Finding Walden

“I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear”
–Henry David Thoreau

About a year ago, I started thinking about what it is I’m doing here in this space. And about what it is I want to be doing here in this space.

“Where I lived. What I lived for.” kept ringing in my ears. Thoreau went into the woods to know what it meant to live on purpose. And while I’m not retreating into a one-room cabin on a pond, I, too, want to know what it really means to live.

To experience everything as it comes. To take what life throws at me and relish in the good while recognizing that the bad happens too. To accept both the good and the bad as part of what makes my life uniquely mine.

Living isn’t about shining a spotlight on the pretty moments and ignoring the bad. Living, to me, means knowing that life is full of seasons that have nothing to do with changes in the weather and accepting those seasons as part of being human. Living is about letting yourself feel the moment while you’re in it while knowing that it will pass.

As I thought about everything, the realization settled in that the title “Not Super…Just Mom” didn’t feel like it fit right anymore.

It felt constricting. Limiting. Dismissive.

I thought about how all along, I’d sort of meant it as this tongue-in-cheek acknowledgement of all the ways in which I’m awesome. (While also acknowledging when I’m not.)

It felt like I was saying “You’re not super. You’re just a mom.”

And the truth is that I’m more than just a mom. I’m a woman. I’m a wife. I’m a daughter. I’m a friend. I am a kitchen goddess! I have passions and talents to share. I have stories to tell.

But I was stuck.

And then I had an epiphany that brought about a new name: Finding Walden.

In a lot of ways, this name change is just that and things will mostly stay the same around here.

I’ve been yearning for a while to write about life and share the different pieces of myself, and have taken steps to do that, but recently NSJM as the title has just felt out of place. I’ve felt trapped, like sharing my experiences should only ever come through the lens of motherhood. I will, of course, still write about being a mom and how the world has changed since Joshua and Emma became mine because they are such a huge part of me.

I just needed room for the other parts, too.

I needed a space to write about life and all its myriad seasons–good, bad, up, down, happy, sad, and everything in between–and not feel limited to the scope of motherhood.

Life. All of it.

Messy. Uncomfortable. Happy. Transcendent.

That’s what I want. I want to find MY Walden.

Where I live. What I live for.

Welcome to the next chapter.