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I really (really) want a baby

I have never been a patient person. Ever. My husband probably thinks I’m a little impulsive. (Ok, a lot impulsive.) However, I’m of the opinion that when the baby bug bites you, it bites you hard and fast. It bit me and I think I am burning up in some state of delirium that makes it impossible for me to think objectively about most things.

I am also a worst-case-scenario planner. (I have the contingency plan for the Apocalypse worked out in my head.) This worst-case-scenario planning business leads to some pretty ridiculous “What ifs” that happen in my head late at night when I can’t fall asleep.

Now, before everyone decides to flame me, let me say I realize that getting pregnant is something that is going to take time. But, I’m a little disappointed with the slowness with which my body has responded to being off of synthetic hormones. I never realized that it could take so long for the body to begin normal reproductive processes on its own.

After stopping the pill on February 9th, I had no signs of AF for 50+ days. She showed up on April 5th after I’d made an appointment with the ob/gyn for the 8th. Since that AF, I’ve had two more. It’s only the 28th. Fantastic!! Only, not really. I’ll be going back to the doctor tomorrow.

See, the problem with all of this is that, no matter how bad I want a baby, I know that there is no way it will happen until all this is straightened out, and I’m afraid of how long that will take. I’m also depressed that there are so many women around me who are pregnant. I’m depressed and jealous, and I’m not afraid to admit that here, even if I would be afraid to admit that to their faces.

I keep hearing “wait and see” and that is making me crazy. Absolutely batshit crazy!

Maybe blogging to this semi-anonymous universe will help ease some of the craziness. Welcome to my life,y’all!

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Mighty M

Tuesday 11th of January 2011

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