The post where I say the word “different” too much

So last night was pretty much not cool.  We forgot to give Joshua some Zantac before putting him down for bed, so an hour after he was down, he was up again. And inconsolable.

(We thought we were over the need for medicine. We should be. He’s old enough and big enough to be “over it” but I guess just like adults can get heartburn, so can he. Stupid reflux.)

Anyway, he was up for over an hour alternating between crying and being held and crying (and vomming up a little milk ::gag:: which necessitated a sheet change).  And it just felt like we were in for a rough night.  But then it wasn’t too bad.  Once he fell asleep, he was asleep.  Hallelujah.

Then he decided that 5:45 was an AWESOME time to wake up this morning.  I almost shipped him off to daycare right then.  So by 6:00, my feet were on the floor and it was business as usual.  Which includes coffee as the first order of business.  Always.  Without question.

Y’all, he was such a sweet boy this morning.  We’ve gotten into such a routine in the past week, and I like it.

We get up, I fix the coffee, we sit on the couch and snuggle.  He watches Sprout while I wake up a little bit.  It’s really nice.

But he’s going to daycare today and Dan left with him around 7:00 and I’m sad.

I miss my little sidekick.

Dan and I are going to a museum exhibit today and out to lunch, so it’ll be nice to spend the day with him and have a “date day” but y’all, I miss my baby.  I know that once we get up and get to where we’re going, I’ll be fine because I know that I’ll enjoy the exhibit much more without him there than I would if he were with us. And it’ll be nice to eat a meal without worrying about whether he’s disturbing the other patrons, and without having to pick up the pieces of food he’s thrown in the floor. 

Missing him is a good sign, I think.

This summer is so different than last summer.  So. Very. Different.

I know it’s different because he’s older. He’s different.  I’m different.  But it finally feels like “different is good.”

Just the addition of a routine to our day, a definite, tried-and-true routine, has made a world of difference. And it’s only been a week home with him.

I know that at the end of the summer, I’m going to miss this.  I’m going to miss him.

Don’t get me wrong. I missed him last summer when I wasn’t with him. But it was different.

When people asked me what I was doing this summer, what my plans were, I responded with “I’m going to be a mom.” And people would kind of look at me and smile a funny smile and nod and go “awww” but I don’t know that they really understood, or maybe I didn’t make myself clear. Or maybe it just sounded weird.

Since last summer was so…tumultuous? erratic? frustrating? this summer is my opportunity to really be a mom.  To figure out what Joshua likes and doesn’t like. To know him. To let him get to know me.

So far, so good.

I didn’t expect to miss him quite as much as I miss him right now. 

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