Is it Monday?

Because that’s sure how this day started out. Like a freaking Monday morning.

Joshua was EXHAUSTED by bedtime last night, so he went to sleep after only about an ounce and a half of his bottle. This always means he will wake up an extra time through the night. And he did. At 9:45 p.m. Whatever…no big deal. I wasn’t in bed yet.

I gave him the rest of his bottle and put him back to bed and then I went to bed myself. I was so tired.

He woke up again at 1:30 and my first thought (after “WhereTF are my glasses so I can see the freaking clock?”) was “there’s no WAY this kid is hungry. He just ate 3 hours ago.” (Ridiculous logic there, right? Since the kid REGULARLY eats every three hours?!? It was the middle of the night, people.)

My second thought was “Good GOD I’m tired…how does Dan snore through this!?!” and then I wanted to punch him the shoulder for sleeping so soundly. Seriously…he didn’t hear the monitor, my loud sighs at getting up, me traipsing through the house making a bottle, me feeding Joshua, or me coming back to bed. NADA. He was snoring away, blissfully unaware. (I can’t blame him. If I could sleep that soundly, you bet your ass I would!! Alas, my “Mommy-dar” prevents me from sleeping through the night…perhaps for the rest of my life.)

I got up and fixed another 6 oz bottle and he drank it all. In about 12 minutes. And proceeded to go right back to sleep. At least his middle of the night feedings have gotten somewhat short and predictable (and I’m pretty sure that I doze in the chair through most of them. Don’t tell DFCS.) I’m thankful for the small things.

When he woke up at 5:30, I tried letting him fuss for a minute to see if he’d go back to sleep. Nope. So I got up, again, and fixed him another bottle, hoping he’d take it and I could go back to sleep for a few minutes. Nope. He didn’t want it. So I put him back in the crib because he still seemed tired and he just started yammering away about his grand plans for today. Finally, after Dan got out of the shower, he went and got Joshua out of the crib and I dragged my zombie self to the shower to get ready for work.

Have I ever mentioned that getting ready for work while holding a squirming infant is nigh on impossible? No? Well, let me just go ahead and mention that right now.

It’s impossible.

You can’t put on eyeliner while holding an infant. You can’t dry your hair while holding an infant. You can’t pull a shirt over your head or button your pants while holding an infant. And you cannot try on multiple pairs of shoes to see which ones look the best with your outfit while holding an infant, especially an infant who would rather eat his reflection in the mirror than give you an opinion on said shoes (and whose opinion, were he to give one, would probably come in the form of him drooling all over said shoes, which could ruin said shoes and render them unwearable).

So, Joshua’s screaming at me to pick him up and I’m trying to make my first-grader lunch (PB&J, chips, Oreos, applesauce, thankyouverymuch) and my coffee and load the car and get us out the door so I don’t get stuck in the traffic from hell after I drop him off at daycare.

I was in such a hurry that I forgot to double-check the lids on his bottles before putting them in the diaper bag. And I didn’t make sure that the diaper bag was standing upright in the car. So the bottles inside fell over. And one of them, because the ring wasn’t screwed on tight enough, spilled. Five ounces of my blood, sweat, and tears (not really because that’s just disgusting, but the metaphor works). All over the two onesies in his diaper bag.

OH MY GOD.

I wanted to cry when I got to daycare and discovered the mess. Really, I did. I wanted to bawl my eyes out.

I was beyond tired. He was beyond tired. Today is a long day at work because of practice and I just lost an entire freaking bottle of milk.

So, I did what any good dairy cow would do.

I grabbed my pump out of the car, borrowed the bathroom at the daycare, and made Joshua another bottle.

And then I got stuck in traffic because I was at the daycare for over 25 minutes this morning. Awe.Some.

Please, please, let there be a big bottle of wine at home when I get there.