All the world’s a stage…even when you don’t want it to be

So Joshua is mobile now, right?  We’ve discussed this, yes?

What this means is when I go into another room, he can follow me.  This includes, but is not limited to, the office, the bedroom, the laundry room, the kitchen, and the bathroom.  Basically every room in my house.

This morning I found myself, um, going to the bathroom with an audience.  Both Joshua and the dog followed me.  The dog to make sure she wasn’t missing out on anything cool.  Joshua because he cannot be out of my presence for half a second, which is endearing most of the time.  But not when I need to do my business.

However, the only options I had were to invite him in or leave him in the living room and risk him eating a shoe or chewing on a book or pulling all of the wipes out of his travel-pack of diaper wipes–wait.  He definitely did that already this morning, and it only took him .02 seconds.  (And let’s not let the opportunity to point something very important pass, okay?  Why is it that when I NEED to get the wipes out of the case quickly lest he flip off of the changing table with poop all over his booty the wipes all stick together and refuse to come out of the package?  But when he gets into his diaper bag in the 60 seconds it takes for me to refill my coffee??  Yeah.  Wipes are going to be ALL OVER the living room.)

Anyway, back to the story.

So, this morning, Joshua followed me into the bathroom.  When I picked up my Real Simple magazine, he picked up a magazine, too.  Which is cute, now that I think about it.  But not at that moment.  It wasn’t cute then.  Because he doesn’t flip mindlessly through the pages thinking “Ohhh, those shoes are cute!”  No.  He flips through the pages thinking “mmmmmm!  FIBER!” and proceeds to munch on the pages of the magazines.  Right at my feet.  With his head between my knees.  And the dog lays down in front of the door and stares at the two of us thinking “WTF is going on in here and WHERE is my water dish!?!?” (and thankfully, I’d picked that up upon entering the bathroom out of preparation for my little audience.)

So, I did my business and flushed and washed my hands and noticed that the toilet didn’t sound quite right upon flushing.  So when it finished filling up, I flushed again.  And then OMG IT STARTED OVERFLOWING!

And I had a baby on my hip!  OMGOMGOMGOMG!!

So I grab the plunger and plunge the toilet whilst balancing a baby on my hip who thinks we’re playing some cool new game and he should kick his feet and slap at my back and chest in appreciation for said new game.

And I’m trying to plunge the toilet, not let the water soak my slippers (and it really was only water or else there’s no way in hell I’d be telling y’all this lest you all think I live in a dump without proper plumbing), grab a towel from the shower curtain bar to soak up said water, not drop the baby, keep the dog out of the water, and save my Real Simple magazine from total destruction.  ALL AT ONCE.

That was a workout.

And I will relish every moment in which I can do my business in peace from here on out.