My very own McFatty Monday

So I’m a few days behind…it takes me a while to warm up to the idea of dieting/exercising.

Blair at The Heir to Blair started McFatty Mondays.  I thought “BAH!  There’s no need for me to participate in that.  I’ll just read everyone else’s stories.”

And then I got dressed for work this morning.

Remember a few days ago when I posted about wearing my Tummy Sleeve with my jeans?  Well, I thought it was just a one-time thing. That those jeans were being mean to me.  Or that maybe I’d had a few too many yorkies at Christmas (which is true, probably).  Or that maybe it was a sign that good ol’ Aunt Flo was getting ready to make her return after a nearly two-year hiatus.

Imagine my shock when I put on my pants today, my size 16 pants, (the NEW pants that I bought when I came back to work because NOTHING ELSE IN MY ENTIRE CLOSET FIT), zipped them up, couldn’t button them, and had the feeling that a camel-toe was forming and I was losing circulation in my thighs.

Maybe shock isn’t the right word.  Maybe horror is better.  Maybe shock AND horror.  And a bit of embarassment.  And discomfort.  Lots of discomfort.

The pants are too tight!  They are a size larger than anything I’ve ever worn before.  I know, I know, size is just a number.  I believe that.  I firmly believe that.  But, y’all, they don’t FIT.  Size can TOTALLY be just a number provided the pants FIT.

I couldn’t comfortably zip my pants.  So I grabbed the Tummy Sleeve.  I am so thankful for that stretchy piece of lycra, or nylon, or whatever this thing is made of.  Otherwise, I might’ve had a full-on meltdown into my Very Vanilla yogurt this morning.

The downside of this Tummy Sleeve is that I am afraid that at any moment, my pants will fall down, baring my backside in front of a class of 15 year olds and scarring them for life.  This, in turn, causes me to keep my hands in front of my lower stomach, which in turn reminds me of the early days of my pregnancy with Joshua.  Does anyone see where I’m going with this???

Because of the way I’m cradling my lower stomach, I’m afraid I’m going to inadvertently start rumors about myself and whether or not Baby Human 2.0 is or is not occupying my ute.  (No.  That’s a firm, resounding, N.O.)

(And y’all, I really wish I could take a picture of the Fashion DON’T I am today, but I’m far too self-conscious for that.  Suffice it to say that beige socks with brown pants, even if your sweater happens to be beige too, is never a good idea and makes you look kind of like an idiot.  But it hasn’t gotten above 30 degrees here all week and the socks are cashmere and I don’t care.  I mean, I DO care or I wouldn’t be posting this here.  But the too-tight pants and the beige socks…yeah…I’m looking a little um, not cool, today.  Thank the sweet baby Jesus for early release day so I can go home and put on my comfy sweats and L. L. Bean Hearthside slippers.)

So, in case I didn’t already know, it’s time to get serious.  I cannot afford to buy a new wardrobe every time I outgrow my clothes due to my own self-indulgence and lack of self-control when it comes to chocolate and cheese. And rich, creamy Caramel Macchiato goodness in my coffee every morning. 

I also cannot afford to not be healthy because I want to see my son grow up.  And I want to set a good example for him. 

I know HOW to make healthy choices.  I’ve done it before.  I’ve never been particularly good at exercising regularly, which is something I need to change, but I know I can make good choices regarding the foods I eat.  So, I’ll be back to counting points and following the Weight Watchers Flex Plan starting next Monday.  And I’ll be participating in McFatty Mondays from now until my pants fit again.