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What to do, what to do

DH and I have these friends who were dating. (L and the breakup were mentioned in a previous entry.) M has already started seeing someone else, and apparently, he was seeing her “as friends” before he told L he “needed some space.” I’m a believer in certain degrees of emotional cheating, and I think M might be guilty. I also don’t think he’s ready to date someone new so soon after his breakup with L even if he did find her before he broke up with L, but I know that’s really none of my business. So, here’s the dilemma:

He already wants to introduce us to the new girl.

When he broke up with L, he changed the dynamic of our group completely. I think we all feel sort of betrayed, albeit not as betrayed as she feels. I hurt for her, and I hurt for the fact that when we all hang out, she isn’t going to be there. She is one of my best friends, and now I can’t hang out with her while DH hangs out with his best friend. It seriously feels like he somehow broke up with us, too.

I’m not ready to meet this new girl yet, and neither is DH, but we don’t want to make M feel bad for the decision he’s made (even though I’d like to REALLY give him a piece of my mind!) because ultimately, it’s his decision to make. If he wasn’t happy with L, then obviously, I don’t want him to stay with her just to keep the group together. However, he doesn’t seem to understand that we all need time to heal from this breakup, not just the two of them.

Also, I can’t imagine what new girl would feel like knowing that the four of us were really close and she’s “replacing” one of my best friends. That has got to be awkward because she has to know that he just got out of a relationship (especially since he met her while he was still with L.) So she has to know we’re not pleased with him right now. He also wants to take her to the same restaurant we took L to the first time we met her, like the place is some sort of initiation joint. It’s almost like he thinks that the sooner we accept her into our group, the faster he can ease his conscience over being such an asshole.

I can be polite and mind the manners my mother gave me, but I don’t want to like this girl, and I’m scared that I will. I feel like, if I like her, I’m betraying L somehow. Also, how do I not tell L that I’ve met new girl (and yes, I will continue to refer to her as “new girl”) when she and I talk several times a week. I cannot lie to my friend, but I do not want her to know that I’ve met new girl because I don’t want to have to discuss new girl with L and put L through that kind of hurt.

It is our choices…that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities.–J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Give no decision till both sides thou’st heard.–Phocylides

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