Here’s a smattering of the goings on in our house lately:
Shoes. In the middle of the floor. Because that’s where Joshua is when he wants to take them off and that’s where they stay when he DOES take them off. As well as socks.
And speaking of shoes, the child has an opinion about his footwear. Today there was a complete meltdown in the middle of a Stride Rite because we needed to try a shoe on him and he did not want to try on said shoe. And when I say meltdown, I mean sobbing, crocodile tears and not the bang-your-head-on-the-floor variety.
And he has an opinion about his clothing. And whether or not he gets to take a bath or a shower. And probably “why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings.” (10 points to you if you get that last reference without Googling. I’m teaching poetry right now and that’s your only clue.)
Joshua NEEDS everything. For instance:
“I need juice.” followed by “No, I need blue Car cup juice, not yellow cup juice.”
This whole cup thing? Makes me nuts.
“I need play games.”
This is how he asks for my iPhone. I ignore this. Then he says “May I play games, please?” like a little human and I give in because I taught him to ask nicely and now I can’t crush him. These are the only manners he uses consistently!
“I need take shower.”
Which means one of us has to shower with him, whether or not one of us needs a shower.
“I need build castles.”
Which really means he wants to take all of the blocks out of the tote, build something tall, and then knock it over.
“I need go outside.”
Which means one of us has to go outside. And push him around the cul-de-sac on his bicycle. How in the world do you teach a kid to ride a bike??
“I need watch Wiggles.”
Dumbest kids’ show ever. And I’m convinced those men go “My life facking SUCKS! I was supposed to be a ROCK STAR!” when the cameras stop rolling.
“I need Marwies.”
That’s Smarties in toddler-speak.
“I need listen Itsy Spider.”
We listen to this song on repeat. And Dan is less annoyed by this than he is my Glee soundtracks. Something is awry there.
“I need that ______________.”
Insert the color of whatever object he “needs” and doesn’t have a name for. Like “I need that yellow” and it’s really a jug of laundry detergent or something ridiculous.
Most of the time, these “needs” come rapid-fire and we haven’t had an opportunity to meet one of them before he already “needs” something different. Or he repeats what he needs over and over and over until he’s acknowledged.
And then there are the conversations, like this one he had with Dan the other night while I was in class:
Dan: How about a grilled cheese for dinner?
Joshua: How bout Goldfish?
Dan: No, how about a grilled cheese?
Joshua: How bout no?
What the what? Where did he get so sassy!?! (Don’t answer that, Mama.)
I thought I had more time before he got a personality and his own wants and desires and thoughts and opinions! He is his own little person and he’s growing up so fast, y’all.
It makes my heart happy-sad.