McFatty Monday–Week 5

***I pinky promise there’s a real post on the horizon for the faithful among you who do not care about my weight.***

This morning’s weight–188.5.  Not a gain.  Not a loss.  Another week of breaking even.  I’ll take it.

But I’ve decided that I’m changing my weekly weigh-in day to Wednesday morning instead of Monday morning.  In the past, I’ve never had my weigh-in day on Monday because when you eat well all week and splurge on the weekend, it shows on Monday morning.  If the weigh-in day is on Wednesday and I splurge on the weekend, I have Monday and Tuesday to get back on track.  So, I’ll be posting my McFatty entry on Monday from now on, but it’ll have Wednesday’s weight.  Cool?  Cool.

Last week I wasn’t good.  I ate cake and cookies and pizza and I WAS BAD.  And then on Friday, the skies parted and lo and behold, my period showed up.  Which explained the ridiculous amount of food I consumed last week.  Aren’t YOU always starving the week before your period shows up?  I can’t be the only one, right?  No, of course I’m not.

Anyway, what’s interesting about the arrival of the dreaded Aunt Flo (aside from me having to dig out the granny panties I haven’t worn in two years) is the fact that this is two years to the week since my last “normal” period.  Two years ago this month, I took my last Yasmin and we embarked on the adventure of a lifetime.  The adventure to parenthood.  (HOW THE HELL HAS IT BEEN TWO YEARS ALREADY????)

Taking that last pill was also momentous because it led to my diagnosis with PCOS.  And it seems fitting that just last week, I was in the doctor’s office having bloodwork done to check my hormone levels.  As it turns out, they’re fine (which is a relief!) but I’ll never be able to NOT wonder if my body is broken.  When we’re ready to have another baby, or to try to have another baby, I have no idea what to expect. 

And along with having no idea what to expect, the innocence that comes along with being pregnant has been shattered for me through the losses so many people about whom I’ve come to care have suffered.

So, today is a bittersweet entry for me, I guess.  It’s about more than just weight loss.  It’s about more than just fitting in my clothes.  Or NOT eating a second slice of cake. 

It’s about how quickly time has passed and where has it gone and what do I have to show for it, aside from the most precious gift I’ve ever been given.