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I’m so frustrated with myself

DH and I love football, but tickets for football season to our alma mater are ridiculously expensive. So, all season I’ve been wishing I could make it to a game as this is the first season in seven years that I won’t make it to at least one.

Last night, DH comes into the bedroom and tells me that our friend just asked if he wanted to go to the game on Saturday. I immediately teared up at the thought of DH going without me. I told him to go, but he said he couldn’t do that to me because he knew how much I loved football etc. He told our friend that he’d have to pass. I was still crying, but I was ok.

I wanted to go to the outlet mall on Saturday because I have coupons for Carter’s that expire on Sunday. I want to buy some things for Baby. I’ve mentioned this to DH several times this week. Since DH wasn’t going to the game, and neither was I, I thought we’d be able to go to the outlet mall together and I was looking forward to it.

Today, DH calls me and says that our friend has offered him both tickets for face value. But, it’s going to be cold and raining tomorrow and we’d have to board the dog and at the time that he called, I really didn’t want to go anymore. I don’t like being cold and wet. I knew I’d be miserable. So then DH asks, “well, do you mind if I go?”

What was I supposed to say? No?? I couldn’t say that. I could hear the excitement in his voice at the prospect of being offered a second chance to go. I could kick myself for not wanting to spend the money to buy the tickets from the friend and for not wanting to suck it up and be wet and cold and enjoy a football game.

I’m so upset about this I haven’t even showered today. I’ve been laying around in bed and on the couch doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING except eating leftovers, watching tv, and sleeping. I said something to him about wanting to go to the outlet mall and he said I could still go. I feel like a co-dependent loser because I don’t want to go without him. I don’t want to go alone. I hate being alone, and he’s my best friend and the only person I have to hang out with where we live. Maybe I’m just being really selfish.

I suppose that this is a lesson in communication more than anything else. If I want him to go to the outlet mall with me, I should say “Hey, I want you to go with me” instead of just mentioning that my coupons are going to expire and hoping he gets the message.

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