Yesterday was, I think, the best day I’ve had since giving birth to Joshua and bringing him home. It’s always nice to have Dan around on the weekends to help out with diapers and such, but yesterday was just, well, perfect. It really had me thinking that maybe this isn’t so bad after all. Could it be the magical 12-week turning point? Maybe. Only time will tell.
First of all, Joshua slept like a CHAMP Saturday night, as I’ve already written about. Then, when he went down for his morning nap, I did too. I desperately needed the sleep. Dan fiddled around with his new toy (an iPhone…his early Father’s Day gift) while Joshua and I dozed happily. When Joshua got up, we all played for a bit in the living room. Joshua went back down for a nap at 12:30 and slept for almost three hours, which allowed Dan and I to do some much-needed cleaning. (I know…how can it be a good day if you spent it cleaning? It’s the little things, really, that make me feel human, and apparently the responsibility of cleaning up my messy house is one of them.)
We were able to go to the grocery store yesterday with minimal car-fussiness from the boy. Then we were able to eat dinner while he sat in the bouncy seat. He did get fussy part of the way through the meal, so Dan scooped him up and swaddled him and put him down for an evening catnap.
Joshua was in bed by 9:15, I think, which gave me time to wash my face and drink some tea and read some more in the second Body Farm novel by Jefferson Bass. (Highly recommended if you like quick reads in the crime novel genre, or if you like the TV show Bones.) This quiet time at the end of the day is what really made yesterday spectacular. I was still able to be in bed by 10:30, which gave me plenty of time to rest up for the middle-of-the-night feeding, but I was also able to take some “me-time.”
The hardest part about being a mom so far has been the loss of “self.” I spend a great deal of my days not really knowing who I am anymore. I wear a lot of hats, y’all. I’m a wife, a mother, a teacher, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor…you get the picture. It’s hard to figure out who I am in the middle of all of this. So, having moments where I can step back into something comfortable is refreshing somehow.
My yesterday may seem boring to some, but the “holycrapI’mgoingcrazyfromtheinsanity” days have far outweighed the good days since bringing Joshua home. Do I love and cherish every minute with my son? Yes. (Well, except for maybe the up every hour through the night moments…I don’t so much cherish those as just deal with them.) But good days are the shining light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. They remind me that I can do this. That WE can do this. That it DOES get easier and it won’t be so tough forever. So, boring and uneventful? I’ll take it.
This morning I’ve tried to recreate some of last night. Instead of going back to bed with Joshua, I’m hoping beyond hope that he will take another good nap this afternoon and I can sleep then if I want to. (And I fully expect this plan to blow up in my face.) This morning I’ve opted to drink a cup of coffee, blog, and just BE. I should shower, or do another load of laundry, or pick up the living room, but I’m taking some “ME” time, and I don’t think anyone who has ever been a new mom would fault me for that.