Today, I made a choice. A hard choice. A really hard choice. A choice that I’ve weighed and waffled on for months.
Today, I quit my job to become a stay at home mom.
I’ve never been good with cramming the quality into only an hour or two like some moms can. I need quantity AND quality. With only an hour or two, I feel compelled to do everything and the overwhelming desire to do everything generally leads to getting nothing done. Not even the quality time.
It’s funny how that works, right? Am I the only one who experiences this? I think I’m probably not.
Since Joshua was small, I’ve lamented how busy our lives are. How our mornings are hectic and scattered and rushed and our afternoons are plagued by daycare pickup, dinner, bath time and bed with little time for anything else. I’ve always hated how little time I actually have to spend with Joshua in any given day.
Even when he makes me absolutely crazy in the hour I do have, I still want more hours. I still need more hours.
Now that Emma’s here, I want those hours with her, too. I need those hours with her to keep on healing my soul.
And with two children, having those hours in order to split my attentions between them become even more of a commodity.
So, in order to have those hours, something has to give.
I can’t give up food, sleep, or cleaning the house since the first two are biological necessities and the last would land us on Hoarders. So, the thing that I can give up, for now, is my career.
I love my family. I love my career. But when it comes down to it, my career will always be there. I can go back.
My children? Their childhoods? These moments? Those are fleeting. I cannot miss these moments. I cannot get them back.
As Nick Carraway said “You can’t repeat the past.” Once these moments are gone, they’re gone forever.
And y’all, I have agonized over this decision. I have wavered and doubted and right now, I still waver and doubt.
Even this morning I stood in the kitchen and looked at Dan and said “I just don’t know what to do.”
And he said “We can do this. We’ll make it work.”
So, we’re doing this.
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Dawana
Wednesday 30th of May 2012
I'm so behind on my blog reading... Good for you! And you're right, you can always go back! I made a major career decision last week too (at least major to me) which may affect my family, but, like Dan my lovely husband said "we'll make it work"... Enjoy the time with the kids cause they are only young once.
Julia
Wednesday 23rd of May 2012
Congratulations! That is such a very difficult choice to make. I taught Kindergarten and LOVED my job, the kids, my principle, my co-teachers, everything. I thought I would go back after I had my son. I had even looked into childcare. But then when he was born and I experienced the awful birth experience, I just couldn't go back. I was so very fragile and NEEDED to be home with him, you know? Quitting my job was so hard; I was breaking contract and was letting my employer down. But in the end, I knew if I didn't stay home I would be letting myself down. And that just wasn't something I could live with. It is such an agonizing decision. But I will tell you the absolute truth: I have never regretted it, not for a second. Being a stay at home mom is the best choice I've ever made. You'll be great at this.
Amy
Wednesday 16th of May 2012
Kudos to you! Just made the same decision - can totally relate. And now I have time to read blogs that I never knew about before! Oh - and spend more time with my kids. Only one chance to do it, right? Enjoy!