I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS. I had done a bit of research prior to this appointment, and I felt like this is what the doctor would say was going on with me. He ordered an ultrasound and the tech was able to see me right away. She was a bit mum about what she saw, but she did answer any questions I had. When the doctor reviewed the pictures he said “Oh Wow” and the tone in his voice caused me to start crying immediately. The picture revealed almost twenty cysts on my left ovary. I have no idea if that’s good or bad, but I suspect there are women out there with way more than that. He is a really nice man and I could tell that he felt terrible that I was crying.
I’ll be taking Prometrium for the next three months to see if my cycle will regulate itself. I have a gut feeling that our journey to pregnancy will not be an easy one. (Again, worst-case-scenario planner.)
My mother has a direct phoneline to God so I have her praying, and I know that I have an amazing husband who will help me through everything that is yet to come, but I’m sad. I am completely and utterly heartbroken right now. I never thought that this would be difficult, that I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own, but the fact that I will likely not be able to get pregnant without the use of medications makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry my pretty little eyes out.
I want the morning sickness, the swollen ankles, the 3am feedings, the stinky up-the-back diapers, the booboos and scrapes. I want it all–good and bad. My biggest fear in life is never having those things and always wanting them…