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On Blogging and Opinions

I don’t even know how to begin writing what I’m about to write. In my head, this is all over the place. Maybe it’s just a little more word vom for your week and you’ll go “OMG AWFUL!” and click the red X and run away screaming. That’s cool. I just feel like I need to dump this out before I quit the internet for realz.

If I had to list qualities about myself that I see as being both good and bad, opinionated would be at the top of that list. (Though I say “passionate” when I’m being positive.)

I’m opinionated, y’all. About pretty much everything. Except what we’re having for dinner. And the fact that I usually have no opinion on what to have for dinner pretty much drives Dan nuts on a daily basis. But that’s not even kind of the opinion I’m talking about here.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can sometimes be…hmmm…how should I say it…forward? with my opinions? Outspoken?

Because I can be. And I know this. And KNOWING this has caused me to pull back in some ways, especially online. (Yes, people who know me. I’m being honest. I don’t say nearly as much as I want to say half the time. Weird, right?)

True story: I’m not nearly as opinionated around here as I could be, or even as I’d sometimes like to be, because I realize that my opinions might be alienating.

But there’s something stifling about that.

Because these opinions that I have? They’re my opinions. Just like your opinions are your opinions and your friend’s opinions are their opinions and so on and so forth until the ends of the Universe. And the world keeps spinning despite the fact that we all have these opinions that are sometimes radically different from those of our neighbor.

And yet I feel compelled to hold back when it comes to my opinions on issues for fear of 1) making y’all angry and tearing down what’s been built up here, 2) attracting all kinds of drama, or 3) both.

I’m of the opinion ( o_o ) that not all opinions are of the horrible variety just because they are opinions. Some can simply add to the discussion in thoughtful ways that shed light on a different side of the story.

So yesterday when posts were published on various battles in the “Mommy Wars,” I sat here and read them and formed opinions (not necessarily opposing ones, at least not completely) about these topics, but I don’t know how to share them here. Or there. Or anywhere, really.

Because of the charged nature of those two discussions, I feel like my thoughts would automatically be lumped into the horrible category no matter how I couched them. At least some people would think those opinions are horrible. And if they think those opinions are horrible, does that mean that by extension, I become horrible?

(See also: Miranda has issues.)

I don’t know what, exactly, to do with that.

In the entire Blogoverse, it seems like there’s room enough for all of us to share our opinions in thoughtful ways. There should be. But more often than not, it feels like there isn’t space for all of us. For me.

But maybe that’s just my issue. (Likely.)

How do you deal with knowing that you have something to say and knowing that you really want to say that something but worrying that you’ll offend people, or hurt people you care about, when that’s not your intent? Because I’m stumped. And I certainly don’t want people to think I’m horrible.


People, I think I just had an apostrophe. (Name that movie.)

I lost my train of thought no less than 47 times while I was writing this thanks to Shipping Wars and tried to wrap this post up so I could go to bed. A place I should’ve been 2 hours ago. But I remembered part of why I think opinions are so difficult while brushing my teeth (Don’t pretend like you don’t get your best ideas while doing mundane things.) and thought I’d come back here and add this little nugget of thought.

Opinions are tough for me because I have issues. (This has been previously established, yes?)

So when I read other people’s opinions, my rational mind accepts that as that person’s opinion independent of my own and moves along.

My irrational mind, however, is a psychotic bitch.

The irrational part of my brain reads an opinion different from my own and sees judgment for having a different opinion, or for having done things differently, or for wanting to do things differently, even when absolutely no judgment is implied.

Conversely, I think I’m scared to share my opinions on here because of the same thing. Crazy, irrational, psychotic bitch minds that think I’m judging when I’m not.

So NOW what?

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Randy Goodman

Thursday 5th of October 2017

On Phantosmia: I have been so depressed for the last two weeks with this never ending cigarette smell in my nose. Today, my second day of antibiotics in the first step to get rid of this crazy affliction , I read you blog and quite honestly laughed so hard I had to change my draws. Thanks so much! Especially the comment on the little person who runs my nose is tripping on acid and smoking!


Saturday 14th of January 2012

Hey lady. I'm late to the party here, but I just want you to know that I understand. Truly. There's a post in my head about weaning and one about child spacing, and I haven't posted either because I'm afraid I will get comments full of the sweetest, most well meaning advice - that will inevitably make me feel like crap. Sigh.

But, that said? I love your opinions. Truly.


Thursday 12th of January 2012

I think the problem in all of this is everyone takes everything personally. People can present their experiences on EBF/natural birth/FF/etc etc etc in a completley calm, rational and unbiased way. And someone, usually multiple someones, will STILL take it personally. No one name called, no one implied anything, but it will STILL Be taken as such. So I understand your fears and worries in expressing your opinion. Even if you do it in the kindest way possible, it will inevitably taken the wrong way.

But. (there's always a but). One thing I have learned from my wonderful husband is that taking things the wrong way, getting in fights, arguing, and all of that doesn't mean the end of anything. It happens, often for the better, and we move on. And, if it DOES cause a larger rift, then perhaps that relationship wasn't authentic in the first place. If we can't disagree and then move on from it, is that really a relationship you want? If some readers get their panties in such a bunch that they want to, by extension, feel you are horrible, did they truly know you at all? Additionally, can you truly respect a person like that?

I used to never argue with my husband because I was afraid of making him mad. That ended up making him maddest! Because we know each other, love each other, and are committed to one another, we can disagree (we have varying political and religious views), argue, maybe even fight, and then move on. I had to learn to not be afraid of sharing how I was feeling. EVEN IF it makes him mad. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Regardless, we get through it.

So, my dear, I say to you: trust in your readers. Will there be some that disappoint you? There may be. Will there be some drama? There may be. But, to be your best self, you should be as open and honest as you *want* to be. Want is the key word there, because if you want to say something, you say it and if you don't want to, you don't. But I know that I, for one, love hearing your opinion and view and hope you decide to be as forward as you want to be. <3


Wednesday 11th of January 2012

I completely understand. I just don't comment on some people's blogs anymore because apparently when asking for advice or opinions and you give your own they really didn't want to hear the opposite of what they were thinking. Whatever.


Wednesday 11th of January 2012

For me, it's never about someone's opinion, it's about delivery.

The fact is that there are major Mommy Wars {I know that wasn't even what this post was started about....The Vampire Diaries? What could you have read on a forum about that to get you so thoughtful my dear Miranda?} and all of us do one or the other at one time or another. And we obviously believe in what we're doing for the reasons we are doing them...but raising kids is scary shit. And we are all {or at least 90% of us} are worried about messing up. We are worried we are making mistakes and failing our children. So when someone says we are doing it all wrong it makes our face hot and our chest tighten with panic.

And that's where delivery comes in. There's a way to promote and discuss BFing with out telling FFing mothers they are bad. There's a way to discuss the pro's of home birth with out making hospital births seem evil. There are always ways to discuss hot button topics with class and with the goal of educating or explaining ones stance....with out making someone else feel like shit.

And so I think sharing opinions isn't bad. I think that telling someone they are a shitty mom is.

And really, no one's feelings or opinions are wrong. Ever. The way you feel about something is right, because the way you feel is just as real as reality. {We can all thank lots of therapy for that little tidbit lol}

Elizabeth Flora Ross

Wednesday 11th of January 2012

Amen, Alena! That was so well put. I am actually writing a post on this right now.

Miranda - I so get this. It feels like things have gotten so out of control we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I do believe being true to ourselves is vital. To Alena's point, our feelings and opinions are valid. And we should not be afraid to share them - respectfully. So many people - and I do not mean you, dear - don't know how to do that. And it has caused problems for all of us. It sucks.

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