Spill It

In case you haven’t looked at a calendar, it’s August. AUGUST. Fall is upon us, school is starting (Monday!), and our busy, too short, blink-and-you-miss-it summer is done. Just like that.

I didn’t blog at all in July and at first I didn’t care. Didn’t even notice. I was too busy doing and being and stressing and vacationing to mind the fact that this place was sitting dormant, gathering e-dust in the corners.

“It’s okay,” I told myself. “The blog will be there when you aren’t so busy.”

After two solid weeks of prepping the house for listing, we went on vacation. I took iPhone pictures of the kids playing and never broke out the real camera. I relaxed and soaked up time with my family. I slept. A LOT.

And then we came home and our house was on the market and school was starting soon and KINDERGARTEN and a rather unpleasant anniversary looms on the horizon and I just couldn’t breathe or think or do anything other than retreat into myself and my headspace and hope I didn’t drown in the worry and dread.

I realized it had been a while since I had even thought about writing because so much had been going on, but part of me still didn’t care but now for different reasons.

Blog? Why? I am not important in this arena. I don’t matter. No one will notice or care if I just…disappear. And those things are true. (Probably.)

I do, however, matter in THIS arena, and it’s the one that counts most anyway:

But I’ve felt a little voice nagging me.

“Go write something, Miranda. Go use your words. Dump your thoughts and clear your mind.”

And I thought about it. I thought about just purging everything but I didn’t do it. But I didn’t do it because I felt stuck.

I still feel stuck.

But I know that as frustrating as this blogging thing can be sometimes, as pointless as it all may seem, the reason I write is because I need to. It satisfies something within me to spill my guts or rant or ramble or tell stories about my kids.

(The community I’ve found from blogging doesn’t hurt either.)

I gave myself permission to take the rest of July off and vowed to write something today. Anything. As long as it was fingers to keys and published.

Now I’ve done it. Now I feel better.