So, I know why toilet locks were invented

And it wasn’t to keep babies from drowning.  Although that is a noble and worthy reason. 

Let me tell you a little story, mmkay?

My son does not understand the concept of sleeping in.  He wakes up every morning between 5:00 and 6:30.  There is no rhyme or reason to what time he will wake up, save that it will be somewhere in that hour and a half window. I have tried and tried and tried to get him to sleep until 7:00.  We have adjusted his bed time forward and back hoping he’d sleep for twelve hours a night like we’ve read that babies his age normally do. It’s not happening. 

There are things about the morning that Joshua doesn’t understand.  And of course he doesn’t understand them.  He’s a baby.  But,

He doesn’t understand that my mornings are less hectic without him underfoot while I try to do my hair and makeup.  He doesn’t understand that the hair dryer is not his plaything.  He doesn’t understand that the Exersaucer will not eat him alive.  He does not understand that Play with Me, Sesame! can be GREAT entertainment (although, this morning, oddly enough, he did seem to get that…Thank GOD for the Sprout Network!).  He does not understand that it is nearly impossible for me to make my lunch and my coffee, pack his lunch, load the car, get him dressed and get out the door at a reasonable time so I won’t be late to work without having a near nervous breakdown. 

Now that he’s mobile this is both easier and harder.  I can put him in the floor while I do these things and he will occupy himself long enough for me to get these things done.  However, what he chooses to do to occupy these minutes might mean destruction to my prized possessions. 

Here are two things you need to know and keep in mind before I finish this story:

1.  I cannot see without my glasses or contacts.  At all.  I mean, I can see a little bit.  If what I’m trying to look at is no more than 12 to 15 inches away from my face. 

2.  We sometimes “let it mellow” if we pee in the middle of the night.  The toilet in the master bathroom occasionally runs, so instead of getting up to pee, laying down again and getting comfy and then having to get back up to jiggle the handle, we don’t flush at night.  (I can’t believe I just admitted that to the entire internet.)

In an attempt to occupy Joshua for .02 seconds while I put in my contacts this morning, I didn’t stop him from playing with my cell phone. 

And he dropped it in the toilet.

In a toilet that had PEE in it.

And I had to reach my hand INTO the toilet to retrieve my life line.

And I really, really, really wanted to cry.  Apparently I wasn’t gifted with the eyes in the back of my head.  I had no idea he was even IN the bathroom with me until I heard the “bloop” of the phone dropping into the pee water.

(I was, however, momentarily blind and in the process of putting in my contacts.  Let’s not forget that.)

Luckily (or just “not so sucky”), we have Dan’s old phone for me to use as a backup until mine either 1) dries out and I get over the fact that it has been in PEE WATER or 2) we figure out how to afford a new phone for me.  But, it has very little battery life and I don’t know where the charger is. 

The End.