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Traveling with toddlers is like running with scissors

It’s risky dangerous and there’s a great chance you’re going to fall and stab yourself in the leg.

That’s kind of what the weekend was like. Running with scissors. (Not to be AT ALL confused with the novel of the same name. Not at all. This was not like that. Complete with no pooping on rugs. Of the dog or toddler variety.)

So, yeah, we went out of town this weekend. I had not intended to be cut off from the internet (i.e. LIFE) for nearly four days, but that’s what happened. No internet, spotty cell reception, and a DRY COUNTY.

We traveled with our good friends and their son to Sevierville, TN for the weekend. We rented a nice cabin, packed up the kiddos, and prepared for a relaxing weekend of hot-tubbing and shopping and relaxing and relaxing…wait. I said that.

It didn’t really happen.

If my previous travels with Joshua were any indication, I should’ve known that this weekend would be far from the relaxing getaway I was looking for. But I? I thought the fact that he’s nearly a year older would’ve made things better in terms of his willingness to be a good travel companion. I would also be wrong.

We got up there on Thursday afternoon and he was pleasant enough upon getting out of the torture device vehicle. He explored the cabin, went up and down the stairs, and up and down the stairs, and up and down the stairs. And he and I went down to our room to settle in for a nap. Which almost didn’t happen. But finally did happen and redeemed the morning.

And then we had a good evening.

And then we had a rough night.

Y’all, my child? Doesn’t sleep well. He especially doesn’t sleep well when we travel.

Friday was a good day. We spent the morning at the cabin and then the toddlers took naps and the adults watched The Hangover. I’m sad to say this was the first time we’d seen this movie. How we waited this long I have no idea. It was hilarious and I really enjoyed FINALLY seeing it.

We went into town for dinner on Friday night and I thought getting out of the house would do Joshua some good. That he’d sleep a little better on Friday night. I’d be incredibly wrong. There was at least a three to three and a half hour window where Dan and I took turns dozing while the other tried to get Joshua back to sleep. (Dan was finally successful. Finally. I should kiss him for that.)

Saturday? Probably the best day of the trip, honestly. The weather was gorgeous. The children were in good moods. The adults were happy. There was peanut brittle and ice cream. There was a wine tasting. And shopping. ::sigh:: Good great day.

Followed by another bad night.

And then? This morning happened. And this morning was AWFUL.

Joshua woke up full of piss and vinegar and screamed for a solid hour because I wouldn’t give him a piece of ice. A PIECE OF ICE. At one point? I actually stuck my fingers in my ears. I couldn’t listen any longer. I was at the end of my rope. And then? Something magical happened.

We put him in the car and he didn’t fuss or scream or cry or whine for the entire FOUR HOUR RIDE HOME. (How do I make that happen every time I need to travel with him? Does this mean I will always have to listen to an hour or more of screaming?)

But? We’re home now and tomorrow is Monday. And I’m back to the land of internet and work and research papers and normal.

One day vacations will actually be preferable to normal routine, right?

On the upside? I wasn’t home for all of this to happen. We had a gorgeous view and were in the company of some of the best people we know. We were also together, and, for better or for worse, this was a memory we made together. As a family.

So there’s that.

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