Sometimes it just hits me completely out of the blue that I am someone’s mother.
I AM SOMEONE’S MOTHER, PEOPLE.
This should come as a totally not shocking revelation to me as I vividly remember his forcible removal from my uterus and have the stretch marks and scar as proof of his former status as womb dweller.
But today? I was hit with the knowledge that I’m not just a former incubator and current toddler-keeper-alive-r.
Joshua is having water day at school tomorrow, and I’m envisioning many a trips to the spray park this summer, plus I want to buy a kiddie pool for the back yard. So Joshua needed swim trunks.
I could’ve vomited from nerves at the thought of taking him out in public to shop for clothing after I picked him up from daycare today.
You see, we’re in the midst of a pretty serious flare-up of Irrationally Moody Toddler Syndrome (IMTS) around these parts wherein Joshua says “no No NO ::insert thing we’ve asked about::” in an increasingly frantic voice until he’s in tears. Full-on wailing at the top of his lungs like we’ve just broken his wee toddler heart. Or ripped off an appendage. Or set Thomas the Train: Come Ride the Rails on fire.
I walked into daycare today and the first thing he said was “Nooo. Nooo Mama. Noo!” like I was a thing and not a person. He just shook his head and cried.
(In his defense, I did interrupt Baby Einstein so the fact that he was distraught over leaving just as their 30 minute pick-up TV show was getting started proves he’s my child.)
But I consoled him by holding him. By talking to him. By loving on him.
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I did it, y’all.
His mother.
So we went to Target and after his refusal to sit in the cart, and after my arms gave out from trying to carry him while also pushing the cart, I let him walk through the store. And I just sort of followed along wherever he went, throughout most of the store.
When he saw the Cars 2 display and got sucked in, I knew we’d be there for a while. We wandered up one toy aisle and down the next. He played with cars. He called out the names of some of the characters he saw. He shouted “MOWNOCYCUH!” when we passed the bicycles. He picked up a too-large baseball cap and insisted upon wearing it. He pushed his best friend Thomas down the “tracks” he saw in the tiles on the floors. The tracks that only he could see. The tracks that I pretended to see to keep the enchantment of that moment alive for him.
I didn’t force my agenda on him. I didn’t make him do what he didn’t want to do. I just…meandered in his little Joshua wake, picking up things he put down in the wrong places and watching. I let him show me things. I reveled in his excitement.
When he showed me a car or the Thomas shorts or the Elmo, I was legitimately just as excited about those things as he was.
What’s even more cool is that in just being okay with whatever, I still managed to get the things I needed to get in the process.
I had one of those purely transcendent moments where I honest-to-Cheez Its thought “Oh my God. I’m a mom. And I do not suck at this.”
I couldn’t help but let him explore the world and think “This is the most awesome moment. And I am here. And in it. With him.”
This is awsome! Sometimes we just have to stop and smell the roses. I think that most of our problems as adults is that we are always in a rush. If we could just learn from a child that life is tooooo precious! Don’t close your eyes because the next time you look at them they are graduating high school and going off to college, that’s when the anxiety and depression sets in and you cry at the mere mention of your child graduating I know about this……I cried for a year when you were a senior, but I look at you now and OMG!!!! you are a BEAUTIFUL daughter, wife and mother. As George Lopez says……I got thisssss! You definately have it!
You are the best mama ever. <3
Okay, now you AND your mom have me in tears. This is so amazing. Sometimes I feel like I’m going through the motions with Baby Girl, but you’ve reminded me to once in a while let things happen and just enjoy them.
She’s totally awesome at making me all teary.
The letting go was the hardest part for me. Has been the hardest part. I get so caught up in go-go-go that it’s hard to just stop and BE. But yesterday? Was just fantastic.
WE too are in the IMTS stage and totally feel your pain…a child reduced to tears because he can’t have a third fruit snack or has to make a decision between chocolate milk and a juice box. It’s exhausting, but also so rewarding when YOU are the one to wipe the tears, YOU are the one he runs to and wants to rock. You are his mama, and he loves you so much. Despite the screaming.
This IMTS for us? Is a child reduced to tears for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL. He will say “Appah joo!” so I’ll get him an apple juice. And then he cries, hysterically, “NOOO APPAH JOO! BEHHEE JOO!” so I’ll get him a berry juice. And then he cries. Hysterically.
And I grab wine. For me.
YUP, that’s us too! It’s EXHAUSTING to say the least.
Sometimes when the going gets tough, I like to say things like “Who invited this kid?” or “Where’s this kids mom?” then I quickly realize that the temper tantrum throwing ball of “I hate you mom for not buying this for me” is my son.
You are a good mom my friend.
Don’t doubt that for a second.
You’re his mom and he loves you for it.
Ha! I do that, too. He’s throwing a fit and I just look at him like he’s possessed.
And you are a good mom, too, my friend. So don’t YOU ever doubt that.
“Irrationally Moody Toddler Syndrome (IMTS)”
Ha! brilliance. Looove iiiit! and love you.
And everything Kimberly said.
and hugs.
Why thank you. And yes, IMTS. Full swing here.
sometimes i realize that if i just let them be for a little bit, we actually get more done than if i’m huffing and trying to make kids do things right this second. if only i realized this more often than not, i’d be a whole lot less stressed out.
So would I. If I just slow down and go at his pace, there’s a lot less cranky happening.
I’m weepy.
How wonderful that you were able to just relax in the moment and be.
Your moms comment is perfect
It was kind of one of those things where I knew the entire experience could go two ways–horribly, terribly, inconsolably wrong, or? Right. Okay.
So I chose okay.
And my Mama’s pretty awesome.
Ok so I am totally living through you – in that I know what is to come. And sometimes I dread this stage, but when you have days where you just adore that little man no matter what, it makes me look forward to it! 🙂
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love watching him discover stuff. Or just be excited about normal things. It’s the best, most awesome thing ever.
You? Awesome? Your Mama? Awesomest.
My Monkey is 17 months and very nearly at the age when I can let him wander round in a store. Right now he’s still at cling-on-as-tight-as-possible-to-Mama-and-won’t-sit-in-cart-stage, so I cannot wait to experience what you beautifully described.
I’ve always been reluctant to let him walk because he runs and darts and gets away from me. And I get distracted. (It’s totally true, and Dan, if you’re reading this, I’m admitting my distraction!)
So I like to keep him in the cart. But this time? I just let him walk and it turned out okay. I’m so not ready to do this in a grocery store, though.
aww sounds like a good target trip!
It was a good trip! Hope you’re enjoying that little bundle of awesome!
It’s hard to get to that point, but it’s good once you do. My oldest could never be trusted to follow directions if on foot, so I really hesitated letting her walk and wander and all that. Good for you for giving it a try!
Ha! I didn’t say he took directions! Because he most certainly didn’t. It took me half an hour to get him to the books!
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You are awesome. I love that you just let him wander and enjoyed it watching from his eyes. You rock.
I love this! I’m getting to the point where I can do this too, and it’s awesome. I finally feel like I know what it’s like to be a normal mom (is there such a thing?). Yay for us!