My supply has taken a nosedive in the past few days. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick (even though I haven’t taken any medicine at all for it), or because I’ve started wearing regular bras again (weird…but it’s the only thing I can think of that’s been different) or because I was stressed at the end of the week (but that stress is gone, so I should see a return to normal and I’m not).
On Friday, I was down about 3 oz for the day. Saturday, I was down about 5. Today, I’m down about 5 oz. or so, too. Not cool, ladies. Not. Cool.
Dan says the decline in production is because I’m thinking about the fact that production is down while I’m pumping. Maybe. I try to read or watch TV or blog or surf the internet to keep my mind off of pumping while I’m pumping, but maybe there’s something going on in the back of my mind of which I am unaware. (Stupid subconscious!)
Anyway, the thought of stopping has entered my mind. If I stop breastfeeding, I want it to be on MY terms, you know? and not because my supply tanked and I couldn’t keep up and had to stop. I don’t want to be robbed of this the same way I feel I was robbed of nursing (because aside from reverse cycling, there was no way for me to keep up with nursing Joshua).
I keep telling myself that I’ve made it to my goal of six months, and it’ll probably be almost seven months before he’s totally on formula, but I just have this overwhelming sense of guilt about thinking about quitting.
I don’t know what to do.
On the one hand, I’m ready to have my body back, plain and simple. On the other hand, being a mom is about selflessness. I know that I’m doing the best thing possible for him.
Any words of wisdom out there in the interwebz?