There’s a video making the rounds on Facebook right now about a husband who’s about to go on the most important date of his life…but not with his wife! SCANDALOUS!
He gets all dressed up and a friend asks if he’s nervous.
“Yes!” he says, as he ties his tie. “It’s been a long time,” replies his friend.
Then he leaves the house, turns around and rings the bell, and his very excited daughter answers, ready for their date. The girl is adorable. They go have lots of fun together doing things like drinking milk out of princess cups and swinging and going for piggyback rides.
It’s cute. Really. It is. The girl is adorable and they seem to have a good time.
I might not make many friends with what I’m about to say, but I’m banking on that whole “if you say it, they will come” thing that happens when we say things that we know will probably enrage people but might also show us we’re not alone.
Dads, don’t date your daughters.
And this goes for moms, too, though there’s an odd disparity between the number of events aimed at mothers and sons versus those aimed at dads and daughters, and those aimed at mothers and sons are very rarely called “date nights.”
(There’s a whole commentary on why these daddy-daughter date night events exist to get dads to spend time with their daughters/sons and why they shouldn’t have to exist at all because it should just be a thing parents do, but that’s probably another inflammatory blog post for another day.)
It might be a special occasion or a treat when moms and dads take their children to the playground, or out for ice cream, or to the movies, but it’s not dating.
Why is there this thing where we talk about our relationships with our children in terms of our relationships with spouses and friends? Our relationships with our children are neither.
Dating implies there’s a romantic element to the relationship and, quite frankly, it’s weird to talk about dating our children. Go back to the example from that video where the dad talks about being nervous and it’s “been a long time” and tell me that’s anything other than awkward and weird, even if it was scripted.
But Miranda, you say, it’s just a word! You’re giving it meaning where there isn’t any!
No, I’m really not.
The common use of the verb “date” means courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in. Think about that for a minute and let’s stop dating our children.
We can do better. We can choose different words and not frame our relationships with our children in romantic terms.
And while I’m probably offending people, all of the memes declaring ourselves the “first loves” of our opposite sex children are weird too.
Didn’t you read Oedipus Rex?
Am I the first person in my children’s lives who will love them? Who will show them what love is? Yes, probably, but the term “first love” implies schoolyard crushes and high school romance and Mommy and Daddy issues they’ll need to work out in therapy some day.
It also sort of sounds like we can’t let them grow up and experience the world on their own without us, and while that thought sort of rips my heart out, it has to happen.
I don’t want to be my son’s first love. Not like that. And I don’t want my husband to date our daughter.
Spending quality time with your kids isn’t dating. It’s just…spending quality time with your kids. It’s parenting. It’s the stuff we should be doing every day, even if it’s just reading together at night before bed, or sitting around the dinner table engaged in conversation instead of staring at our devices.
Instead of dating your daughter (or son), date your partner.
That’s probably better for your relationships in the long run anyway.
If you want to teach your daughter what to expect from the men she’ll one day find herself dating and possibly marrying, show her (and your sons) a strong relationship. Show her what a solid partnership looks like.
Show her what respect looks like by respecting her mother or the mother figures in her life and she’ll learn to respect herself and demand that from others.
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Show her what love looks like by loving her, certainly.
But don’t date your daughter.
Update/Response/Philosophical Waxing:
First of all, let me just say thank you for reading, even if you disagree with me and can’t wait to blast me in the comments (though I do hope that reading this update might help explain, at least in part, where I was coming from when I wrote this). I appreciate your being here and the conversation that has been sparked as a result of this piece.
I am not now nor have I ever been a crazy man-hating spinster lesbian bitch (or a wanker, I think) but I am sometimes crazy and sometimes bitchy. Occasionally the two overlap. (I’m even medicated! With a therapist!)
Prior to writing this post, it hadn’t occurred to me that others see and hear the verb date in terms of its less romantic definition, i.e. a social engagement. (The noun date means “a set place in time” or we’re talking about a fruit. Or maybe we have a Date Date and then things get really confusing.)
Yes, I was aware that the definition of date as a social engagement existed, but the connotation of the word date, to me, is a romantic engagement between to people who are dating, and I hadn’t realized just how infrequently I personally use the word “date” until the comments and discussions started rolling in.
I don’t say “I have a lunch date with my friend.” I say “I’m going to lunch with so-and-so.” That is not to say that others shouldn’t say that because I don’t say that, or that any of us is right or wrong because we do or don’t say date. It’s just…different.
But the word “date” wasn’t so much the thing that bothered me about the original video and which word to use wasn’t the point I was trying to make. Somewhere along the way, things got confused, so I’d like to take a second to try to clear up what my message was supposed to be.
I want parents to spend time one on one with their children, of both the same and opposite sex. It’s good. It’s healthy. Spending time with our children is vital to their development and our relationships with them.
Here, where I live, there are no “mother-son date nights.” You will never see a restaurant or event facility advertise a “father-son date night” because ::gasp:: they’re both dudes! ZOMG! And the same is true of mother-daughter events, with the exception of teas around Mother’s Day, but then I ask, what happens to the moms who don’t have daughters? Are they uninvited?
There are only events geared toward dads and daughters. There are only viral videos about dads and daughters. There is only anything about dads and daughters happening in this conversation.
So, yes, I do think that there are lines that get blurred when it comes to the notion of “dating” our daughters, and some of that, I now realize, comes from the places I’ve lived and the culture in which I was raised.
That is, the “purity culture.”
I’m a liberal Feminist thinker living in a veritable sea of people who see the world so differently than I do it’s a wonder we’re even looking at the same world sometimes.
In a place where “earn the right to wear white” is a mantra taught in sex ed classes and where daughters are encouraged to pledge their virginity to their parents, namely their fathers, complete with the exchanging of rings, and where there are no such pushes for young men to do the same (nor do young men seem to need the same protection from the big, bad world of dating), the idea that dads should date their daughters so that the fathers can be the great protectors, standing guard with a shotgun while their little girls exit the house with a gentleman caller isn’t one that I can support.
And I don’t necessarily subscribe to the notion that young girls learn about their self-worth and have their self-esteem built up solely by their relationships with their fathers, or that one on one time with their fathers are the only ways they’ll open up when they need to talk about the big things in their lives.
I think a lot of that openness comes from the culture which is created within the home on a daily basis. Engaging each other in questions about the day, talking, sharing, and being kind to and not judgmental with one another.
Daughters (and sons) will learn what to expect from the men/women in their lives by how they see us treat the people around you, which includes them, our spouses or partners, our neighbors, and the waiters at your favorite restaurant. They will come to understand and see the qualities they want in a partner not from what we do on those special outings with them, but from how we live our lives every day.
Be the kind of spouse or partner to your wife that you hope your daughter will one day marry. Treat your wife how you want your daughter to be treated. She will see that. She is seeing that.
So sure, bring your daughter flowers, but bring them for your wife, too. (Chances are, if you’re the kind of guy who’s bringing his daughter flowers, you’re already doing those things for your wife. Good on you!)
Finally, the comments which have hurt me most in this entire thing are those about my dad and what kind of man he must have been.
Call me names. Make fun of me. Imagine me to be some perverted, twisted monster. I don’t care.
But my dad was a good man. He didn’t take me on “dates,” and quite frankly the thought that he should do those things would never have crossed his mind. My upbringing predates the Internet and blogs telling us how we should and shouldn’t be doing it.
But he didn’t have to do those things for me to know he cared.
My dad died last August, suddenly, and without a chance for me to say goodbye, or to tell him that I appreciated the sacrifices he made for me. Or just to tell him thanks for loving me. I will never, ever get that chance again, and can only hope to do his legacy justice by living with the same kindness and generosity he showed for everyone he met.
Very valid points… though, I am curious… should we avoid father-daughter dances as well?
I have dates with my mother, sister, brother and friends…it’s a word for a special time and place. Should not bring ugly into such caring and happiness.
I think what the whole problem with the dad daughter dances, is that you also should have mommy son dances. It is totally wrong to keep pushing dances and other activities for dad and daughter, but forget about mom who is just as important , if not more to the daughter since mom is the like parent anyway..
What makes all this sad is that men and men supporters are actually to blind to see how wrong this is. It gets to be sickening when we keep exalting dads this way.
My son has daddy dates, as does my daughter. They both get one on one Mommy dates as well as “aunt cherry dates”, “Grandma dates”, and “grandpa dates”. They also know Mommy and Daddy have dates together, usually when they have an Aunt Cherry date. A date, for our children, simply means a special time, usually without their sibling, with an adult whom they love (and who loves them) doing an activity that is not a normal, or everyday thing. And, shock of a shocks, we have “Family Dates” where all four of us go somewhere special, like a movie, or the aquarium. And those dates are awesome.
We should have parent/kid relationships, we should not be their friend or “date” them. In the past, the adults were in charge, and children did what they were told. Adults had wisdom, experience, authority, means, and were trusted to care for and discipline the kids. Today, the social contract has been reversed, where kids boss their parents around. This has some negative consequences, including producing spoiled rotten brats.
Just watch a new movie or tv show to see children scolding their parents, bossing their parents around. It is disgusting. The incidence of autism, obesity, ADD, ASD, oppositional defiant disorder (i.e. spoiled brat) are all WAY increased .
Adults, think of your self first and your kids are the go alongs. Adults build, maintain, pay for , feed clothe , do everything and should be appreciated for it. You are the ones who provide a world so your kids can live, start acting like it.
Seems like father-daughter dances involve high heels, satin, hairdos, mascara, maybe even nails.
But it would seem perverted if a mother got all sexed up for a dance with her son.
The blogger here didn’t need to worry about words like “date” or whatever because obviously if a young girl is going to a dance, she is going to try to look like she’s on a date, spending hours getting ready. So whether it’s called a date or not, it does seem inappropriate. Father-daughter dances could be redesigned as community dances, where all family members are welcome.
Yes, yes, a THOUSAND TIMES, yes. (And father-daughter dances are different.)
At least men who “date” their daughters are teaching them how a man should treat them so that they grow up to expect nothing less. I go on “dates” with my girlfriends (“Fri night? Okay, it’s a date!”) but I am not “dating” them. Your post is frivolous.
I agree whole heartedly!! I think that is kind of the point. You may be upset over the term “Dating” … so use a different one. don’t hate those that do it. My daughter’s father took off when she was five months old. The thought of an actual dad in her life, and doing these things…. Yeah, I cried when I watched the video. I thought it was adorable. My daughter doesn’t have that!! I take her on “girl dates” all the time. SCANDALOUS!! OMG Maybe she will be a lesbian because she doesn’t have a dad, and she goes on girl dates with her mom. Who cares what you call it!! It needs to be done, and no, you don’t sacrifice one for the other, I get that, but come on. Call it something else if it bothers you so damn much!!
It’s too bad that the past ruins the present for some parents who have no bad intentions with their daughters, granddaughters. I never had any grandparents, I try & teach my granddaughter old fashion values, she is spanked when needed, she is also given advised as how to treat others. I wish I had grandparents to talk to, share family history with, guide me in our culture ways. These old fashion values are part of our futures past. Don’t make something out of nothing. Love that child as God wants us too.
Wow! I’m sad that your post has been shared so many times on fb. I honestly hate I wasted precious moments of my life even reading this garbage.
Why is it always hate when someone merely disagrees? The author is right, the very word date is inappropriate when applied to one’s children. And to act as if this was a real date is creepy as hell.
Take your kids on outings and enjoy your time together, but don’t make it look like some romantic tryst.
Why is date is such a horrible word in this case? for one.. the dad is not being creepy at all, hes playing it up for the video and everybody knows that… two, exactly why does ” date” automatically associate with inappropriateness…. i agree with anonymous, we use the word for everything… business meetings ” great its a date” for wedding invites “set the date” for girls nights – ” date night with my ladies”.. we even use it for little kids when they have a ” play date” .. if this was a mother and daughter video everyone would be in awe at the bond the mother and daughter have. If he is taking the time out to spend time with her and do something that she probably asked for, then he most likely will take the time to explain to her what is right and wrong about dating– which is entirely different than having a date day. — which i am quite certain can refer to any social gathering…. i think its ridiculous that when men don’t take care of they’re kids we all have something to say and then when they do.. we again, all have something to say..next thing you know we’ll be hearing you think its wrong for dads to participate in “tea time” which every little girl plays… because technically that is a date… also.. you cannot criticize the public for being against this article… we are simply… disagreeing as well 🙂
Because for some of us it was inappropriate. Dad should be present as a DAD not a boyfriend, husband, friend. Enough said.
Because there is a long history of men doing things to young girls and for me this is reinforcement that normalizes that behavior.
Two weeks ago a close friend had to go with her nice to trial because her niece had been raped by her step dad from age 9-13. He told her they were dating and in a relationship and that he loved her. Then he had a pregnancy scare and he ran for the hills.
Well, he is going to prison now for the rest of his life.
And when I hear “daddy-daughter dating” I will forever think of this kind of thing.
It is creepy and gross. I spent time with my dad doing parent-child stuff, and we did not consider it dating.
And if you have a problem with how I view this, know that I just watched a new documentary about amateur teen porn that says as of 2016 “teen porn” is googled more than anything else on the internet now. And I guarantee you that a lot of men watching it have daughters.
My boyfriend is totally creeped out by this stuff and would never confuse the two with his daughter.
Another factor to consider is how many girls are the children of divorce and already have possessive, jealous feelings about daddy.
People need to get a clue. Stop using kids as replacement partners.
Exactly. I just see this kind of thing as bothersome on so many levels.
A female does not need to date her dad.
I have four girls and when they see me take their mother out for the evening or when we are just around the house, then, they can see how they should be treated then. It is wrong for this country to say men should date their girls.
The country does not say it Dimwit. It is an interactional game play of appropriate innocence that girls love to participate in. The first “Prince” in her life is often the Dad, and to indulge in imaginary game play (associated in many childhood stories) just adds to their desire to experience the imaginary life of the little princess. To often this is never dealt with until they start dating for real and is exposed to so called “princes” whose only objectives is to have sex and turn out to be abusive, uncaring and adulterous no-goods!
@Pierre,
If you nesd to show the world you are ignorant by calling people names, then go for it. But those of us who are real men can comment on a real man level. So know that as men, we do not date our daughters, we date our wives.
Fathers are not to monopolize parenthood. Our daughters are closer to thier mothers anyway since mothers are the like parent. Get over yourself, “Dimwit”. spend time with your son and teach him how to be a better man than you are being with your lame comment.
I always thought dads dating their daughters seems creepy. I’m sure it’s all well-intentioned but not necessary and creepy. Date your daughter’s mother. Parent your daughter.
I totally agree with @”Genna’s Mom”, she is totally right.
I think you don’t have to pretend to be on a romantic date to teach your child some values. If you had paid attention, little girls learn how they should be treated by seeing how their father treats their mother, not by going out on “dates”
THANK YOU
“At least men who “date” their daughters are teaching them how a man should treat them so that they grow up to expect nothing less”
What exactly are these men teaching their daughters? How to be treated on a date. To expect to be pampered, put on a pedestal, treated like a princess. Let’s look at where that gets them:
First, it reinforces the idea that the girl is the object to be wooed, to be pursued, the passive entity. It doesn’t do anything to teach her that she has an equal ability to choose the person she is interested in him, equal responsibility to make time together interesting, to treat the man well.
Second, it reinforces the idea that being swept off one’s feet with grand gestures is all-important, and minimizes the importance of day to day treatment. Abusive people (because both men and women can be abusive and be abused in heterosexual as well as homosexual relationships) are very good at being on their best behavior, drawing people in with grand gestures and making them feel special at the beginning of a relationship, so that by the time the abusive behavior surfaces, the person is already emotionally attached, and the abuser can then use a grand romantic gesture to get the victim to forgive the abuse.
We don’t need to be teaching girls how to expect to be treated on dates, we need to teach them how to expect to be treated in relationships. That comes with the day to day, not on special occasions.
If I tell you I am having a date night with my son will you assume I am romantically involved with my son?
It’s a word. According to the dictionary “date” means: the time or period to which any event or thing belongs.
I REALLY DO NOT THINK THAT THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS HAS A FATHER OR EVER HAD ANY FATHER DAUGHTER TIME. I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR MY FATHER TO TAKE ME ON A DATE AND SHOWED ME WHAT REAL MEN DID BUT I GUESS HE HAD THE SAME TFATHER LIKE YOU DID SO HE ALLOWED MY MOTHER THE WOMAN HE MARRIED TO RAIS US ALL BY HERSELF. FOR ANYONE TO THINK THAT A FATHER DAUGHTER DAT WHIC MEANS A TIME IS ANYTHING MOR THAN A MAN TAKING HIS DAUGHTER OUT AND SHOWING HER A GOOD TIME IS SICK.
I agree! I feel shes making this a shameful thing to teach your daughters how to be treated by a man. And honestly it seems to be some bitter hatred of it because she lost her father. My dads been gone for 15 years and I wish he had done this for me when I was a girl!
DITTO! I agree with your comment wholeheartedly!
This article is ridiculous. Who said dating has to be sexual? Now, what kind of message are YOU sending???? I consider a date something intimate between 2 people.. an outing to bond, NOT get frisky. I am a woman with a daughter & son, I have had my son take me out on “dates” a few times, and it was very cute & special. He picked me flowers, opened the door for me, and he loved it. I can’t wait until my daughter is older & her dad will do this with her. In fact, sometimes I even have lunch “dates” with my mom. It’s a time when you say “nothing else matters for awhile but me and this person I love”. So, PLEASE dads (and moms) continue to do this with your children!!!
Hi all,
I think sexism has impacted the language of family outings in our society. Language exposes underlying values. “Daddy daughter dates” is this celebrated thing right now. The author is taking the time to have a critical lens and question this tradition and the language around it. She raises a great question: why are mother/son dates far less popular than daddy/daughter dates? What do YOU think?
Parents can help their girls and boys understand what respecting other people – regardless of their gender – looks like when they treat one another with respect. If a father thinks occasional special outings somewhere will magically teach his daughter (a daughter living in a media-saturated society that objectifies the female body) that she is a valuable human being, independent of any male’s opinion, then he is the one playing make-believe. I appreciate a Dad dressing up to take his daughter out for fun. It’s just that modeling how to treat a woman has less to do with showing up in a suit & tie with flowers and more to do with being present during all seasons of life. If he does this too, then those special outings are icing on the cake, I guess.
If you have interpreted this post to mean, “hey dads, stop going on special outings with your daughters because it is creepy” then I suggest you reread it. I don’t think anyone disagrees that good mothers and fathers are intentional about setting aside time to spend with their children. I think we are disagreeing about what the emphasis on “daddy daughter dates” says about our society’s view of girlhood. What challenges do females face as girls and as young adolescents? How can fathers help girls to think critically about the story the media tells them about their roles, their value, and their worth? How can dads be counter-cultural? How might taking daughters out on a “date” feed into the “girls desire and need a prince charming” narrative? As the author stated: “we can choose different words and not frame our relationships with our children in romantic terms.” I think the point of this post was to think about language and cultural values.
AGREED!!!
I might have to agree with you here.
Miranda, it sounds like you have a few issues going on here. Why did you feel the need to write an entire article on this subject? For the record, the definition of “date” you have in your head is just wrong in that the word “date” is not restricted to a “romantic date”. You do realize you can have other dates, right? They’re also called social engagements. Sex or romance is not necessary on “a date”. Simply put, a date is all about getting to know someone (friend or otherwise) and developing that relationship. So who better to go on a date with than the first most important male figure in your life? I take it you don’t have a degree in psychology or didn’t study the subject much. Either way, everyone is entitled to their opinion. It’s just sad to read such a limiting view coming from a mother. Taking a sweet gesture and turning it into something that is more than a little perverted. It says more about the way you think than the video. Focus on the beauty and the love in this 🙂 Truly, that’s all that’s there in this case, clearly.
To paraphrase, the greatest gift you’ll ever lean is just to love and be loved in return. Maybe one day you’ll learn this but only time will tell. Have a good day! 🙂
I am with Miranda on this one. I loved going on hikes with the kids, picnics, movies, tea parties, all kinds of stuff. But I really think that “dates” are about finding a partner. Dads should have strong relationships with their kids. You do not need a “date” to have a strong amazing supportive relationship.
I agree.
I totally agree.
I totally agree with J – it’s taking a beautiful situation and trying to make it evil. I wish there were more dads that took time to bond with their daughters whether it is called date or not. This is how a girl can learn healthy male relationships through her father.
The article is your opinion but truly a cheap twisted way to get attention. And as J says, I am wondering what chord got struck within yourself to make such a negative observation. That is my opinion.
The author is not trying to make it evil – that is your slant on it. She merely says that parents should not treat their kids the way they should treat each other.
Seriously? You think the author took a sweet gesture and made it into something perverted? I think she raised good questions.
I agree.
I think it’s bizarre to dress up for a date with your own child also dressed up and having tea on the balcony etc and to say you’re nervous and stating it’s been a long time! Picture the scene, Madison come and get ready darling we have to make you all pretty, you’re having a date with Daddy tonight! Weird and why are the daughters getting all dolled up? Doesn’t Daddy love them without make up and pretty clothes? Yes imagine if Mum and her son did similar. There is no need for a special occasion namely dates for children who should not be exposed to such behaviour when so young. Just make sure you spend some time with your children and it does not have to be private time alone at all. My Father never spent a minute interacting with myself or my sister of his own choosing, he only did so because we pestered him for his attention that we received a few scraps. He died when I was seven and all I ever wanted was his real attention, to take an interest in me and not to be treated like a child that just happened to be in the family. Personal sincere attention is love and a child knows it, father dates are just creepy and fake and not necessary if you love your child! And no my sister and I did not grow up to have healthy relationships.
You said it perfectly. A daughter on a date with his Dad? WHY? How about just spending time with his daughter? Why use the ‘date’ word when it has a romantic connotation? just creepy.. I guess they have to make it controversial to get people’s attention. I thought it was just me, I’m so glad I’m not alone.
Yes! Slow clapping it out for your post!!
I’m with you, Miranda. I thought the video was creepy. Not a fan of those things where chastity rings are given to little girls or father daughter dances. I enjoyed wonderful times with my father (and mother) seeing movies, boating, shopping, going to the circus, etc. but he never dressed up and brought me flowers. I got to see how a gentleman acted by being around him every day. To each his own.
I totally agree. In my mind: The movement of “Dad as daughter’s boyfriend” to protect her innocence perpetuates a belief that it is not her inner self worth that gives her life meaning, but her sexual gifts and in a kind of sweet, but ultimately creepy way, Dad is supposed to protect her developing sexuality. The love a couple has for each other, the respect they treat each with, the affection, sharing your day and having good dialogues with each other — that will become the foundation of your children’s security and self worth in the world. Have a tea party with your daughter. Make the little sandwiches with her. Ask her what kind she likes and tell her what you like, too. But don’t make it a “date”. That just adds the ick factor.
This goes to show where some peoples minds are, now that is ick. I did not see where the father was called a boyfriend. This was father showing his daughter she is special. Get your mind out of the gutter. We have enough of that in the world.
He was acting like a boyfriend, not like a dad.
I just want to add that Dad’s should not be nervous to spend an afternoon with their kid because their relationship should be easy and have a wide range of experiences. I did not tell you your mind was at fault, or your opinion is at fault, because I feel the diversity of experience is a good thing. I think the ick factor is a significant percentage of people may be useful information.
I wonder if he would have been nervous about spending the same type of special time with his son? Would he dress up for a date with his son? If so, then sure, I agree its not a date because he is an equal opportunity Dad and he makes special days to hang with his kids in an intimate way that is not based on their gender.
But if its just a Daddy-daughter thing I want to stick to my belief (not shared by everyone) that this might take bonding with your daughter a step too far. I don’t think Dads need to date their daughters to have an awesome relationship or to prepare them for a date with a man later in life.
And I really really believe that my husband and I should share a really special relationship that is a “date” and that should indicate something that adults do. So yes, I agree with Miranda, the word “date” along with the nervousness, and dressing up, and spending “special time” goes with intimacy in a way that most often describes people looking for that one special person.
I agree. And I especially appreciate the son comparison. I think much of this discussion has to do with gender and gender-norms. Notice that on the daddy daughter date in the video, the father and daughter use teacups with Disney princesses on them. From the gecko girls are taught that they need a Prince Charming to sweep in and love them. That until the father “gives her away” at her wedding (as if she is property) that her daddy will fill those shoes. I think some of this is for sure awkward and parents needs to relax and just be parents. Show girls how valuable they are by spending time with them learning and growing and reading. Relax on the dressing up and gushing over how “pretty” she is.
You make many valid points. You need to be aware, however, that the phrase is “from the get-go” not “from the gecko” I would bring this up privately but there is no option for that here. I only bring it to your attention because I have been guilty of misunderstanding a phrase on occasion, myself. I would rather it be brought to my attention so I don’t repeat it than to have folks snickering behind my back. And trust me, they do.
I am in total agreeance with this article. I have experienced a father-daughter relationship where the father only wanted to do outings with his daughter, if she wasn’t there he wouldn’t enjoy a social outing with the wife and he would constantly make reference to missing his daughter or would wait until she arrived from school. This man was also recognized by many, including myself, as a great to perfect dad based on the relationship portrayed to the public on social media etc, but behind closed doors, the relationship was weird, as expressed by the friend. Now to Miranda’s defense, she doesn’t have an issue with men showing affection for their daughters, the issue lies between recognizing boundaries that she is your child and not your wife.
Communication varies, in this case, there should be a line of intimacy and that specific line of family oriented communication. Some fathers may see a wife in their child which may unconsciously lead to them not wanting a wife or girlfriend because they enjoy the presence of their daughter, please believe this happens. The child may also never accept another woman in the house because she wants her dad to herself, and may feel that the affection he is giving her now has to be shared. Fathers should be careful the way they see their daughters and the ideology they subconsciously place in the daughters of them being what a boyfriend should, for example, a man should never see his daughter as sexy, however, an intimate relationship may lead to this.
A Parent should never feel that they are not the parent and have to play the role of a friend where they have to answer questions from the child, going overboard with affection may lead to a child being comfortable enough with their parents to disrespect them or treat them like their peers.
We are happy men are stepping up to the plate and playing their vital role as fathers but until you have experienced reasons why this post is made do not bash it.
I agree with the article as well for I am living the story you are writing about. I must it is no fun watching my husband put his daughter first in everything we do.
Yes, absolutely, it was the whole “I’m nervous” and “It’s been a long time” stuff that made the video so creepy. Why would any man be nervous to be with his daughter? The whole issue of predate jitters comes from nagging fear of rejection associated with romantic pursuit. The video deliberately played that up, but then people here are saying “you’re sick if you saw it that way.”
I totally agree with you, that video real makes me uncomfortable… I didn’t have any real relationship with my dad as a kid and its been more than 10 years since haven’t talk to him. Maybe i would have think the other if it was different but i really don’t like what i have see there in that video… My feeling.
LOL!!! Miranda, you’re funny. Please have a seat…
How could you even attempt to suck the life and purity out of this concept. You’re an ignorant fool and i want to feel sorry for you, but i can’t. Crawl under a rock and cry yourself to a lonely death, BITCH.
Over react much, Mark? Does the criticism hit too close to home for you?
Why are you so defensive? And show some manners, writing obscenities undermines your viewpoint.
Wow. If you get this irate over someone else’s viewpoint, perhaps you’d be better off only reading your OWN opinions. Don’t want to have a stroke if you run across someone who doesn’t agree with your take on butter vs margarine!
Obviously, you are very unaware of “date” meaning an event, social or otherwise, a frame of time, a specific day, as in “save the date!”, etc… the fact that this was the first place your mind went when seeing this video tells me YOU have some very specific issues you need to work on. Children love to mimic their parents. My daughters see mommy and daddy have a “date night”, and as I’m getting ready, they try on my high heels, play in my makeup, and I let each one squirting one puff of perfume. So when daddy asks them if they’d like to have a lunch “date”, they feel special, loved, and singled out for attention, which little girls need. They go to places SHE picks, they do things SHE wants to do, and they come home happily exhausted with ice cream stains all over their shirt and a balloon animal from the zoo. Yes. We call those “dates”. I don’t know anybody who’s mind goes “I wonder if there’s anything SEXUAL going on with that dad and daughter out together having fun at the park…” who does that??? And all you weirdos agreeing? Seems like you must all have absolutely boring, mundane lives if these are the kind of things you worry about. I worry about common core, I worry about drugs and violence in the schools, I worry about the cost of education, I worry about so many other things than whether or not calling father daughter time a “date” has a sexual connotation!! There is just so many things wrong with this article I just can’t even. Shaking my head…
Well put Ashley!
In case you didn’t notice, the man acted as if he was going on a date with a girlfriend, not a daughter. If you have a problem with anyone seeing this as sexual, you have never been on a date with a guy.
Yes Christine zook. I am only married with two children. Nope never been on a single date!! Actually I’ve been on many dates, but none where we ate sandwiches with crusts cut off and carrot sticks and where I drank out of a sippy cup. If these are the kinds of dates that terrify you so of “sexual misconduct!!!” It would seem to me it’s YOU who are going on the wrong dates. Did you completely miss the point of my comment?? Children like to MIMIC their parents. That means “copy”. So if my daughters want to go on “dates” like mommy and daddy because it’s fun and it’s special, then why not. Read my original comment again, and then check for understanding. Because it seems you have none. This is so ridiculous. Someone call a WAAAAAHHHHHHHbulance. Christine is having an attack of stupidity.
I agree completely with you Ashley. Christine you belong in a ZOO! We are not living by animal instincts! Here are discretion, imagination, bonding and game play……..at play!
Ashley – mocking other people and tearing them down with disrespect & insults shows a lot about your character. Is this a grade 4 school yard where little girls are hurling immature insults? Show some respect and engage in an adult driven intelligent conversation which includes having differing opinions. If you feel someone is “attacking” you. Respond in a mature way and don’t fuel the flames.
It’s okay for others to have an different view on life, but why can’t we just respect each other in the process?
😛
That is playing at semantics. In our culture the word “Date” specifically references a romantic outing, when accompanied by the “nervousness” and dressing up, along with flowers shown in that video. No one can be that naive to believe that this man is not mimicking a romantic date.
Seriously? Wow… you REALLY showed me… did you not read my last two comments?? Obviously not. I believe I said in BOTH that children like to MIMIC their parents. It makes them feel special and grown up to being doing grown up things. I just can’t even continue this with you. Your stupidity is hurting my brain.
Uh, it was the first place her mind went when seeing the video because that’s exactly how the video was stagecrafted to lead the viewer. The father kept talking about how nervous he was and what a long time it had been, these were phrases specifically staged to make the viewer think of a romantic date. The nervousness of going on a date arises from the fear of potential rejection associated with romantic pursuit. Why would any father be nervous spending time with his daughter?
To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. -Titus 1:15
Can’t agree with you more. I just showed this article to my husband and he is still just shaking his head in amazement and said “this lady actually has KIDS? Well, I’ll be…”
i did not even have to read past the first sentence to be utterly certain that you have no idea what you’re talking about. although i realize that your entire piece is an opinion, it honestly wins one of the “most stupid thoughts shared on the internet that dumb down the population of decent human beings unfortunate enough to read about them and – holy shit – believe them” award.
it’s one thing to rant about your opinion, it’s another to give advice based on it when it obviously is biased, bigoted, and frankly asinine. if you don’t want your man, if you have one, to go give your daughter, if you also have one, a splendid day with her father all dressed up and HAPPY, then fine, be a terrible parent to deny her that. but don’t tell other people to share your idiocy.
pinning sexual undertones on a word that historically doesn’t mean anything sexual only serves to emphasize such idiocy. it’s disgusting. this whole piece is the scandal.
I disagree with one aspect of your commentary. You say that the word date means courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in. Not so. It can just mean an appointment. My “date book” has many appointments in it. The word, when a daddy uses it about his child, most assuredly does not mean he is sexually interested in her. He often wants her to see how a young man SHOULD treat the young woman he is with. If a young lady is consistently shown what a date is supposed to be like, she will recognize when she is being treated wrongly. It’s like when cash handlers study money – they study only the real thing. Then they know when a counterfeit comes along. The same is true of studying God’s Word. When we know God as He reveals Himself in Scripture, we will know when false doctrine crosses our paths. Back to the subject at hand, when dads show their little girls how valuable they should consider themselves, they set them up to be wise when in the young adult dating world.
Okay this rant is crazy. I understand your thoughts on how it seems weird for parents to “date” their children and if parents should not be romantically involved with their children, but I believe you are taking it out of context. Its lovely for parents to date each other and provide a positive image for their kids to look up to, but what about one parent households? How will those children know what a healthy relationship looks like? What about when parents go out on a date? They often don’t take children with them. Fathers who set up fake dates with their daughters get to show them first hand how they ought to be treated my someone looking to spend time with them. That little girl won’t always remember what her father said to her that afternoon or what they ate, but she will remember the feeling she had when he opened the door well dressed and happy to see her. She’ll remember he pulled out her chair and held her hand in the park. Some things need to be experienced, not watched. There is nothing weirdly romantic about this. It’s just quality time and a parent teaching a child self respect.
I hope you can understand that.
Hear, hear, Jessica!!!
I just saw the video too…how can a person date their own children? So creepy…especially the “you’ll always be her first love”. All I thought is that the father must have a warped concept of dating.
Dating is romance. I go out with many friends one on one but it’s not a date. When I want to go out with someone for the purpose of romance, then I go out on a date. The only person I date now is my fiancée.
Date nights exist for the purpose of romance…not sex. And a father does NOT need to teach their little girls how to have a romantic date. Allow her to have a REAL first love…it’s just sounds so incestous and Lolita-esque.
“To the pure all things are pure”…yep, so if a person decides to have a date night with an animal, and get married to it, of course as long as they think it’s pure, it’s pure. No…I don’t think so. It’s still creepy.
Mark, you are seriously creepy dude!
Great example, Mark. You proved the Scripture passage. No pure-minded person would ever think of dating an animal. But you did and you are the one with the problem with Daddy Date Nights.
You seem to get hung up on the terminology of dating and what it means in the sense of being romantic, and you do not seem to get hung up over weather or not there is any real romantic feelings between the father and the daughter. Obviously if there were then that would be a real issue. It seems like you want guys to spend time with their daughters and do the same things that they would on these “dates” but just don’t call them dates… because…someone…. might get confused? I take my daughter on dates and we both understand what it means. She knows that I take mommy on dates and those dates are different. I think maybe the problem is with those who don’t understand the difference between the two and not so much with those who are using the terminology you prefer.
i could not agree more with this. very well put!!
I agree with your article. Those were my thoughts as I watched the video too. It was cute, it was undoubtedly harmless and sweet, but it was also on the edge of creepy. I have an excellent relationship with my father and my spouse so I am not speaking from a lack of some kind of fulfillment in my life. It’s not creepy to spend time with your child…it’s wonderful. It is also wonderful that he was trying so hard to come down to her level and make a nice memory. But the overall framing of the situation still left me thinking they were sending the wrong message. I admit that my father never came to my door as a suitor. Instead he dressed up and took us out as a family. He also showed us how to behave and what to expect by his daily actions. One Daddy Date Night would not have taught me what to expect from a man. A lifetime of being treated as a lady while being given the independence and respect to grow into my own person did.
I agree with those who thought the video was creepy. I loved my dad when he was alive but he was always my dad and he taught me to bat a ball in our backyard. If we had gone on a fake date it would have messed me up mentally. When my son was little, I taught him to bat a ball. After my son was grown he took me out for tea for Mother’s Day but that was my present and not a date. There are lots of parent-child activities and you don’t have to call them “dates.” I wonder what problems that little girl will end up with.
She probably ended up with no problems. She got to spend special days (dates) with her father. He played an important role teaching her how she should be treated when she grew up and went on dates with boys/men. They also got to spend one on one time with each other having fun and getting to know one another. Men can also go on dates with their sons. A date is really a scheduled outting. For example, I have a date to go out to lunch with a friend. Is that wrong also?
This article is insane. I just watched the video, and I thought it was cute. I was thinking how I wish my father cared that much about me. I live with my grandparents, and my grandfather takes me to the movies. He’ll ask me if I want to go to the movies and if I say yes, then he will say “It’s a date!” The word date does not have to be romantic or anything like that. It’s crazy that you actually THINK that. Just because this father took his child on a “date” to show her what a gentleman is, does not mean that he is sexually interested in her. You have a sick mind and I can’t believe you have children.
Right on!!! My thoughts exactly!
I don’t think I could have said/written it any better…I AGREE WITH THE AUTHOR