The Universe is a crotchety little turd sometimes, y’all. See, I thought I had a good baby in Emma. A baby who sleeps. Anyhwere! Anytime! Swaddled! Unswaddled! White noise! No white noise! SLEEP!
And then the 4 month wakeful and this newfound love of go-go-going happened and things just haven’t been right since.
Emma MUST KNOW ALL THE THINGS all the time. And I love her curiosity and how exploratory she is. But she’s incredibly overtired as a result of all this knowing and growing she’s doing and the fact that I can’t get her to sleep regularly is heaping the fail upon my head.
To say it’s causing me a great deal of stress is an understatement. Because it’s causing me a great great great deal of stress and sleeplessness. I am not very pretty when I don’t get sleep. Or nice. Or patient. Or any of the things being a mother requires of me 25 hours a day.
Friday, I was a complete zombie when Dan got home. He kept saying “What’s wrong?” And I kept muttering “So sleepy…” and just sort of flopped around the house all sadsack-like.
Saturday, Emma barely napped despite our best efforts to make that happen. Sunday was more of the same. I tried to drink a glass of wine and have myself a good ol’ cry about my baby and how she won’t sleep and I was too tired to even produce tears. Last night she was up every hour from 11 to 6:30.
We’ve got a host of issues happening right now and I’m not sure what to tackle first.
For starters, she’s getting too strong to swaddle. Then there’s the issue of auto-flipping to her hands and knees and completely losing her mind. Because she can flip over, and does, with gusto, it’s really time to start losing the swaddle. Because she’s up on hands and knees, we’re nearing the point where she needs to be in her crib instead of her cosleeper. (Which means I’m going to lose my lovely side-lying nursing, which blows and is a whole other topic for discussion.)
Here’s where momming two is hard. Just like I’ve said before. I never know whose needs come first. When both of their needs are physical, who gets dibs?
This weekend, and the issue I run into more often than not throughout the week, is that Joshua needs activity. Emma needs sleep. They need these things at the same time.
I can tell him we’ll do whatever it is we’re going to do when Emma wakes up but he has to be quiet while she naps. Either he doesn’t understand the concept of the inside voice and being quiet or he’s a pre-sociopath and just doesn’t care.
And then there’s the issue of her bed time. If I can get her swaddled and start nursing her at 6:30, I have the best luck of having a decent night’s sleep. Except it’s a crapshoot as to whether or not Dan will be home from work by 6:30 and Joshua won’t stay in the living room while I’m nursing her and needs to eat dinner then and there’s the issue of feeding the adults in the house and it’s like everything happens at 6:30.
So, words of wisdom, please? HOW do I DO this?
Or better yet, one of y’all just come do this for me and I’ll check into the HoJo for a rest and a continental breakfast.
I am so there with you! I was dreading four months, and now here we are, wakeful as ever! It drives me nuts that my toddler doesn’t understand that by being quiet for a few minutes, he will then get dedicated mama-time when the baby sleeps. I use cookies and TV, because I’m an awesome Mama. Whenever I need to put the baby down for a nap, I give the boy a cookie and I turn on the TV. Now he’s like Pavlov’s dog each and every nap time. smh.
Oh, we use TV. We most certainly use TV.
And I LOLed at the Pavlov’s dog comment when I saw it in my email.
For the 630 bedtime solo, I give graham the iPad to get him to stay out of Gwen’s room. It works here. Otherwise, he comes in repeatedly and makes me super angry.
He gets the phone, but I think maybe there’s not enough novelty with it, and even if there WERE novelty with it, he wants to be where I am. And yes, it makes me angry.
How is Joshua about eating alone? I know it might not be ideal, but for a few weeks (as in until you figure out a better routine or Emma’s sleep changes again) would you be able to make dinner a little early, plop Joshua down for dinner and then sneak away to put Emma to bed?? Or maybe you could watch him eat/eat with him at 6, then at 6:15 (maybe it’s just my toddler that eats at lightning speed?) have some TV/iPad/whatever occupies him time while you get Emma down??
Hmmm, not good? He’ll get up and wander and then the dog will swipe his food. He takes forever to eat because he’s a picky eater. And he’s a slow eater at that. We have to coax him to take bites and sometimes meals take 40 minutes with him.
I used to occupy Sean when Bridge was going through this sort of thing (He was about 2 3/4) and he was super need to be center of attention all the time and would act out every time I tried to take care of Bridge’s needs (not that you are having this particularly, just letting you know where we were) and then I got or was told this brilliant idea….let Sean help when I am caring for Bridge. Our biggest problem was nursing during the day cause there was no Daddy and no one else to occupy him (sadly no smart phones or tablets or on demand things like netflix). So, I would start to forget things like a burp clothe or the tv remote. It didn’t work right away but slowly he started to see that I needed help and it was less about me stealing time from him and more about him being big brother/Mommy’s helper. Sometimes I’d make him Peanut Butter toast and he’d munch on that while sitting near me.
Fast Forward a few years when Sean is going on 5, Bridge is 2 and now we have an infant Meg. I would make sure that anytime Meg needed to be nursed or put down for nap that the older kids were occupied. Either with toys I had taken out of their bins and swapped for others or with a video (or that glorious On Demand programming). I don’t remember super bad issues at dinner time but I would generally give the kids a light snack before dinner, take care of Meg, and then fix dinner. Of course, there were nights (a lot of them) that I think I mostly let them do whatever and I waited on Hubs to get home, no matter how late, and figure out dinner. I wasn’t in a good place then and some days it showed. If I couldn’t make it in about 45minutes or premake it and stick it in the oven, then it was a no go.
Actually, I am not sure that was as helpful as I meant it to be. *sigh* Sorry.
We’re meal planning to help with the food situation. If I plan the meals, I know how long they’ll take and if a night is going worse than another night I can change up what we’re having so that I can make whatever it is in whatever time I have. And if that means we don’t eat until both kids are in bed, then that’s what it means.
And I do appreciate the attempts to help. I do. No need to apologize.
Well with baby number two everything changes!! We had play time while I made dinner. I would put baby in the bouncer in the kitchen and have big sis there to help. Bright lights and lots of noise (somedays it was horrible with lots of tears other days it was fun and we would dance and sing.) We would make dinner as a family (dinner was nothing fancy… think Mac n Cheese, fruit and fish sticks). Daddy would get home sometimes before dinner sometimes not till much later. We would eat then give both the kids a bath together. Nice and warm to help calm big sis down. After bath it was bed time for babay and big sis got to pick out what movie she wanted to watch. This was 7 years ago so our go to was the DVD. I found that something about dinner, bath then quiet time worked 100% better. Trying to get big sister to be quiet without any warning did not work. Also trying to get baby down before dinner did not work in our house as then baby would be back up right when I was ready for bed. When all else failed there was always candy!!!
I think the trouble is that dinner is so close to bed time she’s done with being in a bouncy seat or exersaucer and just wants to be held. And not worn, but held. And candy is probably my best bet at bribing Joshua to do anything!
Remember these are just my thoughts…you can delete them from your brain immediately if you want. In no particular order…
1. I would get Joshua’s dinner done before Emma needs to go down/be nursed. Take care of this so it is not a potential issue.
2. You and Dan may need to eat separate- you eat with Joshua on nights he is not home.
3. If Dan is NOT home, you need to find something that will keep Joshua contained and entertained. We did the ipad/tv which is a treat in our house.
4. You have to get her in her crib. Yes, you will have to get up to nurse but maybe she needs her crib to move around and get cozy. I am guessing this will be tough for a few nights and then it will be awesome. Maybe start with naps in her crib?
5. As for the energy and sleep thing…we divide and conquer on the weekends. This is probably our biggest issue. We take Brady somewhere in the house or out of the house to keep it quiet for Cate. We view it as special time one on one with him. If one of us is home alone, when Cate naps we find something structured for Brady to do- a special activity in or out. It’s take a ton of energy on our end, but in the end we are all happier.
I am happy to tell you that this gets easier and better. Since Cate was 6 months, we eat together, the kids take baths back to back and then they go down at separate times one after the other. It is crazy at night but it works and I just couldn’t take the tears so we got a routine and we stick to it.
Once Emma starts napping regularly this will get better. Our kids both nap in the afternoon so the morning one I am pretty relaxed about… as long as she gets something (like at least 45minutes).
I am happy to send coffee or get a reservation at the closest HoJo…that what friends are for right?
Lastly, if you think I am crazy that is okay too!
I keep telling myself that this will get better. It will get easier the older she gets. Rationally, I know that having been through this with Joshua. She WILL sleep better eventually. But the getting there is the hard part.
And coffee and/or a reservation at the HoJo sounds lovely.
I’m not even going to comment on the sleep issues because it really is so individual to each baby. But you need HELP, in the form of a set of other hands, even for a few hours. Would it be possible for Dan to switch his hours to an early schedule, even just an hour earlier so he’s home at 5:30-5:45 instead of 6:30? If that’s not possible, could you swing hiring a mother’s helper from 5:30 to 7ish. I’m sure there are plenty of high schoolers in the area looking for some work. S/he could play with Joshua outside while you work on dinner and getting the baby down for the night.
Changing his schedule isn’t possible right now. In the future, it might be possible, though. And I’m looking into the Mother’s Helper.
What is this sleep you speak of?
It’s a myth, that’s what.
My Emma is a minimal sleeper, high maintenance baby and she is 2 years 9 months younger than my older daughter. We eat dinner at 6, bath for both at 7, Emma’s fed at 8 and in bed at 8:30. My older daughter watches TV snuggled on the couch, sometimes with a snack or book until Emma is totally settled about 9. Then it’s her turn for snuggles and bed.
That makes it sound so simple and easy, but that is the ONLY time of day that goes smoothly in our house. My Emma is up at least once per night, often twice (Did I mention she’s almost 1?), screeches her demands constantly and never likes to do things the same way twice. But as frustrating as it is, she also loves us just as fiercely. My husband works full time plus at work, is a doctoral student, and is a competitive cyclist, so it is rare that I have an extra set of hands available. It’s just me and the girls. And it’s hard. But I wouldn’t trade it, even tho I often have to vent about it.
Good luck.
My Emma just does so much better when she can get to bed earlier. It’s like bedtimes start at 6:15 and just keep going until 8:30 around here.
It IS hard, and sometimes we DO just need to vent. So I understand that need.
Feel your pain. My toddler shat in my closet floor (true story!) today when I was rocking the baby to sleep for a nap. For real. Sigh.
We have mostly skipped the 4-month regression here so far, but it might be coming. Lots of good comments mentioned so far. I also rely on tv and iPad and I don’t feel great about that. But when I don’t? (Like today…) He ends up doing something outrageous and making a huge mess to get my attention, I suppose. So when I need to rock her, I put him in front of a screen if my husband isn’t around to help.
I’d say the biggest thing is to try and feed Joshua earlier than Emma’s bedtime. If husband could get home and everyone eat together and then he is on Joshua duty, that’s even better. Those are the good days around here, but when hubby travels, it’s all insane from dinner prep to bedtime. I feel you on this one.
Oh my goodness. I’m sending you wine and lots of it.
Screen time isn’t a novelty around here. There’s always a TV on or an iPhone handy. On some levels, it makes me nuts, but on others, my kid is crazy smart with technology and it’s cool to see. Except it’s not a “treat” that I can use to bribe him to stay on the couch while I put Emma to bed and that stinks.
I do have to work on getting at least his dinner done before I start her bed time so that if Dan gets stuck in traffic or is running late, that’s not something I’m worrying about getting done.
Man, I wish I had been able to figure out tha trick to this age and to what you’re experiencing. We went through the EXACT same thing and it only recently has gotten better (the baby is almost 14 months old…sorry). It’s not her, it’s the 3 year-old.
At some point I know we will outgrow this phase, but I’d like to know when, please!
I can say it’s gotten a little easier as she’s gotten older, but…it’s still hard.
Oh, it’ll always be hard, I think. But I’d settle for a different hard that didn’t involve everyone’s sleep being screwed.
I got ((((()))) and I can drink wine with you. After 630 of course. 😉
Wine is always welcome.
I remember when my youngest STILL was not sleeping through the night at 9 months and I thought surely, HELL is right around the corner from this, right? Juggling two older kids and a husband that worked late, etc, etc.
You’re feeling better now, right? lol.
Seriously, try to feed the little guy earlier if you can, occupy him with something that is his favorite, like play-doh or t.v… Or yeah… get someone to help out if possible. I surely could have used someone back then…
Hope the sleeping thing gets better…
Kenley arrived during my husband’s busy season last year and I remember feeling this EXACT SAME WAY. My only tip and seriously, its not that great– I put food at Brayden’s level around 5pm so he could just get what he wanted when he wanted because Kenley cluster fed FOREVER. Yogurt, string cheese, crackers– I set it all up when both kids were happy earlier in the day and it saved me for sure. Yes, cheese and crackers were a big favorite and he’s a picky eater and it doesn’t seem “good enough” but it worked.
Just wanted to say that we’re in the same boat! No good suggestions to offer, but I’m combing the comments for ideas. 🙂
on nights when i’ve had to do solo bedtime, I try to get baby to take a later nap than usual so that he can stay up while i put S to bed first. (on these days i make sure S doesn’t nap so he’s nice and tired by 7pm) i either would side lie nurse R while telling S stories/singing songs and then when he was asleep I’d go in R’s room and finish putting him to sleep. It didn’t always work, but sometimes it did 🙂