Oh yes, people. I’m going there. I’m going Bieber. And I can’t even belieber it.
My dear friend Katie has been having a tough time lately with the question “What comes next?”
In an email exchange yesterday, we talked about forever and never. And that made me remember this song and the fact that I’ve actually been meaning to break it down for y’all for a while.
And I’m dedicating it to Katie. Because she’s awesome and needs some feel-good in her life right now. And Bieber? Is nothing if not feel-good music. Not that I’d know or anything. ::ahem::
Y’all. “Forever” and “never” are really long times. Really.
For Kate, and for many PPD moms and people battling depression, there’s a question of “When will I be okay again?” And the idea, the concept of never, is daunting.
It’s also a concept I refuse to accept for us.
Bieber refuses, too.
See I never thought that I could walk through fire.
I never thought that I could take the burn.
I never had the strength to take it higher,
Until I reached the point of no return.
There comes a point at which we must decide that this fight? Is one we are going to undertake. Because life is worth living. That is our point of no return. The decision to fight means that even when there are setbacks, even when there are “Big Bads” we’ll have to face to level up, we will keep going.
Depression is a crucible. It is trial by fire. Fire? Is hot. But through that fire, we are reduced to our strongest and most pure parts. This is hard. And not something easily endured. But…
And there’s just no turning back,
When your hearts under attack,
Gonna give everything I have,
It’s my destiny.
We cannot stop fighting back against the pain of depression and PPD and anxiety and mental illness. We can’t.
When it’s hard, we lean on each other. We have each others’ backs. We fight together.
And we do not give up when we are under attack.
Is it our destiny to fight this? The Beebs thinks maybe. And in this, I’m deferring to him. So I say yes. Yes, it is our destiny to fight this. To give everything we have to this fight. Because we believe that we are worth it. And when we don’t believe that? Someone else steps in to believe it for us.
I will never say never! (I will fight)
I will fight till forever! (make it right)
Whenever you knock me down,
I will not stay on the ground.
Pick it up,
Pick it up,
Pick it up,
Pick it up up up,
And never say never.
I will NEVER say NEVER when it comes to the healing of myself or my friends.
I WILL FIGHT UNTIL FOREVER to see to it that these women know they are awesome and supported and loved. Because they are awesome. And I support them. And love them even when they do not love themselves.
When they are knocked down, I will help pick them up. I will make sure they do not stay down on the ground. When life kicks them, I will kick back at life. And I will help them kick back, too. Because I know that they would do the same for me.
I never thought I could feel this power.
I never thought that I could feel this free.
I’m strong enough to climb the highest tower.
And I’m fast enough to run across the sea.
When we survive this, and we WILL survive this, we find a power within ourselves we didn’t know existed. We find a freedom to live and love. We find the strength to do the things we both need AND want to do.
We find the strength to really live in the fullness of life. To experience everything.
A little different than we were, but stronger. Wiser. Braver. Willing to take more chances.
I know it seems like this moment will never come. I know it.
But I also know that never? Is something we’re just not saying anymore.
(Even the parts with Jaden Smith are relevant. I can’t belieber I just wrote this. And yet? I’m glad I did because I think it’s pretty perfect as an anthem for never giving up. I love you, Kate. Millions. And you are awesome and worth it. And you will beat this thing.)