Here’s the deal.
I’m not hardcore pushing the potty training thing. I know my child isn’t 100% ready for diaper-free living based on various signs of readiness.
But I do need you, wise People of the Internets, to talk to me about poop and how to get it in the potty. (The toddler’s, not mine. Just in case you were confused.) Because I’m baffled as to how, exactly, this works.
We can get Joshua to pee in the potty with some regularity when we ask him if he has to go. This may be partially due to the fact that there are candy bribes involved thanks to Dr. Schneider’s lecture on potty training his daughters in my Psych 1001 class as examples of classical and operant conditioning a decade (GASP!) ago.
So then we started talking to and asking Joshua about “going stinky” in the potty. To which he says, quite pointedly, “I don wanna go stinky in dah potty.”
And then last night I think we nearly gave him an anxiety attack.
Here’s how it went down:
He came to us around 7:00 and said “I got a soaky butt!” (which he sometimes says but more often does not say). Dan took him to his room to change his diaper and instead of putting a diaper on him, I thought we’d just let him wear some Thomas underwear. There were only about 30 minutes until bath time and the chances of him peeing were slim. I didn’t want to potentially waste a diaper if we could get him to the potty to pee on time. Except he hadn’t pooped in a while and he’s a pretty, uh, regular guy. So we knew we were taking more than just a pee risk.
He was standing in front of the TV and we smelled what smelled like he’d pooped, but he hadn’t, so we took him to the potty and put him on it and told him he could have a popsicle if he went stinky on the potty.
He passed gas and proclaimed “I DID IT!”
Except he didn’t. I was sitting in the floor with him and he kept trying to get up and I kept saying “No, Joshie go stinky on the potty!” all excited-like. And he got less and less amused with my antics and began to cry. Which made me FEEL like poop. Because I was stupid for pushing this and should’ve just cut my losses.
He came back into the living room and played trains and then ventured into the dining room where he turned off the light and got quiet. Dan and I were all “JOSHUA! LET’S GO STINKY ON THE POTTY!!!”
And he got kind of hysterical. So we offered to put a diaper on him so he could poop and when we laid him down in the floor we discovered he was mid-poop and he kind of freaked on us a little bit.
“I DON WAN A DIAPER! I DON WAN A STINKY DIAPER! I DON WAN A STINKY!” ::sob sob sob::
I fastened a diaper with lightning speed, scooped up my wailing toddler, and snuggled him until he was ready to go back into the living room where we waited on bath time until he’d gone back into the dining room, turned out the light AGAIN, and finished what he’d started 15 minutes prior.
I felt awful for the kid.
And last night I realized I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to potty training except to know that he’s probably not really ready and I don’t want to push it because it’s more “convenient” for me. (And really, after reading my friend Suzanne’s post about a potty-trained toddler, I’m not so sure it’s more convenient.)
His reaction last night also tells me that I am in no way entertaining the idea of Boot Camping him into using the toilet full time.
But tell me, y’all, am I doing this even remotely right? Or should I study up on my Freud and his theories of anal retentiveness?
I am in the same boat pretty much…don’t force it because he won’t use the potty. My daughter uses the potty when she has no diaper on but she does not tell us when she has to go..so she will use the diaper if she has it on..I am at a cross road myself..good luck..
He’ll tell us AFTER he goes, but not before. And not always after he goes, either. Though he’s getting way more consistent with telling us about the fact that he’s pooped. Mostly because he walks like he’s dropped a giant load in his pants. Which he has.
Gah. Toddler poop. Such a great topic of discussion, right?
I was lucky that I was the last of my friends to have kids so I was able to see what did & didn’t work for them. Both of our girls trained in less than 2 days with maybe 1 accident. The method to my madness? I didn’t train them! We didn’t talk about it or ask. I waited until they begged & begged to go on the potty. Once I finally gave in, the were so excited that they just went. #1 was 2.5 & #2 was 3yo. The baby (20m) just said “I pee” to me yesterday but we won’t try until she specifically asks. I’ve heard boys can be harder but I am not sure.
I think this is what I’m going to have to do–just wait until he’s absolutely ready. I’m just afraid he’ll be 4 and still in diapers. 🙁
And yes, I’ve also heard boys can be more difficult to potty train than girls.
I should add to my comment above that my method may have been due to pure laziness. I had 3, barely 3 & under so I was in survival mode. 😉
Barely? 3 under 3 screams survival mode to me.
Evan fought about pooping too. Even after he was in underwear almost all the time he would hold it and hold it and hold it until nap time and then poop in his sleep (he still wears diapers/pull ups for sleeping). We were mere hours away from full on potty training when he cried so hard about pooping in the potty I started worrying I was scarring him for life and we quit. Only a week later he was happily putting all his poop in the potty like a big kid. It seems SO COMPLEX and CONFUSING when you’re trying to get him to do it, but if you keep asking – and definitely letting him pee on the potty if he wants – I PROMISE one day it will happen.
Oh and bribes. Keep bribing. I offered ANYTHING I could think of and some days it worked. But you really only have to convince him pooping on the potty is fun ONCE and then he’ll be ok.
After Sunday night, I’m afraid to mention it. I’m afraid hysterics and therapy for all will be required!
I do think that if I can get him to do it once he’ll be okay with it. He just needs to know it isn’t this big scary thing and I’m not sure how to communicate that to him.
Well, I can’t tell you the right way, but I certainly know the WRONG way. Pressuring our daughter to poop on the potty led to the delightful process of withholding. She now feels the urge and goes to stand in the corner with her legs crossed holding it in. And let me tell you, not an easy mistake to correct. Good luck!
Oh no! Poor thing(s)! After Sunday night, I think this is where we’d end up if I continued to push the poop-in-the-potty thing because he was so terrified when we put his diaper on so he could poop.
I feel like kids should be born with an innate understanding that sleep is good and healthy and bodily waste goes into toilets. It would make Momming so much easier.
We waited until the girls were really ready (they were both about 2.5), then we just made a decision to go all or nothing. Panties, a potty following them to every room, but no more diapers. If they peed on the floor, good. At least they saw what happened. Same thing with poop. I didn’t tell them they had to do it on the potty, but if it missed or got in panties, we’d scoop it up, walk them to the potty, throw it in, and say, “Bye, poo poo!” And they really got it that way. Like, “hmmm, if I just put it in there to begin with, things will be much faster and mom will not make me take the time to do a whole ceremony.” Night time training didn’t happen until about age 3 with Brynn, 3.5 with Julia. But we always called the night time Pull-Ups “night time panties, ” because, like I said, no more “diapers!” Wait til he’s ready, let him go naked or with panties, and let him learn from his accidents. It’ll happen. Promise.
I think part of this is exacerbated by the fact that he’s in daycare. I know they take him to the potty there and everybody gets a chance to try and go, but I think it’s just not the same. So now I’m looking at potty training in the summer WITH an infant. At least there will be wine then.
Asking me if you’re doing parenting right, um, probably isn’t the wisest course of action. I somehow managed, this morning, to put my daughter’s diaper on inside-out.
But, I have a potty training story for you.
I am, generally, in charge of bath time at home . . . my wife stays at home, and she’s short, so it’s a whole lot easier for me to deal with cleaning them – and when you combine the fact that I can turn bath time into an hour-long ordeal, well, it’s a big thing.
Anywho, my daughter has had some recent bouts of constipation (which, I know, isn’t really a stranger to you . . . which is why I kind of wondered if the “poop in the potty” was actually advice for you – and the only advice that I really have there is “don’t force anything, ever.”), and constipation, combined with the warm bath water . . . I call it a code brown.
For about a 2 month run, every bath involved a code brown. I was not happy.
Finally, we ended up getting her a little more regular, and bathtime stopped having us end the bath abruptly, clean the tub, and then resume. However, one time, she started throwing an absolute fit in the middle of the bath.
I saw her clenching and picked her soapy butt up. I sat her on the potty as she screamed “no” (she likes bathtime and she didn’t want it to end). But, then she relaxed, and I heard a “plop”. I let her down and cleaned her up as she pointed to what she had done.
I haven’t been able to capture the moment since.
And that is how you leave a far too long comment about poop.
I love that you left me this far too long comment about poop. And that you feel comfortable enough with me to not only share advice for my child’s habits, but mine as well.
I hope you took a page from Jill’s (BabyRabies) book and invested in a small fish-tank net for catching and releasing the Code Browns.
And now here’s my own story for you:
As Joshua and I were getting in the shower tonight, out of the blue he says “No, no. Can’t go stinky in the shower!” He’s never done that before, but he somehow knows he shouldn’t. So, plus one for us?
I got to be honest, I am just going to be lazy about this until Eddie is 3. We talk about the potty and sometimes he asks to sit there, so we let him, but I am not going to even try to “push” potty training until the baby is here and established.
I’m not trying to push it at all because I know he’s not ready. I’m just confused about how I’m supposed to make this all happen when he IS ready. :/
Honestly, I think that our potty training went smoothly only because I was off of work and was able to keep on him all day every day.
When we first started, there was a lot of resistance. He ended up getting the “two way” flu and was terrified to sit on the toilet. So we stopped the potty training.
Then one day he said he wanted to sit on the toilet like a big boy and we started.
I think that they have to want to.
So we went out and bought him fancy “car” underpants and I had him in those all day. There were A LOT of accidents but he got the idea of being wet and he didn’t like the whole poop part.
We awarded him chocolate for pee and ice cream scoop for poop 😉
And it also helped that he had a scheduled poop time…so we would put him on the potty as soon as the time rolled in.
Be patient. It will come Momma!
Poor Chunky 🙁
And yes, I do think my being home with him during the summer will be better for him in terms of potty training. I think there’s too many inconsistencies between the way they potty train at daycare versus home for him to fully comprehend either way of doing things.
My son is 4 and it’s still something we’re dealing with. It’s a control issue with him. We tried when he was 3 and it became an absolute battle. He was screaming and crying….. I was like this CAN NOT be right. Just the other day he comes to be and tells me he has to pee. Off we go to the potty. Do I like the the fact that my 4 yr old isn’t potty trained?! NO. But at the end of the day, who gives a rat’s ass! 🙂 Each child is different and each child will do it when they’re ready.
I know he won’t go to Kindergarten wearing diapers, so for the most part, I’m not worried. I’m just trying to prepare myself for how to do this when he’s ready.
Oh honey,…don’t sweat this one. Mine are now 14 and 17. There will be plenty of time for stressing over many other things. He won’t go to kindergarten pooping in the diaper. You’ll know when is completely ready. Then just stay home for potty training boot camp . Stay home all weekend and just do it! Hmmm, I don’t think I’d do it during the busy holiday season….just sayin’! Enjoy that little fella and take care!
I’m not so worried about when as much as how. I feel like maybe I underestimate what he’s capable of understanding sometimes so I don’t try things I should.
What worked for Sebastian was having him go naked from the waist down. The first two days were rough because he would sometimes pee on the floor, but he absolutely would not poop on the floor – he went to the potty every single time for that. After about four days, he was peeing and pooping in the potty without any trouble. He did have a few accidents for the next two weeks when he didn’t make it to pee on the potty in time, but there weren’t very many at all.
Joshua does NOT like being naked. When shower time is done the first thing he says is “I need cover my pee pee!” and we wrap him in a towel so we can brush his teeth.
Sebastian does not like being naked, either, which is why I think being naked worked for him. He had to use the potty to earn his underwear. If he had an accident in them, he went naked again until he used the potty. It was basically a reward system that used underwear instead of candy for good behavior.
I should also say that he’s day-time potty trained, but still wears diapers at night. We’re hoping to have him nighttime potty trained soon, but it’s a lot harder to do since kids sleep like rocks.
Hopefully you find a method that works for you! We tried several before we found one (this one) that worked.
That makes a lot of sense! That wearing the underwear are a reward!
Alright lady. During our potty training escapades, I learned that you HAVE to be consistent. No underwear until he is completely ready! It is just too confusing. Am I allowed to pee and poop in my diaper? But mommy and daddy put me in underwear sometimes, so what am I supposed to do?!
Whenever you decide to potty train, you should go cold turkey. Throw out the diapers and have Joshua say good bye. It’s over and done.
And then the next few days will suck and you will have a lot of cleaning up to do, but he isn’t going to learn to go pee AND poop in the potty until he has an accident in his underwear. We used the 3 day potty training method and it worked for us. Does it work for everyone? No, but she definitely has some good ideas.
Here is a word vomit post of things I learned during our journey: http://rmtnmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/how-to-have-potty-training-success.html
Good luck!
I’ve read a lot of the 3-day potty training and in so many ways, I just don’t think it would work for us and for Joshua. I think I have to go for a slower process than that and I know he’s just not ready yet.
I can see where the occasional moment in the underwear could be confusing, though.
My husband’s cousin would let her son play video games – either on phone, PSP, whatever portable system you have – to get her son to sit on the potty long enough to poop on the potty. BTW Funny, true story – As I was reaging this story, my son (who is 2.25 and sometimes uses the potty and sometimes tells me he has to go on the potty but more frequently tells me after he goes) ran to the potty telling me he had an “acky poopy” as he was pulling down his pante and upon pulling off his diaper, I discovered he already went poop. A while ago. *palm/forehead* Good luck! Can’t wait to read more about your experience in PT!