There’s a video making the rounds on Facebook right now about a husband who’s about to go on the most important date of his life…but not with his wife! SCANDALOUS!
He gets all dressed up and a friend asks if he’s nervous.
“Yes!” he says, as he ties his tie. “It’s been a long time,” replies his friend.
Then he leaves the house, turns around and rings the bell, and his very excited daughter answers, ready for their date. The girl is adorable. They go have lots of fun together doing things like drinking milk out of princess cups and swinging and going for piggyback rides.
It’s cute. Really. It is. The girl is adorable and they seem to have a good time.
I might not make many friends with what I’m about to say, but I’m banking on that whole “if you say it, they will come” thing that happens when we say things that we know will probably enrage people but might also show us we’re not alone.
Dads, don’t date your daughters.
And this goes for moms, too, though there’s an odd disparity between the number of events aimed at mothers and sons versus those aimed at dads and daughters, and those aimed at mothers and sons are very rarely called “date nights.”
(There’s a whole commentary on why these daddy-daughter date night events exist to get dads to spend time with their daughters/sons and why they shouldn’t have to exist at all because it should just be a thing parents do, but that’s probably another inflammatory blog post for another day.)
It might be a special occasion or a treat when moms and dads take their children to the playground, or out for ice cream, or to the movies, but it’s not dating.
Why is there this thing where we talk about our relationships with our children in terms of our relationships with spouses and friends? Our relationships with our children are neither.
Dating implies there’s a romantic element to the relationship and, quite frankly, it’s weird to talk about dating our children. Go back to the example from that video where the dad talks about being nervous and it’s “been a long time” and tell me that’s anything other than awkward and weird, even if it was scripted.
But Miranda, you say, it’s just a word! You’re giving it meaning where there isn’t any!
No, I’m really not.
The common use of the verb “date” means courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in. Think about that for a minute and let’s stop dating our children.
We can do better. We can choose different words and not frame our relationships with our children in romantic terms.
And while I’m probably offending people, all of the memes declaring ourselves the “first loves” of our opposite sex children are weird too.
Didn’t you read Oedipus Rex?
Am I the first person in my children’s lives who will love them? Who will show them what love is? Yes, probably, but the term “first love” implies schoolyard crushes and high school romance and Mommy and Daddy issues they’ll need to work out in therapy some day.
It also sort of sounds like we can’t let them grow up and experience the world on their own without us, and while that thought sort of rips my heart out, it has to happen.
I don’t want to be my son’s first love. Not like that. And I don’t want my husband to date our daughter.
Spending quality time with your kids isn’t dating. It’s just…spending quality time with your kids. It’s parenting. It’s the stuff we should be doing every day, even if it’s just reading together at night before bed, or sitting around the dinner table engaged in conversation instead of staring at our devices.
Instead of dating your daughter (or son), date your partner.
That’s probably better for your relationships in the long run anyway.
If you want to teach your daughter what to expect from the men she’ll one day find herself dating and possibly marrying, show her (and your sons) a strong relationship. Show her what a solid partnership looks like.
Show her what respect looks like by respecting her mother or the mother figures in her life and she’ll learn to respect herself and demand that from others.
Short on time? Save this post for later.
No more lost tabs, random screenshots, or digging through your browser history. Save this post and do future-you a favor.
(It's like a bookmark, but...not.)
Show her what love looks like by loving her, certainly.
But don’t date your daughter.
Update/Response/Philosophical Waxing:
First of all, let me just say thank you for reading, even if you disagree with me and can’t wait to blast me in the comments (though I do hope that reading this update might help explain, at least in part, where I was coming from when I wrote this). I appreciate your being here and the conversation that has been sparked as a result of this piece.
I am not now nor have I ever been a crazy man-hating spinster lesbian bitch (or a wanker, I think) but I am sometimes crazy and sometimes bitchy. Occasionally the two overlap. (I’m even medicated! With a therapist!)
Prior to writing this post, it hadn’t occurred to me that others see and hear the verb date in terms of its less romantic definition, i.e. a social engagement. (The noun date means “a set place in time” or we’re talking about a fruit. Or maybe we have a Date Date and then things get really confusing.)
Yes, I was aware that the definition of date as a social engagement existed, but the connotation of the word date, to me, is a romantic engagement between to people who are dating, and I hadn’t realized just how infrequently I personally use the word “date” until the comments and discussions started rolling in.
I don’t say “I have a lunch date with my friend.” I say “I’m going to lunch with so-and-so.” That is not to say that others shouldn’t say that because I don’t say that, or that any of us is right or wrong because we do or don’t say date. It’s just…different.
But the word “date” wasn’t so much the thing that bothered me about the original video and which word to use wasn’t the point I was trying to make. Somewhere along the way, things got confused, so I’d like to take a second to try to clear up what my message was supposed to be.
I want parents to spend time one on one with their children, of both the same and opposite sex. It’s good. It’s healthy. Spending time with our children is vital to their development and our relationships with them.
Here, where I live, there are no “mother-son date nights.” You will never see a restaurant or event facility advertise a “father-son date night” because ::gasp:: they’re both dudes! ZOMG! And the same is true of mother-daughter events, with the exception of teas around Mother’s Day, but then I ask, what happens to the moms who don’t have daughters? Are they uninvited?
There are only events geared toward dads and daughters. There are only viral videos about dads and daughters. There is only anything about dads and daughters happening in this conversation.
So, yes, I do think that there are lines that get blurred when it comes to the notion of “dating” our daughters, and some of that, I now realize, comes from the places I’ve lived and the culture in which I was raised.
That is, the “purity culture.”
I’m a liberal Feminist thinker living in a veritable sea of people who see the world so differently than I do it’s a wonder we’re even looking at the same world sometimes.
In a place where “earn the right to wear white” is a mantra taught in sex ed classes and where daughters are encouraged to pledge their virginity to their parents, namely their fathers, complete with the exchanging of rings, and where there are no such pushes for young men to do the same (nor do young men seem to need the same protection from the big, bad world of dating), the idea that dads should date their daughters so that the fathers can be the great protectors, standing guard with a shotgun while their little girls exit the house with a gentleman caller isn’t one that I can support.
And I don’t necessarily subscribe to the notion that young girls learn about their self-worth and have their self-esteem built up solely by their relationships with their fathers, or that one on one time with their fathers are the only ways they’ll open up when they need to talk about the big things in their lives.
I think a lot of that openness comes from the culture which is created within the home on a daily basis. Engaging each other in questions about the day, talking, sharing, and being kind to and not judgmental with one another.
Daughters (and sons) will learn what to expect from the men/women in their lives by how they see us treat the people around you, which includes them, our spouses or partners, our neighbors, and the waiters at your favorite restaurant. They will come to understand and see the qualities they want in a partner not from what we do on those special outings with them, but from how we live our lives every day.
Be the kind of spouse or partner to your wife that you hope your daughter will one day marry. Treat your wife how you want your daughter to be treated. She will see that. She is seeing that.
So sure, bring your daughter flowers, but bring them for your wife, too. (Chances are, if you’re the kind of guy who’s bringing his daughter flowers, you’re already doing those things for your wife. Good on you!)
Finally, the comments which have hurt me most in this entire thing are those about my dad and what kind of man he must have been.
Call me names. Make fun of me. Imagine me to be some perverted, twisted monster. I don’t care.
But my dad was a good man. He didn’t take me on “dates,” and quite frankly the thought that he should do those things would never have crossed his mind. My upbringing predates the Internet and blogs telling us how we should and shouldn’t be doing it.
But he didn’t have to do those things for me to know he cared.
My dad died last August, suddenly, and without a chance for me to say goodbye, or to tell him that I appreciated the sacrifices he made for me. Or just to tell him thanks for loving me. I will never, ever get that chance again, and can only hope to do his legacy justice by living with the same kindness and generosity he showed for everyone he met.
I confess that I have not read all the replies to this. But I totally get your point! In a nutshell, this is all related to the patriarchal history of our society. We have to hold up these type of assumptions to the light and examine them, lest their inherent dysfunction be passed to yet another generation.
Years ago I read a novel set in a prehistoric matrilineal culture. A returning trader told of encountering a tribe that practiced patrilineal inheritance.
“You mean they pass rank and property through the MEN?”
“Yes.”
“But they would have to keep such a close watch on the women!”
“Oh, they do. You have no idea…”
Well said. All of it. I agree and applaud your courage in making the point publicly.
A DATE can be social without being romantic, therefore you can have different types of dates.
Yes, but this was set up as her first date rather than a play date!
Thank god, I’m not the only one who finds this crap weird and creepy! It’s a sweet video and the little girl is very cute. It’s great he spends time with his daughter. But the entire set-up is that he’s about to go on a romantic date! If you chopped it off right before the door opened, anyone who saw it would imagine a woman dressed to impress opening the door and all the accompanying adult interactions. It weirded me out so much that when the kid opened the door, I quit watching about ten seconds later. “Date” in our culture has way too much of an adult, romantic/sexual connotation to be used in this way without it being creepy – and without it being an indicator of underlying sexist social issues that you touch on (the whole purity ball thing? YUCK!). Thank you for saying it!
I watched the video with the same (scripted) anticipation of the door opening (based on the obvious script) that you did. The recorded play-time with his daughter was certainly cute, but was confusing since it was scripted as an obvious date, leading to questions; Doesnt’ he normally spend time with her?, Is he still with the mother?, Does he live there?, Does she live there?, etc.
A fan of the cuteness, not a fan of the way the content was scripted.
Open your ears. He asked her who dressed her (so nicely) and she replied Mummy (Dummy). She was in the same house he exited and then subsequently rang the doorbell, and she opened in anticipation of finding him there.(Obviously prompted my the mommies participation). Must everything be spelled out to you!
thank you for your sanity.
This article made me very sad. I wish that it hadn’t popped up as some suggested when I shared the video clip discussed here on Facebook.
You lack understanding of the culture that you are criticizing. For one thing, you are wrong that there is no expectation of chastity for sons. Boys are encouraged to “make a covenant with their eyes,” a concept that is roughly equivalent to girls accepting rings from their fathers to pledge purity until marriage.
I am also not a part of that culture any longer, but I grew up in it, and I wish I were still a part of it as I see my own children taking the paths that modern society considers more valid and valuable than the more old fashioned ways of my parents. I feel our new ideas cheapen many things. I’ve seen it from both sides, and I promise that the old ways have a lot of beauty. Lives can be full of meaning and beauty in a more patriarchal and traditional society.
Three of my four children are what the culture your article sidelines would call “living in sin,” and as I realize how this changes life, how it changes what has meaning, how it changes them, how it makes sex different for them than it was for me, how it makes the ideas that surround marriage so different for my daughters (and sons) than it was for me, and I can’t help but grieve. Obviously, I can’t live their lives in order to compare and contrast with real experience the difference between their lives and mine, but I don’t think that their experience is more valid than mine was- and it is certainly gives the appearance of cheapness (at least to an almost outsider).
I don’t mean to say that the ways of my parents – the ways of more traditional peoples – the way in hindsight I wonder if I should have raised my children- are the only correct path, but I do mean to say that their ways are ONE correct pant, and that way of living has beauty and is valid.
In an age where diversity is given a lot of lip service, telling those who choose to live life differently than you to do things the way you think they should be done doesn’t lend much support to real diversity.
The United States shouts diversity an awful lot, but it appears to me that the only diversity that is allowed here is the popular kind – and if a person chooses to be diverse in any way that isn’t part of pop-culture, even if they are “diverse” by holding to old fashioned ideals or values, they are maligned and told to behave differently.
No wonder traditional peoples feel they are being attacked by modern culture.
Terrific article. I totally agree with you. Fathers need to be DADS, not boyfriends or husbands. As someone who had an emotionally inappropriate relationship with her father I agree that this is not acceptable. It sets up all kinds of expectations and issues later on down the line. It also makes it easier for a man to trespass into the sexual zone with his daughter and for her to accept it as part of “daddy loves me, so it’s okay to do this.” We need to stop sexualizing children and this is a step in that direction. (I don’t care who I offend when I say it.) A man may have the purest of intentions, but that doesn’t make it right. My dad was never aware, nor is he still at 88, of all the damage he did to me by making me his “wife.” He never will get it because he is just that way. I’ve been to therapy for eons dealing with the repercussions of this. It didn’t only affect my relationship with him, but with my mother as well, in a very negative way, and as a result, my future relationships with men. Husbands need to date their wives. You are right when you say that shows a much better example of how relationships work, to both daughters and sons. If a man doesn’t treat his wife right then his sons won’t treat their wives with respect and love either. Thanks for a great article.
I totally agree Susan. Similarly, my mother used to confide in me about her poor relationship with my father when I was a child, as she didn’t want to confide in her sisters/friends in case they knew what a bastard she lived with. This led to me carrying a lot of burdens/responsilities on my shoulders as a small child, for which I am still receiving treatment for.
I agree with this post. Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that children should not be put above your partner as it demeans the partner to secondary status, and the child takes on the role of partner in their own minds. It may seem frivolous and making a big deal about nothing, but children need to see parents standing together as a team, and adopting the role as daddy’s ‘partner’ is not healthy development.
I wouldn’t want my daughter going on date nights with my husband – it’s weird. I feel similarly about parents saying their children are their best friends. No. How do you expect to parent with all these blurred lines? Your partner should be your best friend. And if he’s not, you need to get out more.
I have heard, watched, and discussed, this topic of male control, patriarchal control of females, male dominance, subjugation of females, etc, and it is too much and has got to be stopped. Females need to speak up against these motions and doctrines, and this male desire to control everything. The mothers of girls need to be stronger and not so passive when it comes to having a say in which practices you allow your daughter to participate in. Your daughter’ s father does not have more say so in how your daughter is raised.
Also, one of the previous comments made about a father giving his daughter a ring when she got her period, is so inappropriate. Get over yourselves dads. The period realm is not for dads. He will be part of the”period realm” of his wife, because she is his intimate partner with whom he will need to share all things with. But not with his daughter or sister, or his mother, or aunt or any other female, only the wife. The daughter will see and observe dad’s kind and loving interaction with hi wife in order to learn how females are to be treated.
Wise females, keep standing up for what is right for the female gender. Continue to help males see and understand that they cannot control female spaces, female minds, female choices, nor their bodies. remind dads that they are to spend quality time with their sons and their daughters. But it is not called dating. It is called quality time with your child and discuss with them about the things they will need to know and do to make it in this world. Dads, are not supposed to be the only guiding force in son or daughter’s life. After all, mother conceived, carried, and suffered through childbirth and you darn better keep that in mind.
Truly, we in this country have been indoctrinated so intensely by man made doctrines, patriarchal notions of male importance and daddy grandeur. Women we must remain vigilant, lest we be taken back to the days when women could not vote and did not have much voice. We must remain strong, stand united and for goodness sakes, stop cutting other females down and stop being catty to other women.
Now I have three daughters and several nieces. My daughters have female buddies. I have heard them Nd observed them as hey talk about girl things, not in dad’s space. They still love dad? But if they get uncomfortable sharing this with dad and going on a ” date” With dad and going on a ” purity” ball dance with him, then I support them.
I have seen and heard anger from males because they actually relive that females do not have the right to an opinion. And the right to make choices for themselves and the female gender.
If females had all the power since time in memorial, like males do and then we exploited that control by creating “mother son purity. Balls, mother son date where the mother and herr son get dressed up and go out on a date, so that mother teaches a man how he should be treated
Looks like your in need of growing a pair! (Balls I ,mean)
I have seen your posts on here Jean, and lets be honest. Anything that shows any sort of male dominance, or a man being a man, makes YOU uncomfortable. You don’t want equality you want control over every aspect in your life and a mans. You talk about how women shouldn’t submit but your wanting men to. How are your notions any better? The answer is quite simple for everyone posting. If this makes you uncomfortable, if it makes your kids uncomfortable, if you don’t like it, if they don’t like it, if it makes you feel weird, makes them feel weird, if you don’t like the term used when it comes to describing it, then for goodness sake don’t do it. Your dislike of this word or tradition doesn’t give anyone the right or license to sit around and tell other families what they should and shouldn’t do when it comes to something as innocent as this. The only thing creepy is that grown people are taking this to a level it doesn’t need to go all because they don’t approve or the term or word, so they are going to justify their point of view by attempting to turn it into something controlling, demeaning and vile. Because then it is much easier for others to hate it. Simple as that.
@Kerryanne,
So. So you read my posts. So. Good.
Now you know my point of view. Just as you try to jump on me to express how you feel. You imply that I cannot have an opinion, but you clearly wrote yours. Sorry you are confused. I know exactly how I stand with this issue and all other issues of exalting men. I will continue to express myself.
Sorry that you are blind to the pushing of man made doctrines that exalt men/fathers. You may keep singling me out to argue with, I. will not argue back and forth with you, but if you do not see the weirdness about father-daughter dating, you are a confused person. Also you need to refrain from making personal comments about my and any other people’s families on this blog or just close your mouth.
The world doesn’t revolve around you or your ideas any more than it does mine. I never said you couldn’t have an opinion anywhere in what I posted, I did say you were failing at hiding your man hating agenda, (which you are), I never made a personal comment about your family or anyone else’s. So put the big bad internet bully back in the closet demanding that people fall into line with what you say or just “close their mouths”. Am I mistaken, is this your blog? Is no one allowed to ever disagree with you Jean? You are very correct about the arguing though. So you keep expressing yourself Jean and have a beautiful day doing so!
Something is wrong with you, because you used all my ideas to write your copy cat comment. I will not comment to you any further.
Jean, I hear what you’re saying.
I think its great for a Father to take his daughter out on a date and provide a template for future suitors to be measured against in terms of respect and manners. i think our daughters deserve men who will hold them in high esteem and treat them in a way that would keep a protective daddy relaxed
I have been married to my second wife for 7 years and have 2 lovely young children with her, a boy and a girl, as well as 3 children from my previous marriage. In the 81/2 years of dating and being married to her, we have from the very inception of our relationship practiced the institution of making every Friday evening a “Date Night” between us. This would entail either us going out for dinner, or staying home for dinner (and I always the Chef for these occasions), often with the children decorating the table for us creating a romantic atmosphere. They would eat earlier and leave us alone to enjoy our date in privacy. So in short, Wife is fully catered for on a weekly basis (at least) and sometimes more.
I have also managed to do a rotational social routine by dating one of my 3 daughters once a month, usually on the last Saturday of the month, and at a Restaurant of their choice. We go through practically the same routine as the guy in the video clip, and I make sure that I am dressed to the T’s (and so do they).
The delight and anticipation of these nights including the ceremonial demure and unadulterated enjoyment that the evening bring to my daughters not only enhances my own self respect as a father, but provides an understanding and bond between my daughters and their Dad that make these occasions unsurpassed events in their lives.
I think that your observation is from a women who obviously does not get doted on enough and may only find intimacy from the clinical relationship that your therapist provides. I believe you completely missed the point. This is the first time I have read your blog (being a link from the dating video) and would have no desire to want to read any of the other rantings it provides as you’re obviously and incurable sufferer of “foot in the mouth” disease. Get a life, women!
First of all, I and no other woman here, has said that our opinion expresses what every women feels. Even if we did suggest this, so what Pierre? So what? Why in the heck are you working so hard to paint bad pictures of women who are giving their opinions about being female. Also, why are you as a man trying to step over female boundaries and suggest that it is okay for all fathers to do the same? If we are honest here, we can only concur that it may be you who is the one in need of psychological help. A psychologist could see what is going on with this situation and would tell you that you cannot tell females what their experiences are and how they feel with female bodies and minds. Why can’t you see that Pierre? Who is really the one with the problem here?
How ridiculous it is for a man, for men, to keep insisting on women accepting these man created doctrines, that exalts dad’s importance over the mother, with their girl child. This is so outrageous and jas been allowed to go on for too long. This would be like you giving your opinion of an idea that expresses what a man feels as women argue with you and call you “crazy” for trying to express the male experience.. What would you say, if there was a big push in this country by women to have a woman made doctrine called “mother-son” dates, and women constantly pushed for the practice, while males kept telling us how weird and creepy the doctrine made them feel? Then the women called the men names for expressing their own male opinions or said that they had mother issues. See? Now, you ought to have some inkling of how outlandish you and other men are for trying to push man made doctrines off on females . You can’t do that. And you can’t get nasty at us women for saying leave us the heck alone and go away. Contrary to popular belief, daughters do not need you like that. They do not. They need the love and guidance of mother and father. A girl does not need her father to teach her about men. She can learn that from mother and father and all others around het.
So you see Pierre, it is plain to see that you are working your comments, to get the reading audience to believe that I have a problem, or “daddy issues” . You need to respect others’ points of view, then give your opinion without making personal attacks. Stop trying to using the power of suggestion, to get people to think women have issues.
I am fed up with men trying to control things female, that is why I rant.
When did dads decide that they needed to remove the daughter from the family environment in order to have qualitytime with her ? Whey do we as a society, as a country, remind dads that their sons need some valuable time with them.
If dads would spend some of this “dating” time with these boys in this country, we might see a whole lot less violence from males as a whole.
You might want to get some “dating” time with a psychologist to get so,e information for your self to help you find out why you feel think it is okay for you to get upset at females for having their own experiences. Also ask the healthier person to explain why men create notions for females. To abide by. Then ask the healthcare person to explain to you why men are always saying that females who tell males to stop created
O……..allright then.
Cudos to you!
I agree with almost all you’ve said. No debate here, just a reminder to all that children follow their “parents'” examples or they reject them whole heartedly. Which way they go is influenced by so many factors, most being outside the home, and we as parents must do our best to provide as much positive as we can to counter all the negatives from outside.
I completely agree! Want to see how you should be treated by the future man in your life? Watch how your father treats your mother. This is where it *really* comes from. Not from *one* day where you got dressed up and it was all about you, but from seeing how your parents handle their relationship day in and day out. This “dating” your kid stuff is helpful in no way what so ever. Play with your kid, teach your kid, be their parent.
I rarely say anything on sites or even comment on facebook but reading some of this made me. I might be out of line but why the hell is it wrong for a dad to spend time with his little girl? regardless of what its called, a date, a play date, going out to have fun, its in how your mind tacks it. all those sound wrong when thought of the wrong way. all I will say is you don’t even know why he even did it, for all you know he just got back from deployment or who knows what. second, does him having a day put aside to spend with his daughter piss you off so much that you had to analyze and tear apart what for them is a great day. I see that kind of crap all the time and I wills say to you what I say to them, and that’s to stop involving yourself in others lives and pay attention to your own. let them enjoy there life wether or not you can do the same.
I’m with you, Miranda. The video skeeved me out. I have a wonderful and amazing father who dated (and still dates) MY MOTHER. Sure, I got time alone with him, but it was never set up as romantic – he was being my dad, not my suitor.
She said she is a liberal woman which means she probably wears the pants in her family and has sissified her husband. I feel sorry for him.
Don’t date your daughter. Continuing the logic presented here, don’t kiss her or hug her, either. Right?
“The important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” – and vice versa. Children learn love by observing their parents. They learn how to treat their partner, but more importantly, they respect, kindness, and loyalty. If these qualities don’t exist between a father and a mother, many (not all) will not “get it” in life.
I see the crazies all came out to play and kudos for you Miranda to having much more class than I do! I agree that the idea of that video which I haven’t watched sounds creepy. No, a dad should not be nervous about taking his daughter on a date! That makes it creepy. I think daddy/daughter dances are weird too and I hate that they’ve become so popular around us because it seems like if you DON’T participate it’s more sad for your child but I suppose we will hit that bridge when we get to it. However, we do use the word date for some special outings. When just she is going to grandpa and grandma’s it is her date with grandma and grandpa. If I’m going to book club she has a date for dinner with daddy at home. When she was missing me when I was working a lot we had a date to the book store together. All of these are things we do frequently and sometimes we use the words date and sometimes not. She knows that daddy and I go on dates alone but to her date means something fun with someone I care about. I think an actual mock date is weird and unneeded because I feel like THAT kind of date is for romantic purposes but using the word date in a non-romantic way also makes sense to me but the acting as if it was a romantic date with no romance does bug me.
I could not disagree more with this useless post. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time than to criticize a father for giving a wonderful memory to his daughter that she will never forget? I guess not but I thank God I’m not married to someone like you.
Everything these days has become too politically correct. It should be simple. Was the father’s intention to ‘date’ his daughter in the sense of courting with sexual implications in mind? NO. So just like in law there is no crime when the intent is innocent. Not once did I think anything negative while watching the video. In fact it made me cry at seeing what lengths a father would go through to make his little girl happy. She will not one day stop and think how creepy that was but will watch that video knowing that her father will always be there for her and will do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness. SIMPLE.
Could it be that the term DATE has evolved? Just a bit? Perhaps DATE means more than romance. I have a DATE set aside to clean my basement and there are no connotations as to me having a date for that. I have a date set aside to have lunch with my mom. Nope, nothing sexual goin’ on there. I have a date set aside for my husband and I to go out to dinner and with any luck … well you get the picture. Why cast negativity onto seemingly such innocence as this? Evolve your thinking and conceptions. Perhaps set aside a DATE with yourself for some introspection.
I understand what you’re saying but I truly believe that it stems with some problems that you’re having in your personal relationship with your spouse, and not the public in general. I see no reason to berate you because you only speak out of an open heart but I truly do disagree with you, it’s cute not creepy.
Please, let us stop saying that a female has something wrong with her, or that she has daddy issues, or that she hates males, or that she is frigid, or that she is a prude, or that she has issues with her spouse, just because she gets the creeps from a specific gender experience, that males keep promoting, that males have no idea about. Females do have the right to their own experiences and no male, not dad or any male here on this site, has the right to intrude or take that away from her, or has a say so over her mind and body.
Father-daughter “dates,” and “purity balls” , may not be creepy to males, because they are the ones standing on the male “grandstand” doing something that they want as males that exalts them and makes them look lofty, but it sure as heck is creepy to most females. Why is it so difficult for you males to see this and what is your problem that you canot respect females for their own experiences? Is it also arrogance and selfishness?
Males cannot tell females how to be female, just like you dont see females telling males how many times he should get an erection and how he should feel from his body and mind’s perspective. Females do not tell you what is or is not creepy to you all as males. Only males know that. And you sure as heck dont see mothers forcing dating and other concepts on our young sons. We respect our sons, why cant fathers espect their daughters’ feelings?
Doesn’t this tell us as a society, more about males and why we should be careful when we allow them all this power over us. Male are driven by power and control because they express it so often. Watch out females. Look at the subtle things that are happening in our society today.
Maybe if you males spent more time trying to analyze your own selves, then maybe you all would be less hardup(no pun intended) to dissect females. Respect females please!!
Stop scolding females for having opinions and views about the ir own bodies and minds. Listen people, everytime a female tells you how she, her sister, her daughter, her mother, her cousin, her aunt, her niece or her grandma feels about their own experiences being female, shut up and respect her!! Just because a femalealone with her dad, doesnot want to go to apurity vall wiht him, does not want him to see her brerastfeeds, does not mena something is wrong with her.
I love my dad and all my male relatives, but as a girl, all I wanted was love from MY MOTHER and MY DAD. I wanted to swing on dad’s arm and jump, I wanted him to show me how to play bal, I wanted him to take all of us to get ice cream and chocolate cookise at the local ice cream store, but MY mOTHER AND MY DAD, talke to me about bouys. Dad is not ana expert over my mother and my husband is not an expert over me. This is the repnsibili
You just proved my point you twisted freak, feminazi.
What I first replied to you was not about a male female point of view, just a human one, and for you to think that you speak for most females is as bad as you saying that I’m trying to tell you what to think, it is however plain to see by your rant that you do have issues, you may require medication, I’d check into that. The daddy daughter dates and dances are designed to help dads and their little girls spend some one on one time together so don’t put your twisted views in on something that is a tender moment and very special, shame on you and your twisted little mind for making out to be ugly. All of the women in my life that I have talked to about this agree with me, this problem is yours and yours alone.
When you do name calling, you show everyone that it is really you that needs the help. You are about the only one here who keeps calling people names. I am sorry that you cannot carry on a decent conversation with other human beings without getting cruel, female hating, and acting like a man filled with so much anger for others. You are the one here who may need treatment.
Now to make my comment. Please stop saying that a girl needs one on one time with her dad and she does not need a “tender” moment. A daughter and son need their father and their mother and not a date that is tender or romantic. Don’t force or push girls off on their dads and called it tender. No daughter wants to be romantic with her dad. I have daughters and they are typical girls and this seems so weird and creepy to them. They just love their father and their mother. That is it, plain and simple. Also, you can lie about what some other female supposedly says. It still does not matter. Why are you working so hard to get girls to date their dads. You seem to favor a little off the deep end yourself.
Your entire comment proves my point, for this to be creepy for you, it has to be something in your own way of thinking, and what an ego that makes you say you know the mind of every woman.
Your blog is Political Correctness at its worst. It was a beautiful video and those of us who understood what the meaning behind it was, do not need someone like you coming along and putting a negative spin on it. I often tell my husband that he and our 27 yr old daughter should still go on father-daughter dates even though she is grown up and has a life of her own. It’s a way of keeping that connection alive and for our daughter to stay grounded and remember her Prince Charming is still out there and not to just settle because someone says “trust me, I love you.” There is nothing wrong with using the word, “date” with your kids. It’s all perception, and yours is screwed up.
Then, do you go on mother son dates
Great article, well said, well voiced. I loved it all. Yes the video is super cute but the whole other side of things, not so much. And as for “purity”. That is such a crock of poop!
I totally get your point and I agree. I too find it weird and I understand what you are trying to say despite all the various meanings of the word date. Go out with your children, spend time with them, there are many daughters that didn’t get the time with their daddies that they deserve. But the point it, the courtship version of the word should be for your wife. You are not alone in the view that there are definitely some blurred lines here that could become inappropriate. jmho.
So you think that going on a date with a 4 year old daughter isn’t just cute, but could lead to an inappropriate relationship because of blurred lines over the “traditional use” of a verb?
I think it’s really making a mountain out of a mole-hill. This is how Halloween and other things that are nothing more than good-natured fun get cancelled.