma’s it is her date with grandma and grandpa. If I’m going to book club she has a date for dinner with daddy at home. When she was missing me when I was working a lot we had a date to the book store together. All of these are things we do frequently and sometimes we use the words date and sometimes not. She knows that daddy and I go on dates alone but to her date means something fun with someone I care about. I think an actual mock date is weird and unneeded because I feel like THAT kind of date is for romantic purposes but using the word date in a non-romantic way also makes sense to me but the acting as if it was a romantic date with no romance does bug me.

  78. 179

    Bnchy says

    I could not disagree more with this useless post. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time than to criticize a father for giving a wonderful memory to his daughter that she will never forget? I guess not but I thank God I’m not married to someone like you.

  79. 180

    Grace Li Rosi says

    Everything these days has become too politically correct. It should be simple. Was the father’s intention to ‘date’ his daughter in the sense of courting with sexual implications in mind? NO. So just like in law there is no crime when the intent is innocent. Not once did I think anything negative while watching the video. In fact it made me cry at seeing what lengths a father would go through to make his little girl happy. She will not one day stop and think how creepy that was but will watch that video knowing that her father will always be there for her and will do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness. SIMPLE.

  80. 181

    Jan says

    Could it be that the term DATE has evolved? Just a bit? Perhaps DATE means more than romance. I have a DATE set aside to clean my basement and there are no connotations as to me having a date for that. I have a date set aside to have lunch with my mom. Nope, nothing sexual goin’ on there. I have a date set aside for my husband and I to go out to dinner and with any luck … well you get the picture. Why cast negativity onto seemingly such innocence as this? Evolve your thinking and conceptions. Perhaps set aside a DATE with yourself for some introspection.

  81. 182


    I understand what you’re saying but I truly believe that it stems with some problems that you’re having in your personal relationship with your spouse, and not the public in general. I see no reason to berate you because you only speak out of an open heart but I truly do disagree with you, it’s cute not creepy.

    • 183

      Wildcat says

      Please, let us stop saying that a female has something wrong with her, or that she has daddy issues, or that she hates males, or that she is frigid, or that she is a prude, or that she has issues with her spouse, just because she gets the creeps from a specific gender experience, that males keep promoting, that males have no idea about. Females do have the right to their own experiences and no male, not dad or any male here on this site, has the right to intrude or take that away from her, or has a say so over her mind and body.

      Father-daughter “dates,” and “purity balls” , may not be creepy to males, because they are the ones standing on the male “grandstand” doing something that they want as males that exalts them and makes them look lofty, but it sure as heck is creepy to most females. Why is it so difficult for you males to see this and what is your problem that you canot respect females for their own experiences? Is it also arrogance and selfishness?

      Males cannot tell females how to be female, just like you dont see females telling males how many times he should get an erection and how he should feel from his body and mind’s perspective. Females do not tell you what is or is not creepy to you all as males. Only males know that. And you sure as heck dont see mothers forcing dating and other concepts on our young sons. We respect our sons, why cant fathers espect their daughters’ feelings?

      Doesn’t this tell us as a society, more about males and why we should be careful when we allow them all this power over us. Male are driven by power and control because they express it so often. Watch out females. Look at the subtle things that are happening in our society today.

      Maybe if you males spent more time trying to analyze your own selves, then maybe you all would be less hardup(no pun intended) to dissect females. Respect females please!!

      Stop scolding females for having opinions and views about the ir own bodies and minds. Listen people, everytime a female tells you how she, her sister, her daughter, her mother, her cousin, her aunt, her niece or her grandma feels about their own experiences being female, shut up and respect her!! Just because a femalealone with her dad, doesnot want to go to apurity vall wiht him, does not want him to see her brerastfeeds, does not mena something is wrong with her.

      I love my dad and all my male relatives, but as a girl, all I wanted was love from MY MOTHER and MY DAD. I wanted to swing on dad’s arm and jump, I wanted him to show me how to play bal, I wanted him to take all of us to get ice cream and chocolate cookise at the local ice cream store, but MY mOTHER AND MY DAD, talke to me about bouys. Dad is not ana expert over my mother and my husband is not an expert over me. This is the repnsibili

      • 185

        Ronald Lester says

        What I first replied to you was not about a male female point of view, just a human one, and for you to think that you speak for most females is as bad as you saying that I’m trying to tell you what to think, it is however plain to see by your rant that you do have issues, you may require medication, I’d check into that. The daddy daughter dates and dances are designed to help dads and their little girls spend some one on one time together so don’t put your twisted views in on something that is a tender moment and very special, shame on you and your twisted little mind for making out to be ugly. All of the women in my life that I have talked to about this agree with me, this problem is yours and yours alone.

        • 186

          Wildcat Family, Pj, Jean, Zayle says

          When you do name calling, you show everyone that it is really you that needs the help. You are about the only one here who keeps calling people names. I am sorry that you cannot carry on a decent conversation with other human beings without getting cruel, female hating, and acting like a man filled with so much anger for others. You are the one here who may need treatment.

          Now to make my comment. Please stop saying that a girl needs one on one time with her dad and she does not need a “tender” moment. A daughter and son need their father and their mother and not a date that is tender or romantic. Don’t force or push girls off on their dads and called it tender. No daughter wants to be romantic with her dad. I have daughters and they are typical girls and this seems so weird and creepy to them. They just love their father and their mother. That is it, plain and simple. Also, you can lie about what some other female supposedly says. It still does not matter. Why are you working so hard to get girls to date their dads. You seem to favor a little off the deep end yourself.

          • 187

            Ronald Lester says

            Your entire comment proves my point, for this to be creepy for you, it has to be something in your own way of thinking, and what an ego that makes you say you know the mind of every woman.

  82. 188

    Annie Griffin says

    Your blog is Political Correctness at its worst. It was a beautiful video and those of us who understood what the meaning behind it was, do not need someone like you coming along and putting a negative spin on it. I often tell my husband that he and our 27 yr old daughter should still go on father-daughter dates even though she is grown up and has a life of her own. It’s a way of keeping that connection alive and for our daughter to stay grounded and remember her Prince Charming is still out there and not to just settle because someone says “trust me, I love you.” There is nothing wrong with using the word, “date” with your kids. It’s all perception, and yours is screwed up.

  83. 190

    Meghan G says

    Great article, well said, well voiced. I loved it all. Yes the video is super cute but the whole other side of things, not so much. And as for “purity”. That is such a crock of poop!

  84. 191

    Stacy-Ann says

    I totally get your point and I agree. I too find it weird and I understand what you are trying to say despite all the various meanings of the word date. Go out with your children, spend time with them, there are many daughters that didn’t get the time with their daddies that they deserve. But the point it, the courtship version of the word should be for your wife. You are not alone in the view that there are definitely some blurred lines here that could become inappropriate. jmho.

    • 192

      Mike says

      So you think that going on a date with a 4 year old daughter isn’t just cute, but could lead to an inappropriate relationship because of blurred lines over the “traditional use” of a verb?
      I think it’s really making a mountain out of a mole-hill. This is how Halloween and other things that are nothing more than good-natured fun get cancelled.

  85. 193

    Carmynn Kayleen says

    I haven’t read all of the comments, only some–but a few I think come from a place of judgment and bias. I do not think that you are judging the term but the concept and I agree with you. I think that parents, as you say, should model the correct relationship rather than try to force it on their kids in an awkward and inappropriate way…then be a parent to their child, because that is what they are. If people call their quality time with their children dates-okay, although I agree with you that society’s interpretation of the term “dating” is romantic, but they shouldn’t blur lines. Parental love is different than love between parents. To the woman who said that she did not have a relationship with her father and watched the video and cried– I did not have a relationship with my father and watched the video and did not. Though it might be difficult to have a proper conception of a healthy father -daughter relationship if one did not have one-I would not say that it would be romantic. Thanks for sharing, Miranda.

  86. 194

    michelle says

    Yikes…is what I thought when I saw that video. Because it reminds of the Purity Ball that is coming up when she is older. Which is just creepy. You can have one on one time with your child, but it’s not a date.

    • 195

      Wildcat Family ( PJ and Zayle) says

      I agree with you. Also, I think that it is difficult for many people to see the undertones and inuendos of these “dating” and “purity ball” concepts. Fathers/males have got to respect females wants, desires, wishes, dreams, feelings, and their getting creeped out about certain experiences with dad. What part of creepy don’t males get? Fathers/males need to drop the arrogance, the pride and get over themselves and need to realize that it is just as much right, and maybe more so for the daughter’s mother to discuss with her about boys and dating, after all, mom is the one who dated males, not dad.

      There are certain topics that would be inappropriate for dad to dig into. Mom as a female can bring up every girl angle. As a mother I would not bring up penis and testicles in my discussion with my son about dating. Don’t you all get it? It would be creepy. I would not do my son that way. His dad, though can tell him what the male genitals feel like and what experiences he as a male will have when he is closely situated with a girl during their date. This is why I say that there is something wrong with some people, when they say they disagree with Miranda and other females who try to explain the “creepiness” factor that is present in these man-made doctrines, about how a female is suppose to at, feel, or think.

      When I was a girl, and my mom told me about a first date she had with a boy and he tried to touch her creat area, I listened with a litlle aprehension, but that would have creeped me out BIG time if dad had talked about breasts, my breasts, girls’ breasts, etc. Totally inappropriate. /so you all see why dad has got to back his byut up and no control any discussions especially alone with daughter. This is a crucial time with daughter and she syre as heck wants HER MOTHERS ‘ point f view. No dad owns his daughter. He AND his wife are responsible for her until she becomes 18 . But dad does not own his daughter. He is not the only parent.

      One thing I find very odd, is that I have not seen from any person, the comment that mothers should also be included in the teaching of son and daughter about dating. Why in the heck, do people keep writing this as a dad only rule. There comes a point where someone needs to speak the truth and through clear, not blurry limes about dad not being the one to discuss every topic with her. It is weid and creepy!! For example, I as a female, recall how I and most of my female relatives and friends recall how when we were girls, did not let or want our dads in our girl business. It was creepy and awkward for us. My own daughters have said that and I will not allow my husband to control all topics with our daughters about some of the things that they would feel or experience when they are with a boy, or their female body experiences. There are boundary lines people!!
      Lastly, I remember, my husband telling us about how his sister’s daughter began refusing to be around her dad. The girl’s mother thought that dad was doing something inappropriate, but he was not doing anything like that, just rying to get the daughter to talk girl talk with him. Seems he was upset that the girl would not share her female issues with him, the way she talked to mother and girlfriends on the phone. The mother asked the her daughter and after a long time, the daughter opened up and said it was because dad was always trying to talk about “certain” topics with her. She said that she tried to not say stuff, but he kept asking and would get mad at her ignoring him. Things in that family got a little tense there for a while. I think the mother and father had a good dicussion about the situation. The dad is just one of those arrogant, controlling men, who thinks that men have the right to know their daughters’ business and force their opinions on them.
      This has become a huge problem in this country. Females need to stop being catty and support each other or shut up.

      • 196

        Ronald Lester says

        Are you insane? I would never talk to my little girl about that stuff, what do you think goes on during a daddy daughter date? You have got some serious mental issues, go to a shrink, also what is a purity ball? My idea of a daddy daughter date is just some one on one time with my little princess, and I will call it whatever I choose to, with my son I call it guys night out, we don’t discuss anything serious, it’s fun time for them, if they ever just want to talk it’s called anytime.

        • 197

          Pj and wildcat says

          I do not appreciate you coming on here and calling me or anyone else names just because they do not agree with your sexist point of view. You need to get a grip and by all means you need to seek help, because you think that anyone with an opinion that differs from yours, has something wrong with them.
          If you cannot have a civil communication on a site, you might want to step your butt aside . But please make sure you learn how to read and respect other people’ s differing opinion. Every woman in the world is not going to agree with you. you cant be that lame. Keep this in mind from now on. All females don’t exalt worship, and place their fathers, and husbands above wives, mothers. everybody is not sexist and believe it or not, there are many, many people who agree with me. They just won’t come on here and be attacked by nasty people like you.

          • 198

            Ronald Lester says

            I really don’t care what the feminazis are feeling when you specifically are wrong about what you are saying on here. You’re a liar and there’s no excuse for your over the top drama. Dads and their daughters will always have something special, just because you didn’t get it or got to much from your dad does not pervert it for the rest . I’m sure there are a lot of women who feel as you, many of you have also been perverted against or are perverted yourselves .

  87. 199

    Ronald Lester says

    The thing is Miranda is that you’re making some assumptions in your article that don’t apply to most of us, I always give my wife complete reverence over all, even my children, my wife and I are until death do we part, my children will grow up and move out one day, the things I do with my children one on one is not about how I want them to see others when they grow up but how I want them to remember our time together, maybe it’s not how your family does it but it does not make it wrong, it makes it all the more special.

  88. 201

    Angel says

    Personally, I think it is a brilliant way for dads to teach their daughters what to expect on a date. In our society too many young girls miss out on the greatness that “dating” can be. Instead they jump right into societies idea of…if we like the sex…we can go out again. Don’t get hung up on the word “Date”. This dad treasures his daughter. Maybe if the authors dad treasured her or if her husband treasured her…or what ever her situation is…this wouldn’t even be a issue.

  89. 202

    Joy Paris says

    I go on dates with my mom, or even my sister. To me a “date” is an opportunity to go out somewhere one on one with another person and possibly dress up or just do something out of the ordinary. It doesn’t imply anything sexual. It’s just doing something special with another person one on one. I think it’s a more female friendly term though (because of the things females prefer to do for fun) which is why men don’t use it to describe outings with their sons. Like, I wouldn’t consider going to play baseball with someone a date, but dinner or shopping I would.

  90. 203

    Mike says

    I think this is one of two things; a purposefully inflamatory post hoping that it will trend and get you hits, (if this is the case then bravo) or it is a giant rambling of words that lacks any and all common sense.

      • 205

        Ronald Lester says

        That’s a lot of drama over the truth, women run things now, a man can’t stop a woman from expressing her ideas but you can’t stifle a man from speaking his ideas either.

  91. 206

    Karen says

    I appreciated my Dad taking me out on dates. It taught me what was acceptable behaviour when out on a date later on in life. I believe I had the best father in the world because of it. He died 4 years ago and I have many fond memories of him. There’s nothing perverted about it.

  92. 207

    Jackie says

    I’ve read the article and all the responses. I’m disgusted at the responses that make personal attacks at the author nod make unfounded attacks about her relationship with her now deceased father. I think the author was very articulate and accurate with the issues she raised about the video. Some points I would like to make:
    1. Where is the mother ? In Australia, we saw the video this morning, together with an interview with the father. Where was the mother ? What does she think about it ? Are they together or divorced ?
    2. The daughter is 3 years old. Why on earth does the father think it necessry to introduce her to adult dating and how a man should treat her when she becomes an adult ? At 3, she is unlikely to even remember this ‘date’ without video evidence. Clerly she enjoyed her ‘date’ but what makes anyone think this will have any baring on her future relationships with adult men her own age ?
    3. Many commented on the use of the word ‘date’ and that there isn’t necessarily a connection with a romantic date. Agreed, there are many different situations where date might be used, but looking at the content of this video, it was clearly a romantic date. Flowers, setting for just 2 and his nervousness that is normally associated with first romantic dates. If he was taking her on a fishing trip, and.called that a date, then is would agree with the posts that harbored on this point. It was clearly a romantic style date. While I believe the fathers intentions were honorable, he might be a little confused as to what is appropriate between father and daughter.
    4. As a parent, is he and the mother not concerned that ‘normalizing’ this kind of interation between a grown man and a child her age, teaching the child that any man treating her this way, an uncle, friend or even an unknown man, is normal and to accept their treatment of her as a princess normal ?
    5. I do empathize with many good fathers that with all the media attention, they are a little confused about their role as fathers. Sometimes it seems that nothing they do is right. However, their main role is as a parent. Together with the mother. Ultimately to enure the child grows up to be self sufficient, independent, of parents, well adjusted and can take care of themselves.
    6. The father called his daughter a princess and that he wants her to be treated as a princess for her entire life. Most of the men I know would class the ‘princess syndrome’ as their worst nightmare when it comes to dating. In a normal relationship, mutual respect and genuine connection is what makes a relationship really successful. Both parties must contribute for this to happen.
    7. Chilldren learn about adult relationships by observation. That is, what they witness between their mother and father or if divorced, between their parent and adult partner. Not the direct relationhip between father and daughter. This belief is a media fantasy. Nor do girls develop self esteem from being treated like princesses by their fathers. In fact this will more that likely screw their notions of relationships. They develop self esteem from experiences their parents expose
    them to and by giving them space and time to figure some age approprite things for themselves.
    8. Children, both girls nod boys, need good parenting. To focus only on the father daughter relationship and not the parent/child relationship is to distort the importance of family for children. They will grow up and need a good foundation to ensure they enter healthy relationships when they become adults and have families of their own.

    • 209

      Wildcat Family, Pj, Jean, Zayle says

      I did not need my dad to teach me about how a man is supposed to treat me. Going put with dad alone would have been kind of awkward once I became a big girl. i love my dad, but he could not teach me that. My mother with all her wisdom, made sure she informed me and Murphy sisters about the pitfalls and joy of dating a boy. Just me dressing up and going out to dinner with dad would have done nothing to prepare me for the real part of man woman rElationships. Fathers are not equipped to cover all areas of dating there is a realm that is awkward for father to enter if he is really trying to prepare you for dating. And besides, the father is a male himself. He will never be for real with he daughter dand betray his gender and say point blank wha t he real deal is.
      Some of you have jumped on this bandwagon and are repeating phrases and lines that sound cool and popular. But if you all would stop and listen to yourselves and , you would see just how foolish you all sound. How in the world can dressing up and going out with daddy teach a daughter about boys. There is a whole other side of this lesson for daughters and then there is a side that needs to be touched on to teach boys how to behave like gentlemen. Do you females here see how you are buying into a crazed man-made notion that exalts fathers over mothers because they tell you all that dating the daughter will prepare her for her boyfriend. The teaching of daughters belongs to mothers too This role is not exclusive of one parent and definitely not for fathers only. The father is not even the like gender parent. dressing up and going out to dinner is just a bunch of junk to exalt fathers. This. Is hogwash and bull unchained.

      . I learned from about how men should treat women by looking at my dad’s behavior around my mom, by watching my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and my big sis and her boyfriend. A girl’s dad cannot not hold her and stroke her hair and kiss her lips like a boyfriend or husband. A dad cannot look into her eyes with love and passion like her boyfriend, husband, or partner. There is just so much he can say and do. We begin to get into the weird when we push his thing you all call “dating”.

      Getting dressed up to go out to dinner is just that, going out to dinner. We should not be telling her to get excited about going out on a date with dad. Her mother and her father should take her AND her brother out to dinner or to a picnic and talk with both of them. Her dad can take her to get pizza with jeans and t shirts on a nice day and talk about school and friends and careers and driving. Her father should not be imitating her future mate. This confuses an innocent girl.

      And to all the sexist men out there who are ready to write that I need treatment. Well, let me tell you that you all cannot get all arrogant and egotistical, every time a woman tells men that fathers cannot date daughters. You all are the ones who have the problem, if you can’t see how wrong this man made doctrine is.

  93. 211

    Shirley Jensen says

    You have a cynical mind! Who else is she supposed to look up to, so she will know how she wants to be treated by a man. Your line of thinking, is what is wrong with this world. This was purely innocent, and maybe you have Daddy issues, but my Daddy was the first man I danced with, on his feet, and the first man I loved! So maybe you need to get your mind out of the gutter. People cease to amaze me, just how sick they can be!!

    • 212

      Pj says

      Shirley, every woman does not have “daddy issues” stop being a copycat and repeating what you hear others say.
      Anyway, women are sick and tired of replies from men here who want all women to accept this stupid and sick man made doctrine called, daddy daughter dating. Some men here are perverted and sick. Any female with a mind can learn about men from her MOTHER just as much as from dad. In fact, people, all she needs is to have conversations with her parents regularly to discuss with her what men are all about. Both parents need to tell her how men are, what they expect, how she should carry herself around them, how she should not allow a man to make choices for her, how to not sleep around with men before marriage, and the list goes on. Now tell us again what dad is supposed to be able to do that her mother cannot help her with. Mother is the one who had the female experience, not dad. Mother knows how a female child feels from the female perspective, not dad.

      Why in the world would you think that something as stupid as dressing up and going out alone with her dad is right? he is a man who is not a romantic male in her life. how is he supposed to help her to learn about men. This is so ridiculous and I sure hope all females can realize this and put a stop to this practice.

    • 214

      Jean says

      You are demented for not having enough common sense to disagree without calling people names. You have the problem.

  94. 215

    Joleena says

    I have to agree and disagree with Jess H and the author. She makes a valid point. Kids today are raised with so many new terms or making up their own terms or names for things or to describe things. Granted many of you feel it is more than fine to call it a date, I did as well until reading this post. It has made me really think about the term and I would have to agree with the post. I don’t call spending time with my daughters “dates” and I there isn’t any harm in pointing out that what you teach kids the definition to a word is will be their understanding of it as they get older.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with teaching your children how they should act on a date, or even starting to teach them while they are still young. But I don’t think you should do so by calling the time you are spending with them a date. Teaching them to act properly while getting to know someone is something you can teach them slowly over years of having meaningful conversations with them. Explain to them this is how a girl is to act on a date, or this is what a boy is suppose to do for you when you are older and start dating.

    The post is completely right. You may see it differently, but take a look at other words that have been miss used over the years. Take the word nigar for instance, yes color teens throw this word around when they are just talking with friends, but if a caucasian teen uses it they get their butts kicked. This one shouldn’t be used no matter what. And if you are using the word date to just describe meeting a friend for lunch or something, then how are they to believe a date with someone special is well, special?

    This post really made me think about it, and gives you food for thought. That is if you are opened minded enough to actually think about it, instead of jumping to what you have been taught your whole life just to defend your point of view on things.

  95. 216

    Cathy Newport says

    Sounds to me like someone has a jealousy issue!
    Mother/son and Father/daughter dates, get-together, meetings or whatever else you would like to call them are very important in Children’s lives. It blesses them the with self-confidence and the love they need to be that good husband/wife in the future. The world needs more love and affection towards others.
    Yes, mommy and daddy “dates” are just as important!
    We are not promised tomorrow! The more healthy memories we have with our children, the better examples we will have for this messed up negative world

  96. 217

    John says

    First of all, I’d like to say that I’m a weird paradox of views. I’m an eighteen year old half taiwanese, three eighths german, one eight Italian Christian Conservative attending a secular college. I agree with your idea that dating makes the connotation romantic in our day and age. I mean have the same kind of event or time spent with your family, your kids, but it shouldn’t be that sort of weird pseudo-date thingy. I mean I went to the site and this said faith tap and I was like…waaaiiit. See it would have been okay if they did the same activity without the whole like weird lead in which adds to the connotation of a romantic date. Also seriously, wtf is he nervous about? That implies he obviously hasn’t been spending enough time with his daughter as is to be nervous about spending time with her. Or that could have been just to add to the whole effect. Whatever the case, Miranda I want to say I agree with you on the subject of this pseudo date. I have also been raised in the “purity culture” and honestly though as a Christian I think that yes, kids should learn what kind of spouses they want from the people they see in life and the way parents relate to each other. I know I certainly did.

    My parents would take us out individually at points in my childhood but I never remembered calling it a date. And we never went in with this just weird connotation that the video creates of like an actual romantic date. I know some people see it as cute, but I think its creepy. You’re entitled to you own opinion just as I am to mine. But screw that, the internet makes it lawful to bomb everyone because we’re sitting from the safety of a computer. I get that some people go out on dad dates and mom dates with their parents. But yet for most of those people, there is no such ramp up for this even like getting dressed fancy and acting as if this is a “romantic date”. Its simply just spending the day together. I also get that for early developing kids there has to be a distinction made so honestly they don’t get the wrong idea that this is wrong. Bottom line, this video sort of crosses the line from get together one on one with the kid and spending to I’m literally going on a date with my kids. Thats weird.

    Still kind of being part of the “purity culture” I have to say that honestly that your purity doesn’t belong to your parents, it doesn’t belong to your siblings, it belongs to God. I mean he gave it to you. Again its fine to disagree, this is my opinion. I do believe though that as I father I will want to marry my daughter off to the right man. I’m in college and right now I’m looking around and out of a campus of some twenty-five thousand students, there are probably less than thirty who I would be comfortable hanging around with my sister. Cause face it, most guys are stupid, perverse, and misogynistic. Most guys nowadays focus on hook-ups and one night stands. As a father I am gonna have that shotgun ready. Mostly cause I think guns are cool. The awesome thing is though that if your raise your daughter right and spend time with her, you won’t have to use the shotgun because she is already going to have her head screwed on straight and find a decent guy. I mean thats my sister. I don’t think I have to worry about that.

    Am I a more liberal Christian? I don’t think so. I believe in purity but I’m not gonna pull out a pitchfork and chase my roomate out of the room for having condoms. I believe that God intends sex for marriage but again I am not going to beat my roomate with a textbook for two timing on his girlfriend. Thats for her to do. I also believe that God intends for parents to have healthy relationships with their kids that involve spending time one on one. The problem with dating is that the kind of dating portrayed in the video is a romantic kind where you dress to impress the opposite person and generally try to present yourself as the more attractive version of yourself, not necessarily the you everyday.

  97. 218

    selkie says

    agree with every word here … of course dads should spend time with their kids – but couching in terms of a date is just plain creepy – it reminds me of those balls they have that I have heard about where daddy brings his daughter and it is sort of lie a virginity promise thing – EWWWW. i loved my dad – we spent lots of time together – all of the kids and sometimes just he and I – but it was not a DATE. My kids are incredibly close to their dad – who has always done more than his share of bringing them up – again, when he and one of his daughters go to a play, to a lecture- whatever it is not a date – it is time together… so brave for this.

  98. 220

    Kezia Brown says

    as they say everyone has a right to they opinion but at the ending of the day it’s better to just stay quiet. this is one of the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. a dad setting time out, yes a date, to show his daughter how special she is to him. and so what if he was nervous?! when you are doing something for the first time don’t you get nervous? a lil anxious? especially if it’s for someone you love? I think it’s sad that you would sexualize and sully something so precious. lady take a good hard look at yourself and whatever made you think this way you need to deal with. isn’t it the role of the father to show his daughter how special she? to show her she is worth the effect. too many times girls settle for let’s us say the word…SHIT!!! so in closing next time a dad wants to show his daughter how much he loves her and how precious she is too him, please keep your mind out of the gutter!

    • 221

      MJ says

      Using the word “date” automatically suggest something more than just simply spending time with your daughter. You can accomplish all that you mentioned above without calling it something that MOST people would refer to as a romantic encounter. Daddy’s shouldn’t have a romantic relationship with their daughters, should they? I think what people are wondering is WHY does it need to be romanticized? Why the need to call it a “date”? I would not want any confusion on that subject, in anyone’s mind, especially my daughters. And the daughters do not need to feel that they are on the same playing field as mom, you know, daddy’s wife and lover whom he made a vow to be with till death. Happy marriages that set good examples of love and stability is what will show children what they should look for in a mate and what is and is not acceptable to them. NOT a few random date nights with daddy.

  99. 222

    Khadija says

    Thanks for this post. I am so totally grossed out at the “Daddy/daughter” “Mother/son” gulp “dating” thing. I want to puke when I read about this crap. People, this is DISGUSTING and GROSS and oh my God, PLEASE STOP! Yuck!

  100. 224

    Brandon says

    I understand the point that spending time with your kids is not a date. I do think that you are missing the point of a dad/ daughter date. Kids will always look at their parents and see how they treat each other and how the kids are treated. Your daughter will look at the way their dad treats their mom and think that’s the kind of man to look for and it goes the other way to. The way mom treats dad is how I will treat men. Spending time with your kids doesn’t always have to be a life lesson. But if once and awhile we take a moment to make an effort to make a life lesson out of a date with your daughter. That’s great! Because no one is a perfect parent or spouse. We all screw up. So why not make an effort when we can remember that the kids are watching and learning even when we think they are not.

  101. 225

    MJ says

    I agree whole heartedly and was glad to see someone actually articulate the reasons this is so weird. and frankly inappropriate. It is just something to post on social media o beat their chest and say look at me and how great I am, attention seeking, all he while probably raising very confused and probably very entitled special attention seeking children. I agree, you should be spending time with your kids all the time and it doesn’t need a rediculous attention drawing title to make it “special”. Wonderful wonderful wonderful article!

  102. 226

    Maureen says

    Hi, i just stumbled across this post via a google search that didn’t have much at all to do with topic at hand, but i was intrigued enough to stay and read the whole post, along with the comments … (until i realized there was no end in sight!)

    I just wanted to applaud you for bringing up a very insightful and wise viewpoint about the daddy-daughter dating thing. You know, I’ve read all about the idea of having ‘date night’ with your kids — one-on-one get-togethers where the kid gets mom or dad to her/himself for a few hours of undivided attention. But it never crossed my mind, really, about the whole “dating” lingo. Until now. And i have to say, i wholeheartedly agree with you!!! Omg, i am so impressed with your ability to think outside the collective box; to overlook the masses who ooh and aah over the cute commercial of daddy taking daughter out for a special … ‘date’.

    And you know what? I am realizing just now, since reading your courageous post, that something bothered me about that commercial; as well as the whole purity ring thing. I must have repressed my unsettled feelings, assuming i must be wrong to feel discomfort over the ‘date’ thing … whether daddy-daughter, mommy-son, mommy-daughter, or daddy-son. And, like you, it goes beyond mere terminology. I am so WITH you on your point that the best way for kids to learn about healthy relationships is to have one modeled for them, at home, in normal everyday circumstances.

    As for the one-on-one time thing, where kids get some special undivided attention from a parent — It sounds like a good thing — but Im finding myself questioning this now for some reason. I’ve beat myself up over the years for wanting to implement these one-one times, but never being able, due to schedules, health issues, etc. Your post has brought me relief … maybe I didnt ruin my kids’ lives after all!!

    Thanks for speaking out and risking the hate mail :-). And last but not least, i am very sorry about the passing of your father. It’s never easy; i lost my dad when i was 23, also in August. (But years earlier).For years I kept thinking my dad was just on vacation. But i do believe spirit exists on another plane not too far from us … and our loved ones are rooting for us, watching us, even helping us from their perches. I’m sure your dad is near you, and very very proud of his daughter … even though he never (god forbid) took you on a date! (lol).

    P.s. I HATED the daddy-daughter dances with a passion! But its probably because i wasnt close to my dad; we didnt have much of a relationship, if any


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