At this point with Joshua, he was totally off the boob. He’d decided he couldn’t be bothered to drink from the tap because he didn’t have to work as hard with bottles. I was exclusively pumping and he was combination fed. I knew exactly how much he was getting and how often. He’d sleep for two good stretches a night, usually only waking up once. MAYBE twice. And I thought I had it bad.
I complained and whined and moaned about how my kid didn’t sleep through the night and I was so tired.
Emma has only slept longer than three hours at a time, at least at times when I have also been able to sleep, twice in the past two months, one five hour stretch and one four hour stretch. Twice. In two months.
NOW I’M TIRED.
And when I look over the fence to the other side of the motherhood pasture, I keep thinking that if she were bottle fed things would be different. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. If it would be easier to just stuff my bra full of cabbage and close up shop.
I look at breastfeeding moms with babies who sleep through the night and even though I know I shouldn’t, I compare myself and my baby and just think that I’m really screwing this up.
Why do they get to sleep and I don’t? What are they doing that I’m not?
And to further my latest existential crisis, why does everything in my life have to be so hard? And why do I have to work so hard to get anything good?
I thought things were supposed to get easier. That as Emma got more mobile, she’d be more content to not be held all the time. She’d wear herself out during the day exploring and start to develop a regular sleeping pattern. She’d sleep for longer stretches when I am also asleep.
I thought that as time went on I would be a better mom. That Joshua and Emma’s schedules would sync up and I’d have just a little time to decompress. That I wouldn’t want to snap at both of my children for whining and crying and needing me. That I’d be able to actually finish the laundry instead of washing the same load three times because I can’t ever seem to get it switched into the dryer.
Things aren’t getting any easier. In fact, I think they’re just getting harder and harder every day.
And I’m really starting to doubt every decision I’ve ever made about parenting, especially breastfeeding. The thing that should be so easy. So portable. The thing that IS so easy except for when it’s night time and I can’t settle her any other way.
I love nursing her. I love looking at all 16 pounds of her and knowing that I did that. My body did that. I grew her and I’m continuing to grow her and there’s a beauty in that.
I do not love being up five times a night to nurse her. And I just keep thinking maybe she’d sleep if I were doing something else. But she gets so unhappy and uncomfortable that this is the only thing I know to do.
I know I won’t just quit breastfeeding. But I definitely think about it.
If I said I weren’t struggling at all right now, I’d be a lying liar. Because I’m struggling.
aw, you poor thing. i’m so sorry you’re having a rough time. i really don’t think her sleeping issues have anything to do with the fact that you are breast feeding as opposed to bottle feeding. as you clearly know, breast feeding is best (and this is coming from someone who bottle fed) and i know plenty of people who bottle fed that had kids who didn’t sleep well, as well as many people who breast fed and had babies who slept very well. i think the fact of the matter is, some kids are great sleepers and some just aren’t, it has nothing to do with the fact that they are breast fed or bottle fed, that’s just the way they are. please try not to doubt yourself and remember that you ARE a great mom, it’s just a REALLY tough job. hang in there mama, you will get through this.
xoxo
I think in my Mama heart I know that her sleep issues aren’t related to being breastfed and are just who she is. But dude, it totally sucks to have lost the sleeping baby roulette TWICE.
that;s rough, two not so great sleepers, but she’ll get there eventually, in the meantime, you’re just going to be one tired mama, hang in there <3
This is not at all helpful, but I needed to read this. I am going through the same exact thing with my 7wk old son. My first son was bottle fed and did exactly the same pattern as Joshua. So, I question my decision to breast feed every single day. It’s hard bc I wanted to be able to bf soooo bad but now I have this little nursing that never ever wants to stop nursing. What is it with second babies?! Also? I was a Whiney mcwhinerson with my first as well… We will get through this, but damn… It’s hard. Everyday. Hard. HUGS.
Joshua’s two-stretch-a-night pattern wasn’t without some serious tears. He slept just like Emma’s sleeping until about 5 months and then the sleep stretches developed. I think second babies are harder because there’s also the first to contend with. But with the first we think it’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done because it is. Until the second comes along.
And please, oh please, I hope my frustration is not discouraging to you. I would never want to post something that I know openly discouraged someone else from meeting her goals.
No way! Totally not discouraging… It’s actually a tad refreshing bc I constantly feel like I’m in the minority, struggling like I do. My friends always talk about how bring is all rainbows and butterflies. I’m still determined to meet my goals. Just some days? It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this crazy!
Breathe mama! You can do this…you are doing this. Hell, you have done this and you are surviving. I agree with PP, sleep and boobs do not relate.
Unfiltered advice- it comes down to how much you value and NEED the sleep. If you do, then it may require tough love- we did it with Cate at 6 months. I couldn’t take it anymore and yes I was nursing. It was brutal especially because Brady was such an awesome sleeper that we did not have to train. With Cate, it took 2 nights…and since then we have never heard from her in the middle of the night. And then the daytime naps became awesome as well!
Hang in there….seriously, it gets so much better.
totally agree with this comment. i hate to say my daughter was a great sleeper because it’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but she was, and because of that i never understood sleep training, i was like, why the hell would anyone need, or even want, to sleep train their kid? as time went on and i talked to more mamas i realized why some people do it, because they have to or they’ll never sleep again! if louise hadn’t been such a great sleeper you can bet your ass that i would have been sleep training!
I agree too. We had to sleep train to stop using the swaddle. It was painful but it worked. Some more completely unsolicited advice?? Have you tried pumping and having your husband take one shift a night with a bottle?? I am fearing the bottle this time around because Noah did exactly what Joshua did. But given the choice between sanity/sleep and a bottle….. I would choose bottle. I am going to try the Medela calma bottle this time around. I’ve heard good things about it.
I’m only 3 weeks into the second kid and I’m already struggling. This is due to a malfunctioning boob, didnt have this first time around either… Thank god!
((((())))) My kiddo didn’t really enjoy night time sleeping in long chunks until closer to 8-9 months and was still waking once a night through around 10 1/2 months. She did have some formula and that still didn’t help, so don’t think it will be a cure all (which I know you know). Now she loves sleep. She is a glorious sleeper. But she did not do night sleeping well for a long time. I had my husband go and calm her at times where I knew she couldn’t be hungry. That way the boobs were not present. Yeah, dad isn’t as great as me, but if that’s the only option it has to work. Yeah, you are staying home but that doesn’t matter. Sleep is important.
You know? Hearing 8-9 months brought longer sleep chunks is actually comforting. I’ve made it 6 months in what seems like two weeks.
For what it’s worth, James just started sleeping through the night a month ago. He’ll be 3 in October. So I get you in the tiredness department. And Will is waking 2-4 times a night and will NOT go back to sleep without nursing first (at almost 8 months and 21 pounds). He does go right back to sleep, though, which is more than James ever did. And Will likes to be held. And James can’t play independently for more than 5 minutes. And my house is a mess. And, and, and…I’m there, too. It is TOUGH. No kidding.
Joshua didn’t STTN until well over a year, probably close to 2. And he still wakes up sometimes. And I feel you on the holding and independent play. We need to be closer together so that we can just let James and Joshua play.
Do whatever you need to do to feel better – at any cost. It’ll ultimately be the best for you AND your kidos.
Praying for your emotional roller coaster ride to come to an END!
((hugz))
Thanks, Jamie.
Hang in there. It WILL get easier and in a couple months you’ll be so glad you persevered. Just remember in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that long. One thing I’ve learned to do with my sons is to let them cry for a few minutes at night before going in to nurse them. Often times they have settled themselves back to sleep. And do whatever you can to get sleep during the day if you’re not able to get it at night.
She’s still in our room, so I can peep into the co-sleeper and see if she’s totally awake or sleep-fussing. And I sleep during the day when I can. Definitely. But their naps are almost never aligned.
Hang in there mama. Do whatever is best for you.
I’m hanging.
Neither of my kids slept through the night until they were weaned. It’s weird, and I don’t know if that’s just a coincidence, but I can’t help but wonder if they just realized that since the comfort was gone, there was no point in waking. (I know that’s insane.)
Not sleeping is so hard mentally AND physically. I’m sorry that you’re in the middle of this.
I don’t think it’s insane. Not at all. And yes, it’s hard.
i went through several months JUST LIKE THIS. Actually 8 months to be exact.
finally in July (at 8 months old) i knew something had to be done. So I slept as far away as possible from R and my husband did the night weaning comforting,etc. for a week. soo hard.
It worked though, and we all finally slept.
Except now he’s sick so up again at midnight. But, pfft. I’ll take it.
Don’t have answers except YOU NEED SLEEP. So start brainstorming whatever it would take to get it. xo
My brain, it is a’stormin’! I know some of this is that last time, I had daycare doing the daytime holding, so even though I was working outside the home, I was at least alone in my skin, you know?
Oh, honey. I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I wish I could be there to help you somehow. Or at least bring you coffee and wine.
Thanks. I’ll get through it. I think. Coffee and wine would be fantastic.
I’m so sorry it’s still rough. I do think mine started sleeping in a 6+ hour stretch once we started giving them a four oz pumped bottle right before putting them down. I felt good because like you mentioned I knew exactly how much they were getting; that they had full tummies but not overstuffed & fussy bc of it.
We did that for a month {once J went back to work but before I did}. Now that I’m back to work & they’re getting bottles all day, I breastfeed all evening & overnight. They’re sleeping still, so I don’t think it’s bottles vs boob that’s making any difference. I think it’s just if you have a sleeper or not. Lucy sleeps through the night. Zach gets up for a ‘dream feed’ every night between 3-4.
Don’t feel bad trying to see if pumping/bottle feeding at night would help her & you {you gonna take care of yourself} get some rest. Just do what you feel best. I know you won’t & can’t make a bad decision based on that.
Much love!
I was trying to pump and get up a stash and then things got crazy when Joshua started being home three days a week and my boobs stopped responding to the pump. I started pumping again on Monday so that even if it’s an ounce a day, there’s some sort of reserve.
Hang in there, Mama! You’re doing an amazing job. I have two super crappy sleepers and it’s awful. So I totally feel your pain.
Hopefully they’ll sleep when they’re teenagers, right? (For the love of God and all that is holy please let my children be sleeping through the night by the time they are 13
Really, you’re doing great and you can do this! One day at a time.
I nursed all 4 of mine& not 1 slept through the night until they were weaned! In fact, about every 3 hours was average waking time now that you say that. I agree with the other Mom who said that they start sleeping after weaning because it’s not worth waking if the comfort isn’t there. Side lying nursing saved my life! I didn’t know about it with#1. I remember sitting up crying with exhaustion when I would nurse in the middle of the night. It was torture. The other 3 I just pulled into bed with me & fell back asleep while they nursed. Wonderful! Sometimes I would wake back up to put them back in their crib before the next feeding; but usually I ended up just rolling over to switch sides 3hrs later. I hope this has not discouraged you. Take heart that, like you said,6mo passes in the blink of an eye &6 more will too.
I TOTALLY relate! When we were checking out of the hospital after I had my daughter 4 months with our three year old in tow, the nurse assigned to us that day kept saying “one plus one equals eleven” I must have kept looking at her like she was crazy – and she kept repeating it. Now I know. It is harder. My boy was an angel baby – perfect in every way. Now he is a miserable whiny toddler. And this new beautiful creature I call my daughter – has one volume – “IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD” and still needs to be feed every two hours. Except from the time I get home from work until the time she goes to sleep – then she needs to eat constantly… I have many years to sleep – you know, when they go to college….
I so remember this. The breastfeeding, the not sleeping, the going craziness (that’s not a phrase), and the constant need for caffeine, except in small amounts because of course, you are breastfeeding.
I had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. My first goal was to nurse for 6 months. Then a year. Then whenever my son would just freakin stop! He wound up nursing until he was two years old. I never planned on being that mom, but it’s just what happened. Coincidentally, he also did not sleep through the night until he was…two years old.
I don’t want to blame breastfeeding. Maybe sleeping just isn’t his thing. But I do think that breastfeeding is as much about nourishment as it is about cuddles, and breastfeeding babies just seem to want that…even in the middle of the night.
I do hope that you get more sleep soon, I truly do. And for all the benefits of breastfeeding…I wish someone had warned about the lack of sleep involved!
I didn’t have any that really slept more than 3 hour stretches. I’ve had 4 btw. The 2 year old still wakes up in the middle of the night. But I do have a secret that has worked beautifully for our family.
I co-sleep, and I nurse in my sleep. Totally serious about that. I’ve been doing this so long that my toddler can wake, climb into my bed from his and I’ll get the boob out so he can latch on and I won’t even know I did it until I wake up and he’s asleep beside me. Still latched on, I might add. I prop myself with pillows, learned how to nurse both sides and burp without changing positions and now I just sleep through those night time feedings. I wake for a moment, help the baby latch on, and then we both drift off again gently, without ever having really been awake. Plus, it helps extend the time between feeding eventually, because when they start to stir and immediately find you nearby they often settle again quickly, without waking enough to nurse again.
I know that co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, but I was a much more well rested mama once I learned how to do it. Check out askdrsears.com for specifics on how to prop pillows and positions for comfort and safety. And good luck.
Whatever you choose to do, I promise you will get sleep one day, some how or another. They all grow up eventually.
HUGS