Yesterday was rough. Emma woke up prematurely. It was raining outside. Joshua wanted to be all up underneath. And I think Emma’s in a growth spurt which means she wanted to nurse all.day.long.
At one point, all three of us were on the same couch cushion, with a little kid foot in my ribs, and a baby on my boob. Oh, and Joshua also found his grill tongs and decided to “fix my hair” with them. Which meant lots of accidental pinching and pulling and “ouch!” followed by “sowwy, mama!”
Being touched that much is exhausting. I feel bad complaining about it, but there it is. There’s only so much of the skin-to-skin that I can take before I don’t even want to touch my own skin anymore.
Maybe it makes me a bad stay-at-home-mom, but Joshua’s going to daycare twice a week and it’s so awesome I could do a back flip because it means I can focus on only one child at a time and I know his needs are being met when he needs them met instead of when the baby lets me off the couch.
Except I did just get a text from the daycare owner that he pooped his pants, so there’s that nice piece of laundry waiting for me when I pick him up.
Anyway.
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I feel bad for Joshua when he’s home with me on a day like yesterday. I feel like the only thing I CAN do for him is to let him sit underneath me if that’s what he wants even if it means I feel like my skin is crawling.
I’m trying my best to be there for his emotional needs, but Emma’s physical needs are equally demanding. I can’t seem to balance the two and it’s kind of wearing on my Mama Heart.
He’s really been so good with this transition that I’m kind of impressed with his relative maturity, but there are moments, little tiny flashes of little kid outrage, when I wonder what bringing Emma home has really done to him.
I try to give him as much of my love as I can whenever I can. And I try to tell myself that this time in Emma’s life is fleeting. She won’t always need so much of my physical attention.
I just hope it’s enough.
I could have written this. We’re currently dealing with the first few weeks of being a family with two kids too, and it isn’t easy. I *completely* understand what you are saying when you can’t be touched that much. Sometimes the baby is crying and the toddler comes up to me and tries to touch me and I have to force myself not to push him away because I’m already at sensory overload.
It is enough. I’m sure it is. It has to be.
I suck it up because he’s too little to understand being touched out. And then I feel bad for being touched out and even thinking of wanting to shoo him away.
I hope it is.
And congrats on your new little one! There are moments when you look around and go “this is my life and if facking ROCKS!” And then others, not so much.
It can be so challenging in those early days of momming two. I think they know we love them but it can be frustrating for us and juggling both kids.
I think he knows I love him. I try to tell him a million times a day. But yes, frustrating.
Hope you’re feeling better! I read about your case of the sicks. 🙁
Oh honey, it’s more than enough. I got in a bad habit of letting Evan watch lots and lots of TV when Caroline was a wee nursing babe and now I let them BOTH watch more than I should because otherwise there’s a lot of jumping on mommy’s lap and I know EXACTLY how you feel about all the touching. On the days where everything goes right (ha!) having two kids is a piece of cake. The other 99.9999% of the time I’m just getting by.
Oh, there is much watching of the television in this house. Rather unabashedly, I might add. And Angry Birds. Lots and lots and lots of Angry Birds.
I think I should bookmark this to read again in a few months when I have days like yours. ((hugs)) and I hope it gets better soon. I know even with one right now I want to say, “PLEASE just sit next to me, not on me!”
There were definitely days before Emma when I just wanted him to sit next to me. He’s always been a snuggler though. Even as a baby, he was always most content whenever he was touching me in some way.
And I know it gets better, you know? I know that in a couple of months, she’ll be way more interactive and (hopefully) less needy and we’ll adjust again.
Omg, yes, being touched that much is EXHAUSTING. My older daughter has always been a snuggler, and now that I have a babe who needs as much, if not more, lap time than she does? I want to jump for joy every time they’re asleep and I can exist as just me. And my husband is not the happiest of campers, cuz on the worst days, I don’t want him touching me either. 😉
Yeah, I’m definitely doing the silent celebration whenever both of them are asleep and not touching me. It’s my little moment of heaven.
i remember this struggle. so tough. something changed around 3 months and it got a lot easier. i think it was the whole napping in his own bed thing. hang in there!!
I know we’ll turn a corner when she’s older and things will be easier. I’m just holding out until that point.
two is so hard. Way harder than I thought it would ever be. I assumed that the transition from none to one would be the hardest and then adding another child would be simple. But I’m not sure. I think the transitions were equally difficult.
Gwen is six months now. And boy oh boy is it easier. Not even comparable to the first four months or so. It gets so much better, really soon. 🙂
I’d heard that the transition from none to one was easy compared to going from one to two. Boy, is it ever. And going to one was super hard for me!
Glad to hear it gets better!
It is enough. Hang in there. As everyone else has said, it gets better. Although, not soon enough… I know.
((((hugz))))
Jamie
I just know that all too soon, this will all be over and they’ll be grown and going to college. The only bonus then will be that my student loans are paid off. 🙂
This was me when I was off with my second one. I was oh so grateful for the days when Little Miss was in daycare because I felt like she was finally getting the attention that she needed.
I was also completely touched out by the end of each day. It will get better. Things will even out.
Daycare. Glorious daycare. I’m about to drop Joshua off now!