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Can we talk about my morning? Just for a minute?

I just need to have a good case of word vomit to get all of this out.

I. slept. AWESOME. last night.  Dan and I laid in bed and chatted for a minute before drifting off to sleep and before I knew it, the alarm was going off and I was all “wha huh!?!?” because there’d been no crying baby.  **Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!**

So I did what any normal, sane, rational, ASLEEP person does.

I turned off the alarm.

And woke up at 6:03 (or 6:06 depending on which clock you’re looking at…) and dragged my half-asleep self to the shower.  Then I got out and sniffed the air and realized that there was no coffee.  DAMNIT.  I forgot to wash the coffee pot last night!

So I went into the kitchen to wash the coffee pot.  And whilst washing the coffee pot, I was overcome with a hot flash and a wave of nausea that doubled me over and caused me to have to sit down.

No, I’m not pregnant. Not even remotely close to being a possibility, mmkay?

I sat there and Dan was all “Do you need…do you want me to…do you need…” and I was like “NO!”  (Sorry, babe.  Didn’t mean to snap at you!)

When I wandered back into the bedroom to dry my hair and get ready, it was after 6:30.  No. Bueno.

On the plus side?  Joshua was still snoozing peacefully. Score!!

But I couldn’t make it through drying my hair without wondering if I was about to find myself planted on the toilet with a trash can in my lap.  So I grabbed the bathroom chair and pulled it toward my hair dryer and sat down to blindly dry my hair so that I could also tuck my head between my knees.

Dan was ironing his pants and he says “Are you going to be sick?”

My response:  “No.  We’re having a conversation right now about how this IS. NOT. HAPPENING.”

(For those of you who may not know this about me, I. Do Not. Vomit. Ever.  I have this entire internal monologue that takes place where I tell myself that today is not the day for those shenanigans and they better just figure out another exit strategy.)

So he kind of smiled at me and then got me some water and crackers.  And I finally felt okay enough to flat iron my hair and put on some make-up and my clothes while he went to get Joshua out of the bed and dressed for the day. (And, you’ll all be happy to know that Joshua woke up happy and chipper and feeling good as new today.)

And then it was 7:10. 

We normally leave the house by 7:03.


I have never been Miss Punctuality.  Ever.  It’s just never been my style.  But I have been on a roll this year with getting to school by 7:50, which gives me enough time to chat up a few coworkers, check my email, eat my breakfast, and drink my coffee in peace.  I like my morning quiet time.  I NEED my morning quiet time.

So what did I do?

I said a few swear words, threw a few granola bars, a container of yogurt, and a bag of popcorn into my lunchbox, and had Dan load Joshua into the car while I turned into a pack mule to get my lunch box, purse, teacher bag, and diaper bag into the car.  And then I realized that while I’d made coffee, I’d left my travel mugs in the car (yes, MUGS. Plural.) and they needed to be washed and I only had enough creamer left for one cup of coffee.

So what did I do?

I flew back into the house, rinsed out the mug that held the most coffee, poured a cup of the nectar of life, and flew back out to the car.  Leaving my keys inside the house in the process.

More swear words.

Dan retrieved my keys and we were on our way. And it was 7:15 and I drove like a crazy woman (while still obeying almost all of the laws of traffic and safety) to get Joshua to school by 7:35.  And I was at work by 7:55.  Not too shabby.


So I made sure to go STRAIGHT into the auditorium to get my picture made before all of the humidity from the entire state settles into my hair. And I made the photographer take the picture twice because I didn’t like how the first one looked.  Yes, I’m serious.

Then, I sat down at my desk and rolled over my toe with my chair.  🙁

Now, I’m running relatively on schedule with everything.  I am anticipating weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth from my Juniors over the short story I gave them to read yesterday, but I can deal with that.

I can deal with that.

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