I read a syndicated post on BlogHer today that has just kind of stuck in my head all afternoon. It discusses working moms who are chasing that elusive thing called “Work-life balance.”
The author of that post tells a couple of anecdotes about women who chose, or were perhaps forced to choose, work over life. Then she tells an anecdote about a time she informed her employers that an upcoming meeting needed to be scheduled so that it didn’t interfere with her ability to attend a performance at her children’s school. In her case, they pushed, she pushed back, and the meeting was scheduled at a time that didn’t conflict with her children’s performance.
The author posits that women in the workforce have the choice to say “no” when career obligations interfere with family obligations. And that they should. While simultaneously trying to climb their ladder to the top.
I know (or assume) that the author’s intent wasn’t to belittle or ignore those women who simply do not have this sort of leverage. I believe she understands that this is not an easy thing to accomplish. But she seems to be in a position of power within her organization, so when she pushes, it also seems that people listen.
But what about when they don’t listen to the rest of us?
What about when women can’t say “No”? Not because they don’t WANT to say “No,” but because saying “No” means saying “Sorry, I can’t help put food on the table.”
What about when saying “no” gets her passed over for the promotion she was in line for? Or the bonus?
What about when saying “no” means “you no longer work here”?
The truth is some of us are completely expendable in our jobs. Many, MANY of us, work in positions where we can be replaced almost as soon as we’re terminated.
Those of us who are fortunate enough to make it to the top of our respective ladders (as “the top” is different for all of us depending upon career choice) have a little–sometimes a lot–of room to say “Nope. Sorry. Can’t make that meeting. So have it without me or reschedule it.”
Those of us who are in the middle? Or on the bottom? We don’t get that luxury.
I don’t get that luxury and I’m a professional with two degrees. And I’m a damn good teacher to boot.
But if I start saying “No, I can’t do that extracurricular because I have a family and that takes too much time away from them,” or “No, I can’t do Open House on Tuesday nights because Tuesday nights are karate nights,” or “No, I can’t be here to teach my students because there’s a program at my son’s school at the exact same time and I need to be there instead,” they are going to let me know in no uncertain terms that I may be good, but I can be replaced.
With someone straight out of college who will work for less and do even more because perhaps she doesn’t have children yet or maybe isn’t even married.
So far, I’ve only encountered the first of the above mentioned scenarios. And I didn’t say no because I couldn’t afford to. I took Joshua to band camp with me when he was 4 months old because being a sponsor for Color Guard saved my job. And now that I’m not doing Color Guard anymore, I’ve got basketball cheer and yearbook to help keep me employed.
And the other two scenarios are coming down the pipes.
Eventually, there will be a conflict with an activity Joshua does and my job. Or there will be a program that is happening at his school at a time when I can’t get a substitute to go. And I don’t know what I’ll do when those moments arrive.
I like to think I’ll make it work, but what if I can’t?
Someone gets let down. There is almost no other way.
I know that there are other professions where women can be away from the office for an hour or two and catch up when they get back. But there are far more women working jobs where they can’t. Telling them they have a choice when the choice is seeing a school play or feeding and clothing their child is a cruel thing to tell them.
I don’t say any of this to minimize the importance of being there for our kids for their moments in the spotlight. Or when they need us to tuck them in at night instead of Daddy, if Daddy is even in the picture.
Those things are important. Maybe more important than our jobs sometimes.
But we don’t live in a world where it’s easy for women to “just say no” to their employers and feel any sort of security in doing so.
So what are we going to DO about that?
Because at some point it’s not enough to say “Tell your employer ‘no’ and stand your ground!” if we’re not thinking about the reality of the situation.
All jobs are not created equal and we’re not all working the same jobs. What works for one of us will likely not work for all of us.
Well said! I’m a working mama and don’t have the option of saying “no” when work conflicts with my home life. It’s rough sometimes but I also don’t want be the “whiney mom” employee.
I have the option, I suppose. But they have the option to fire me. Granted my job does allow me time to spend with Joshua, but lots of women don’t have that same flexibility.
You said it very well. You just can’t lump this all together into a one-fits-all scenario.
Thanks, Sherri. I think back to when my mother was working in restaurants or the textile mills back home. When she was in management at the restaurants, she had more flexibility. But in the mill? Not at all.
Good perspective, Miranda. I think there are many more women in the position of not being able to say no, than there are those who CAN say no. Unfortunate, but true.
You’re absolutely right. There are far more women in positions where they cannot say no than there are those who have pull with their employers. Far more. So it doesn’t seem fair to me for someone who is IN that position to look at mothers who aren’t and say “Say no. For your mental health. And that of your child.” That just doesn’t sit right with me.
First of all, i didn’t read the Blogher article, but based on what you said, I think you’re right. Saying that all working moms have this flexibility is not fair. Really lumping anything about motherhood into a one size fits all scenario is not fair.
I’m actually working on a post right now about how what works for me as a working mom is to not separate the work from the mom. But I’m lucky that I have a job (and more importantly) a boss that allows that. I can leave for an afternoon and make up the work after the kids go to bed, meetings can be held without me or rescheduled if I’m out of the office to be with my kids. The flip side is that I get calls, emails, etc that are expected to be answered even when I’m technically in “mom” mode. But I guess all in all, I’m lucky to be where I’m at. And that’s not lost on me.
For the record, I don’t think that the author is saying that all moms have this flexibility. She does note that it’s a difficult thing to balance. I don’t want people to think I’m slamming her when I’m really just seeking to further the discussion she started.
But no, we can’t lump all scenarios about being working mothers into one category because one size doesn’t even fit most when it comes to this.
I know that I’m lucky, too, because most of the time, I will probably be able to be there for Joshua’s events. Thankfully, the current administration seems to understand the importance of parents being there for children’s events. But will every administration I work for always understand this? No.
I think it’s just unfortunate when school systems and administrations – or any other employers – decide to be bullies just because they can. Because you know what? They CAN help you out if they want to. I’ve known moms whose schools let them go to 3/5 schedules when they had kids or who let them cover some after school program in exchange for having first period off to put their kids on the buses. I know teachers who cover each other’s classes so that they don’t need to miss their kids’ award assemblies. I wish that everyone could have that kind of work culture where they can say no.
It used to be somewhat normal for teachers to job share and work part-time when they had small children. One teacher would teach morning classes and the other would teach afternoon classes. They both got part of the day off to be home with their children. But not anymore. Now there’s no room to make that happen for reasons I’m not sure I fully understand.
And the teachers in my department are good at covering for each other when one needs to be out for a school related function like an assembly, but I know that none of us really LIKES giving up our planning or lunch periods to help cover, even if we’re willing to do it.
I will totally come to Georgia and cover your classes. Do you teach Romeo and Juliet? That’s my favorite đ
Yes. And it’s NOT my favorite. So teach away.
Very well written.
Thanks!
I am in this same predicament now. I am the only girl in the company, second in command, and the boss doesn’t have kids. I’ve never been told NO but I get the ‘whiney’ award. While Jon can take some time off too, it is usually expected that the mom do it. And that makes it hard because both our jobs are important, and both of our roles as parents are as important. I’m not more important because I’m the mom (although my nurturing skills are wayyyy better than his). So where do we draw the line about who does it? When we are both the parents, when we both make the same amount of money, who takes the time off or says No at the job?
This makes me all GRRRR on your behalf. đ When I was growing up, my mom worked in hospitals and my dad was a computer programmer, so if we were sick at school on a day mom was working, we called dad because it was easier for him to leave. How many times did the school nurse say “oh, I wouldn’t want to bother your dad at work. Can’t your mom come?” GRRRRRRR.
It makes me cranky, too, because it goes to the larger issues of the often unequal expectations of parenting roles and the importance of men’s careers vs. women’s when it comes to work-life balance.
I feel you, Randi, and I’m not the only girl OR second in command. But when I have to call in for a sub because Joshua’s sick, I’m met with “well, we’ll see what we can do.” I’ve never been told that I couldn’t be out with him, but I’ve certainly received enough tone to let me know that this isn’t something they’re loving.
But Dan has his own department and being “the boss” doesn’t mean he has any more flexibility to say “Sorry, guys, can’t do it.” Because when he’s not there, his job doesn’t get done either.
He and I are on a pretty level field when it comes to who brings home more. Our pay is just about equal, and both of our jobs are important. But we’re both parents and our roles here are equally as important, too. So it makes things really difficult for us to decide who takes the day off when something comes up and we have to.
It really does just depend on your industry. I have an office job, but I can remote in from my computer and work from home. I am also attached to my blackberry and can respond to work e-mails anytime anywhere. I work 12+ hour days either at the office or in a mixture of office and home. If I am going above and beyond the typical 8 hour day (which no one really abides by anymore anyways, which is really sad and a WHOLE different discussion) you better believe I will ask for a meeting rescheduled, and expect it to happen.
From the get go I made it clear that I have a family and they are my number one priority. If my employer doesn’t respect that, than I don’t want to work for them anyway.
You’re right. It does depend on your industry. But giving blanket advice like this without respect to industry isn’t wise to me which is why I wrote the post.
I go above and beyond the typical 8 hour day nearly every day when school is in session because of practices and meetings that can ONLY happen after school. But I still don’t have the lee-way to say “Oh, you know, my morning classes? You’ll have to reschedule those because I have somewhere else to be” despite the fact that my family is my number one priority and if it came right down to it. Plenty of other women put in long hours and don’t have the same leeway either.
I understand your point. I also think her message was more about empowering woman than just giving blanket advice that obviously doesn’t work across all industries. Women have more power then they think they do, no matter what industry they are in.
Also, she mentioned canceling one meeting. She isn’t expecting women to be able to cancel things all the time, it’s not common for your kids to have some kind of monumental event every week. If you need to reschedule something at work, or have someone cover for you just once in awhile I would think most woman would (and should) be able to do that.
Oh, I understand that she meant to be empowering. But sometimes what’s meant as empowerment comes across as “you’re not as good if you can’t do this” to those who are struggling with being able to say this in the first place. I just want to open the dialogue up a bit so that people know that this isn’t always realistic in all cases.
And I realize that she only mentioned one meeting she had to have rescheduled. She obviously couldn’t have mentioned every single time where something like this has come up. And no, there aren’t monumental events happening every week, but what about women with multiple children of different ages where perhaps there’s something every other week because the children’s schedules are different? Or even every third week? At some point, this becomes no longer an “every once in a while” occurrence and at what point do they stop asking, you know?
I’m not pretending to have any answers here, and I’m not saying that women shouldn’t ask for concessions to be made so they can be with their families. I’m merely giving voice to the women for whom saying “no” isn’t a realistic option even once.
This may sound old-fashioned, but this is exactly why one parent staying at home is the ideal situation. There is one parent always home to run the children to activities, to tuck them in and give them the security they need, and to be the “go-to” person. Unfortunately we don’t necessarily live in a society where that is possible, either. We need to come back to a time when we realized we COULDN’T have it all. When we realized that we needed to make choices, and that meant smaller homes, less activities, and fewer electronics and toys. Again, I realize that I sound old fashioned and that this is an idealistic outlook, but I think people had more of a sense of satisfaction when our roles were more defined and we were proud to be parents first.
I just graduated from college to become a teacher myself. I won’t be working this year, but I will next year. I realize that I am going to miss some of my daughters’ activities due to work. I am consciously making that choice, and it is one I am okay with. The key, in my opinion, is to be okay with admitting that we get satisfaction out of our jobs and SOMETIMES it is okay to sacrifice a moment with our children.
I think perhaps my point wasn’t clear.
My point is that, for whatever reason, some women don’t have the option of risking losing their jobs by saying “no.” Both of my parents HAD to work when I was growing up and we certainly didn’t live above our means in our single and double-wide trailers, shopping at Goodwill and Salvation Army, and hoping there’d be food on the table. (There always was–maybe not what we wanted, but sustenance was always there.)
We can’t assume that the only reason both parents work is so the family can live a “keeping-up-with-the-Joneses” kind of life when I’d venture to say that more often than not that simply isn’t the case. Many, MANY women work because if they don’t, there’s no electricity. Or running water. Or any sort of dwelling place in which her family can live. Or food.
I do agree with you that we do owe it to ourselves to admit that we do get satisfaction from our jobs (if, in fact, we do) because I do. I love teaching. But at the end of the day, I love my son more.
I think we are saying the same thing and I may not have been clear. There are MANY, MANY women who work because they have to. I completely agree with that.
BUT, there are also many women who work because they get satisfaction out of it. They feel like they are doing something that is fulfilling. What I got out of the original article is that it’s the women who are working for the satisfaction end that want to complain that they can’t go to their children’s activities. They are trying to have it all and don’t realize how very lucky they are that they are in a position to tell a boss no.
Okay, let me be blunt and quit tiptoeing about what I have to say. If women are truly in a position to tell their bosses they are not going to go to a meeting because they have better things to do, I somehow feel they got there by sacrificing some of those family activities in the first place. I think they are whining over something they don’t deserve. The fact is that far too many women miss out because they DO have to. It seems to me that the women in that position wouldn’t dream of telling their boss no.
The truth is that we can’t have it all. The woman in that original article was definitely speaking to a group of people that haven’t had to worry about putting food on the table in a long time. For the group of women who have no choice, there is NOT an option. They do what they have to do to eat. The other group IS trying to keep up with the Joneses, and to be frank, they don’t have a right to complain.
Being home with the kids is a TOUGH position to be in sometimes. My family doesn’t buy new clothes, we drive old cars, and we live in a tiny townhouse. That is because my husband and I decided we wanted me to be home with the children until they were in school, and I made the sacrifices necessary to make that happen.
Argh.. I just can’t find the words to say what I want. I apologize for that. I guess what I’m saying is that though most people don’t actually have a choice to say no, for the ones that do…. are they asking for too much to expect balance? Is there a such thing as balance at the top of the food chain? I’m sorry I’m not making sense. I know what I want to say,and I completely agree with you.
“BUT, there are also many women who work because they get satisfaction out of it. They feel like they are doing something that is fulfilling. What I got out of the original article is that itâs the women who are working for the satisfaction end that want to complain that they canât go to their childrenâs activities. They are trying to have it all and donât realize how very lucky they are that they are in a position to tell a boss no.”
AGREED. Completely. We want to have it all and we suffer hugely from discontentment when we can’t. (I know I’m guilty. I love my job. I love my son. My love of the two things are very yin and yang and nearly never in harmony.) I think we can achieve something LIKE balance, but not true balance itself.
As to whether or not women in positions of power got there by sacrificing time with family, I can’t say. I’d venture to guess that many of them did most of their climbing before having children. (And the fact that it’s so difficult for mothers of young children to rise to the top sometimes BECAUSE they are mothers is another topic for another day…)
And as for whether or not they have a right to complain, I’m inclined to agree with you but sound enough to reserve judgments since I’m not living their life and making their choices for them.
Thanks for coming back to comment. I appreciate a healthy discussion!
Okay, but what if one parent doesn’t want to stay at home? What if a family can’t afford that? And what if the working parent doesn’t want to miss out on class plays and soccer games? Just because one person stays at home doesn’t mean the problem is solved. I work and my husband stays at home, but if I had to miss something important (to me) that my son was doing, I’d be really upset about that.
The truth is there is opportunity cost in EVERYTHING we do. It does suck when both parents have to work, but that is a fact of life. What I was trying to say is that there is NOT going to be a perfect balance in life. Sometimes we are going to miss out on things that we would like to do. Unfortunately if we are choosing a high end career, that is most likely going to be family activities. Lots of women COULD settle for a smaller home and a less expensive car and make it work staying home. THOSE are the women I’m really referring to when I get frustrated about this issue. You can’t have it both ways. In America we seem to think that we deserve to have everything, and the fact is that we do have to make choices. I guess the original article ticked me off more than I imagined because of the tone of it. I understand that as the working parent you are going to miss out on things. But, that is the way of life. Men have been having to make those choices for many, many years and didn’t seem to think it was OWED to them to be able to participate. That’s what got me about that original article. The author seemed to think that having it all was owed to us, and that’s simply not true. I think it sucks that my husband has missed out on so many of my daughters’ school performances, BUT he can’t just say no to the boss because that’s not realistic.
Again, we can’t say what other women COULD settle for unless we know all the details of their life. Sure, some people can cut expenses and downsize and have one parent at home. Plenty of others can’t, and I won’t judge those who, for whatever reason, don’t try.
I agree that part of the issue is what we feel we deserve–we think we deserve to have it all. But how much of that is propagated by the media telling us we can have it all?
I don’t think it’s that men think that it’s owed to them to be able to go to school plays. I think it’s that for so long, that wasn’t their realm. That wasn’t what dads did. The media, again, still perpetuates that stereotype.
And, had I any money to bet, I’d put money on the fact that it’d be easier for a man to say to his boss “Sorry, gotta reschedule this meeting. My daughter’s play is that morning” and have that boss go “Oh, okay. Cool” than it is for a woman even in the same job role as that man.
I agree that one parent staying home solves nothing when it comes to missing important events. For far too long now it’s been seen as dads who are shirking the family functions in favor of work and that’s been seen as somehow acceptable. While some dads would hate this, the media has perpetuated the stereotype that it’s okay for dads to miss the school plays. Mom’s there. She’s got video.
This is an issue now because more moms are working to support their families than two decades ago, and we’re more inundated with this idea that we can have it all than we’ve ever been. So? Enter the conflict of the working mother.
I’m so glad you wrote this. You know, I read that post and I read the author’s bio. She is some kind of very specialized scientist. Not a teacher like you or a marketer like me. That post bugged me all day and even at night while I was struggling to get my shit together at home. I could just imagine me, in a position that I’m probably about to lose anyway speaking like that to my employer. Whereas I’m glad she can do it, I disagree wholeheartedly with her comment that moms have a choice. Most don’t. GREAT POST.
It’s not that it bugged me so much as I felt it didn’t adequately represent the jobs of all women everywhere and their realities. The women (and men) who worked in the factories where I grew up were disposable employees. She’s not.
Thanks for reading!
Really enjoyed reading this post and the discussion. Three things I wanted to add:
First, is it just my imagination or do dads tend to get more understanding than mums when they have to reschedule stuff for family commitments?
Secondly, isn’t at least some of this about the fact that everyone has to make some compromise from the ideal in life? You miss some things but manage others? Nothing and nobody can be perfect.
Finally, and following on from my second point, I’m not convinced that one parent staying home is the perfect solution. Splitting who earns the money and who does the childcare in two is tidy but leaves no real flexibility on either side as a friend recently pointed out to me. My husband can afford to spend more time with the kids if I work too – so we have to figure out what most enriches life for them: having two parents both of whom try to make it when they can or having a dad who plays a bit part in their lives.
I think dads sometimes get left out of the equation altogether because for so many years this sort of thing has been the mother’s realm–school plays, concerts, sicknesses, etc. I think the same argument that I’m making that not all moms can say “no” can be made for dads. I know that my husband, despite the fact that the nature of his job gives him more flexibility than mine does, cannot be the one to take off all the time, and may likely miss more things than I will should Joshua’s events ever conflict with his meetings which are monthly, set meetings.
I absolutely agree that everyone has to make compromises sometimes, but the sad point is that employers have the option NOT to compromise if their bottom line or agenda is somehow negatively impacted by making said compromise. They don’t HAVE to say “yes” to any request we make as employees. Those employers who DO understand and make concessions are to be admired, but those who don’t can’t be vilified because they won’t. They have their own priorities to look after.
I don’t think one parent staying home is the perfect or ideal solution either, at least not for all families. It’s simply not an option for us, and as I said earlier, it’s not because we live outside our means, because we don’t. I have student loans that have to be paid for, you know?
I like what you say about the husband also being able to spend more time with the children if both parents work outside the home. That DOES ease the burden on him to constantly be looking for ways to bring in more so that his family is comfortable–whatever that means to his family.
As a dad, I’m already finding myself in these positions . . . I like to think that I do a job where I’m a puzzle piece, if you simply try to replace me, things won’t fit right, but who am I to actually know that? So far, I typically try to do the work stuff that I must late at night, after the kids have gone to sleep (well, maybe), but that’s causing strain on the marriage and my own sanity. I know something has to give, sometime . . . but I don’t know what.
I hear you. I like to think that I’m a vital part of my department and faculty, but as I’ve seen teachers come and go over the past five years there, I know that I can be replaced. Easily.
Not bringing work home this year helped, but it meant that it took even longer than usual to get things back to students. But then there’s no way I can say “Oh, practice after school? Yeah. We’re just not going to do that.”
How to decide what gives is ridiculously challenging.
It would for sure be extremely hard to be faced with that situation. I look at teachers and think they have a dream job ( my hubs is a teacher) but you bring up a good point. I’m naive and like to think that every working mom has the same great family oriented employers I do. Apparently not. I never actually feel pressure when it comes to this situation so for that I am blessed and I’m not in SR management.
I’m sorry that you have experienced this and I’m sorry other moms do as well. It is crazy the things some companies choose to value.
It is crazy, but at the same time, business is business, so I understand it from their perspective. I understand why they value their deadlines and bottom lines and bank accounts. And they hire us to do those jobs.
I could write a whole novel on teachers and how their roles aren’t respected or valued, but I won’t. Not before naptime, at least.
Miranda, this makes me so frustrated for people in that position. I’m lucky to be in a position where I can say no – decline a meeting request or shuffle things so I can be out when I want or need to be. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to always have to play with that balance, and to know deep down that you’re basically stuck with no choice.
Maybe it’s an economic thing or maybe it’s a function of how many people are available to the workforce, but values seem to get lost in the day-to-day functioning of things and ignored for the sake of convenience.
I don’t know what to do about it but I suspect (hope?) this is one of those things that, inch by inch, might start to shift because people like you are willing to acknowledge it’s a problem.
I think it all depends on what job you’re in, mostly. When I worked at the bank, it would’ve been relatively easy for me to ask to come in late so I could be at a morning program. My job was my job and my absence didn’t have much of an effect on my co-workers. I’d imagine there are many settings where this is the case. It’s not so easy now that I’m teaching.
I can understand being unable or unwilling to bend your work environment to the needs of one employee. If you do it for one, you’re expected to do it for all, and that’s just not conducive to business most of the time. I don’t like it, but I get it.
Oh, I also don’t think that much will change. Unfortunately, there are some bells that cannot be unrung, and this is one of them. It’s like losing so much of my salary to furlough days. If the economy turned around and we were suddenly receiving all the funding we’ve lost over the past three years, I’m not going to get a pay raise because of what I’ve lost. That’s just not how things work.
That sucks đ
All I could think of as I read this (and the BlogHer article that spurred it) is that…
work and life are both life.
“Work-life balance” sounds funny to me.
I agree with you. It should be “work-not work” balance. It’s all life.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Miranda,
I have said no to my boss before, but it was scary. When you work for someone else, you really need to know how to chose your battles. Like you explained so well, you need to consider how important it is for you to keep your job before you start skipping out for events all the time.
Balancing everything can be so hard. I really wish I could be in more than one place sometimes!
Perhaps when we become mothers we should also get a clone of ourselves. That’d be awesome, right?
You’re absolutely right in that choosing our battles is really important. We can choose THIS activity or THAT activity to attend and miss work, but not both. But then how do we make a small child understand that in that moment? When they’re older, maybe, but when they’re still so small? It kind of breaks my heart to anticipate that conversation.
This is so well-written. I was a teacher before I left after having Dylan (my second). People talk all the time about how it’s an ideal job for a parent, and I actually find it to be very unforgiving for parents.
Maybe I’m going off on a tangent here, but my day and my committments were so much longer and greater than what people think of. Also, and you made this point in one of your responses to commenters, there’s not a lot of flexibility in terms of hours/making up time/etc. My husband has a fairly demanding, high stress job, yet he can take a two hour lunch for a dentist appointment, as long as he makes up the time. He can come in late, leave early, etc. Teachers can’t do those things.
And in Michigan, there are a billion teachers and four open jobs (not really, but the market is tight). Teachers here, even good ones, are fairly easily replaced đ
When I was in college I thought “Oh, this’ll be a great job for when I have a family some day.” And in many ways, it is. I love having my summers off to spend with Joshua. I love the week-long breaks scattered through my school year. But there isn’t flexibility. Almost none, in fact. And it’s horrible at times.
It’s not quite as tight here in terms of available jobs/available candidates, but it’s still tight, and getting more so with every budget cut we get.
Great post! I started a new job just two months ago. My little guy has had lots of medical issues that have meant doctors appointments and sudden pick-ups from daycare. I’m blessed that my new boss is so understanding and flexible. What would I do if he weren’t? Then I guess all the burden would fall on my husband, risking HIS job, too.
First, I’m sorry your son had medical issues at all. Second, I’m really glad your boss is understanding, too, especially since you’re relatively new to the job. There’s almost nothing worse to me than when a parent has a sick child and the boss doesn’t care.
Thanks for coming by.
Yeah, I’m really not in a position to say no whenever I want. I love my company but the reality for me is that I never know when I’ll get called on the carpet for doing something wrong or missing something important. So I always try to be there and sacrifice irreplaceable time with my precious children all so that I’m not replaced. It’s a sad reality. But that’s America.
You’re totally right, molly. It IS America.
::sigh::
p.s. Congrats on the feature. When you’re famous will you still talk to me? đ
Psha. Yes. đ
I love this post and I love the discussion happening with it.
When I was working before kids, I cared to do the best job I could. Then, I had kids and somehow even though I had to keep my job, I wasn’t invested. When the doctors got mad because their records were in the wrong spot, I didn’t care or take offense. I just simply moved them and commented on how ridiculous that was. I stopped caring as much. It wasn’t that I didn’t do my job well. I did and I enjoyed it while I was there. But I didn’t really care about it.
And I had to keep my job because I made the most money and had the benefits for the family. So there was a lot of pressure in that. And that’s where I focused my negative energy. Not saying that was right, either!
Nothing is simple. Being a mom is being a mom whether you are working or not. As long as you and your children have open communication–they have the freedom to be real about their emotions with you and you are a safe place for them to come–I think that’s the most important thing!
I totally know what you mean. Totally. I love my students and I love my job and in some ways becoming a mom made me a better teacher. But in others? It hasn’t helped…
I’m open and honest with my students when I am having a rough day/week or need more time on an assignment. I talk about my life. I let them tell me about theirs. When they think I’m slacking, they tell me. Most of the time they’re nice about it. One day, I’ll be this open with Joshua because I DO think that this kind of communication of emotions is important.
Thanks for stopping by!
Well said and so, so true. How many people, as you pointed out, know that in today’s economy their employer could be just looking for a reason to replace them with someone who can work for less money? Yes, I’ve been employed by the same company for over 7 years and I feel a certain level of job security in that no one knows how to do what I do as efficiently as I do it. But many other people here felt the same way before they were laid off when the economy went south. And guess what? Everyone else scrambled to make things work in their absence, and life went on. I know I’m just as expendable as the next person.
I am very lucky to have a flexible employer that allows me to work from home and be flexible with my hours. But I still have to work the hours and when the powers that be schedule outside my hours, I don’t necessarily have the pull to make them change to fit my schedule. And I definitely suffer promotion-wise, etc by being part-time and not able to do overtime. So you are right that you can say “no” but not everyone will get the response “Sure, OK, no problem, we can change for you”. You may get a much more unpleasant response.