I let my son watch “girl” shows. I’m not ashamed to admit that at all.
I don’t subscribe to the notion that television shows are made for girls OR for boys. If a television show is made for KIDS it’s made for boys AND girls, regardless as to whether there are flying ponies or men in tights on the screen.
I also don’t subscribe to the notion that there’s anything wrong with boys who want to watch a show about princesses. Or girls who want to watch shows about pirates.
If it’s okay for Emma to watch a show about superheroes, why can’t Joshua watch a show about unicorns?
Yes, I realize that whether or not children SHOULD watch television is an argument we could be having. But that’s not what this is about. This is about parents who’ve decided that television isn’t the devil and moderation etc. If you don’t let your kids watch TV at all, cool. Promise. But I hope you can understand the point I’m trying to make that categorically eliminating something because of your perceived notions of gender roles is silly.
I wasn’t allowed to watch The Simpsons growing up because Mama felt like Bart was a brat, so I get that each household has to make their own rules about what shows–if any–are allowed in their house. But a dearth of opportunities for quality children’s programming are missed when entire segments of the guide are wiped off the slate simply because the main characters wear dresses and tiaras instead of masks and capes.
Quite frankly, a lot of the “my son won’t watch ‘girl’s’ shows” seems crazy insecure and overly scared about…what? A boy being nurturing instead of rough and rowdy? Wanting to get in the kitchen and whip up something tasty instead of tossing around a pigskin?
Uhhh.
So?
So what if he DOES like to cook? Aren’t there men out there who are masters in the kitchen AND who enjoy watching football? Is being able to make dinner (or clean, or be kind, or be a good friend) inherently a feminine skill which men do not need to be successful humans?
No. Both men and women–boys and girls–need ALL of those things.
Do I think that Joshua’s penchant for watching My Little Pony is an indicator of his future sexuality? Not at all. Do I care either way? Not at all.
I think I brought back some swag from a conference and he thought it was cool, saw the same characters in the Netflix queue, asked to check it out, and found a kindred spirit in Pinkie Pie, who is funny, fearless, and friendly.
We binge watched a few episodes and then he asked to play Angry Birds Star Wars and we pretended to have light saber fights with his Telepods before falling into a heap of wrestling and tickles in the living room floor.
I do not care who or what my children become so long as they are kind, caring, generous, and fair, with a dash of strength and courage mixed in, all traits of good men and women. I will love them no matter what and I will fight to the death to see that they are protected and have a place in this world where they feel safe and free to be whomever they will one day be.
Isn’t that what parenting is about?
Letting your boy watch a show you feel is made for girls will not change who your boy is any more than your girl will become capable of leaping tall buildings in a single bound if she happens to watch Superman.
But I’ll bet Emma could totally rock the cape and tights.
Edit: After reading a few genuinely helpful comments about the flow chart included with this post, I feel compelled to apologize if any parents of transgendered or gender-nonconforming children felt I was being disparaging and/or non-inclusive with my use of “Uhhh…” I assure you, no harm or insult was meant. Hopefully, from reading the post, it’s clear that I believe that ALL children, regardless of anything deserve the freedom to explore their worlds and decide for themselves who they’ll be on their own terms.
YES! My son’s favorite show is Sofia the First. He even says that when he “gets to be a girl” he’ll be a princess. I’m not concerned about it one bit. I just wish that Disney would make more gender neutral toys to go along with their shows – and this is for both the “boy” shows and “girl” shows.
Yeah, kids are kids. Joshua will go from watching My Little Pony to the Avengers and it’s no big thing. Because it isn’t a big thing. And last night Sofia helped me teach about generosity at Christmas and I’ve yet to see a superhero show do that. So.
I love it when you tell everyone to “eff off” in your grammatically correct and diplomatic way. It makes me say, “HELL YEAH! She’s right! That’s what I meant when I said…”
This is me winking at you right now: 😉
Yes to all of this!
My biggest pet peeve in the parenting world right now is “boy things” and “girl things”. Jack plays with Sophia’s old baby toys and yes some of them are pink and purple…but who cares? HE’S A BABY! He has no association to them other than they are fun to chew on. Sophia is really into “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” and “Wild Kratts” right now. I would consider these traditionally “boy” shows but she loves them both and so do Tim and I (especially “Wild Kratts”).
Telling kids this is for boys or girls only is sending the wrong message and it will carry over into every other area in their life. You’re basically teaching them how to discriminate.
I don’t get the “boy things” and “girl things” mentality AT ALL, and I know you and I have talked about this before.
If it’s okay for Emma and Sophia to like “boy” things then the inverse is true for Jack and Joshua. Because “boy” toys and “girl” toys (and shows, and whatever) are just KID things.
Me and my 2 boys watch My Little Pony together… they like it and I like it. My husband is a tiny bit wierded out by it. lol!
I mean, if we’re being totally honest, *I* am a little weirded out by their giant eyes. 😉
My boys love to watch My Little POny with their sisters and their sisters love to watch Ninjago with the them. I have the utmost confidence this is not damaging them in any way shape for form. I watched He-man and Transformers as a kid and I turned out just fine 😉
I used to steal my brother’s Ninja Turtles and play with them in my makeshift Barbie houses. I’m totally okay. Mostly. I think.
My four year old daughter LOVES to watch He-Man…and everything else. She plays with her dolls and names them things like “Megatron” and “Penelope.” LOL
Ha! I love that! Emma loves to carry around her Baby, but then Baby gets bodyslammed on the playroom rug and run over by a race car. Tough life for Baby.
Absolutely. I’ve watched ponies and superhero shows alike with my daughters. They play with Disney princess dolls and Spider-Man—and wooden blocks and cardboard boxes and fresh air and grass, too. And I’m proud to say I can name most of the residents of Equestria and Pixie Hollow, and that my girls can tell me Captain America’s origin story. It all is what it all is!
I can’t even tell you Captain America’s origin story, so two points to them!
I’ll go Google it.
My son watches My Little Pony. We had been watching a lot of Jake and Super Hero Squad and there was a lot of blasting and taking of toys (my son identifies with bad guys in shows more) because he was being Hook and stealing them and so I put it on and declared that there needs to be more Friendship is Magic moments in the house between him and his sister. So when things get too blasty around here, we watch Ponies and play with stuffed pony toys and talk about being kind. Not many “boy” shows talk about being kind or helping people in a traditional sense, they are all super heroes save the world and yadda yadda…. so when I need some love and joy around here we watch Ponies. I am fine with letting my boy be himself. He is three and a half and he is just trying out all the different roles in life. He will figure out who he is as he grows and no matter who he is, he will be loved and supported and cherished. Same thing with my daughter. So when my son plays with the Princess castle, I smile. When my daughter puts on a tutu and runs around with airplanes and dump trucks, I smile. Children are children. Toys are toys.
You just spoke one of my giant pet peeves with “boy” shows that I didn’t get a chance to get into in this post. I tried, but the words were taking a different direction than I wanted to go.
“Boy” shows teach…uh…good guys and bad guys. And that’s about it. And there’s nothing wrong with that, per se. It’s all imagination play and there’s a place for it. But when it comes down to being able to have a conversation with my kids about what they’re watching, there are only so many times I can say “the squaddies beat the bad guys and we don’t say ‘stupid’,” you know? We had an actual conversation about generosity and giving because of an episode of Sofia the First last night.
And that’s really part of all of this. In order for me to feel good about what my kids are watching, there needs to be a takeaway.
And I’m totally smiling at the mental image of your tutu-wearing girl with a dump truck. She and Emma might be kindred spirits.
This is absolutely wonderful! Thank you for sharing this. And thank you for including that while a television show will have no affect on a child’s future sexuality, it wouldn’t matter if it did; you love your children regardless!
You are so right in saying that the lessons taught in both traditionally “feminine” programming, as well as traditionally “masculine” programming, are ones that transcend gender. They are important attributes that every good human being should posses. Go you!
It absolutely does not and will not ever matter to me what or who Joshua becomes so long as he doesn’t become an axe murderer. That I’m not okay with.
My 16 year old Son is the one who turned my 3 year old daughter onto My Little Pony. My Daughter tends to lean towards pinks and purples, anything glittery. But sometimes she wants to wear her brothers Brown Beanie, and watch hockey, and play baseball… to me all these things are things children do, gender has nothing to do with it!!
Yeah, the MLP thing here was all Joshua. He saw it in the Netflix queue, asked to watch it, and that was that. If Emma had her way the only thing on the TV would be Elmo or Yo Gabba Gabba, both of which might actually send crack across the airwaves with the way they suck children in.
Whilst I largely agree with this, there is something I find a bit insidious about most things designed with girls in mind. My response was too long for a comment, so here it is: http://findingwalden.com/2013/12/how-to-tell-if-a-show-is-for-boys-or-girls/
I definitely, absolutely agree with you that the toys you mentioned are NOT toys and characters I want my kids playing with. Do I think eventually there will be Barbies in my house? Probably. At least a few. But her other accoutrement–and the Bratz dolls–can stay out.
I do worry that when I have my own kids they will show an interest in less wholesome toys due to their popularity. I’m thinking of restricting access to that sort of thing until I can explain the problems to them, so they view these things more objectively. Something along the lines of “These films are just like a really long advertisement.” or “What does Bratz make you think about (other) girls? Are they right?” Just to get them thinking critically about the toys. I just hope they don’t show much of an interest in them until they’re old enough to understand that a toy is a toy and a piece of plastic isn’t a role-model!
[Also, it looks like my link broke. To those who missed it, the response is currently on the front page of my blog, which you can get to clicking on my name, or here: http://yourwifeisevolving.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/girl-things-boy-things-kid-things/.%5D
Love this 🙂 I don’t have kids, however I remember one time when I was a kid, my cousins were styaing with us. My male cousin was picking on me because I was playing with a dump truck and RC car (I was older than him, but that didn’t seem to bother him at all!) I never saw a problem with playing with my cars, trucks, playing cricket or watching the likes of He-Man and similar TV shows back then! I also had plenty of Barbies (original barbie of course!), dolls, teddies and could go from playing a game involving cars & trucks to dressing up dolls and having tea parties all in one sitting! It certainly didn’t do me any harm, so I’ll let me kids choose what they play with and what they watch 🙂
Boys are boys, girls are girls, but, KIDS ARE KIDS! I grew up as a “Tom boy” per say, but I am totally a girl. You know, it doesn’t matter what gender we are, only that we are human, and have someone that loves us. I come from a family that has a special situation, but you know what? I love my sister more than any one will ever know. I will not expunge on the situation but just know that love has NO boundaries.!