I don’t even know how to begin writing what I’m about to write. In my head, this is all over the place. Maybe it’s just a little more word vom for your week and you’ll go “OMG AWFUL!” and click the red X and run away screaming. That’s cool. I just feel like I need to dump this out before I quit the internet for realz.
If I had to list qualities about myself that I see as being both good and bad, opinionated would be at the top of that list. (Though I say “passionate” when I’m being positive.)
I’m opinionated, y’all. About pretty much everything. Except what we’re having for dinner. And the fact that I usually have no opinion on what to have for dinner pretty much drives Dan nuts on a daily basis. But that’s not even kind of the opinion I’m talking about here.
I’ll be the first to admit that I can sometimes be…hmmm…how should I say it…forward? with my opinions? Outspoken?
Because I can be. And I know this. And KNOWING this has caused me to pull back in some ways, especially online. (Yes, people who know me. I’m being honest. I don’t say nearly as much as I want to say half the time. Weird, right?)
True story: I’m not nearly as opinionated around here as I could be, or even as I’d sometimes like to be, because I realize that my opinions might be alienating.
But there’s something stifling about that.
Because these opinions that I have? They’re my opinions. Just like your opinions are your opinions and your friend’s opinions are their opinions and so on and so forth until the ends of the Universe. And the world keeps spinning despite the fact that we all have these opinions that are sometimes radically different from those of our neighbor.
And yet I feel compelled to hold back when it comes to my opinions on issues for fear of 1) making y’all angry and tearing down what’s been built up here, 2) attracting all kinds of drama, or 3) both.
I’m of the opinion ( o_o ) that not all opinions are of the horrible variety just because they are opinions. Some can simply add to the discussion in thoughtful ways that shed light on a different side of the story.
So yesterday when posts were published on various battles in the “Mommy Wars,” I sat here and read them and formed opinions (not necessarily opposing ones, at least not completely) about these topics, but I don’t know how to share them here. Or there. Or anywhere, really.
Because of the charged nature of those two discussions, I feel like my thoughts would automatically be lumped into the horrible category no matter how I couched them. At least some people would think those opinions are horrible. And if they think those opinions are horrible, does that mean that by extension, I become horrible?
(See also: Miranda has issues.)
I don’t know what, exactly, to do with that.
In the entire Blogoverse, it seems like there’s room enough for all of us to share our opinions in thoughtful ways. There should be. But more often than not, it feels like there isn’t space for all of us. For me.
But maybe that’s just my issue. (Likely.)
How do you deal with knowing that you have something to say and knowing that you really want to say that something but worrying that you’ll offend people, or hurt people you care about, when that’s not your intent? Because I’m stumped. And I certainly don’t want people to think I’m horrible.
People, I think I just had an apostrophe. (Name that movie.)
I lost my train of thought no less than 47 times while I was writing this thanks to Shipping Wars and tried to wrap this post up so I could go to bed. A place I should’ve been 2 hours ago. But I remembered part of why I think opinions are so difficult while brushing my teeth (Don’t pretend like you don’t get your best ideas while doing mundane things.) and thought I’d come back here and add this little nugget of thought.
Opinions are tough for me because I have issues. (This has been previously established, yes?)
So when I read other people’s opinions, my rational mind accepts that as that person’s opinion independent of my own and moves along.
My irrational mind, however, is a psychotic bitch.
The irrational part of my brain reads an opinion different from my own and sees judgment for having a different opinion, or for having done things differently, or for wanting to do things differently, even when absolutely no judgment is implied.
Conversely, I think I’m scared to share my opinions on here because of the same thing. Crazy, irrational, psychotic bitch minds that think I’m judging when I’m not.
So NOW what?