My motivation to do anything academic has taken a huge plummet and I can’t seem to recover.
I’m tired of attitude from teenagers.
I’m tired of eye-rolling.
I’m tired of the mumbling under the breath.
I’m tired of kids who think they don’t have to follow the rules.
I’m tired of feeling like they hate me because I care.
I’m tired of them not doing the few things I ask them to do when I have to do the many things demanded of me.
I’m not sure why this year is so different from previous years. I can only remember feeling this “I give up” last year.
And last year was when he died.
Last year was different, though. Last year was not knowing how to move forward. Not knowing how to keep going. Not knowing how to push through the fact that something momentous. Wanting to just stay still because of all the not knowing.
This year is different.
This year, right now, my heart is only half in this.
And I have mostly great kids. Seriously. I work in an excellent district and a great school. We don’t have many of the issues that other schools have.
I sense their apathy and it is draining me.
But, I’m a soldier. I’m a fighter. I’m a keep-going-er. Even when I really, really want to quit.
I can do anything as long as I know there’s an end in sight. Right?