How many times has this girl guest posted here for me? About a million. Or five. Or every time I’ve ever asked for guest bloggers.
She’s the long lost twin sister I never had.
Please welcome Katie from Sluiter Nation to the MHMRWNSJM!
(I *SO* said I was going to use that. You didn’t believe me??)
Katie and I got real and vocal about our battles with PPD/A at about the same time last year and since then we’ve supported each other through this war.
Last year, she talked about being like her mother and grandmother and trying to do it all.
It’s time to rally around Katie, y’all. My dear, sweet blogging bestie whose face I cannot wait to hug in August.
______________________________________________________________________________________
About fourteen months ago I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I was prescribed 20mg of Celexa per day.
I took it for about a month before I had my follow-up appointment.
I was a changed person. The rage, the frustration, the paranoia, the feeling that there was a monster in my head trying to take over…all were gone. Or at least managed.
I was able to start therapy and work on who I am now that I am a mother.
As great as I felt, there was still something nagging at me. I asked my doctor, “So how long will I be on this? Like…forever?”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘forever,’” she smiled. “Like until you are 95? Probably not. Until you are done having children and maybe until menopause? Maybe.”
She obviously saw my brow furrow and my face drop.
“This is most likely a permanent condition for you seeing as you had a previous Anxiety Disorder. But there is nothing wrong with being on medication. It’s a chemical thing in your body, Katie. Just like people who have cholesterol imbalances take meds, just like people with diabetes take insulin, your brain has a little issue with the chemicals it needs, so you take meds. “
I nodded. It made total sense. This is what my life is like now.
Fast-forward a few months where I am sitting in my OB’s office having my annual Lady Visit.
I tell him we would like to try to get pregnant maybe in the spring.
Save This Post for Later
Drop your email into this box and I'll send you this post so you can read it when you're ready.
He tells me that he would like to see me come off my Celexa before getting pregnant, but gives me the option, if the wean doesn’t work, to go on Zoloft—a drug he feels has proven safe for pregnancy.
I nod, put my feet in the stirrups, get my space invaded, and leave with a clean bill of health.
And now it’s spring.
We are trying to make a baby.
I tried to wean off my Celexa just like my OB recommended.
And it was a major fail.
And I cried to my therapist.
And she said what I was hoping to not hear: “Katie, I really think that you need to be on meds through your pregnancy, after, and beyond. At the very least, throughout your childbearing years.”
My mind knew this was possible. Logically I knew that this was “not a big deal” that it was just a way to be me.
People tell me over and over that it’s Ok.
And I know that.
It is ok. It’s ok that my mind needs a little help.
Does it feel like I’ve been betrayed by my own mind? Yes. Absolutely.
Am I still working through the idea that in order to be “normal” or “evened out,” I need to take a small pill every day? Yes.
But my being a healthy mom and wife is what is most important.
If being on meds helps me be better, then that is what I will do…for as long as it takes.
______
Katie is Queen of Sluiter Nation. She also writes Exploded Moments and writes about books at Katie’s Bookcase. Additionally, as if she needed any more awesome in her resume’, Katie is a co-host of The Red Dress Club.
“Just like people who have cholesterol imbalances take meds, just like people with diabetes take insulin, your brain has a little issue with the chemicals it needs, so you take meds”
Katie – That’s a WONDERFUL way of describing why those with mental illness need medication! There is nothing wrong with YOU or anyone who needs to take meds for depression. It’s a medical need that needs to be medicated 🙂
And you are an AMAZING woman and mother, especially since you know that you are doing what is best for your family and for yourself.
Sending lots of e-hugs!
Thank you, Nicci!
You are awesome too, you know!
The mind can change itself. Highly recommend meditation. It’s much more potent than medication and does not cause a neurophysiological dependency.
Read: Mind in the Balance – Wallace.
while meditation might help the symptoms, it is not going to get rid of my depression. That is like telling me to pray more.
While all opinions are (usually) welcome here, this one isn’t helpful to someone with depression or anxiety or any number of other mental illnesses. The fact is that there is a chemistry involved in these illnesses which no amount of meditation will correct. While meditation is certainly helpful, it is not a cure for mental illness.
If it were, there’d be a lot more zen people on the planet.
SO true. Not helpful at all.
Thank you, Miranda, for posting this rally again this year. It’s so dang important. I am honored to be a part of it!
I’m honored that you ARE a part of it, friend.
This is raw and honest. I feel like I’ve shared something very personal with you and I appreciate it very much…
Thank you so much for sharing Katie (and GREAT choice Miranda!!!)
Katie is ALWAYS a great choice. Always.
Thank you for the kind words, Lindsay. I just don’t want any woman to feel alone…like what she is going through is wrong or unique. That feeling of hating to take a pill? That is not bad. But that pill? Gets you through.
I love Miranda for doing this rally. I so do.
You and Katie are amazing! Kicking PPD/A’s butt and taking names! xoxo
Thanks, girl! You are pretty awesome yourself!
Katie is SO awesome.
I could have written this post myself – but I’m one pregnancy ahead of you. I stayed on 20 mg Celexa my entire pregnancy – we had planned to wean me off at the end and then put me back on to avoid the risk of possible withdrawal for Owen, but I actually needed to go up in meds as pregnancy made it worse for me. The day Owen was born – 12 days ago – we doubled my dose to 40 mg. He didn’t suffer any withdrawal symptoms, is SUCH an amazing baby, and best of all, I am a GOOD mom. I can enjoy him being a baby – I missed all of this with Cole because I was so lost inside my own head. Honestly, I don’t know if I ever want to come off it knowing what happened when I did – and if a small pill every day gives my kids the mom they deserve and the person I’m supposed to be, then so be it. <3
Oh, Megan! I miss you! I’m glad Owen is so great for you and I’m glad you and your doctors have found a treatment that works for you so that you can be the mom your boys need.
So glad for you.
Right there with you, my friend. My plan for the last few weeks has been to work with the psych to find a med that’s safe for pregnancy. She put me on Zoloft and unfortunately it appears not to be the thing for me, but if you have to go on it (or are already) I hope it does the trick. It took me a long time to be okay with meds during pregnancy, but you know what? It is okay. And I finally understand how it’s better for the baby for the mama to be healthy.
Raises hand. Medicated for both of my pregnancies. It sucks to have to take meds absolutely but it’s so much better for mama, family and new baby/pregnancy to be mentally fit. You’re doing what’s besteven though it sucks big time and we all wish we didn’t have to do it,
I love you hard Katie. You can do this. We are all behind you xoxox