It’s true. I’m not super. Sometimes I’m just a woman.
I got a shot in my cheek today, y’all. And I’m not talking about the cheek above my neck.
I didn’t feel so great last week. I was coughing and kind of snotty and I thought it was just pollen. Well, as the weekend progressed, I started feeling worse and worse. Advil didn’t make it better. Excedrin Migraine didn’t make it better. And Tylenol is basically just crap, so I didn’t even bother taking any of that. And this morning, my head hurt so bad I wanted to cry. But, just like the trooper I am, I went to work. Because what else am I going to do when the 9th graders have to finish their research paper and they can only go into the library as long as I’m with them and the 11th graders are reading Gatsby and are needing me to fill in the details when they get lost in Fitzgerald’s beautiful prose.
And then let’s not forget that my son needs me and my husband needs me and yes, yes I got a pedicure on Saturday and yes, I took pictures for y’all (because, I mean, what ELSE would I do, right?!) but that pedicure did not make me feel better physically, even though looking at my hot pink toenails makes me smile.
So, by lunch time today, after I had zero appetite and could barely move because the pain was so bad, I called and made an appointment at the primary care office. No more Minute Clinic for me. No sir.
They saw me at 3:00 today. And I have to say that I was not impressed with the PA I saw. At all. He walked in the room and before he even got in there, I think he’d decided what my diagnosis would be and what course of action he’d be prescribing. I’m not even kidding. He walked in and did.not.stop.talking. He launched into a tirade about seasonal allergies and heading them off before they flare up and how I should not go to bed without washing my hair if I go outside at all because my hair is apparently a pollen-sponge and then I’m just creating a pollen nest in my pillow and antibiotics only work on bacterial infections and people will take antibiotics and feel better for a bit and then they’ll feel worse afterward because that wasn’t the problem to begin with and then they’re back and they say they took all of the antibiotics but they still feel bad and did I know that I should just stop the seasonal allergies before they start.
And if you just got a headache reading that, imagine how I felt, as the patient, who was already achy and sore to begin with and multiply that by about a million and that’s how I felt listening to him rant. For real. I’m not even exaggerating. Not even a little bit. And Dan doesn’t believe that I’m not exaggerating and he thinks I’m a hypochondriac and that I should listen to the PA because he went to med school and I didn’t and Dan is the biggest self-diagnoser ever and I love him. Millions. (::smooches::)
See, with all the goop I have coming out of my nose and lungs, I’m 99% certain there’s an infection somewhere. Especially since I am on a ridiculous anti-allergy regimen because the two things I’m most allergic to (mold and dust) are two things that I cannot get away from. Dust is everywhere. I can dust and then have to dust again the next day. And there’s a swamp underneath my mobile. (Workman’s comp!?! Just kidding….)
Anyway, he had a student with him and he left the room so she could do the exam and I almost said to her “Please do not take notes on bedside manner from this guy. Please.” but I thought that would be unprofessional of me, so I didn’t say anything. But now I really feel like I should have. Because he almost had me in tears with the fact that he never once asked me what was wrong with me or how I was feeling.
But he came back in and she asked me if I’ve ever had a cortisone shot and how did I react and yes, I’ve had a cortisone shot and that’s the only way I made it through my wedding without hives and I did just fine, thank you very much. So they gave me a cortisone shot and a steroid pack and sent me on my merry way. And I hope I feel better because if I don’t, I’ll be going back there and paying another $35 copay and I will ask specifically to NOT see that guy again.
And the icing on today’s cake came when I called Dan after the appointment and we had to figure out how to switch cars so he could go get Joshua and I could go get a nap. Because we only have one carseat, which is why I’m the one that takes Joshua to daycare and picks him up all the time. But I seriously almost cried at the thought of not being able to come home and take a nap.
I NEED to rest when I’m sick, but I can’t rest if I have to chase a toddler. And I can’t get better if I can’t rest. So it’s a vicious cycle of me not feeling better because I can’t rest. But my responsibilities are to my family now. Not to me. But I can’t do it all. Do you see the dilemma I had brewing in my head today as I almost cried on my drive home?? Seriously. If I cry to my mother one more time about how I am not as strong as her, she might have me committed. And all I kept thinking about is a passage from The Scarlet Letter where the narrator talks about how each successive generation of women is weaker than the generation before. And in moments like this, I think he’s completely right.
I’m not Superwoman. I can’t do everything.
But I’m supposed to be able to, right?
Wednesday 21st of April 2010
When I get sick, which fortunately isn't often, I can't decide which is better, having my kids be sick at the same time as me so we can all lay around and be miserable together? Or have them be healthy and wait to get sick until I feel better? Not sure, last week I had a little of both and I totally get you on how hard it is to rest when the kids are around.
I can't believe the PA didn't let you talk! Jeesh!!!
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Tuesday 20th of April 2010
I hope you feel better soon.
I'm sick right now, and so is my son. Did my husband stay home from work to take care of us? You betcha. You gotta do what you gotta do; fuck "strength."
Monday 19th of April 2010
I hope you are feeling better!
I've cried in basically that same situation. Those moments suck when you realize you can't (and don't want to) do it all.