I can do anything as long as I know there's an end to it

My motivation to do anything academic has taken a huge plummet and I can’t seem to recover.

I’m tired of attitude from teenagers.

I’m tired of eye-rolling.

I’m tired of the mumbling under the breath.

I’m tired of kids who think they don’t have to follow the rules.

I’m tired of feeling like they hate me because I care.

I’m tired of them not doing the few things I ask them to do when I have to do the many things demanded of me.

I’m tired.

I’m not sure why this year is so different from previous years. I can only remember feeling this “I give up” last year.

And last year was when he died.

Last year was different, though. Last year was not knowing how to move forward. Not knowing how to keep going. Not knowing how to push through the fact that something momentous. Wanting to just stay still because of all the not knowing.

This year?

This year is different.

This year, right now, my heart is only half in this.

And I have mostly great kids. Seriously. I work in an excellent district and a great school. We don’t have many of the issues that other schools have.

And yet?

I sense their apathy and it is draining me.

But, I’m a soldier. I’m a fighter. I’m a keep-going-er. Even when I really, really want to quit.

I can do anything as long as I know there’s an end in sight. Right?

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Katie

Wednesday 20th of April 2011

dude.

just....dude.

me too.

blah. 6 more weeks.

Miranda

Thursday 21st of April 2011

26 days of school for me! WOOT. Not that I'm bragging. ::ahem::

Jess@Straight Talk

I think that's my new motto....

Sometimes it has to be. Sometimes just knowing there's an end-date in sight for whatever thing it is I'm going through is all that I need to keep my head in the game.

story

Tuesday 19th of April 2011

Man, teaching is TOUGH. And if this is the first year you've ever really felt burnt out or like your heart is half in it, you are a HERO. Especially with a toddler at home, you must just be tired.

I used to have to play games with myself to keep it from seeming so dismal sometimes. I would have a day where I would say to the kids, "let's sit on the floor and read poetry today," and they thought I was doing it for them but it was really for me. I remember one year I came back from spring break and all my kids watched Midsummer Night's Dream for 3 days, regardless of grade level, because I just couldn't will myself to do anything else. But then, at that point, I had a principal who didn't care which - while in most ways really sucked - meant I could get away with stuff like that once in a while.

Sometimes it helps too, to be honest with the kids, especially when you feel the apathy on their end too. "Look," I would say, "it matters to me that you do a good job on this essay. I put a lot of thought into this. I'm trying to help you. If you need to turn it in late, talk to me, but don't give me garbage. That would make me sad." Or even, "I've had a bad week and I am not in the mood to deal with attitude, so please just help me out." And if you're as a good a teacher as you sound like, I bet the kids really do want to help you out and not make you sad. Well, except that one in every class that just wants to be a pain on purpose.

I am so open with them. So. And most of the time it helps. We'll see how today goes since I apologized to them yesterday for feeling like I'd failed them in the discussion we had in class.

Schwandy (Stephanie)

Monday 18th of April 2011

I'm so sorry. For what it's worth I have a teacher friend who struggles with the same feelings. So you are not alone. I hope the days go by quickly and summer break can bring you some relief. You can do it!

I know several teachers who are struggling with the same feelings I am. It helps to know I'm not alone.