Skip to Content

The Mama Heart Doesn’t Lie

I’ve been trying to write this post all day and this is one of those things where the words aren’t coming out pretty at all. They’re just sort of spilling out of my fingers as fast as my brain can think them.

Seven months ago I poured my heart out about Joshua. Doctors and well-meaning people told me he was being manipulative. My heart said he wasn’t.

I vowed to call the doctor and make them take me seriously. And then life and adjusting to two kids and never sleeping and our new normal took precedence and I kept not making the call. It wasn’t that I didn’t think there was still something going on. I just didn’t have the brain capacity to focus on the problem when we were managing by sticking to what we know.

And part of me was scared. What if I had him seen and evaluated and we were told that he’d been snowing us the whole time? That my child is a master at manipulation? That would mean acknowledging shortcomings as a mother, and while I have those, I don’t want to be a pushover, you know?


At Emma’s 9 month appointment, I asked the nurse practitioner who has seen both kids since birth what we needed to do to have Joshua evaluated about his feeding issues. I explained that, while I know I’m his mother, I’ve looked at this objectively, reflectively. I’ve done a lot of wondering if I’m the problem and beating myself up.

While she seemed…reluctant? she said she’d have no problem writing the referral if occupational therapy was something I wanted to pursue for Joshua. So I got the referral and made an appointment.

This morning I took Joshua to a meeting with an occupational therapist who deals with feeding issues.

This morning someone else saw the fear in his eyes. This morning someone said she could help.

This morning I watched as my brave boy did for someone else almost exactly what he does for us at home. Only with less screaming and no tears. At least from him. I cried three times while we were there and have teared up three more times since.

We have an explanation now for so much of the fighting we’ve done to get him to eat. We know more about why he chooses certain foods and refuses others.

In just one visit, I’m relieved to know that there is help.

In one day, I have hope.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

converse all stars

Sunday 3rd of March 2013

Superb blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers? I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any tips? Thank you!


Friday 15th of February 2013

Glad you kept going with your momma gut & while tough, I'm sure realizing that it wasn't just you making up the issue. I'd love to hear more on this as I'm 99% sure we might be going down this road with our Zacher.

Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife

Thursday 14th of February 2013

I'm glad you're getting some answers. I know it's been weighing on you for a while. I was just thinking about your struggle last night when I was reading Mama By the Bay. Her son has a lot of issues with eating as well that are tied to reflux and other gastric issues but her concerns are mostly the same as yours: Is he getting enough to eat, how can she expand his variety of food without forcing him, how do you deal with the people who just don't know what they're talking about or how to mind their own business.

I hope OT is the answer to your prayers. Keep us updated!


Thursday 14th of February 2013

What was the diagnosis and what are they doing to help him? I'm very curious because my son had serious eating issues as well. When he was a baby, he screamed until he turned purple when I would try to nurse him. We finally switched to bottles, but even those were hit or miss. When he got to where he would eat table food, he stopped eating. He would scream like I was trying to kill him when I would put a plate of food in front of him-before I even tried to get him to eat. Horrible, absolutely horrible. He went for over 6 months without eating a single vegetable, no grains, no meat, and very few fruits. People lectured me all the time about how I was giving into him by not forcing him to eat (my CHILDLESS sister-in-law forced him to eat a bite of green beans one time and he screamed for over an hour like he was being tortured. Yeah, I do NOT like her.) I got all those "he's just picky." lectures too, but I always knew it was something else. He ate so little that he actually lost weight until we started giving him Pediasure. Finally, in the last few months he started eating. I cried the first time he used the word "hungry". Anyways, he's finally growing again and eating okay, but I'm still looking for answers as to why he had those issues for his first few years.

Andrea @paralegalmom

Thursday 14th of February 2013

I am SO SO SO glad to see you pursued OT for Joshua. You won't regret it at all! We've been going for a few months for behavioral struggles that Brian has. It has made a Huge difference for him. I have friends who go to the same place for feeding issues and are having great success.

Our place does a lot of reflex work with the OT and it has been so cool to learn about all that and how we can help him integrate the infant reflexes that are still dominate. It's hard work for all of us, but so rewarding.

I know that with the food stuff my friends have had, some of it is reflex work and some is exercises that they have him do because of muscle tone issues.

Good for you for trusting your mama gut and asking for the referral!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.